12yr old girl and 17yr old boy

[JPHenderson]

A 17 year old who is interested in a 12 year old, is either considerably more immature for his age than most boys, or there is SOMETHING sexual going on that the parents are unaware of.

Guaranteed.

Other than at school when we can't watch them they have not been left alone for more than a few minutes. I won't leave them alone at all, not even to walk out of the room for a second, but her mother is more trusting.

In any case, they simply haven't had any way to be alone long enough for anything serious to happen. Yet. But it won't last and I know it.

 

[dmcc10880]

Thanks - this is the kind of thing I was looking for. I will read through it and see where it leads me. If I can't find the parents part I'll let you know.

Google Illinois sex with minor. What kind of father allows this to happen- even if you're the stepfather. I don't care what other kids do these days, you need to get YOUR house in order. Just because other peoples' kids do it doesn't make it right.

 

[JPHenderson]

call the police and report the situation. You do not (and should not) report anything as a fact that you do not know. Do not exaggerate but be honest. I suspect if this is obvious to you, it will be obvious to them as well and they will investigate.

and yes, if you are married to one of the parents of the 12 yo, your spouse may be in legal trouble for allowing such an interaction to continue, depending on exactly what has happened and what it can be shown the parent likely knew happened.

As of right now I have nothing to report. They hang out together, under parental supervision. Why would the police care about that?

My hope is to scare the mother into backing down on this. I don't think I have a chance of stopping it (she likes the boy way too much) but if I can at least show enough proof of legal troubles and the possibility of losing our daughter in court, maybe she'll stop letting them spend SO much time together. And maybe she'll stop thinking about trusting them alone together in the not too distant future.

 

[JPHenderson]

Google Illinois sex with minor. What kind of father allows this to happen- even if you're the stepfather. I don't care what other kids do these days, you need to get YOUR house in order. Just because other peoples' kids do it doesn't make it right.

Yeah, well, there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do. Legally speaking I have no control over my step daughter. She is in her mothers custody. Her bio-father is 100% against this too, but he lives in another town and can't do much about it.

As for me, I work all day. She gets out of school and is with her mom. Other than yelling at them, which I've done, and telling them how wrong I think all of this is, there isn't a lot to be done. Threaten to kick them out? I don't want to lose them. They're making a mistake and I want it to stop, but I'm not going to toss my 12 year old out in the street over it.

And, honestly, I think she would be MUCH worse off at her dad's house. I am very worried about police involvement because if she gets pulled away from us she'll end up there. That house... well, it's bad.

The phrase stuck between a rock and a hard place certainly applies.

 

[CSO286]

12 year olds date. They're in 6th grade. Dating tends to start in 4th grade these days. Generally just kids saying they are dating and maybe holding hands, but it's a start. By 6th they're beginning to kiss a bit. Then in 7th grade the kissing gets a bit more serious and so on. It's been a long time, but I remember what junior high school was like.

As for the 17 year old, well, that's the problem and the reason for this post.

On what planet do 10 year olds start dating? I have one. I'm surrounded by them and thier ridiculous girl-drama llamas on a regular basis. It's usually along long the lines of "I can't believe Mr Johnson put me in the same group as (any random boy)!! I want to be with (any random girl)!!!!" "The boys were bugging us at recess again today!! All we wanted to do was swing and they were throwing snow (yes we still have some snow) at us!!" These kids all still can't stand one another....

Show me where dating starts in 4th grade. I'll wait.

 

[Ohiogal]

And yes, the school personnel have a legal duty to report any inappropriate behavior between a 12 year old and 17 year old. And yes, if the parents know that the couple is engaging in any form of sexual behavior, they too can be held responsible.

My question is why are these two in the same school? Where did the 17 year old get access to the 12 year old?

 

[dmcc10880]

My question is why are these two in the same school? Where did the 17 year old get access to the 12 year old?

Maybe he's in the 8th grade. He surely has the maturity of one.

 

[milspecgirl]

"dating" as in going out on dates doesnt normally happen in the 4th grade. But, I happen to have a stepdaughter in 5th grade and a lot of her friends have "boyfriends". They go to each others houses, out to eat with the family, etc. I even know a few who have allowed their 10 and 11 yo's to go to the movies with their "boyfriend". It's a huge issue in our house because we won't let SD do these things.
My 12yo has a boyfriend and they go to the movies, each others houses, etc. They are not allowed to be alone for more than a few minutes.

stepdad- what I have been told by my police officer uncle (albeit in another state)- if it produces or is meant to produce an aroused effect, it is sexual contact. So, if kissing arouses or is done to arouse the other person sexually, it is considered sexual contact. Same with hand holding, etc. As an adult in that house hold, you have a moral and legal obligation to report anything illegal to the police.

Once he is 18, there is more than 3 years between them- anything they do can be a felony and cause him to register as a sex offender. There are contributing to the deliquency of a minor charges and all sorts of stuff your wife could face and that's not just for intercourse- its for any sexual conduct as defined by the law in this instance (see above)

 

[dmcc10880]

There are contributing to the deliquency of a minor charges and all sorts of stuff your wife could face and that's not just for intercourse- its for any sexual conduct as defined by the law in this instance (see above)

Yes, they are felonies for mom and step-dad.

