12yr old girl and 17yr old boy

[milspecgirl]

How about you take Mom and DD to a GOOD criminal attorney and get the facts of life. Mom will have to hear ALL the legal repercussions of her GROSS criminal negligence and criminal child endangerment.

Daughter will hear what will happen to her "boy"friend when she considers sneaking off with him.

Cost of a good attorney=$500.00 per hour

Cost of NOT ending up with criminal charges and an unexpected grandchild= priceless.

and i would have a talk with the atty beforehand to make sure that he understands that you want them to know ALL the consequences and penalties- that this is a wake up call. So, he doesnt gloss over it all

 

[dmcc10880]

She'll be 13 soon. So, at that point kissing will be ok? DAMMIT! Not what I want to hear.

So, what about proof? How the hell can I prove he is doing anything? The kids will, of course, deny it. Do I need to plant a damn camera in my house? Hell, I don't even know if I can legally do that.

Well, she's 12 now and he can't touch any part of her body!

She'll be 13 soon and he'll soon be 18. By then, trust me, it will be more than kissing that you have to worry about.

Did you read my post where I directly quoted the Illinois Statutes?

You can legally put cameras all over your house. Inside and out. You can get your stepdaughter a cellphone which will allow you to track her movements via GPS.

 

[stealth2]

I wish that were the case. I really do.

But she is left alone with teenage boys all the time there. She has already spent the night (in her step brothers room) in a bed with a 15 year old friend of the brother. The brother was asleep. She says nothing happened. We'll never know for sure.

That house is unsupervised. The adults drink all the time. They used to (and may still) do drugs.

Her mother may be acting stupidly and negligently, but she thinks she is doing the right thing. She is wrong, but she is trying. At the dad's house they don't even try.

Interesting. Yet HE is also against the situation you describe. Where did you get your info about his house from?

email, texts, etc... are covered. I see them all. Nothing yet other than professing how much they love each other.

If I dump my wife I lose my girl too.

I would much rather educate my wife and move forward, keeping my family intact.

She is NOT your girl. Sorry to reveal the truth to you.

 

[milspecgirl]

She is NOT your girl. Sorry to reveal the truth to you.

I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe they had a joint child together that he was scared of losing custody of to mom.

 

[JPHenderson]

my suggestion?

Call child protective services and tell them what is going on. I have found that they can give you a lot of good info.

And it may be a good shock for mom, kiddo, and perv to get a little visit from CPS to realize that this is not all fun and games and that it is illegal.

So, technically they can kiss when she is 13- UNTIL he turns 18. When he turns 18- things get WAY WORSE FOR HIM!!!!! (we havent even posted those laws on here)

Perv is looking at felony child molestation charges for even kissing her at that point.

And maybe that is exactly what CPS needs to sit down and explain to kiddo, mom, perv, and his parents.

Ok, that makes me feel much better. There is only about a one month time when she's 13 and he's still 17.

Do you know if CPS will provide info anonymously somehow? A meeting would be great, but I would also kind of like my daughter to actually talk to me again some day. Not likely to happen if I call CPS on her and her mother. I would like to try to be just a little more subtle at this point.

I'll move on to that if needed, but little steps first I think.

 

[NellieBly]

Best of luck to you.

Someone has to save that girl and you seem to be the only one who wants to step up to the plate.

 

[Just Blue]

Ok, that makes me feel much better. There is only about a one month time when she's 13 and he's still 17.

Do you know if CPS will provide info anonymously somehow? A meeting would be great, but I would also kind of like my daughter to actually talk to me again some day. Not likely to happen if I call CPS on her and her mother. I would like to try to be just a little more subtle at this point.

I'll move on to that if needed, but little steps first I think.

Go to a criminal attorney. CPS will likely launch a investigation.

 

[JPHenderson]

Interesting. Yet HE is also against the situation you describe. Where did you get your info about his house from?



She is NOT your girl. Sorry to reveal the truth to you.

The info on the house comes from a variety of places. Some is from her dad and his girlfriend. Some from the gf's kids. Some from my kid.

No, she isn't mine. I'm well aware of that. That's why I am trying to avoid police, because I don't want to lose her. She's lived with us and been raised by us for a long time, but legally that doesn't mean **** and I know it. It sucks ass, but it's the truth. Her alcholic, sometimes having a job, no child support paying father will get her if anything ever happens to my wife.

But, that's another issue altogether and something I've had no choice but to deal with for many years now.

 

[JPHenderson]

and i would have a talk with the atty beforehand to make sure that he understands that you want them to know ALL the consequences and penalties- that this is a wake up call. So, he doesnt gloss over it all

Yeah, I think this may be the best way to go.

Thanks everyone for the help. The links were very useful. And just having some intelligent people agree with me about how insane this whole thing is really does help too.

 

[milspecgirl]

in the long term, you have to protect the child and yourself. Because, legally, you could also be in some hot water if this gets found out before you do anything about it. And if they get caught kissing or anything at school, the school will have no choice but to report it.
So, while I understand that you dont want the child mad at you (and even mom), there is going to come a point (in the very near future) that you have to report it if the atty cant make mom understand what she is doing.

