Summer School

[Perky]

This isn't legal advice, but just my observations on the summer school vs. Sylvan issue. I've taught elementary summer school... once. I didn't like it because I didn't think I was effective. I had no idea what individual problems the students had in school since they hadn't been my students previously. Even if I had, there were 15 kids and I had to use a particular curriculum with particular pacing. There wasn't much time for individual help in the few hours that we actually met. Other districts may have better programs, but I would ask how the program is run before signing up.

Sylvan can be an effective program. Each teacher works with a small group of 3 or 4 students, I think. Plus, from what I understand, they perform diagnostic testing to determine each child's individual deficiencies, and then tailor the work.

One other suggestion that would probably be cheaper than Sylvan is a tutor. Many teachers are willing to tutor individual students during the summer. If you go that route, ask at the local school. Try to get a teacher who teaches or has taught the grade your daughter will be entering. If you have a good tutor, there's nothing like one-to-one instruction.

 

[luvisabattle]

This isn't legal advice, but just my observations on the summer school vs. Sylvan issue. I've taught elementary summer school... once. I didn't like it because I didn't think I was effective. I had no idea what individual problems the students had in school since they hadn't been my students previously. Even if I had, there were 15 kids and I had to use a particular curriculum with particular pacing. There wasn't much time for individual help in the few hours that we actually met. Other districts may have better programs, but I would ask how the program is run before signing up.

Sylvan can be an effective program. Each teacher works with a small group of 3 or 4 students, I think. Plus, from what I understand, they perform diagnostic testing to determine each child's individual deficiencies, and then tailor the work.

One other suggestion that would probably be cheaper than Sylvan is a tutor. Many teachers are willing to tutor individual students during the summer. If you go that route, ask at the local school. Try to get a teacher who teaches or has taught the grade your daughter will be entering. If you have a good tutor, there's nothing like one-to-one instruction.

It's good to hear your perspective. It does make a difference for me.

the Sylvan closest to the father said the assesment testing is a one time $195. the group is 2 to 3 students and $49 per hour. Two hours a day twice a week. They also have payment plans. she said it would be geared towards our daughter's needs. If we went that direction we could also use them during the school year.

I looked into private tutoring when the special education issue was brought up and it is more around the $60 an hour in our area. The father said he could not afford his half of that amount and so the idea was dropped.

When the school held thier meeting about the testing they said our daughter got "superior" in reading comprehension. the overall feeling of everyone involved (there were 7 people from the principal and teachers to the mental health pros at the meeting - the father was conference called in) was that our daughter was fully capable, just lacked the motivation. The principal looked at me and said that making a stable home life and being consistant with expectations was key.

 

[luvisabattle]

This is very good advice. Not legal, but they luv's issue is not a legal one.

Luv: It is pretty apparent that you view co-parenting as a battle...hence your user name...Please stop. For you child's sake. Stop.

Not to use the single working mother card, but we get home at 6pm, I make dinner and start cracking the homework / piano practice whip. She has reading, math pages, multipulcation tables, and spelling each night. By the time that's finished its bath book and bed. If you throw girl scout events etc or God forbid - shopping in there, it's a major feat to fit everything in. Not to mention it strains our relationship because I'm always the policewoman.

Meanwhile I have the father pointing fingers at me saying - you are with our daughter the most and so it's your fault she's failing.

Blue M - I think we've talked about this before, or it could have been CJane, but I could tell you story upon story starting with the father's threats while I was pregnant with our duaghter. You cant co-parent with someone who is unreasonable at best and borderline sociopathic at worst.

I believe that the issues would have been resloved at the very first hearing had I been represented by a good attorney. The PP and the support order favored the father and he has had the advantage. That would have been ok if it were not for the fact that his life dedication is to make me pay and his best weapon is our daughter.

 

[stealth2]

So what's she doing between the end of school and when you all get home? Why is homework not being done then?

 

[mistoffolees]

Not to use the single working mother card, but we get home at 6pm, I make dinner and start cracking the homework / piano practice whip. She has reading, math pages, multipulcation tables, and spelling each night. By the time that's finished its bath book and bed. If you throw girl scout events etc or God forbid - shopping in there, it's a major feat to fit everything in. Not to mention it strains our relationship because I'm always the policewoman.

