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No response to my motion
- Thread starter daddenied
- Start date
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Thanks Zephr! I actually have an attorney now who I'm speaking to over the phone tomorrow. I hope he is as confident that the courts will terminate our oldest child from the order and modify the CS until I get work.
Update - Message for Zephyr, LdiJ, CourtClerk...
and everyone else who helped me when I needed advice. I'm sorry I cannot name all of you. I'm not even sure any of you are on here still helping folks or if you'll even see this post, but I can hope.
The last time I posted was 2 1/2 years ago and one of our friends needed some advice so we referred them here first while they figured out how to get enough money to afford an attorney.
Naturally, I thought of all of you who were kind enough to help me with information and more importantly encouraging words. I don't know where I left off, so found my last post and will update you from Dec. 2008 - the present. I won't repeat the long sad tale, so check out previous posts from me if you're new here.
I don't have exact dates, but my oldest of 4 sons had turned 18 in August 08' and ex was trying to ask courts to have me continue to pay her CS due to his being in college. Some time in 09' the courts ordered him to be removed from the cs order. In Aug. 09' our next son turned 18 and I continued to get medical bills from my ex so I felt she was harassing me even when I told her not to send them any more, blocked her email and told her I we could talk over the phone and if she needed to send anything no more emails, write me through USPS. That seemed to upset her so she started her online bashing of me and even had a friend create a website in myfullname.com where she posted our cs court order, my name, wifes name, home address, etc... It initially upset me, then after talking to my attorney I got over it. I wrote letters to the deadbeat dad website administrators and they wrote me back to let me know they were removing the deadbeat dad claims. This was only after I provided them with the copies of payment records from the DCSS in California. They did not take our 2nd son off of the cs order until after he turned 19 in 2010, but the order was retro to when he became an adult, thank goodness. A full time job had me and my wife and daughter move back west, as we are now in Arizona and enjoying it. Our 3rd son turned 18 in Dec. 10', but just graduated so this month according to my attorney is the last month of current cs for him. With my being unemployed/underemployed while in New York, I have been paying current CS and arrears every month so glad to be on track with that, earning full time wage, that is, so I can pay an honest and full CS. Our last child has 2 more years until he graduates high school so June 2013 will be the last month of cs. Okay, so now, that was all about money.
For the more important part, my sons seem to have been completely alienated from me still. Although, a few months ago I decided to write my ex a letter asking for peace, real peace between our families and things have been really decent (i.e. civil without snide remarks email correspondence after I lifted the block, her agreeing to keep me informed of our sons' schooling and academics, and just give me more information so I'm not chasing it down from teachers or other folks), I still have no relationship with them. Our oldest son chose to not go onto college and I continue to pray he changes his mind one day soon. Our 2nd oldest went to college on a basketball scholarship then I was informed the he became academically ineligible to play, then flunked out his Freshman year. It was very very sad. I think he finished high school with a 3.75 or higher gpa so I was shocked. Our 3rd son who has been a 4.0 student throughout his entire life, failed his 2nd semester of Junior year (2 or 3 classes I was told, but was able to make them all up), and this year his grades have been below average and from what I know from his teachers he just passed some of his classes. In fact, earlier this year I met with his counselor and one of his teachers and it upset him and I think his mom, so of course he went in and told them due to his now being 18 he didn't give me permission to know his grades or anything else. I won't lie. I was pissed when I was told that, but decided to email his mom and let her know I wasn't going to do anything rash or lash out at her, since she had already said she would keep me in the loop. He just graduated and this week I wrote asking her if he was going to at least go to the city or community college and her reply was something like I will check with him what he wants disclosed. ARGH! I realized this was the last month of CS for him so thought that's probably why. And, our last son's grades have consistently declined since starting his 10th grade year. I was able to see one of his teachers, although the information I've gotten from the teacher and my ex don't match. Unfortunately I am at the mercy of what she will share with me. I did suggest in this week's email that although she said he lost privileges he should maybe be told he has to spend the summer with me so maybe I could help motivate him to start doing his work and being diligent with his assignments. I told her I figured that he might get on the ball since he "hates" me so much according to her if he were threatened with having to come stay with me for a little while.
All kidding aside, I really am just sad that I have no real relationship with them. Bday and Christmas gifts go ignored, except this last one 2 months ago (after our agreement of peace), I got a thank you email. Not sure who wrote it, but will make myself feel better that it really was from him. I've been told they want me to back off of them and give them space and time (I had over the last few years been emailing at least once a week, then sending actual letters after I blocked emails and calling). I told my ex I would back off, but its about killed me. I can only do what I can do and that is to continue to pay CS until our last son graduates from high school, cover them with medical/dental/vision insurance (which I have chosen to cover all of them until they are 26, because I don't want them to be without this coverage no matter how much they might hate me), and pray that one day I can have a chance at repairing all of the damage done.
So...in a nutshell after this very long update, I am as happy as I can be with my 2 1/2 year old daughter and wife in Arizona. I have excellent tuition benefits to extend to my children and have offered college up to all of them multiple times. Who knows...maybe one day even if it is just to use me they will take me up on the offer. I thank ALL of you during the years I was writing on here asking for help, advice, and support. I hope never to have to ask for advice on here again.
Sincerely,
DD
and everyone else who helped me when I needed advice. I'm sorry I cannot name all of you. I'm not even sure any of you are on here still helping folks or if you'll even see this post, but I can hope.
