Deleted Thread: Cannot get papers served for visitation rights. What is the recourse?

[cappadocia]

Today, 05:03 PM
pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 7

Cannot get papers served for visitation rights. What is the recourse?
________________________________________
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

We live in Maryland. After being denied visitation with his daughter, my unwed son started the process of seeking joint legal custody and visitation, however, he cannot seem to get the papers served. What can he do if he cannot get her to accept the summons? He is very anxious to start the court process and get to mediation, as he misses his daughter very much. Would anyone be able able to suggest the next best step? Would very much appreciate any advice given.


#2
Today, 05:21 PM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 12,634

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

We live in Maryland. After being denied visitation with his daughter, my unwed son started the process of seeking joint legal custody and visitation, however, he cannot seem to get the papers served. What can he do if he cannot get her to accept the summons? He is very anxious to start the court process and get to mediation, as he misses his daughter very much. Would anyone be able able to suggest the next best step? Would very much appreciate any advice given.
What has he tried?

And it's really better if he signs up with his own account since you probably won't have all the needed information.



#3
Today, 07:31 PM
pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 7

Thank you for responding. I actually do have all the information because we have been working together on this and I keep all the records. He's not as adept on the computer as I am. I am the one who downloaded the forms, helped him fill them out and suggested he see the family law attorney at the courthouse to make sure papers were in order before filing. The attorney said they were perfect and to file. After filing, he gave the service copy of the papers to the sheriff dept in her county to serve her. We know he can also use certified delivery and a private process server but it seems now that she knows papers are coming, she will be cagey in avoiding them. He sent his most recent child support check via certified mail and she never picked it up. She actually ended up serving papers first but he missed delivery. (I wrote about it here and you actually very graciously responded to me.) They've never come back to try and serve him again. He thinks since he told her that he welcomes going to court, so he can finally see his baby again, she may have reconsidered serving her own papers in effort to keep him from his daughter as long as possible. She has no reason to keep my son from seeing his baby except to use the baby as a tool to hurt him. She's very scary in that she will stoop to anything to get her way. I know what to do if she receives the papers and doesn't respond, I just don't know what he should do if she never accepts the papers, and/or never serves her own. My son has been very despondent over not seeing his baby and I'm trying to get everything in order so he can act quickly, in order to expedite the process and allow him to see his daughter as soon as possible.

Sorry for the long post. Very anxious to help him reunite with his baby.


#4
Today, 07:41 PM

CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,649

I've never understood what makes it so hard to serve someone if you know where they live. All you need is an adult non-party to hand her papers.

So, YOU or a friend of your son's, or whatever parks outside her house/apartment and when she's leaving for work in the AM, walk up to her say her name, and when she turns around, hand her the papers and walk away.


#5
Today, 07:41 PM

cappadocia
Member Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 55

aka Granny wants to visit with her grandchild and son is uninterested or inept and infant's mother is the devil.

Hire a private process server.


#6
Today, 07:44 PM

LdiJ
Senior Member Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 51,406

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

We live in Maryland. After being denied visitation with his daughter, my unwed son started the process of seeking joint legal custody and visitation, however, he cannot seem to get the papers served. What can he do if he cannot get her to accept the summons? He is very anxious to start the court process and get to mediation, as he misses his daughter very much. Would anyone be able able to suggest the next best step? Would very much appreciate any advice given.
Bottom line? She has to be served. Therefore your son is going to have to do whatever is necessary to get her served, even if it doesn't happen as quickly as he/you want it to happen.


#7
Today, 07:49 PM

CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,649

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
He sent his most recent child support check via certified mail and she never picked it up.
So, your little boy is playing games too.

Good thing he's more interested in providing for his child than playing with Mommy.



#8
Today, 07:52 PM

Isis1
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14,697

My thought are, if she was trying to serve him with something, I'd (your son, not you) would head to the courthouse, get copy of the paperwork, file an answer, and show up at the hearing. But then my mommy has never helped me with my homework.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[cappadocia]

#9
Today, 07:56 PM

CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,649

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isis1
My thought are, if she was trying to serve him with something, I'd (your son, not you) would head to the courthouse, get copy of the paperwork, file an answer, and show up at the hearing. But then my mommy has never helped me with my homework.
But FIRST, they had to find out if it was advantageous for little boy to avoid service until he could get Mom (who is the very debil for avoiding service) served.



