name change

[ecmst12]

Rather then "every other weekend" you should spell out "1st/3rd" or something like that, you don't want there to be a question of whose weekend it is if it ever comes to contempt.

You also might consider asking for receiving parent to do the driving rather then the way you have it now.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

if you go with 1st/ 3rd/ 5th weekend, spell out when the weekend begins, such as weekends that include Saturday and Sunday in the same month. Look at calendars to see who it would fall based on the wording.

make sure you cover Mother's Day (and what to do with the weekend - if going EOW) and Father's Day. Otherwise, Mother's Day is on the 2nd Sunday of May and Father's Day is on the 3rd Sunday of June.

Address the birthday situation.

Address phone calls, and "virtual" parenting time which can include emails, webcam access and instant messaging.

 

[CSO286]

Google "sample parenting plans" to give you an idea of all the things to cover. (Deltabravo still has some pretty good ones.) That way, you won't miss something that might become important to you later. (Like a Right of First Refusal, or how summer is to be split, etc.) You don't have to use everything that is in there, but that way you'll have thought about it...

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[whatnow22]

wanted to give you guys an update:

We went to mediation. After discussing what we wanted, we agreed on more visitation time for me. The mediator asked me to consider doing shorter, more frequent visit before I asked for over night due to our kid having not formed that bond with me since my visits before was only once a month.

I agreed to once visit a week and a visit every other weekend until I am able to form a bond with our kid and make her get used to me and more comfortable. I agreed to do it in my exes house on the condition that her bf/family not be present. My ex also agreed to she will back off a little bit each visit.

We didn't go as far as over nights because my ex didn't want to commit to a time frame. Since I understood what the mediator said, I wasn't worried about pushing for that right now as I wanna follow the correct process that is best for our kid.

We're suppose to agree on increasing into over nights, but will have to go back to court if we cant agree.

After the hearing, me and my ex talked about the name change and she is pushing for it. I told her I did not agree and she stated she will see me next week with her attorney.

I am not sure what my time frame is, but I plan on visiting for 3 months before I ask to increase to over nights. I know each child is different, but do you think that could be accurate time frame? I just want to make the easiest transition and be as comfortable for our kid as possible.

 

[milspecgirl]

you did not state how much time you were going to have at these visits? Are you looking at 1 hour visits or 4 hour visits? It could make a difference in how long it takes kiddo to adapt.
Also, maybe mom would agree to something like- if no visits are missed for 3 months, then you could begin taking the visits unsupervised for a period of time before you work up to overnights.

 

[CSO286]

wanted to give you guys an update:

We went to mediation. After discussing what we wanted, we agreed on more visitation time for me. The mediator asked me to consider doing shorter, more frequent visit before I asked for over night due to our kid having not formed that bond with me since my visits before was only once a month.

I agreed to once visit a week and a visit every other weekend until I am able to form a bond with our kid and make her get used to me and more comfortable. I agreed to do it in my exes house on the condition that her bf/family not be present. My ex also agreed to she will back off a little bit each visit.

We didn't go as far as over nights because my ex didn't want to commit to a time frame. Since I understood what the mediator said, I wasn't worried about pushing for that right now as I wanna follow the correct process that is best for our kid.

We're suppose to agree on increasing into over nights, but will have to go back to court if we cant agree.

After the hearing, me and my ex talked about the name change and she is pushing for it. I told her I did not agree and she stated she will see me next week with her attorney.

I am not sure what my time frame is, but I plan on visiting for 3 months before I ask to increase to over nights. I know each child is different, but do you think that could be accurate time frame? I just want to make the easiest transition and be as comfortable for our kid as possible.

How old is the child?

If child is school age, then there's no reason not obe doing voernights after three months. Even sooner, depending on how long the visits are. (and that goes for younger kids as well.)

 

[whatnow22]

you did not state how much time you were going to have at these visits? Are you looking at 1 hour visits or 4 hour visits? It could make a difference in how long it takes kiddo to adapt.
Also, maybe mom would agree to something like- if no visits are missed for 3 months, then you could begin taking the visits unsupervised for a period of time before you work up to overnights.

Sorry I left that out. They are 3 hour visitations + I have "reasonable" phone time. I have already asked my ex if she'd be willing to set up skype with me so I can say good night to her and see her more frequent. Also my ex said she would not be opposed to me attending dance class that she has 3x a week.

How old is the child?

If child is school age, then there's no reason not obe doing voernights after three months. Even sooner, depending on how long the visits are. (and that goes for younger kids as well.)

She just turned 4 so she is getting to school age. My main goal was to try to agree with my ex in order to alleviate her concerns and hopefully would result in her letting down her guard and actually encouraging overnight/more visits without having the court instruct so. I wanted to show my willingness to work with my ex since for the first time ever, she actually acknowledged I had our kids best interest in my mind and so does she.

 

[whatnow22]

Back to my original topic at hand. We have a hearing coming up soon.

It says in RE: XXXXX XXXXX (my/kids last name)

Dated 03/17/11. Order that the within Petition be heard on April 20, 2011 at before the Motions Judge. Petitioner shall obtain an Affidavit of Consent from the non-petitioning parent and/or serve a copy of this scheduling Order by Certified or Regular Mail. Petitioner shall advertise once in the Pgh. Legal Journal and once in a newspaper of general circulation in the county in which the Petitioner resides.

At mediation, I told my ex I would not be signing the affidavit cause I disagreed with the name change, so I will be showing up in court. IS there any case law you can point me to? I have been trying to google, but it just seems like a bunch of lawyer sites and name change sites. The only information I really found has been about consenting name changes.

