name change

[whatnow22]

thanks for all your advice guys. I suspected I didn't get the full filing of court papers (is that allowed) when she "served me" as all I had was a notice of a hearing for XXXX date.

So, curious myself and doing some research, I logged into the PA court filing to see if I could get anymore information.

When filling out the petitioner packet, here was the reasoning for the name change.

" Child currently has the last name of her birth father. Her father has been absent a majority of her life. Child has been in court ordered full custody of of her mother, XXXXX since age 4 months. There for it would be in the best interest of child to share her mothers name"

Do I respond at court? or before hand.

1) I have spent the last 3 years driving to visit our kid without missing 1 single visit. She isn't even 4 years old yet.

2)I have proof the mother isn't being the best co-parent. She brings her current bf, family along on my visits and hasn't allowed a visitation by myself, or outside our scheduled time.

This was not court ordered, but we made an agreement with the mediator so I am aware she technically doesn't even have to abide by those rules.

Honestly, with me living so far away (and my previous points) I thought it was in the best interest to suck it up and deal with the mothers demands instead of battling in court across multiple states.

Also, I was granted a move here by my company in order to be more involved in our kids life so I didn't have to travel so far. My HR even wrote me a letter when I moved cause my plan was to file for more visitation.

What should my next options be?

 

[AkersTile]

You need to file in court to have custody/visitation actually spelled out and ordered. You can look up standard parenting plans for your state and pretty much fill in the names, DOBs, etc. that you need to have. You can file that and request that it be heard at the same time as her name change hearing. Also if you are willing to compromise and have your daughter's name hyphenated, that may (not a guarantee) look better for you in court. It may show that you want to compromise with Mom and work things out in your childs best interest.

 

[whatnow22]

You need to file in court to have custody/visitation actually spelled out and ordered. You can look up standard parenting plans for your state and pretty much fill in the names, DOBs, etc. that you need to have. You can file that and request that it be heard at the same time as her name change hearing. Also if you are willing to compromise and have your daughter's name hyphenated, that may (not a guarantee) look better for you in court. It may show that you want to compromise with Mom and work things out in your childs best interest.

Would filing at this juncture look bad on me like I was retaliating because she filed for the name change?

Would standard visitation be every other weekend, alternating holidays, and one week night for a few hours for dinner or something?

I just want to make sure I don't hinder myself in any way.

 

[LdiJ]

Would filing at this juncture look bad on me like I was retaliating because she filed for the name change?

Would standard visitation be every other weekend, alternating holidays, and one week night for a few hours for dinner or something?

I just want to make sure I don't hinder myself in any way.

No, it would not look like retaliation.

 

[whatnow22]

thanks guys,

you are so much help and I am glad you give your time on this site.

I will let you know how it turns out.

 

[GinAA]

thanks guys,

you are so much help and I am glad you give your time on this site.

I will let you know how it turns out.

How far away from your child to you physically live now? For the visitation plan, just wondering.

 

[milspecgirl]

do you have a copy of the mediator's plan or notes or anything to show you were following something agreed upon?
Also, take a calendar showing every visit and also any proof (email, etc) that you have where you asked for more time.
You should be able to shoot down mom's theory that you are inactive.

Filing wont look like retaliation. You can explain to the judge that you have been asking for more time and it hasnt been granted, so you are now asking the court.

is a mid-week overnight possible? I know a lot that have eow, 1 week night, half summer and every other holiday. Also, you may want to get phone time and email spelled out

While I agree that a hyphen is a good compromise- from someone who had a hyphenated name, it can be a big pain. look at the last names together- is it going to be a pain when she starts school, etc? jones-smith vs. zimmerman-hammersmith is a big difference

 

[whatnow22]

How far away from your child to you physically live now? For the visitation plan, just wondering.

I live 7.5 miles (15driving mins) away. When I moved to the city, I wanted to move close, but not too close to make mom feel like I am trying to butt into her life outside of our child

do you have a copy of the mediator's plan or notes or anything to show you were following something agreed upon?
Also, take a calendar showing every visit and also any proof (email, etc) that you have where you asked for more time.
You should be able to shoot down mom's theory that you are inactive.