Meanwhile I have the father pointing fingers at me saying - you are with our daughter the most and so it's your fault she's failing.

Blue M - I think we've talked about this before, or it could have been CJane, but I could tell you story upon story starting with the father's threats while I was pregnant with our duaghter. You cant co-parent with someone who is unreasonable at best and borderline sociopathic at worst.

I believe that the issues would have been resloved at the very first hearing had I been represented by a good attorney. The PP and the support order favored the father and he has had the advantage. That would have been ok if it were not for the fact that his life dedication is to make me pay and his best weapon is our daughter.

I don't think ANY attorney could have resolved these issues. It's not a legal problem.

Your child is average intelligence and is failing. You're making excuses for her poor performance (because you're a single Mom, because Dad won't let her go to the summer school you chose, etc).

Dad is partially correct. You have primary physical custody and the child is with you during the school year. Therefore, it is primarily your responsibility to ensure that the child does what she's supposed to do (actually, it's her responsibility, but you should be fostering that sense of responsibility in her).

My daughter's schedule is 5 times worse than what you've cited, yet she gets her work done. There are a few simple rules - she doesn't play until homework is done. No video games, no music, no TV until homework is done. After school, her first job is to get her homework done. She is also expected to do well. If she started bringing home bad grades, she'd be losing her iPod, TV, guitar, games, etc so fast her head would spin.

It's unfortunate that some people have to be single parents, but that's no excuse. Your daughter needs discipline and responsibility - and blaming her failure on anyone but HER is a major mistake. You should really take some courses or read some books on parenting.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Not to use the single working mother card, but we get home at 6pm, I make dinner and start cracking the homework / piano practice whip. She has reading, math pages, multipulcation tables, and spelling each night. By the time that's finished its bath book and bed. If you throw girl scout events etc or God forbid - shopping in there, it's a major feat to fit everything in. Not to mention it strains our relationship because I'm always the policewoman.

Meanwhile I have the father pointing fingers at me saying - you are with our daughter the most and so it's your fault she's failing.

Blue M - I think we've talked about this before, or it could have been CJane, but I could tell you story upon story starting with the father's threats while I was pregnant with our duaghter. You cant co-parent with someone who is unreasonable at best and borderline sociopathic at worst.

I believe that the issues would have been resloved at the very first hearing had I been represented by a good attorney. The PP and the support order favored the father and he has had the advantage. That would have been ok if it were not for the fact that his life dedication is to make me pay and his best weapon is our daughter.

Re the bolded... You need to take that particular card out of the equation, being a single parent as an LLEA isn't an excuse. If your child isn't getting her needs met in an afterschool program, it's up to YOU as the custodial parent to address that time effectively.

Have you tried looking into high school student tutoring? I know when I was in high school, one of our free periods was available to tutoring those student who wished to get the help. Perhaps the problem IS more of a motivational issue than an intelligence issue. I'd attempt to address both with ALL of the resources available to you.

I face the same challenges that you do. I work 12 hour shifts, averaging time spent between shift brief and travel time, about 14 hours each work day. Perhaps it would behoove you and your daughter to seek a high school student to stay with your child/ren afterschool to help with meals, supervising homework/tutoring, etc. I'm sure that (if you go to church and are involved) your churches youth program would be a great place to start.

 

[nextwife]

There are a few simple rules - she doesn't play until homework is done. No video games, no music, no TV until homework is done. After school, her first job is to get her homework done. She is also expected to do well. If she started bringing home bad grades, she'd be losing her iPod, TV, guitar, games, etc so fast her head would spin.

It's unfortunate that some people have to be single parents, but that's no excuse. Your daughter needs discipline and responsibility - and blaming her failure on anyone but HER is a major mistake. You should really take some courses or read some books on parenting.

I agree one's child needs to learn to be self motivated. We may not be there for them, cracking the whip, down the road, and we won't be at work with them when they are older, making sure they get their work done there! It's a bit late now, but if she was struggling, had you tried to arrange for her to stay after school two or three nights a week and work with her teachers to get things she didn't understand , or was behind on, done? Her failure should have been addressed far earlier in the school year. Maybe a teen tutor working with her after school a couple afternoons a week?

