petition to modify

[teach85]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
I want to apoligize in advance for how long this is. I was just trying to cover all the bases and anticipate all the info you might need. Thanks in advance!

I just received petition to motify papers in the mail today. My ex, whom I was never married to, it asking for a modification of our current order based on his claims of, 1. She does not agree on holidays and birthdays, 2. She does not agree on girlfriend watching kids while I'm in work & 3. I have never received any invites to school events.

In response to # 1, we agreed to split all major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter). I get them the first half he gets them the second half (unless it occurs during his weekend then it is the other way around). The only holiday he hasn't seen them is Easter this year. I currently have an OP on him and he wasnt allowed to see the children for about 6 weeks. Easter fell during those 6 weeks. Birthdays have just been handled who ever has them, has them. We always to birthday parties on the Weekends when we have them. This has never been an issue.

#2, It specifically states in our arrangement that ....While having visitation with the minor children "father" will limit his intake of alcohol and not to have any girlfriends present. If "father" requires a babysitter, he agrees to consult with "mother" to determine whether she is able to watch the minor children for him. If "mother" is not available, the parties will identify mutual family members or friends upon which they agree to act as a sitter for the minor childre.
This modification is all being brought from me, refusing to drop off our children with his girlfriend this Sunday night for his 6p.m. -3 p.m. Monday visit. He didn't let me know he was going to be working all night. I showed up at 6 to drop off the kids and his truck was not there. I called him to see if he was home before getting the kids out and unpacked and he informed me he was at work. I asked him when he would be getting off, he said not till 10 p.m. I told him that he could just get the kids in the morning then(which he didn't do). He went off on me. He wouldn't even get to see them that night bc they should be in bed sleeping when got off. I refuse to leave the children alone with his girlfriend. She has been really nasty with my kids on several occassions and they do not like her. She has made it clear to others that she doesn't like my kids. So why would I want to leave them with her! And besides it says he will contact me to keep them first, so how am I wrong in keeping the kids and going by what the court papers say?

#3, He has been listed at the school as a parent who receives all mail. They don't send out any mail. Our son goes to a small pre-k -2 school and the only school event they have each year is the Christmas program (which is during the day while he is at work). What more am I suppose to do? They only thing they ever send home that he may want/need to see is report card, but he has NEVER in the two years our son has been in school even asked about his grades or how he does in school.

It also states in our order that...If conflicts arise between the parties as to any provisions of this agreement with regards to joint custody or implementation thereof, the complaining parent shall first notify the other parent of the nature of the complaint, and both parents shall make reasonable attempts to negotiate a settlement of the confilct. Ifnthe parties are unable to agree within a reasonable period of time, the parties shall submit any such despited issue fro resolution to an impartial mediator mutally agreed upon. Submission to the mediator shall occur before applying to the Circuit Court of _____ County for adjudication of the dispute. The Circuit Court of ______shall retain continuing jurisdiction to adjudicate any dispute in the even that mediation is unsuccessful. In such event, either party may include the cost of the mediator in his/her petition for fees and costs in connection with the enforcement or modification proceedings.....

So my question is does he really even have any ground to be filling to petition? I haven't done anything that goes against our order. Doesn't there need to be an change in circumstance for a modifiaction? And will he be in trouble for taking it straight to the court room when it says to mediate first? Also, from my readings of the above, shouldn't I be entitled to him having to pay for my lawyer (if I get one)? I'm just getting really tired of being in court with him and want to be perpared for what will be happening at our court date next month. Thanks!

 

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
I want to apoligize in advance for how long this is. I was just trying to cover all the bases and anticipate all the info you might need. Thanks in advance!

I just received petition to motify papers in the mail today. My ex, whom I was never married to, it asking for a modification of our current order based on his claims of, 1. She does not agree on holidays and birthdays, 2. She does not agree on girlfriend watching kids while I'm in work & 3. I have never received any invites to school events.

In response to # 1, we agreed to split all major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter). I get them the first half he gets them the second half (unless it occurs during his weekend then it is the other way around). The only holiday he hasn't seen them is Easter this year. I currently have an OP on him and he wasnt allowed to see the children for about 6 weeks. Easter fell during those 6 weeks. Birthdays have just been handled who ever has them, has them. We always to birthday parties on the Weekends when we have them. This has never been an issue.

