teenagers refusing to go for visitation

[tlm39]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
My teenagers are refusing to go with their father for weekend visitations. One hasn't been going for quite a while and the other lately has been refusing to go. Are they old enough to refuse to go?

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
My teenagers are refusing to go with their father for weekend visitations. One hasn't been going for quite a while and the other lately has been refusing to go. Are they old enough to refuse to go?

Are they 18? No?

Then no, they are not old enough to refuse to go.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
My teenagers are refusing to go with their father for weekend visitations. One hasn't been going for quite a while and the other lately has been refusing to go. Are they old enough to refuse to go?

Sure they are - 18 and 19 year old's don't have to do anything they don't want to (in this type of case).

Now, if you were referring to MINOR CHILDREN who happen to be in their teens...it's YOUR job to make sure they go.

 

[mistoffolees]

Sure they are - 18 and 19 year old's don't have to do anything they don't want to (in this type of case).

Now, if you were referring to MINOR CHILDREN who happen to be in their teens...it's YOUR job to make sure they go.

And, just to make it clear, failure to do so could create SERIOUS problems - up to and including loss of custody.

You really need to make sure the kids go.

 

[PQN]

Is Dad showing up to get the children? Or are the children calling dad and telling him they don't want to go and so he doesn't show up?

 

[CourtClerk]

What gives children the idea that they can refuse to do anything????

Are there no consequences for their disobedience?

 

[LdiJ]

And, just to make it clear, failure to do so could create SERIOUS problems - up to and including loss of custody.

You really need to make sure the kids go.

Loss of custody isn't much of a risk with teens, but since a judge knows that, a judge often imposes VERY serious fines AND attorney fees on a custodial parent who allows the children to make that choice.

However, the non-custodial parent also bears some responsibility in the matter as well. I can think of one respected parent on these forums whose teens haven't visited their ncp much in the last few years, and the ncp doesn't appear to care.

 

[stealth2]

I can think of one respected parent on these forums whose teens haven't visited their ncp much in the last few years, and the ncp doesn't appear to care.

That would be me! However, I will add further information. As long as Dad wanted the kids to go, they did. It was not an option to not do so. Because they both knew I would drag them by the ear, kicking and screaming. I made it very clear to them that I didn't give a flying fiddle if they were bored, annoyed, fed up. We had a visitation schedule and they were going to follow it. But honestly? That wasn't an issue. They both wanted a relationship with their Dad. Maybe not the one they had, but... they were willing to take what they got.

Now... when Dad decided that he didn't want them to visit? (And yes, it was HE who made that decision... ) I didn't force the issue. I have always made an effort to talk him up to them, but the relationships are strained. Frankly, I don't see that changing.

Long story short - while they have not visited their Dad in a while, that was purely by HIS choice, not theirs.

 

[Proserpina]

That would be me! However, I will add further information. As long as Dad wanted the kids to go, they did. It was not an option to not do so. Because they both knew I would drag them by the ear, kicking and screaming. I made it very clear to them that I didn't give a flying fiddle if they were bored, annoyed, fed up. We had a visitation schedule and they were going to follow it. But honestly? That wasn't an issue. They both wanted a relationship with their Dad. Maybe not the one they had, but... they were willing to take what they got.

Now... when Dad decided that he didn't want them to visit? (And yes, it was HE who made that decision... ) I didn't force the issue. I have always made an effort to talk him up to them, but the relationships are strained. Frankly, I don't see that changing.

Long story short - while they have not visited their Dad in a while, that was purely by HIS choice, not theirs.

And this is just one of the many reasons why I think you have been, and remain, an exceptional parent.

 

[stealth2]

I just want OP (and others) to be aware that MY kids were never allowed a choice about whether they were going to spend time with their other parent. NEVER.

 

[LdiJ]

I just want OP (and others) to be aware that MY kids were never allowed a choice about whether they were going to spend time with their other parent. NEVER.

I did not intend to give the wrong impression, my apologies.

I should explain more clearly what I really meant. The ncp cannot simply put the entire burden of "forcing" the children to go on the cp. The ncp must also act like a parent as well and insist that his/her children follow the court orders.

We have seen some ncps here basically roll over and play dead, for a long time, and then suddenly decide to take the cp to court for contempt. They often do not fare well in court when that happens.

 

[stealth2]

I know, LDi - just didn't want posters to think "Well, SHE did it and it was okay!"

 

[andy_kn]

12 year old refuses to visit his dad

I wasnt sure how to sure how to approach this problem without making things worse.My sons 12 and my ex wife moved out of state.My sons turned very disrespectful and passively aggressive since the separation and divorce in 2012.Im supposed to have 4 weeks visitation in the summers and hes refusing to come.I wasnt sure if having the police show up at their house is the right way to heal things though.Hes refused to come twice now and my ex says hes physically too big to handle.I also know that if I force things all I get is a few weeks of attitude and disrespect for my efforts.My ex says "you cant make someone love you"and detaches from the situation.I recently tried to lure him over with expensive tickets to a ball game but it didnt work.So my question is,do I file the contempt motion and deal with the combativeness head on or do I be patient and keep inviting and calling nicely?I didnt ask for the divorce and its like Im getting all the blame.Any advice or experiance would be appreciated,Thanks-Andrew

 

[Silverplum]

I wasnt sure how to sure how to approach this problem without making things worse.My sons 12 and my ex wife moved out of state.My sons turned very disrespectful and passively aggressive since the separation and divorce in 2012.Im supposed to have 4 weeks visitation in the summers and hes refusing to come.I wasnt sure if having the police show up at their house is the right way to heal things though.Hes refused to come twice now and my ex says hes physically too big to handle.I also know that if I force things all I get is a few weeks of attitude and disrespect for my efforts.My ex says "you cant make someone love you"and detaches from the situation.I recently tried to lure him over with expensive tickets to a ball game but it didnt work.So my question is,do I file the contempt motion and deal with the combativeness head on or do I be patient and keep inviting and calling nicely?I didnt ask for the divorce and its like Im getting all the blame.Any advice or experiance would be appreciated,Thanks-Andrew

Please start your own thread and begin with the name of your US state.