ex won't answer question about our child

[tlm39]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
A few weeks ago, I sent my ex an email telling him our child would like to go to a two week summer program. My ex said it was fine. Our child was accepted to another two week program (that is better for our child) at a different Ivy League school. I sent my ex an email last week stating our child was accepted and that I needed to know from him if he approves of our child going to this other program and if it's okay if our child flies back alone. I will fly there with our child. My ex called two nights ago and told our child that it's fine with him, but I did not speak with my ex. I sent my ex a text message yesterday stating I need an answer from him regarding the school and flying arrangements. I still have not received a response from him. I need it in writing so he potentially later doesn't say he never approved. I may just pay the deposit so our child doesn't lose the spot and to allow more time for an answer. I will also be paying for the program and airfare. My ex and I have joint legal custody. What would you suggest I do?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
A few weeks ago, I sent my ex an email telling him our child would like to go to a two week summer program. My ex said it was fine. Our child was accepted to another two week program (that is better for our child) at a different Ivy League school. I sent my ex an email last week stating our child was accepted and that I needed to know from him if he approves of our child going to this other program and if it's okay if our child flies back alone. I will fly there with our child. My ex called two nights ago and told our child that it's fine with him, but I did not speak with my ex. I sent my ex a text message yesterday stating I need an answer from him regarding the school and flying arrangements. I still have not received a response from him. I need it in writing so he potentially later doesn't say he never approved. I may just pay the deposit so our child doesn't lose the spot and to allow more time for an answer. I will also be paying for the program and airfare. My ex and I have joint legal custody. What would you suggest I do?

I would pay the deposit and then get it in writing that your ex will pay.

What else do you think anyone can suggest?

 

[Nikki Green]

I would pay the deposit and then get it in writing that your ex will pay.

What else do you think anyone can suggest?

OP has joint custody with ex. If she is concerned about what ex may do, she can document such incidents, i.e. he give verbal permission only to deny it later on. But that may be over the top.

 

[mommyof3jkc]

same situation with my ex...

I deal with this situation all the time and was advised by an attorney to ask nicely once, in writing, ask again within 36 hours, in writing, and if no response, simply write something like "As I have yet to receive a response to my requests on such and such dates, I will take it that you have no objections to little mary going to camp. Unless I hear differently by "time and day of week" I will go ahead and sign little mary up for camp with the understanding that you have agreed to this as well. (If money is involved, you want to write your expectations in that as well).It has worked for me.....

 

[LdiJ]

I deal with this situation all the time and was advised by an attorney to ask nicely once, in writing, ask again within 36 hours, in writing, and if no response, simply write something like "As I have yet to receive a response to my requests on such and such dates, I will take it that you have no objections to little mary going to camp. Unless I hear differently by "time and day of week" I will go ahead and sign little mary up for camp with the understanding that you have agreed to this as well. (If money is involved, you want to write your expectations in that as well).It has worked for me.....

I agree with the attorney. That is the way to handle it.

 

[mistoffolees]

I deal with this situation all the time and was advised by an attorney to ask nicely once, in writing, ask again within 36 hours, in writing, and if no response, simply write something like "As I have yet to receive a response to my requests on such and such dates, I will take it that you have no objections to little mary going to camp. Unless I hear differently by "time and day of week" I will go ahead and sign little mary up for camp with the understanding that you have agreed to this as well. (If money is involved, you want to write your expectations in that as well).It has worked for me.....

It may work for you, but since money is involved, I wouldn't count on it. Failure to respond does not constitute agreement to pay. If OP does that, I wouldn't be surprised to see a battle down the road when it comes time to collect all the money from ex.

Now, if OP is willing to pay the full amount if Dad doesn't pay up, then that might make sense. But unless the court order specifically states that Dad has to pay, then collecting the money for something Dad didn't affirmatively agree to could be a problem.

 

[LdiJ]

It may work for you, but since money is involved, I wouldn't count on it. Failure to respond does not constitute agreement to pay. If OP does that, I wouldn't be surprised to see a battle down the road when it comes time to collect all the money from ex.

Now, if OP is willing to pay the full amount if Dad doesn't pay up, then that might make sense. But unless the court order specifically states that Dad has to pay, then collecting the money for something Dad didn't affirmatively agree to could be a problem.

There wasn't anything in the original post that indicated that the OP had any expectation of dad paying for anything. In fact, the OP specifically stated that she would be paying for the program and the airfare. You might want to re-read her first post.