Anything I can do?

[pinkbuggie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Child had always lived with me since birth. Since last Dec, 50/50 Joint legal and physical custody of 3 year old.

Father just recently got married and is making child called step-mom "Mommy" and calling me by my name. Child has cried in front of both of us before saying child is afraid of his wife.

Both parents are responsible for transporting child's clothing and personal possessions. Father does not respect for items I provide for child. When I ask Father for possessions back, he claimed to never seen or lost it and even told me he's seen similar items that belonged to his nephews instead.

When Father is unable to exercise regular custodial schedule, he does not make any notification. I would have to call and ask for myself. Sometimes, a third party would pick up child without any notification. This makes it harder since child is barely at eased with going with Father himself.

Both of us are entitled to phone calls, yet Father has never picked up any of my phone call. I have called during times child was sick or staying longer at Father, but I could never get a reach. Father does not cooperate when child is sick. He always blamed child only gotten sick/hurt when child stays with me but he is never at my pick ups to see how child's conditions really are when I pick child up.

Is it possible to bring case back to court for Father's actions toward the order's rights and responsibilities? This makes it a lot harder to communicate, raise the child, and cooperate parenting.

 

[CourtClerk]

What do you want to have happen? What's your ultimate goal?

 

[pinkbuggie]

Well both of us has already done the co-parenting program individually. But with Father's actions, it is hard to cooperate and makes it harder to raise the child. Will the court be in agreement to the child having more time with me? Or making me the primary parent again?

 

[InfantCustody]

Well both of us has already done the co-parenting program individually. But with Father's actions, it is hard to cooperate and makes it harder to raise the child. Will the court be in agreement to the child having more time with me? Or making me the primary parent again?

What is the current schedule as far as what amount of time the child spends with each parent? Week on, week off, 2/2/3/3?

Did you end up with 50/50 by agreement or mediation or was this the judge's decision?

You said both parents are responsible for transporting the child's items? How does that work? Normally in a 50/50 situation, each parent provides their own supplies for the child during their time...including toys, clothing, etc.

 

[pinkbuggie]

What is the current schedule as far as what amount of time the child spends with each parent? Week on, week off, 2/2/3/3?

Did you end up with 50/50 by agreement or mediation or was this the judge's decision?

You said both parents are responsible for transporting the child's items? How does that work? Normally in a 50/50 situation, each parent provides their own supplies for the child during their time...including toys, clothing, etc.

Father picks child up Sunday morning and I pick child up Wednesday evening.

50/50 was by mediation's decision.

Both of us provide our own clothing for the child. Because child had mostly lived with me before, most of the stuff Father has are mine's that I provided for child to wear to Father's. An example is a pair of shoes I bought for the child; he wore it once to Father's and when I picked him up, he wore another shoe provided by Father back. Father was not there during pick up and when I asked his wife, she said she did not know. I asked Father and he said he'll look but that was it. I would not mind if these items are circulating between both parents but instead it gets lost within one visit to Father's. The child does not want to take his toys to Father's anymore due to other children there.

 

[InfantCustody]

Father picks child up Sunday morning and I pick child up Wednesday evening.

50/50 was by mediation's decision.

Both of us provide our own clothing for the child. Because child had mostly lived with me before, most of the stuff Father has are mine's that I provided for child to wear to Father's. An example is a pair of shoes I bought for the child; he wore it once to Father's and when I picked him up, he wore another shoe provided by Father back. Father was not there during pick up and when I asked his wife, she said she did not know. I asked Father and he said he'll look but that was it. I would not mind if these items are circulating between both parents but instead it gets lost within one visit to Father's. The child does not want to take his toys to Father's anymore due to other children there.

You could possibly take Dad back to court for the phone call issue - and ask that the phone calls be specified. Example: Instead of "each parent will have phone access" it should be specified "Mother will have phone access on Monday's from 7:00 - 7:30 pm" or "Both parents will have phone access each night from 7:00-7:30 pm." Then if the access is denied, it can be contempt.

You can also ask that something be included stating spouses will not be called parental names such as Mommy, Mama, Daddy, Dada, etc. Dad is not going to win "brownie points" for having the child call his new wife Mommy, that is for sure.

As far as his supplies: You said the shoes you sent to Dad's didn't come home, but a different pair did. Okay, so next time you send kiddo to Dad's house, send him in the shoes Dad sent back. I have had to learn to do this with my ex. I send the baby in clean, nice clothes and he comes back in dirty, run down clothes. I never see my clothes again. As opposed to getting my feathers in a ruffle every time, I wash the clothes Dad sent the baby home in and put them back on the baby next time he goes to Dad's house. Problem solved. I don't like the clothes and think they look awful on him, but I can't afford to supply Dad/Dad's family with a constant supply of clothes I'll never see again. As you said, it's one thing if the clothes are going in a circle, but if you are losing your stuff you must be getting stuff from Dad so only use what he sends Junior home in.

I think your best option would be to ask that things in your order be clarified.

 

[mistoffolees]

As far as his supplies: You said the shoes you sent to Dad's didn't come home, but a different pair did. Okay, so next time you send kiddo to Dad's house, send him in the shoes Dad sent back. I have had to learn to do this with my ex. I send the baby in clean, nice clothes and he comes back in dirty, run down clothes. I never see my clothes again. As opposed to getting my feathers in a ruffle every time, I wash the clothes Dad sent the baby home in and put them back on the baby next time he goes to Dad's house. Problem solved. I don't like the clothes and think they look awful on him, but I can't afford to supply Dad/Dad's family with a constant supply of clothes I'll never see again. As you said, it's one thing if the clothes are going in a circle, but if you are losing your stuff you must be getting stuff from Dad so only use what he sends Junior home in.

Absolutely. We get the same question so often ("the stuff I send doesn't come back") and the solution is simple.

My ex used to constantly be telling me that all of our daughter's clothes were at my house and she kept buying things but I had them. I tried to explain to her that the daughter only wore one set of clothes each direction so it had to equalize, but she never grasped that concept.

 

[CJane]

Absolutely. We get the same question so often ("the stuff I send doesn't come back") and the solution is simple.

My ex used to constantly be telling me that all of our daughter's clothes were at my house and she kept buying things but I had them. I tried to explain to her that the daughter only wore one set of clothes each direction so it had to equalize, but she never grasped that concept.

Even if it doesn't exactly "equalize", by the EXACT SAME outfits returning to Mom's house/Dad's house, WHO CARES? I find it hard to believe that makes it difficult to co-parent. Or rather, that it DOES, but only because one of the parents is still in score keeping mode. My son still spends a significant amount of time with my ex-BF (not his father). This weekend, he came home in the 'wrong' shoes, torn jeans and w/out his hoodie. NOT worth even heaving a hefty sigh over.

If kiddo is scared to go with a "stranger" that Dad sent to pick up the kiddo, then kiddo needs more socialization. He needs to understand that if Mommy says this person is safe and ok to be with, then that's true. Granted, I don't really get the abject fear people say their children react to others with, since my kids would have absolutely glommed on to any random stranger at any point in time.

There is *nothing here to indicate a change in custody is warranted. Even the 'calling step-mom Mommy' doesn't fall into custody changing territory.