May I also suggest that a portion of the summer be spend attending an accredited, quality non-competitive day camp? If she's not feeling great about herself, this atmosphere could boost her self confidence, make her feel "part of a group", really pump her up. The good camps are all about the groups being a team, doing things together, accomplishing things they might not otherwise do, etc.

 

[mistoffolees]

I agree one's child needs to learn to be self motivated. We may not be there for them, cracking the whip, down the road, and we won't be at work with them when they are older, making sure they get their work done there! It's a bit late now, but if she was struggling, had you tried to arrange for her to stay after school two or three nights a week and work with her teachers to get things she didn't understand , or was behind on, done? Her failure should have been addressed far earlier in the school year. Maybe a teen tutor working with her after school a couple afternoons a week?

May I also suggest that a portion of the summer be spend attending an accredited, quality non-competitive day camp? If she's not feeling great about herself, this atmosphere could boost her self confidence, make her feel "part of a group", really pump her up. The good camps are all about the groups being a team, doing things together, accomplishing things they might not otherwise do, etc.

Great suggestion - particularly if the camp involves some educational aspects. My daughter has loved her time at the Zoo Camp. Most community colleges have all sorts of camps where the kids can have fun and learn something too (cooking, art, music, etc). The point isn't so much that they'll learn a great deal, but that they can find out that learning can be rewarding by itself - even aside from the other benefits.

 

[nextwife]

Great suggestion - particularly if the camp involves some educational aspects. My daughter has loved her time at the Zoo Camp. Most community colleges have all sorts of camps where the kids can have fun and learn something too (cooking, art, music, etc). The point isn't so much that they'll learn a great deal, but that they can find out that learning can be rewarding by itself - even aside from the other benefits.

Our Zoo also offers some wonderful week long camps, as does the Public Museum, the Discovery World Museum (kiddo will be doing a CSI for teens camp, and a Marine Camp). Our Community Sailing Center has some great very safety oriented Learn to Sail classes near Lake Michigan in a large lagoon. The University has College for Kids and College for Teens (kiddo will be doing a couple of Science classes). The Art Museum has various art workshops. The Conservatory of Music has week long camps (we did Middle School Band Camp last year). The Dance Schools have classes, the Audubon Center has classes. There are Kayaking classes, urban ecology classes. The local High School Rec Department also offers classes for elementary and middle school kids all summer, including canoeing, game design and golf. There's even an archeology class which involves onsite work at a real dig that they go to by bus each day.

There is no end to wonderful enrichment programs out there a child might get excited about, which also reinforce certain study areas.

 

[luvisabattle]

I don't think ANY attorney could have resolved these issues. It's not a legal problem.

Your child is average intelligence and is failing. You're making excuses for her poor performance (because you're a single Mom, because Dad won't let her go to the summer school you chose, etc).

Dad is partially correct. You have primary physical custody and the child is with you during the school year. Therefore, it is primarily your responsibility to ensure that the child does what she's supposed to do (actually, it's her responsibility, but you should be fostering that sense of responsibility in her).

My daughter's schedule is 5 times worse than what you've cited, yet she gets her work done. There are a few simple rules - she doesn't play until homework is done. No video games, no music, no TV until homework is done. After school, her first job is to get her homework done. She is also expected to do well. If she started bringing home bad grades, she'd be losing her iPod, TV, guitar, games, etc so fast her head would spin.

It's unfortunate that some people have to be single parents, but that's no excuse. Your daughter needs discipline and responsibility - and blaming her failure on anyone but HER is a major mistake. You should really take some courses or read some books on parenting.

I can take that as constructive criticism.

In answer to what happens from 3:30 to 6:00, as per our parenting plan the father can notify me of a weekday from 3:30 to 8:00, so that happens sometimes on Mon and Wed. Tues and Thurs she is training for a 5k. Her school counselor does a confidence/esteem building program where 15 girls from the school train and also learn personal skills etc. I schedule her therapy after school on days her father has not said he wants. Everyother Friday she goes with her father's family - on my Fridays I try to schedule play dates or some other activity. Or she comes back to work with me at the office.

