Quick question

[TJNJmom]

I think it's a little of both maybe....I would give him the extra day but he lives almost an hour away and she's still in school right now

 

[RRevak]

I'd like to take that a step further. For children with ADHD (in my experience), many of the things the people assume would make a child hyper (sugar and caffeine come to mind immediately) actually have a calming effect.

Considering that the MAJORITY of ADHD meds are stimulants that makes sense. Funny case in point, my severely ADHD father drinks a cup of highly caffeinated coffee and takes a nap

 

[>Charlotte<]

I think it's a little of both maybe....I would give him the extra day but he lives almost an hour away and she's still in school right now

There's plenty of days when she won't be in school, and summer vacation is coming up.

 

[Ohiogal]

Now I am even more confused:

I sued dad for money because he crashed my car and he owed me for bills which I had proof of. As far as limiting his time, well there are reasons, he is and was abusive I have a R/O on him for breaking my nose, knocking me out, spitting in my face pushing me out of the house, and keeping my daughter from me. He has been verbally abusive towards her recently and in the past was physcially abusive towards her. She is not keen on the idea of seeing him to begin with but if the judge says we have to do it I have no choice...he has a history of drug abuse and didn't see his daughter for almost 2 years because he refused to take a drug test and after that when he got together with the woman he is with now completely forgot he had a child for over a year. So do I feel it is in her best interest to be with him? Absolutely not I have documentation supporting ALL of it BUT the judge says I have to send her so I really don't have a choice in the matter.

Dad is evil incarnate and abusive to the child, child doesn't want to go, and you don't feel it is in her best interest to be with him but:

....I would give him the extra day but he lives almost an hour away and she's still in school right now

You are more than willing to give an abusive, evil man MORE TIME that you do not believe is in the child's best interest?

Pick a reality please and stick with it.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Considering that the MAJORITY of ADHD meds are stimulants that makes sense. Funny case in point, my severely ADHD father drinks a cup of highly caffeinated coffee and takes a nap

I've read that some kids do better during the day if they get a cup of cold coffee with sugar in the morning!

OP - a couple of us have been in your shoes. Turn on your private messages and I'll bore you there with some suggestions to help dad get on board.

 

[kimberlywrites]

One more thing, OP - based on your posting history, you come across as controlling. If you pick him apart on every little thing, he's not gonna listen to you at all. So, choose your battles. if the ADHD thing is important to you, work on that issue.

 

[TJNJmom]

Now I am even more confused:


Dad is evil incarnate and abusive to the child, child doesn't want to go, and you don't feel it is in her best interest to be with him but:


You are more than willing to give an abusive, evil man MORE TIME that you do not believe is in the child's best interest?

Pick a reality please and stick with it.

Honestly do I have a choice in any of this? If one more day of a visit to let him learn to do the right thing would help I am willing. If you saw my court files you would think differently. I really try to work with him and feel my child needs a father but she doesn't need that. Being that the courts have decided to give him regular visits and he's not doing the right thing and I can't do anything without proof or get him to see what is right I would give him one extra day. My daughter has siblings there that are babies and she loves them that is the only reason why she likes to see her father and she has told him and her grandmother this, they are aware of it

 

[TJNJmom]

One more thing, OP - based on your posting history, you come across as controlling. If you pick him apart on every little thing, he's not gonna listen to you at all. So, choose your battles. if the ADHD thing is important to you, work on that issue.

Curious as to what makes me seem this way? She's my child and my life. I had a hard time in an 11 year relationship with an abusive addict who in the end cheated and impregnated someone else and I found out 2 months before that child was born. He cleaned out my bank accounts for a total of $75k, took my car and left me on the street with his child. Refused to pay support and she was non existant to her for a total of 3 years. So at this point do I want this person in my child's life...not really...do I have a choice....not at all...will I try to give my daughter what she deserves...absolutely....she's been through hell with all of this. Her father verbally attacked her a few months ago because he was arguing with me over money and took it out on her. My daughter came home and almost collapsed at the door she was so afraid of him and didn't want to speak to or see him, BUT the judge told me there is nothing I can do. At this point I am just trying to have him be a father and do right by her because I don't have a say so in this.