#10
Today, 07:59 PM

BL
Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the good old US of A
Posts: 15,993

If she works the sheriff can serve her there .Perhaps since the first attempt failed he can request it to be served again . They do charge a fee .has the fee been Pd.? Do they want another fee ?

Perhaps the Sheriff's can pass in along to the local PD. to serve .

If need be he can ask the court to reschedule to give him time to serve her.
________________________________________


#11
Today, 08:03 PM

pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 7

I didn't expect the rudeness. I would never assume anything about people I don't know. My son is the one who started looking for help and on my own I joined in the search. I can do without seeing my granddaughter but she deserves to have her father in her life, as much as he deserves to be in hers. Yes, he sent his support certified, in order to document it, on advice from family law attorney.

I guess there are obnoxious people all over the web, ready to kick other humans when they are already down. Sorry I met them here, in a place I thought we would find help.


#12
Today, 08:04 PM

pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 7

Deep thanks
________________________________________
to the well meaning people who responded.

Patti


#13
Today, 08:11 PM

CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,649

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
I didn't expect the rudeness. I would never assume anything about people I don't know. My son is the one who started looking for help and on my own I joined in the search. I can do without seeing my granddaughter but she deserves to have her father in her life, as much as he deserves to be in hers. Yes, he sent his support certified, in order to document it, on advice from family law attorney.
Oh, he did not. It's "documented" as soon as she cashes the check or money order.

He sent it certified to try and figure out if he'd be successful serving her with his petition via certified mail. Get her to accept the CASH, and you know she'll sign for the NEXT package that she gets a certified slip for, because she'll assume THAT is child support too. And then, GOTCHA!

The game is old.

Tell sonny boy to grow up.



#14
Today, 08:25 PM

pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 7

Sorry cjane but you've obviously been around the block and are more than a bit jaded and maybe even vicious but he's new to all of this, so you haven't gotten anyone.

You must have gone through some terrible times fighting about your children to behave this way towards a stranger seeking help.

Be proud, (I would've said shamed but I doubt you have you have the emotional capacity) because you've driven yet another from this board with your nastiness. I'm an emotionally exhausted Granny who does indeed love her granddaughter and son and is very unashamed of it and I have no need to subject myself to people like you.


#15
Today, 08:29 PM

cappadocia
Member Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 55

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
Sorry cjane but you've obviously been around the block and are more than a bit jaded and maybe even vicious but he's new to all of this, so you haven't gotten anyone.

You must have gone through some terrible times fighting about your children to behave this way towards a stranger seeking help.

Be proud, (I would've said shamed but I doubt you have you have the emotional capacity) because you've driven yet another from this board with your nastiness. I'm an emotionally exhausted Granny who does indeed love her granddaughter and son and is very unashamed of it and I have no need to subject myself to people like you.
aka "In order to deflect your spot-on observations about how I'm handling my useless son's affairs, I'm going to call you a jaded old harpy and go find a message board that offers me a sympathetic ear."


#16
Today, 08:38 PM
CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,650

Quote:
Originally Posted by cappadocia
aka "In order to deflect your spot-on observations about how I'm handling my useless son's affairs, I'm going to call you a jaded old harpy and go find a message board that offers me a sympathetic ear."
I just can't wait til a judge asks sonny boy why he's in arrears on child support and he tries to say "Well, it's not MY fault she never picked up the certified mail!"

Say it with me. REAMED.


#17
Today, 08:39 PM

mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 12,636

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
Sorry cjane but you've obviously been around the block and are more than a bit jaded and maybe even vicious but he's new to all of this, so you haven't gotten anyone.

You must have gone through some terrible times fighting about your children to behave this way towards a stranger seeking help.