She is enrolled at Boys and Girls club this year so normally she would go there after school. I enrolled her there partly because they have MANDATORY homework time - her father had me charged with contempt for changing the daycare (even though in mediation he agreed to the change) and is currently refusing to pay his portion of the daycare costs because of that choice.

The library in Bellevue has free tutoring in the evenings until 8pm - we've gone there once, but of course she hates it. She's very shy and reserved so to have to do homework with a stranger is torture for her.

I agreed on the summer schedule during mediation (father having her all two 1/2 months) with the condition that she be sent to camps and have summer activities with us spliting the cost 50/50. He agreed in mediation, but when his attorney drew up the plan - in other provisions it has a vague reference to if she does go to a camp mom pays for half. There were several areas in the plan where it's not clearly spelled out, and the father has been using that against me. He has refused to send her to camp - saying its too expensive. I was able to send her to one girl scout camp last year because I said he didn't have to pay anything for it.

Anyway - I'm willing to try the no games, movies, tv etc until work is done. It's constantly a battle of the wills and I'm always the bad guy. but I do get everyother weekend off....

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty, I would cut the extracurriculars until and unless she gets her rear in gear on her schoolwork.

 

[Nikki Green]

Anyway - I'm willing to try the no games, movies, tv etc until work is done. It's constantly a battle of the wills and I'm always the bad guy. but I do get everyother weekend off....

When I was a kid, and refused to turn off the TV, not only did my parents unplug the TV, they cancelled Cable. At the time, I was crying, now as a young adult I don't miss that noise one bit.

You are a mother, not a friend, you don't need to be nice, just demonstrate tough love and be consistent about it.

 

[Nevergrowup]

I agree with cutting out extracurriculars if she doesn't get it in gear. In my oldest daughter's case (16) when she starts to fall below As and Bs, her phone is turned off except to communicate with me and dad. If she has a couple of C's, it is turned off entirely during the day. She HATES it.

With my 12 year old girl, the threat is competitive cheer. She got a couple of not so good grades on the last report card and if she doesn't present better grades this quarter, she doesn't try out for the next season of her cheer obsession. So far, working!

With son, 12, it is the ITouch.

Some things work with some kids, different things work for others. What is your daughter's motivation? What does she love? What would she rather do than anything? Your daughter needs to start taking responsibility for her choices, and there needs to be clear consequences. You may find that you are less of the bad guy if you make your daughter responsible for her own actions...if she chooses not to study, she loses the privlege of something, but it was her choice to proceed that way.

I know how it is to deal with a difficult ex (in my case it was more his wife) so I feel for you...I used to think that if I wasn't perfect, it would jeapordize custody...but putting grades first is key, courts care about that much more than if your daughter is in track.

 

[frylover]

In all honesty, I would cut the extracurriculars until and unless she gets her rear in gear on her schoolwork.

As a teacher and a parent, I don't know that I agree with this completely. She likely feels very badly about herself. It has been stated that she is an "average" student in a school where "average" is basically looked down on. That can't be easy. Some kids, no matter how much you punish, take away privileges, ban them from outside life completely, are just not "above average." This is a fact that some parents refuse to recognize. I have two children. One is an eighth grader making straight A's in ninth grade honors classes. My younger one does reasonably well, but she will NEVER be like my younger one, no matter how hard I push her.

So, I think that an activity that gives this child a chance to be successful at SOMETHING and not feel worthless is a GOOD thing. And, as contradictory as it may seem, her grades/attitude about school may IMPROVE; if she sees she can be good at one thing, she may start to think, "maybe I can be better in school too."

I know, probably not going to be a popular view, but, hey, everyone else is tossing in their non legal opinions!

 

[stealth2]

Your daughter needs to start taking responsibility for her choices, and there needs to be clear consequences.

Ditto this. Really, natural consequences are best (You don't do your work? You get poor grades, which will keep you from taking more interesting classes as you move on through school.). Sometimes, however, external motivators need to be used, such as removal of "something". You can't stop her time with Dad, so that's not an option. But if she doesn't have time for homework due to track? Track has to go. Or piano. or the phone, tv, game console, computer, etc. Whatever it is that's keeping her too busy. For my youngest, it's field hockey, time with her b/f, and time with friends. Grades slip? One or all of those are on the line.