So just asking what makes you think I am controlling....she's my child I will try my hardest to protect her.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Curious as to what makes me seem this way? She's my child and my life. I had a hard time in an 11 year relationship with an abusive addict who in the end cheated and impregnated someone else and I found out 2 months before that child was born. He cleaned out my bank accounts for a total of $75k, took my car and left me on the street with his child. Refused to pay support and she was non existant to her for a total of 3 years. So at this point do I want this person in my child's life...not really...do I have a choice....not at all...will I try to give my daughter what she deserves...absolutely....she's been through hell with all of this. Her father verbally attacked her a few months ago because he was arguing with me over money and took it out on her. My daughter came home and almost collapsed at the door she was so afraid of him and didn't want to speak to or see him, BUT the judge told me there is nothing I can do. At this point I am just trying to have him be a father and do right by her because I don't have a say so in this.

So just asking what makes you think I am controlling....she's my child I will try my hardest to protect her.

"Refused to pay child support" = Was he ordered to? All of your allegations are just that - allegations - unless you can prove it via police reports etc.

"She is my child...try my hardest to protect her" - I sure hope you aren't insinuating that none of us on this forum do not want the same? You are thinking emotionally, not legally. And ADHD is hard to prove. It can't be found with a simple x-ray. I have been in your shoes, exactly your shoes, with the ADHD medication thing. So don't assume I don't know how you feel.

As for being controlling - your posts bring up several issues. It's one thing after the other. Look at your own posting history! All I'm suggesting is that dad is sick of you harping on him all the time. Some seniors here like to ask: Is this a hill worth dying on? Pick your hill.

But wait. Maybe I misunderstood you. I'm going to go read all of your posts right now.

 

[padmelupin]

I'm not a senior, or legal expert, or even a legal parent...but I have a suggestion.

You mention that you got her a cell phone. Set an alarm on the phone for her medications and have her ask Dad for them when the alarm goes off.

 

[TJNJmom]

"Refused to pay child support" = Was he ordered to? All of your allegations are just that - allegations - unless you can prove it via police reports etc.

"She is my child...try my hardest to protect her" - I sure hope you aren't insinuating that none of us on this forum do not want the same? You are thinking emotionally, not legally. And ADHD is hard to prove. It can't be found with a simple x-ray. I have been in your shoes, exactly your shoes, with the ADHD medication thing. So don't assume I don't know how you feel.

As for being controlling - your posts bring up several issues. It's one thing after the other. Look at your own posting history! All I'm suggesting is that dad is sick of you harping on him all the time. Some seniors here like to ask: Is this a hill worth dying on? Pick your hill.

But wait. Maybe I misunderstood you. I'm going to go read all of your posts right now.

He was ordered to pay child support and was arrested for non payment. He was thousands behind. He REFUSED to pay he told me he didn't care because he didn't want the money going to me.

I understand that ADHD is hard to prove my daughter has had extensive testing and we have paperwork from the psychiatrist proving it. The school child study team as well as the pediatrician as I stated before.

As for the other things I have many police reports to prove his violence to prove his inconsistancy in bringing my child home on time or at all. To you they are allegations to me this is what is going on. I have MANY witnesses to his antics. The fact that this man has threatened my parents is the most recent and she has pressed charges.

I don't think I ask for a lot at all maybe you see it as that but to deal with this man is not easy at all. I give him a hand and he takes the whole arm

 

[CJane]

Curious as to what makes me seem this way? She's my child and my life.

This. Your child should NOT be your LIFE. You should have a life that's all your own. Otherwise, you're putting inappropriate pressure on your child and EVERY SINGLE person she interacts with on a regular basis.

I love my children more than I ever would have thought possible. They are a vital part of my life. They are not my ENTIRE life.