 

[milspecgirl]

this is some of what I have found that shows that you are legally responsible to report this:

“’Abused child’ means a child whose parent or immediate family member, or any person responsible for the child’s welfare, or any individual residing in the same home as the child, or a paramour of the child’s parent:
(c) commits or allows to be committed any sex offense against such child, as such sex offenses are defined in the Criminal Code of 1961 as amended, and extending those definitions of sex offenses to include children under 18 years of age;

this is a website with a lot of good info on il and minors
http://www.youthlaw.org/fileadmin/ncyl/youthlaw/publications/minor_consent/IL_MinorConsent_may05.pdf

 

[milspecgirl]

Stepdad- YOU can be in legal hot water if you dont report this NOW

Reporters must report sexual activity when committed by a person responsible for the child’s welfare. Specifically, a report is mandated if the following three criteria are met:
(1) The activity involves a minor; - yep, we got that
(2) The minor’s partner is:
• a person responsible for the child’s welfare:
• an individual residing in the same home; or check mark number 2
a paramour of the child’s parent: AND
(3) Any of the following sexual activity occurred:
• Infection with a sexually transmitted disease. (“Sexually transmitted diseases are by DCFS definition “diseases which were acquired originally as a result of sexual penetration or conduct with an individual who was afflicted.&#8221
• Any contact between the sex organ of one person and an object, or the sex organ, mouth, or anus of another person. Typical acts include vaginal, oral and anal sex.
• The use of a child for sexual arousal, gratification, advantage or profit. This includes such acts as explicit verbal enticements, child pornography, self masturbation in the child’s presence, and forcing a child to watch sex acts; or
• Sexual conduct with a child when such contact, touching, or interaction is used for sexual arousal or gratification of sexual needs or desires. Sexual conduct means “any intentional or knowing touching or fondling either directly or through clothing of any part of the body for the purpose of sexual gratification.” Examples include fondling a child or having the child touch the perpetrator sexually. 720 ILCS 5/12-12(e). This would include kissing, petting, etc. It is used to induce sexual feelings

 

[JPHenderson]

On what planet do 10 year olds start dating? I have one. I'm surrounded by them and thier ridiculous girl-drama llamas on a regular basis. It's usually along long the lines of "I can't believe Mr Johnson put me in the same group as (any random boy)!! I want to be with (any random girl)!!!!" "The boys were bugging us at recess again today!! All we wanted to do was swing and they were throwing snow (yes we still have some snow) at us!!" These kids all still can't stand one another....

Show me where dating starts in 4th grade. I'll wait.

Are you serious? Just because you are living in a sheltered world doesn't mean the rest of us are. There are 12 and 13 year olds out there having kids. Yes, 10 year olds date. Hell, that was true even when I was that age over 30 years ago. It's gotten worse though. As I said, at that age it isn't much more that saying "we're dating" and maybe sitting next to each other in class, but it's where it all begins.

 

[JPHenderson]

My question is why are these two in the same school? Where did the 17 year old get access to the 12 year old?

She is in 7th grade he is a senior. Middle school and high school are together, even sharing a few classes. For the most part though the MS and HS kids only see each other in the halls and at assemblies.

 

[JPHenderson]

Stepdad- YOU can be in legal hot water if you dont report this NOW

Reporters must report sexual activity when committed by a person responsible for the child’s welfare. Specifically, a report is mandated if the following three criteria are met:
(1) The activity involves a minor; - yep, we got that
(2) The minor’s partner is:
• a person responsible for the child’s welfare:
• an individual residing in the same home; or check mark number 2
a paramour of the child’s parent: AND
(3) Any of the following sexual activity occurred:
• Infection with a sexually transmitted disease. (“Sexually transmitted diseases are by DCFS definition “diseases which were acquired originally as a result of sexual penetration or conduct with an individual who was afflicted.”)
• Any contact between the sex organ of one person and an object, or the sex organ, mouth, or anus of another person. Typical acts include vaginal, oral and anal sex.
• The use of a child for sexual arousal, gratification, advantage or profit. This includes such acts as explicit verbal enticements, child pornography, self masturbation in the child’s presence, and forcing a child to watch sex acts; or
• Sexual conduct with a child when such contact, touching, or interaction is used for sexual arousal or gratification of sexual needs or desires. Sexual conduct means “any intentional or knowing touching or fondling either directly or through clothing of any part of the body for the purpose of sexual gratification.” Examples include fondling a child or having the child touch the perpetrator sexually. 720 ILCS 5/12-12(e). This would include kissing, petting, etc. It is used to induce sexual feelings

Are you sure about the kissing part? Everything I've read leads me to think it only starts being an issue at fondling. I want it to be kissing, believe me. But I keep reading stuff about contact (over clothing thankfully) with breasts / crotch being where the line is drawn.

 

[dmcc10880]

Are you serious? Just because you are living in a sheltered world doesn't mean the rest of us are. There are 12 and 13 year olds out there having kids. Yes, 10 year olds date. Hell, that was true even when I was that age over 30 years ago. It's gotten worse though. As I said, at that age it isn't much more that saying "we're dating" and maybe sitting next to each other in class, but it's where it all begins.

I don't need to stick up for anyone here, but JP, you're way out of line.

You came here looking for solutions. You were given them. You were given the implications for the boy and you were given the implications for you and your wife. You not only have moral, but serious legal obligations to ensure the safety and welfare of your stepdaughter. The kid is 12 years old!!!

Keep going down the path you are and if not facing legal problems, your stepdaughter will be one of those 12 and year olds having kids.