#2, It specifically states in our arrangement that ....While having visitation with the minor children "father" will limit his intake of alcohol and not to have any girlfriends present. If "father" requires a babysitter, he agrees to consult with "mother" to determine whether she is able to watch the minor children for him. If "mother" is not available, the parties will identify mutual family members or friends upon which they agree to act as a sitter for the minor childre.
This modification is all being brought from me, refusing to drop off our children with his girlfriend this Sunday night for his 6p.m. -3 p.m. Monday visit. He didn't let me know he was going to be working all night. I showed up at 6 to drop off the kids and his truck was not there. I called him to see if he was home before getting the kids out and unpacked and he informed me he was at work. I asked him when he would be getting off, he said not till 10 p.m. I told him that he could just get the kids in the morning then(which he didn't do). He went off on me. He wouldn't even get to see them that night bc they should be in bed sleeping when got off. I refuse to leave the children alone with his girlfriend. She has been really nasty with my kids on several occassions and they do not like her. She has made it clear to others that she doesn't like my kids. So why would I want to leave them with her! And besides it says he will contact me to keep them first, so how am I wrong in keeping the kids and going by what the court papers say?

#3, He has been listed at the school as a parent who receives all mail. They don't send out any mail. Our son goes to a small pre-k -2 school and the only school event they have each year is the Christmas program (which is during the day while he is at work). What more am I suppose to do? They only thing they ever send home that he may want/need to see is report card, but he has NEVER in the two years our son has been in school even asked about his grades or how he does in school.

It also states in our order that...If conflicts arise between the parties as to any provisions of this agreement with regards to joint custody or implementation thereof, the complaining parent shall first notify the other parent of the nature of the complaint, and both parents shall make reasonable attempts to negotiate a settlement of the confilct. Ifnthe parties are unable to agree within a reasonable period of time, the parties shall submit any such despited issue fro resolution to an impartial mediator mutally agreed upon. Submission to the mediator shall occur before applying to the Circuit Court of _____ County for adjudication of the dispute. The Circuit Court of ______shall retain continuing jurisdiction to adjudicate any dispute in the even that mediation is unsuccessful. In such event, either party may include the cost of the mediator in his/her petition for fees and costs in connection with the enforcement or modification proceedings.....

So my question is does he really even have any ground to be filling to petition? I haven't done anything that goes against our order. Doesn't there need to be an change in circumstance for a modifiaction? And will he be in trouble for taking it straight to the court room when it says to mediate first? Also, from my readings of the above, shouldn't I be entitled to him having to pay for my lawyer (if I get one)? I'm just getting really tired of being in court with him and want to be perpared for what will be happening at our court date next month. Thanks!

Dad is not filing for contempt. He is filing for modification. So, you aren't doing anything wrong RIGHT NOW, but dad wants things to change for the future. Thus - the reason for modification.

In my opinion, it is unreasonable that dad cannot have a babysitter for 4 hours while he is at work from 6:30 - 10:00 pm. He could have awakened to the children there the next day. Most right of first refusal clauses are a minimum of 4 hours, sometimes up to 8, 12 or more.

As far as not having ANY girlfriends around the children, I assume that is something you two agreed to on your own? I don't see that remaining in the agreement, without a very, very good reason. Even "morality clauses" only limit overnight romantic interests usually between 11 pm and 6 am. Not contact all together. Dad is allowed to date during visitation...unless the girlfriend is a proven danger to the children. I am guessing that will be removed in a modification.

Normally, holidays and birthdays are spelled out in GREAT DETAIL in the custody arrangement. Dad can and likely will get that modified to include everything from labor day to mothers day to the kids (and parents) birthdays.

Dad doesn't need a change in circumstance to get a modification of the things he is requesting. He is not asking for a change in custody, nor a change in parenting time. He is only asking that the order be clarified.

 

[mistoffolees]

From your wording, it sounds like the original agreement was signed by the court. If that is correct, the following would be my advice:

1. You have an agreement on holidays. "I don't like the agreement and want to change it" is insufficient reason to ask for a new schedule. Ask for dismissal on the grounds of no change of circumstances.