Her reason for changing her last name per court filing that was submitted: " Daughter currently has the last name of her birth father. Her father has been absent for a majority of her life. Daughter has been court ordered full custody of mother since she was 4 months old and in full time care of mother since birth. Therefor it would be in the best interest of daughter to have the same last name as mother"

So far, I have gather the following:

- emails back and forth with ex. This proves the first part in correct. Our daughter just turned 4. I was there for the birth (signed the birth certificate) and we were engaged which is why she was given my last name.

-My absence was from August 2007(4 months old)-July 2008. I got my act together and filed for visitation end of July. Mediation was in August and visitation started September 2008. I have not missed one single visit since September 2008.

-Mother has mentioned numerous times she will be getting married to her bf that she has been dating since october 2007. This was first mentioned at our mediation in August 08 and continued infrequently over the past 3 years. I mention this cause this would mean her last name would change and takes out her reasoning of having the same last name.

-Our kid does not have any siblings and I suspect, unless by pure coincidence, if she has another kid, they would have different last names.

I am showing up at the hearing to contest, but I wanted to get my ducks in a row since she actually has a lawyer handling this for her. I am pro se, but don't want to be blind sided.

Is there anything else I am missing or that I should add?

 

[gr8rn]

You make a good point that she will be getting married and thus, the reasoning for name change is moot. Besides that, her reasoning that you have not been in your childs life is baloney. Because there is no court order, it could be a he said she said thing, so you need as much documentation as possible. Pictures of you and child, the mediators report, the letter from HR stating they are approving of the move to their city in order for you to spend more time with your child, any receipts for things you bought the child--which reminds me of something else that is glaringly absent in your post-do you pay any child support? If there is no order, then I am guessing you don't. Not that it makes a difference, I'm not saying you should be paying to see your child, but since you are doing the correct legal things like getting a court order for visitation, you should go to Domestic relations and open a file to start paying child support. If she has gone all these years with no help from you, filing to pay child support is something you really should do. It would also be good for Mom and your child. You should be doing it to help offset the expenses of raising a child.

 

[whatnow22]

You make a good point that she will be getting married and thus, the reasoning for name change is moot. Besides that, her reasoning that you have not been in your childs life is baloney. Because there is no court order, it could be a he said she said thing, so you need as much documentation as possible. Pictures of you and child, the mediators report, the letter from HR stating they are approving of the move to their city in order for you to spend more time with your child, any receipts for things you bought the child--which reminds me of something else that is glaringly absent in your post-do you pay any child support? If there is no order, then I am guessing you don't. Not that it makes a difference, I'm not saying you should be paying to see your child, but since you are doing the correct legal things like getting a court order for visitation, you should go to Domestic relations and open a file to start paying child support. If she has gone all these years with no help from you, filing to pay child support is something you really should do. It would also be good for Mom and your child. You should be doing it to help offset the expenses of raising a child.

Actually, I do pay child support. I am the one that actually went down to the office to file for child support and get it initiated when I filed for visitation in August 08. It has been directly taken out of my paycheck weekly and I have never missed a payment. In fact, it increased about 45% weekly within the last year. I actually still make the same amount (not really sure how it increased, but didn't care either since it was within my means).

There is no denying my visits as i have plenty of emails. We always recapped our visit and planned the next visit with emails so that shouldn't be a problem. I also have given mom extra money here and there knowing well enough it was a gift, but did it just because I had extra at the time

I just didn't mention it because I didn't think it was relevant to visitation.

 

[gr8rn]

Actually, I do pay child support. I am the one that actually went down to the office to file for child support and get it initiated when I filed for visitation in August 08. It has been directly taken out of my paycheck weekly and I have never missed a payment. In fact, it increased about 45% weekly within the last year. I actually still make the same amount (not really sure how it increased, but didn't care either since it was within my means).

There is no denying my visits as i have plenty of emails. We always recapped our visit and planned the next visit with emails so that shouldn't be a problem. I also have given mom extra money here and there knowing well enough it was a gift, but did it just because I had extra at the time

I just didn't mention it because I didn't think it was relevant to visitation.

Good for you! I really did not mean to antagonize and like I said, it isn't that you need to pay to see your child, but since you didn't mention it I wanted to make certain that you addressed it if you hadn't already

 

[whatnow22]

Good for you! I really did not mean to antagonize and like I said, it isn't that you need to pay to see your child, but since you didn't mention it I wanted to make certain that you addressed it if you hadn't already

no, I definitely didn't take it that way. I just didn't want to mix the 2 together. My ex has given me every opportunity to be an absent father and while I made some mistakes early on, I have tried very very hard to make amends and do the right thing once I got my head straight.

I appreciate your help and I know even though they say "you don't have to pay to see your child", I also understand that the courts/judges are human and everything goes into someones thought process when making a decision.

 

[stealth2]

-Mother has mentioned numerous times she will be getting married to her bf that she has been dating since october 2007. This was first mentioned at our mediation in August 08 and continued infrequently over the past 3 years. I mention this cause this would mean her last name would change and takes out her reasoning of having the same last name.

-Our kid does not have any siblings and I suspect, unless by pure coincidence, if she has another kid, they would have different last names.

You make a good point that she will be getting married and thus, the reasoning for name change is moot.

You both assume that she will change her name to her husband's. Many women do NOT do so.

 

[mistoffolees]

You both assume that she will change her name to her husband's. Many women do NOT do so.

Especially on a second or third marriage.

 

[whatnow22]

Especially on a second or third marriage.

yeah, maybe I shouldn't have assumed that. I just know she is more the traditional type and definitely would, but you're right.. I can't assume.

So taking that off the table, is there anything else I could do to fight this?