Filing wont look like retaliation. You can explain to the judge that you have been asking for more time and it hasnt been granted, so you are now asking the court.

is a mid-week overnight possible? I know a lot that have eow, 1 week night, half summer and every other holiday. Also, you may want to get phone time and email spelled out

While I agree that a hyphen is a good compromise- from someone who had a hyphenated name, it can be a big pain. look at the last names together- is it going to be a pain when she starts school, etc? jones-smith vs. zimmerman-hammersmith is a big difference

I do have a copy of the mediators assessment and recommendations. It is around 3 years old currently. I will bring emails of me asking for more time, as I have numerous ones requesting us to work it out so we don't have to go to court.

I would want as much time as possible. I actually work from home too. Not sure if that makes any difference.

I will make sure I include phone time/email/skype and holidays to be addressed.

As for her last name, I rather not change it all because of the hassle, but I am not opposed to the compromise of hyphenating. It would be more of the jones-smith variety as we both have relatively short last names.

I called the court house and apparently they can not hear visitation at the name change hearing because it's 2 separate issues. I am heading down to the court house today to file for partial custody. She said we can see a mediator next week.

 

[milspecgirl]

let us know. just find this thread in your user account and post to the bottom of it. That will put it back at the top of the search and will signal those of us who have responded that you have something new

 

[whatnow22]

let us know. just find this thread in your user account and post to the bottom of it. That will put it back at the top of the search and will signal those of us who have responded that you have something new

will do .

At this point in juncture, I have scheduled a mediation hearing that I got on the docket before the name schedule change.

I am not sure if that will help my case or not, but she is not willing to cooperate.

Since our court date is close and I needed to give her ample time for the serving, I was forced to have someone do this in person. They were successfully able to serve her.

Her reason for the name change is "because we're not going to be together, she thinks our child should have HER last name"

I have printed out all email correspondence. I am not sure if it's just anger talking or what is going on, but I don't even want to hyphenate her name now.

I want what is best for our kid. Do you think I should just stick with agreeing to hyphenate from the start or fight this in court? I ask you because I am having a hard time separating emotions from legality since this took a serious wind out of me.

Thanks for your help

 

[mistoffolees]

will do .

At this point in juncture, I have scheduled a mediation hearing that I got on the docket before the name schedule change.

I am not sure if that will help my case or not, but she is not willing to cooperate.

Since our court date is close and I needed to give her ample time for the serving, I was forced to have someone do this in person. They were successfully able to serve her.

Her reason for the name change is "because we're not going to be together, she thinks our child should have HER last name"

I have printed out all email correspondence. I am not sure if it's just anger talking or what is going on, but I don't even want to hyphenate her name now.

I want what is best for our kid. Do you think I should just stick with agreeing to hyphenate from the start or fight this in court? I ask you because I am having a hard time separating emotions from legality since this took a serious wind out of me.

Thanks for your help

There are lots of different opinions on hyphenated names, but it's all purely opinion. I'm not aware of any research that says it's bad or good for a child.

Personally, I hate hyphenated names. They're confusing and simply lead to problems later on (when the person gets married, do you hyphenate again so they become a Smith-Jones-Miller?).

But ultimately, what I think doesn't matter. What you and Mom can agree to is what matters. if you can't agree, then what the judge thinks matters.

 

[reportermom]

I would not agree to a hyphenated name.

I agreed to a hyphenated name when my child was born, and it has caused nothing but trouble.

It is always listed wrong, or partially, or someone doesn't have this right, or someone has it under something else, and don't even get me started about insurance. If it doesn't match exactly, the insurance company will decide to deny the claim even thought it is a simple routine visit.

Don't go hyphenated. It stinks.

By the way, I am in PA.

 

[gr8rn]

will do .

At this point in juncture, I have scheduled a mediation hearing that I got on the docket before the name schedule change.

I am not sure if that will help my case or not, but she is not willing to cooperate.