 

[mistoffolees]

On what planet do 10 year olds start dating? I have one. I'm surrounded by them and thier ridiculous girl-drama llamas on a regular basis. It's usually along long the lines of "I can't believe Mr Johnson put me in the same group as (any random boy)!! I want to be with (any random girl)!!!!" "The boys were bugging us at recess again today!! All we wanted to do was swing and they were throwing snow (yes we still have some snow) at us!!" These kids all still can't stand one another....

Show me where dating starts in 4th grade. I'll wait.

You're talking about semantics. Not very many 4th graders do what YOU (or I) would consider dating. But you'd be amazed at how many say that they're 'going out' - even when 'going out' means no more than they sit together at lunch (or maybe not even that much). It's not uncommon for 4th graders to say they're dating or going out. I agree that it is much rarer for 4th graders to actually 'date' (in the sense that most people understand the word).

my suggestion?

Call child protective services and tell them what is going on. I have found that they can give you a lot of good info.

And maybe that is exactly what CPS needs to sit down and explain to kiddo, mom, perv, and his parents.

I agree. That's one good solution. And a call to CPS is anonymous. If OP chooses to do so (and if he's a good enough actor), he can pretend he doesn't know anything about it.

How about you take Mom and DD to a GOOD criminal attorney and get the facts of life. Mom will have to hear ALL the legal repercussions of her GROSS criminal negligence and criminal child endangerment.

Daughter will hear what will happen to her "boy"friend when she considers sneaking off with him.

Cost of a good attorney=$500.00 per hour

Cost of NOT ending up with criminal charges and an unexpected grandchild= priceless.

Another good suggestion. Or, see if the police has a youth crimes division. They may have an officer who will come out and talk to everyone at no charge - and explain the criminality of those actions.

 

[CSO286]

I wish that were the case. I really do.

But she is left alone with teenage boys all the time there. She has already spent the night (in her step brothers room) in a bed with a 15 year old friend of the brother. The brother was asleep. She says nothing happened. We'll never know for sure.

That house is unsupervised. The adults drink all the time. They used to (and may still) do drugs.

Her mother may be acting stupidly and negligently, but she thinks she is doing the right thing. She is wrong, but she is trying. At the dad's house they don't even try.

Then you, as a mandated reporter (see previosu posts), have a duty to report suspected child abuse. It then becomes CPS's problem to substantiate the claims and provide proof of the inappropriate relationship. Not yours.

you suspect a level of inapropriate conduct on the part of the 17 year old whoi is "involved" with your 12 year old stepdaughter. Do something. Get away from the keyboard and call CPS. Do it anonymously, send them a note. I do not care how it gets done. Protect the child.

'Cause in a few months, when Junior turns 18...it'll get him a long and unhappy life on the sex offender registry. Much better for him to be told, "Stay away from the little miss" now.

Protect and help both of these children.

 

[MichaCA]

This is a very upsetting thread. I also have a 12 year old daughter.

I would never allow her to date an older boy like that, would not allow the texts, nothing. Because you know it only means sex - they are not going off and having some meaningful life conversation - its about sex.

Mom needs to understand by allowing the contact, she is setting up her daughter for a lot of trouble. Why flirt if you can't move to the next step? Why put daughter in that position?

I think it would be great if (as suggested) you and mom have a formal sit down with a criminal attorney. Mom needs a serious wake-up call...and the suggestion of talking to the boys parents...I understand they don't care. However, after your chat with the criminal attorney, maybe it would be good for them to be informed of possible legal consequences if these two continue down their path with no intervention. It would be a service to the 17 year old to know that having sexual relationships with children, especially when he turns 18, has major legal consequences that could be very long term and affect every aspect of his life - college, getting jobs, everything.

IF intervention doesn't happen, and these two continue onwards, the daughter would be in for a rude awakening as well, seeing her honey facing such serious consequences. Who will she be angry with then? I'd be angry at my parents for allowing any of it to happen. I only see confusion and pain on this path...I just don't get why mom thinks this is an OK thing for her CHILD. Oh well.

 

[milspecgirl]

technically OP- at this point, you are as guilty as mom.

You have been shown with state statute that you are a mandated reporter of abuse to this child and you suspect there is abuse. You are legally required to report this to CPS.

It will be anonymous- no one will know it was you who called. As a matter of fact, you will be interviewed and questioned right along with the mom- so that should make you look less "guilty" in their eyes

 

[justalayman]

My question is why are these two in the same school? Where did the 17 year old get access to the 12 year old?

12 year old is what, sixth grade or seventh grade? In my school system, 6-12 attends school at the same building.


from the OP's responses, he is more concerned about losing his wife than he is about protecting the child.


jphenderson:

I would suggest, if you or the wife have any doubts about the legality, you both simply agree to contact CPS and explain the situation to them.

If mom thinks there is nothing wrong with what it happening, she should have no problem contact CPS to ask them about it. If mom refuses to call, then you need to tell her the you are going to call because you believe it is illegal. If you refuse to do what you can to prevent this, what happens is then on your shoulders. I suspect it would be a very heavy burden to bear should the little girl show up pregnant one day. You ready to live with that?