2. Your agreement has right of first refusal. Some judges are more willing to permit it than others. Basically, it's often a stupid requirement - and is more often than not used as a weapon against the other person. You can ask for him to be held in contempt for not following the order, but I'd be surprised if he even got a slap on the wrist. However, if you really want to push it, go ahead and file for contempt, but ask for clarification. For example, ROFR shouldn't apply to all absences, it should only apply to significant ones (say 6 hours or so).

You're on thin ice. Refusing his visitation could be a problem - even if you think he should be offering it back to you. Basically, the 'two wrongs don't make a right' theory.

As for the 'limit his drinking', that's a useless clause and should be eliminated. Aside from the fact that it's unenforceable (how would she know if you didn't limit your drinking), there's the issue of 'what does it mean?' If you limit your drinking to 2 cases of beer a night is that sufficient?

The girlfriend issue also depends on the judge. In general, though, if you can't agree on a no paramour clause, the court is unlikely to force one.

3. You simply explain that to the judge and bring in a copy of the school registration forms that show Dad's name on the form.

If he hasn't followed the procedure wrt mediation, you can request dismissal on that basis.


I would strongly encourage both of you to grow up, though. You're fighting over stupid things and this type of territory war doesn't benefit anyone.

 

[teach85]

Yes, this is a court order, signed by the same judge we are seeing next month. He agreed to all of this last summer! There is a reason for the no girlfriends, drinking and why he has to have my approval for who watches the children. Before we went to court, he had about 8 different girlfriends/friends with benifits he was rotating in and out of the kids lives when they were there. He is very violent when he drinks. He has a long list of arrests and batteries, most of which he was drunk during. I personally would like the drinking specified to X amount of drink because I know he is still drinking while they are there, even though it hard to enforce (him and his girlfriend got into a screaming match two weekends ago. My 7 year old came home talking about it. I asked a few question to make sure it wasn't anything violent, bc he has a history of getting violent and my 7 year old say no, he was just drunk). He has left the children with people who were irresponsible on many occassions and would leave them with his girlfriend of the week to take care of while he went out. It specifically says he will see if I am available first, before finding someone else to watch them. He has family members and friends that I have agreed upon. His girlfriend(s) is not one of them. She is horrible to my kids. His mom and sister (whom are not fond of me because of the restraining order on him) called me after being their and being shocked at how she treated them That took alot for them to call me, so I know its bad. The kids are always complaining about the same kinds of things that his family brought to my attention. So I am just looking out for my kids. During his last weekend visitation he had a wedding to go to. He let me know that his parents where keeping the kids, that was no issue. I'm not trying to be petty about it but I am looking out for them! And if he really wanted to see them that bad would he have gotten them the next morning? I told him he could come get them when they got up in the morning and he didn't. He is just looking for a reason to fight. And if he had issues with holidays he should bring them up with me first!

 

[teach85]

Also, as of right now, the OP states my sons school as a place where he can't be. So how does he expect to be able to go to the school for school functions anyways? Till the OP expires it over rides what the family case says correct?

 

[teach85]

And I have attempted to let thing go when it comes to girlfriends. I'm not going to the court to have him held in contempt for having her around them. I have let the fact that she is there when they are go, but have made it clear to the kids father that she isn't to be let alone with the kids! I really don't want to come off as petty, but his current main girlfriend watch the kids in not something I will budge on. Since this order has been in place he did for a few months have a girlfriend, who I had no problem with him bringing the kids around. She would even met me for exchanges at times. She was wonderful to the kids. She respected me and more importantly the kids. So it not that I am trying to prevent him from moving on with his life, I just don't want multiple women in and out while they are there and the kids being left with irrresponsible people who treat them like crap! When the kids knew there dad wasn't home and that only his girlfriend was they DID NOT want to be left there!

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

OP, What led to his falling down? Obviously he was a hard working, upstanding citizen, who made good choices, when you chose to have children with him.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry - am I missing something?

What exactly is wrong with the girlfriend?

Is she dangerous?