Since our court date is close and I needed to give her ample time for the serving, I was forced to have someone do this in person. They were successfully able to serve her.

Her reason for the name change is "because we're not going to be together, she thinks our child should have HER last name"

I have printed out all email correspondence. I am not sure if it's just anger talking or what is going on, but I don't even want to hyphenate her name now.

I want what is best for our kid. Do you think I should just stick with agreeing to hyphenate from the start or fight this in court? I ask you because I am having a hard time separating emotions from legality since this took a serious wind out of me.

Thanks for your help

Don't let your emotions cloud your judgement. SHe is not playing fair, but you want to show the court that you are trying to coparent effectively. Agree to hyphenate the name, it is becoming more common every day.

I wanted to point out that your letter from your HR department will be very important to show that you wanted more time with your child long before all this court stuff.

 

[whatnow22]

just a small update:

She was served papers for mediation in court. As expected, she was furious and called me and yelled at me for filing. Our daughters birthday came after I served her. She didn't answer my email or phone call, so I had to miss this birthday cause of her shenanigans. It frustrated me.

I filed for shared custody and I hope for a pretty lenient visitation schedule. I'd love 50/50 but I don't think we could co-parent efficiently to make it work at this time.
Here is what I am presenting to her. I am not sure if I am way off base.


Father and mother will share legal/medical decisions ( I am not sure exactly how to word this, but I'd at least like a say on our daughters care/etc)

Visitation:
Mother will drop off kid at fathers house at 6pm on Friday and father will return kid to mothers house at 6pm on Sunday every other weekend. Father will also have every wednesday from 6pm-9pm.

Holidays:

I was hoping to split them into New Years, memorial day, thanksgiving on even years. Easter, 4th of July, and Christmas on odd years.

Extra curricular Activities: Father or mother can not sign up kid for extra curricular activities that fall on the other parents time unless it's agreed upon. The parents whose time it is shall be responsible for transportation to the activity. (my main goal here is to not allow my ex to sign our kid up for classes knowing it's on my time. I want to encourage co-parenting, so if kiddo wants to sign up for an activity that falls on my time, I'd like to know first. If it's agreed upon, since it would be my visitation time anyways, I'd like to be able to attend whatever activity it is and be able to transport her there) - not sure if this is too greedy or controlling. I hope it doesn't come across that way. I just want to protect myself from getting visits and then every weekend she has some sport/dance class that limits my time.


I know I am leaving out a lot and also realize I should make something addresses schooling since she will be entering school soon enough.

I am OK with daughter living with mother as primary. I am not fighting for residential. The schooling in the mothers area is really good, so I am happy with that.

Sorry so long and thanks for your help on this

 

[Ohiogal]

ok, I would agree to a hyphen change because I don't mind compromising.

Okay.

Would this be the proper venue to address any type of visitation issues? or would it look as spiteful and be frowned upon.

It woudl an improper venue most likely because PROBATE COURT handles name change and does NOT handle visitation court which is handled by either domestic relations court OR juvenile court.

The past 3 years, I lived over 200 miles away, so I drove up once a month for a visit. I didn't pursue any visitation by myself because I didn't think it would be appropriate to cart a 1-3 year old back 400 miles RT once a month. I willingly did visitation in the mothers area for the convenience to them. Also, didn't think it was smart to push for visitation as I stayed in hotels when I did my weekend visits.

Children can stay in hotels so you could have gotten overnight visits. If you want visitation (especially since you now live closer) go back to DR court/juvenile court -- whoever made the order originally -- and petition for changes.

Well, recently I relocated to the mothers area. My job cooperated with my desire to be a bigger part of our childs life and allowed me to keep my job and telecommute.

Okay.

ETA:

What would those compelling reasons be? I have no record/arrest/drug addictions/violence twords her. I have had a steady job for the past 4 years and I have been active in our childs life. (emails, phone calls, visits, etc)

Would I have to file a separate petition for an increased visitation or should I wait now that this is happened.

File a separate petition for increased visitation due to the change in circumstance.