Be proud, (I would've said shamed but I doubt you have you have the emotional capacity) because you've driven yet another from this board with your nastiness. I'm an emotionally exhausted Granny who does indeed love her granddaughter and son and is very unashamed of it and I have no need to subject myself to people like you.
OK, then simply explain why cjane is wrong. What possible reason would there be for sending the child support by certified mail in that one instance (when apparently normal mail had been sufficient in the past)?


#18
Today, 08:43 PM

Zigner
Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 32,614

Quote:
Originally Posted by CJane
I just can't wait til a judge asks sonny boy why he's in arrears on child support and he tries to say "Well, it's not MY fault she never picked up the certified mail!"

Say it with me. REAMED.
If he came to court with the returned (unopened) certified mail containing the child support, then there wouldn't be any sort of reaming going on...at least not for HIM.

 

[cappadocia]

#19
Today, 08:50 PM

pak212
Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8

Because he never had to mail it before. His baby is only two months old and he gave the check to her in person the first two times but then she cut off all communication with him. When the courthouse attorney told him to save all documentation of child support payments, I guess he went overboard at the post office. He was trying to do what he thought he should do, given the advice he received. The truth is, neither of us knew a summons could be delivered by certified mail until he called the clerks office to see if they'd received the affidavit of service and he'd already sent the check by then. It's not that complicated; there's no hidden agenda, he just wants to be a father and see his daughter and I love them both and wanted to help him and if you hadn't been kind enough to answer my fist question, I wouldn't try to explain now. I appreciate the help you gave us. Thank you. I won't be bothering anyone for information anymore.
Patti

And one more thing, the courthouse attorney actually told him he could wait to send support until she forced him to and make her do without and my son responded that he wants to support his daughter! This girl broke up with him, for as she admitted to me, no good reason. It never stopped him from trying to get along with her and trying to see his daughter and paying for anything his daughter has needed since birth. Why can't the guy be an ok guy in a bad situation with an unreasonable girl?
________________________________________


#20
Today, 09:06 PM

CJane
Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,650

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zigner
If he came to court with the returned (unopened) certified mail containing the child support, then there wouldn't be any sort of reaming going on...at least not for HIM.
And, as it turns out, it's not child support anyway.

HOWEVER, even if it WAS, Mom certainly wouldn't get in trouble for not picking up certified mail. She's not obligated to. He's obligated to provide for his child once an order is in place.

In my experience, a judge WOULD see the whole child support by certified mail thing as a game Dad was playing - especially once the whole "Well, we knew she was trying to serve HIM while he was trying to serve HER and they were mutually dodging service to try to gain advantage, but it really IS just about letting him see his child!" thing came to light.



#21
Today, 09:13 PM

cappadocia
Member Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 56

Quote:
Originally Posted by pak212
And one more thing, the courthouse attorney actually told him he could wait to send support until she forced him to and make her do without and my son responded that he wants to support his daughter! This girl broke up with him, for as she admitted to me, no good reason. It never stopped him from trying to get along with her and trying to see his daughter and paying for anything his daughter has needed since birth. Why can't the guy be an ok guy in a bad situation with an unreasonable girl?
How old is your son? Why are you so emotionally fixated on his relationship problems? Mind your own business. If your son is still on the teat, how can he progress into his own role as a parent?

 

[Antigone*]

I wonder if mommy holds his hand all the time.

 

[Bruno]

Please indicate the reason the thread in question is (has been) deleted.

 

[CSO286]

Please indicate the reason the thread in question is (has been) deleted.

OP did not like the response given to her queries, and decided to delete.....

Or, those horrible people were attacking the character of her dear sweet smoopsy-poo and they just dont understand that all she wants to do is take of him and help him sort all his problems out so he never has to grow up and will be Mommy's wittle man forevah and evah....


Dat's why.

 

[cappadocia]

Please indicate the reason the thread in question is (has been) deleted.

Because the only Free Advice she wanted was a pat on the head and no discussion about why her son is useless and playing the same games that she's criticizing the infant's mother for.

 

[Just Blue]

I wonder if mommy holds his hand all the time.

Dear God. I hope not.