 

[teach85]

I am unfortunately one of those who was young and dumb and thought I could change him! I now know better! He gets ugly when he drink and his drinking is something that has gotten worse over the years! We have been split for about 2 and a half years now. This OP resulted from his threating me (he has put his hands on me in the past), assulting a police officer and resisting arrest. There is alot more to it than that, but the OP isn't the issue so I'm not going to get into it all.

 

[teach85]

I'm sorry - am I missing something?

What exactly is wrong with the girlfriend?

Is she dangerous?

She is horrible to the kids! She's made it quite clear that they aren't her kids and she doesn't like them. The kids get sh*t on by her every time they are there. So why would I leave my kids with her when according to the court order, I have the right to not agree to her watching them.

 

[Proserpina]

She is horrible to the kids! She's made it quite clear that they aren't her kids and she doesn't like them. The kids get sh*t on by her every time they are there. So why would I leave my kids with her when according to the court order, I have the right to not agree to her watching them.

She doesn't have to be nice.

She doesn't have to love them like her own.

But unless you can actually articulate that she's a threat or she's actually damaging their welfare..I think you're going to be in for a nasty shock in court.

 

[teach85]

She doesn't have to be nice.

She doesn't have to love them like her own.

But unless you can actually articulate that she's a threat or she's actually damaging their welfare..I think you're going to be in for a nasty shock in court.

Well, I guess what happens in court, happens in court. But for now, I am going by what the arrangement says. And it says, they come to me first and if they can't come to me it has to be someone agreed upon between the two of us. The judge made it clear to my ex when we were in court for the OP, that the arrangement that was already in place was to be followed. I'm following it! If he didn't like it he shouldn't have agreed to it last summer!

 

[Proserpina]

Well, I guess what happens in court, happens in court. But for now, I am going by what the arrangement says. And it says, they come to me first and if they can't come to me it has to be someone agreed upon between the two of us. The judge made it clear to my ex when we were in court for the OP, that the arrangement that was already in place was to be followed. I'm following it! If he didn't like it he shouldn't have agreed to it last summer!

..sigh.

Mom, you seem to be so focused on getting your own way (as opposed what's ok for the kids) that if you don't have a reality check, PDQ, you're going to have a really miserable future.

Co-parenting classes might help you a lot.

 

[teach85]

..sigh.

Mom, you seem to be so focused on getting your own way (as opposed what's ok for the kids) that if you don't have a reality check, PDQ, you're going to have a really miserable future.

Co-parenting classes might help you a lot.

When it it come to my kids being treated like crap, no I'm not going to bend. Why would I send my kids to go spend the evening with someone who doesn't like them and they don't like when I don't have to. When it comes to their father there is no co-parenting. He doesn't give a crap about the upbringing, education, medical issues with the kids until he is mad about something and then uses whatever excuse he can to start an issue. I've been to the class. They didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. There is so much more to this than I have time to write.

But when it comes down to it, I am going by the court arrangement that HE agreed to. Judge made it clear to stick to it and I am. There has been no change in circumstance, therefore no reason for a change other than he is pissy and want to start something. And since he legally can't have an arguement and fight with me, he is going to do it in the courts now. He is the kind of person who is always wanting to be fighting about something. So no disrespect, but you don't know the half of all the underlying issues going on with their father. I've tried and there is no getting along. The nicer I am and the more I try to get along the bigger of an a** he becomes!

 

[Proserpina]

When it it come to my kids being treated like crap, no I'm not going to bend. Why would I send my kids to go spend the evening with someone who doesn't like them and they don't like when I don't have to. When it comes to their father there is no co-parenting. He doesn't give a crap about the upbringing, education, medical issues with the kids until he is mad about something and then uses whatever excuse he can to start an issue. I've been to the class. They didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. There is so much more to this than I have time to write.

But when it comes down to it, I am going by the court arrangement that HE agreed to. Judge made it clear to stick to it and I am. There has been no change in circumstance, therefore no reason for a change other than he is pissy and want to start something. And since he legally can't have an arguement and fight with me, he is going to do it in the courts now. He is the kind of person who is always wanting to be fighting about something. So no disrespect, but you don't know the half of all the underlying issues going on with their father. I've tried and there is no getting along. The nicer I am and the more I try to get along the bigger of an a** he becomes!

Alrighty then.