12yr old girl and 17yr old boy

[NellieBly]

When I was 15, I had a 21 year old boyfriend.

Four decades later, I see it for what it really was. He had other age appropriate girlfriends, but I didn't know that at the time.

Still shaking my head over that one. I wonder if the OP's daughter will have similar thoughts.

Four decades later.

 

[mistoffolees]

When I was 15, I had a 21 year old boyfriend.

Four decades later, I see it for what it really was. He had other age appropriate girlfriends, but I didn't know that at the time.

Still shaking my head over that one. I wonder if the OP's daughter will have similar thoughts.

Four decades later.

One would hope that it wouldn't take 40 years for her to figure that out.

And there's a big difference between 12/17 and 15/21. Especially when the 15/21 was 40 years ago.

 

[NellieBly]

One would hope that it wouldn't take 40 years for her to figure that out.

And there's a big difference between 12/17 and 15/21. Especially when the 15/21 was 40 years ago.

Of course you are right, but at 15, I was just as clueless (most likely moreso) than today's 12 year old.

 

[JPHenderson]

Of course you are right, but at 15, I was just as clueless (most likely moreso) than today's 12 year old.

Yeah, it's scary how much of the world kids see so early nowadays. Internet, cable TV, music... the world just isn't the same. It's not all bad of course, but it is definitely different.

 

[mistoffolees]

Yeah, it's scary how much of the world kids see so early nowadays. Internet, cable TV, music... the world just isn't the same. It's not all bad of course, but it is definitely different.

So have you called CPS yet?

 

[Nikki Green]

The boys parents are all for it. She has helped calm him down and make him behave much better than he has in recent times.

They don't seem to think there is anything wrong with it at all. Of course, he can't get pregnant. And their way of raising him... well... he's been alone for a good portion of his life. So I don't think there is any help available there.

Wonder if the "other parents" would be ok with it if the shoe were on the other foot.

 

[JPHenderson]

So have you called CPS yet?

No. I went with the meet with an attorney idea. The kids are busy right now so won't see each other until next week and the appointment is before then.

His parents will be there too. I certainly hope it works. The attorney has dealt with child abuse / sexual assault for most of his career so knows what he's talking about.

 

[Ohiogal]

I wish that were the case. I really do.

But she is left alone with teenage boys all the time there. She has already spent the night (in her step brothers room) in a bed with a 15 year old friend of the brother. The brother was asleep. She says nothing happened. We'll never know for sure.

That house is unsupervised. The adults drink all the time. They used to (and may still) do drugs.

Her mother may be acting stupidly and negligently, but she thinks she is doing the right thing. She is wrong, but she is trying. At the dad's house they don't even try.

No mom is not trying. MOM is ALLOWING her daughter to be molested as are you. How dare you criticize dad's home when you are ALLOWING the 12 year old to be abused by a 17 year old in your own home? Quit defending your stupid, idiotic wife and look in the mirror for someone who is NOT trying to protect the child. You have been told what to do. Now man up and do it.

 

[Ohiogal]

email, texts, etc... are covered. I see them all. Nothing yet other than professing how much they love each other.

If I dump my wife I lose my girl too.

I would much rather educate my wife and move forward, keeping my family intact.

This child is NOT YOUR GIRL! Not at all. She is your stepdaughter. Educate your wife? You don't even want to educate yourself. Mr. Henderson... you have issues.

 

[Ohiogal]

No. I went with the meet with an attorney idea. The kids are busy right now so won't see each other until next week and the appointment is before then.

His parents will be there too. I certainly hope it works. The attorney has dealt with child abuse / sexual assault for most of his career so knows what he's talking about.

Attorneys are mandated reportersas well -- if they know a child is being abused they MUST report it.

 

[mistoffolees]

No. I went with the meet with an attorney idea. The kids are busy right now so won't see each other until next week and the appointment is before then.

His parents will be there too. I certainly hope it works. The attorney has dealt with child abuse / sexual assault for most of his career so knows what he's talking about.

Well, I guess that's one option, but keep in mind that you have nothing to say about how the daughter is raised. You do, however, have some potential risk for allowing the abuse to occur.

Make sure you ask the attorney exactly what notifications need to take place. Talking with an attorney is one thing, but I really think that to protect yourself you should notify CPS, as well. Your attorney may think otherwise and by all means go with what he tells you.

 

[NellieBly]

No mom is not trying. MOM is ALLOWING her daughter to be molested as are you. How dare you criticize dad's home when you are ALLOWING the 12 year old to be abused by a 17 year old in your own home? Quit defending your stupid, idiotic wife and look in the mirror for someone who is NOT trying to protect the child. You have been told what to do. Now man up and do it.

Ohiogal, thank you for reiterating that this is molestation and not "dating".

 

[MichaCA]

I am not in any way, shape or form condoning mom's actions. However, if I recall correctly...all that has happened so far is some texting, and there is a friendship and a concern about things crossing into sexuality. Thats what I got anyway...if I'm wrong, I agree, CPS should be called.

What I hope is that MOM will attend the meeting with the attorney, along with you and other parents...I think thats a brilliant move myself...as everyone can get educated as to the risks of allowing this 'friendship' to continue.

 

[JPHenderson]

I am not in any way, shape or form condoning mom's actions. However, if I recall correctly...all that has happened so far is some texting, and there is a friendship and a concern about things crossing into sexuality. Thats what I got anyway...if I'm wrong, I agree, CPS should be called.

What I hope is that MOM will attend the meeting with the attorney, along with you and other parents...I think thats a brilliant move myself...as everyone can get educated as to the risks of allowing this 'friendship' to continue.

Amazing how judgmental people can be without even knowing what's going on. Or, even better, without believing what they are being told.

Everyone keeps saying molested, abused, etc... But, as I said before NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. They are never alone.

I posted here to get help to stop things before they can happen. To scare everyone straight, with facts and the law and actual reasons (not just opinions) before they could get physical. Before the first kiss could happen. Before they could get too attached to each other. Before anything beyond talking and hoping for more.

I appreciate all the actual advice I received. And yes, everyone will be at the meeting with the lawyer - the three of us and the boy and both of his parents.

And to those of you who don't think a step parent matters in the raising of a kid, you know the one who is there all the time, day in and day out, through all the problems, all the good and all the bad, well... This forum doesn't seem to allow cursing. And, I've said before I didn't come here to fight. Just to get some legal advice. It's a shame some of you preferred to yell and complain about how horrible I am and how I deserve nothing. I guess I should have expected it though. People have been complaining about things they are clueless about since the beginning of time.

Anyway, once again, to those of you that actually replied with legal advice - thank you.

 

[stealth2]