Parents live a distance apart, 50/50 sch, No PPR, Where does our child go to school?

[DK1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Our son’s mother and I live approx. 45minutes apart or more in traffic. I live in NJ and she lives in PA.

Our son is 6 years old and currently in a private kindergarten associated with his daycare across from my work in NJ. The school/day care does not offer schooling past kindergarten. Kindergarten is ~ 45 min. from either parent’s house.

There is no parent of primary residence. We have 50/50 parenting time, week on / week off. All legal issues have been addressed in the NJ court system. We both work full time.

We cannot agree on where to send our son after kindergarten.

I would like our son to attend the local public school near my home (excellent neighborhood, our son has lots of friends here, highly rated school system) and have offered her a majority of week end time and we could discuss some after school time if there is a two week period that his mother will not see him.

She suggests keeping the 50/50 schedule and reserved a spot at a private school that is not logistically possible for me or a public school that is not her school district (stated that she is in the process of moving further from me to provide a comparable public school to where I live) with no indication of a parenting schedule.

What is the likely outcome if we take this to court? Any suggestions on how to proceed or other thoughts for a solution?

Thanks.

 

[DK1]

Any advice?

 

[kimberlywrites]

Hi DK,
What does your decree say WORD FOR WORD about primary residential designation? I find it hard to believe that there is nothing at all relating to it, because of the type of situation you are in now.

I'm 50-50, but it's in Texas. Not familiar with your state's laws. However, our decree clearly states who designates primary residence. Maybe your state uses different terms, but there's got to be something in there somewhere.

ETA: How long have you been divorced?

 

[DK1]

I will have to look up the specific wording but the current order does state that there is no designated parent of primary residence and we have joint physical and legal custody. We were never married.

 

[milspecgirl]

i have a 50/50 also and it clearly states their is no prp- we are listed as co-prp. We are about 30 min apart- same state, different counties. My girls use their dads address because they were already in that school system when we split and because I drive to his county to work anyways. However, the school papers state both addresses and we both get all mailings, etc.

if she moves further away, that would increase your case to go away from a 50/50. 45 min is already pushing it. Is there not a private school somewhere in the middle that you could look into?

You say the school she has chosen is inconvenient to you, but obviously the one in your neighborhood is inconvenient to her and I dont blame her for not wanting to give up her 50/50.

If you all cannot compromise on this issue, you are going to have a really tough road ahead on 50/50 I promise

 

[mistoffolees]

I will have to look up the specific wording but the current order does state that there is no designated parent of primary residence and we have joint physical and legal custody. We were never married.

If the two of you can't agree, it's going to have to go back to court and the judge will have to rule on the basis of what's best for the child. At 45 miles (across state lines), you're not likely to be able to keep 50:50, so someone is going to have to become primary residential.

Now, you can let the judge decide or the two of you can decide. I would hope that the two of you are better able to determine what's best for the child better than the judge could, so you really need to work it out - or take your chances. I would suggest seeking a mediator to help you to decide.

 

[DK1]

I'm not too familiar with mediation. How would a mediator help? Thanks for your responses.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'm not too familiar with mediation. How would a mediator help? Thanks for your responses.

A mediator MIGHT help. The purpose of a mediator is to get the two parties to sit down and focus on what's best for the child rather than their own desires. They basically just help you talk it out. If one or both parties are intransigent, a mediator won't help.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Our son’s mother and I live approx. 45minutes apart or more in traffic. I live in NJ and she lives in PA.

Our son is 6 years old and currently in a private kindergarten associated with his daycare across from my work in NJ. The school/day care does not offer schooling past kindergarten. Kindergarten is ~ 45 min. from either parent’s house.

There is no parent of primary residence. We have 50/50 parenting time, week on / week off. All legal issues have been addressed in the NJ court system. We both work full time.

We cannot agree on where to send our son after kindergarten.

I would like our son to attend the local public school near my home (excellent neighborhood, our son has lots of friends here, highly rated school system) and have offered her a majority of week end time and we could discuss some after school time if there is a two week period that his mother will not see him.

She suggests keeping the 50/50 schedule and reserved a spot at a private school that is not logistically possible for me or a public school that is not her school district (stated that she is in the process of moving further from me to provide a comparable public school to where I live) with no indication of a parenting schedule.

What is the likely outcome if we take this to court? Any suggestions on how to proceed or other thoughts for a solution?

Thanks.

Dad, I will tell you that if you really want 50/50 to work for the long haul, you and mom need to be living in the same community. If you can find a way to do that, everybody will be much happier, including your child.

 

[Silverplum]

A mediator MIGHT help. The purpose of a mediator is to get the two parties to sit down and focus on what's best for the child rather than their own desires. They basically just help you talk it out. If one or both parties are intransigent, a mediator won't help.

I'd skip mediation, if I were you. Mom isn't going to give in, you aren't going to give in, the mediator will try to get one of you to give in -- it's a waste of your time and money. IMHO.

 

[nextwife]

Through which state is your custody order?

 

[Proserpina]

Through which state is your custody order?

NJ per OP's first post.

 

[CJane]

I agree with everyone else that in your situation, 50/50 is impractical once the child begins school. It worked when my ex and I lived 45 minutes apart because I was willing to drive 45 minutes to drop the kids at school 3 mornings/week and then drive the 45 minutes to work, and make the same trip in the evenings 3 days/week.

However, I know that a lot of parents aren't willing to do that.

I also agree that mediation is unlikely to help much. I would recommend, if you and Mom can't agree on something and you're both unwilling to budge, that one of you file in court as soon as possible so there's at least a chance this can be decided prior to school starting in the Fall.

I will say that I think Mom has an edge only because she lives in the state where the original order was created, and generally speaking I've seen fewer judges be willing to change states without a compelling reason. Your 'better' public school isn't much of a compelling reason. Neither is the fact that kiddo has friends in your neighborhood. I'm betting he either has friends in Mom's area too, or is capable of making them once school starts.

 

[nextwife]

I will say that I think Mom has an edge only because she lives in the state where the original order was created, and generally speaking I've seen fewer judges be willing to change states without a compelling reason. Your 'better' public school isn't much of a compelling reason. Neither is the fact that kiddo has friends in your neighborhood. I'm betting he either has friends in Mom's area too, or is capable of making them once school starts.

Isn't the reverse true: Dad is in the originating state, NJ. Mom seems to be the one who moved, as she is in PA, and now seems to plan to move yet further.

 

[CJane]

Isn't the reverse true: Dad is in the originating state, NJ. Mom seems to be the one who moved, as she is in PA, and now seems to plan to move yet further.

Yup. I misread.

Scratch that. Reverse it.