The last time I posted was 2 1/2 years ago and one of our friends needed some advice so we referred them here first while they figured out how to get enough money to afford an attorney.
Naturally, I thought of all of you who were kind enough to help me with information and more importantly encouraging words. I don't know where I left off, so found my last post and will update you from Dec. 2008 - the present. I won't repeat the long sad tale, so check out previous posts from me if you're new here. I don't have exact dates, but my oldest of 4 sons had turned 18 in August 08' and ex was trying to ask courts to have me continue to pay her CS due to his being in college. Some time in 09' the courts ordered him to be removed from the cs order. In Aug. 09' our next son turned 18 and I continued to get medical bills from my ex so I felt she was harassing me even when I told her not to send them any more, blocked her email and told her I we could talk over the phone and if she needed to send anything no more emails, write me through USPS. That seemed to upset her so she started her online bashing of me and even had a friend create a website in myfullname.com where she posted our cs court order, my name, wifes name, home address, etc... It initially upset me, then after talking to my attorney I got over it. I wrote letters to the deadbeat dad website administrators and they wrote me back to let me know they were removing the deadbeat dad claims. This was only after I provided them with the copies of payment records from the DCSS in California. They did not take our 2nd son off of the cs order until after he turned 19 in 2010, but the order was retro to when he became an adult, thank goodness. A full time job had me and my wife and daughter move back west, as we are now in Arizona and enjoying it. Our 3rd son turned 18 in Dec. 10', but just graduated so this month according to my attorney is the last month of current cs for him. With my being unemployed/underemployed while in New York, I have been paying current CS and arrears every month so glad to be on track with that, earning full time wage, that is, so I can pay an honest and full CS. Our last child has 2 more years until he graduates high school so June 2013 will be the last month of cs. Okay, so now, that was all about money.
For the more important part, my sons seem to have been completely alienated from me still.
Although, a few months ago I decided to write my ex a letter asking for peace, real peace between our families and things have been really decent (i.e. civil without snide remarks email correspondence after I lifted the block, her agreeing to keep me informed of our sons' schooling and academics, and just give me more information so I'm not chasing it down from teachers or other folks), I still have no relationship with them. Our oldest son chose to not go onto college and I continue to pray he changes his mind one day soon. Our 2nd oldest went to college on a basketball scholarship then I was informed the he became academically ineligible to play, then flunked out his Freshman year. It was very very sad. I think he finished high school with a 3.75 or higher gpa so I was shocked. Our 3rd son who has been a 4.0 student throughout his entire life, failed his 2nd semester of Junior year (2 or 3 classes I was told, but was able to make them all up), and this year his grades have been below average and from what I know from his teachers he just passed some of his classes. In fact, earlier this year I met with his counselor and one of his teachers and it upset him and I think his mom, so of course he went in and told them due to his now being 18 he didn't give me permission to know his grades or anything else. I won't lie. I was pissed when I was told that, but decided to email his mom and let her know I wasn't going to do anything rash or lash out at her, since she had already said she would keep me in the loop. He just graduated and this week I wrote asking her if he was going to at least go to the city or community college and her reply was something like I will check with him what he wants disclosed. ARGH! I realized this was the last month of CS for him so thought that's probably why. And, our last son's grades have consistently declined since starting his 10th grade year. I was able to see one of his teachers, although the information I've gotten from the teacher and my ex don't match. Unfortunately I am at the mercy of what she will share with me. I did suggest in this week's email that although she said he lost privileges he should maybe be told he has to spend the summer with me so maybe I could help motivate him to start doing his work and being diligent with his assignments. I told her I figured that he might get on the ball since he "hates" me so much according to her if he were threatened with having to come stay with me for a little while.All kidding aside, I really am just sad that I have no real relationship with them. Bday and Christmas gifts go ignored, except this last one 2 months ago (after our agreement of peace), I got a thank you email. Not sure who wrote it, but will make myself feel better that it really was from him. I've been told they want me to back off of them and give them space and time (I had over the last few years been emailing at least once a week, then sending actual letters after I blocked emails and calling). I told my ex I would back off, but its about killed me. I can only do what I can do and that is to continue to pay CS until our last son graduates from high school, cover them with medical/dental/vision insurance (which I have chosen to cover all of them until they are 26, because I don't want them to be without this coverage no matter how much they might hate me), and pray that one day I can have a chance at repairing all of the damage done.
So...in a nutshell after this very long update, I am as happy as I can be with my 2 1/2 year old daughter and wife in Arizona. I have excellent tuition benefits to extend to my children and have offered college up to all of them multiple times. Who knows...maybe one day even if it is just to use me they will take me up on the offer. I thank ALL of you during the years I was writing on here asking for help, advice, and support. I hope never to have to ask for advice on here again.
Sincerely,
DD
LdiJ
Senior Member
Dad, I am truly sorry to hear that your relationship with your sons has not improved. I hope that as they grow up they realize what they are missing.
However dad, MAJOR KUDOS to you for your decision to provide them medical insurance for as long as you are able. That show serious "grace" and caring for the best interest of your children.
I won't pretend that my hurt and angry feelings before finally coming to peace with this whole thing a few months ago didn't have me thinking "well, if you hate me so much, than you don't need my insurance benefits" or "why should I even extend my education tuition benefits until you are 30?" (which btw are phenomenal at the University I work at)
Those thoughts would come and go, but truthfully I would never do that to them. I love them with all of my heart and have always wanted what was in their best interest. I'm sad that they just have not been able to receive the love. One day, is my prayer. Thanks again.Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!
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