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Is this theft?

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CappyDick

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I'll try to keep this short. My 15-year old daughter has been seeing an 18-year old boy. I don't approve. She's with her mother every other week (we're divorced) and her mother allows it - maybe even encourages it.

At first, I thought I'd give her a little freedom, had the boy over, etc. But, he was rude and disrespectful and my daughter followed his lead - so I quit allowing her to hang out with him. And, I also think 15 is too young to date - she's rather immature any way.

Because of her grades and some poor judgment on my daughter's part,I took away her cell phone. She was always allowed to use the landline. Last week I discovered a cell phone in her room - provided by her 18-year old boyfriend. I also discovered explicit texts from her to him. Suggestive texts from him about "playing" and "putting his hands on her" and what parts he missed. There were also texts from him telling her about masturbating. And, suggesting to her that if she wanted to "remain innocent" she'd better stay away.

At any rate - I was very angry with my daughter for the sneaky behaviour and I was angry with the 18-year old for providing her with a phone. The age of consent in Indiana is 16.

I contacted the boy and told him I would like to talk to him - even perhaps give him an opportunity for a clean slate - and he could pick up his phone. He refused.

Shortly thereafter, his mother showed up demanding his phone or she would call the police and report me for theft. The police apparently advised her against coming to my house, but she did it anyway. I refused to give her the phone because I wanted to make sure I had a copy of everything that was in there. So, she called the police.

When the police arrived, the policewoman advised me to hold on to the phone and to take it to another officer (after the weekend) so he could look at what the phone contained. I followed her instruction. The officer told me the texts, etc. were not graphic enough (i.e. photos, etc.) to do anything more and that I had to return the phone.

The police would not allow me to leave the phone with them in order for the boy to pick it up from then.

I told the boy he could come pick up his phone - gave him some hours when I wasn't working. He refused to come to my house - said he'd been advised not to by his family.... So I offered to meet him in the parking lot of the police department at a specific time. He couldn't do that either. I showed up, but he never came and when I returned home - I had an email saying he couldn't be there. Since that time, I've been working.

I asked the boy to send me his mailing address so I could mail it to him registered mail. He refused to give me his address - saying the phone could be lost. He sent me long ranting emails about how stupid I am and told me I have to give the phone to my daughter to take to her mothers because he's going to see her then anyway. He's taunting. He also said if I didn't say I would do that he would call the police and "prosecute me for theft".

I'm not sure what to do here....I didn't take his phone to begin with - I found it in my house, in my 15-year old daughter's room. I have offered to meet him to give it to him and he refuses. I have offered to mail it. He refuses. He wants to just "show me" - the father of his 15-year old girlfriend - that he can do whatever he wants.

Can this really be considered theft? I'm tempted to just leave it on a park bench somewhere and tell him where it is. I am not willing to give it back to my daughter. In the meantime, his emails continue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 


CappyDick

Junior Member
You need to have a serious talk with mom about this issue.
Thank you. I have tried. She won't listen and won't respond in any productive/meaningful way. Our joint custody has never been easy and I don't expect that to change.

I sent her copies of the texts. No response. She has, however, talked to the young man about what a bad guy I am. In his various rants he talks about what she says.

I had to go back to court within the past year to have her husband's pornographic art removed from her house.

She is not open to anything I have to say. I am at a loss.
 

OHRoadwarrior

Senior Member
Sounds like you have done all you can realistically. Don't dispose of the phone. Wait for him to redeem it from you, IMO. I would explain to your daughter that she is traveling down a road where she is going to end up crashing. I would give her an ultimatum about you ceasing all assistance at the point she ends up pregnant or with legal trouble. Advise her she needs to be prepared to support herself when she reaches 18, since you won't spend your time and money supporting her mistakes. You can only do so much for a person you love before you must cut them loose to make their own errors. Destroying yourself is not logical. It is called tough love.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Ah..hello?

Why not get a restraining order against this young man?

Your daughter is a MINOR.

While she is in your care you have EVERY right to control who she sees and with whom she is in contact.

The content and context of those text messages? I'd be in the courtroom first thing tomorrow.
 

CappyDick

Junior Member
Thank you. That's the conversation I've begun to have with her. I know she gets conflicting messages from the other household so it's hard not to be symapthetic that she might be confused, but I'm coming around to the tough love side. Thank you for your input.
 

CappyDick

Junior Member
Proserpina -

The detective told me because there weren't explicit photos, he couldn't proceed with investigating. I told him there weren't photos. The texts I saw were all about playing, etc. And, my daughter's explicit texting talking about how certain parts of her missed him.

I know he's pressuring her for sex. But, I don't think they've actually had sex.

How can I ask for a restraining order when I only have her half the time?

She's not allowed to see this young man when she's here - but he will hang around a few blocks away and when she walks the dogs she was texting him to let her know where she'd be. That's why she lost her phone to begin with - that and slipping grades. She is allowed to see him all the time - even for hours unsupervised when she is at her mother's house. He has permission from her parent during that week.

How would a restraining order work in that case? If the other parent approves...I can't really dictate her parenting decisions (although I've made it very clear over and over again what my preference is).
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Thank you. That's the conversation I've begun to have with her. I know she gets conflicting messages from the other household so it's hard not to be symapthetic that she might be confused, but I'm coming around to the tough love side. Thank you for your input.


Dad, seriously - your 15 year old cannot be ruling the household here and frankly if some 19 year old was catting around and sending texts with sexual content to my teen? I'd have an RO in place before his/her head could register the postmark.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Proserpina -

The detective told me because there weren't explicit photos, he couldn't proceed with investigating. I told him there weren't photos. The texts I saw were all about playing, etc. And, my daughter's explicit texting talking about how certain parts of her missed him.

I know he's pressuring her for sex. But, I don't think they've actually had sex.

How can I ask for a restraining order when I only have her half the time?

She's not allowed to see this young man when she's here - but he will hang around a few blocks away and when she walks the dogs she was texting him to let her know where she'd be. That's why she lost her phone to begin with - that and slipping grades. She is allowed to see him all the time - even for hours unsupervised when she is at her mother's house. He has permission from her parent during that week.

How would a restraining order work in that case? If the other parent approves...I can't really dictate her parenting decisions (although I've made it very clear over and over again what my preference is).

With all due respect to the police - they are NOT attorneys.

The COURT will decide whether or not the RO would be appropriate...but really, given that your child is minor, you don't need to articulate a particular threat or anything - the simple fact that you forbid contact and he's going against that, should generally be enough.

You need to file in court - not with the police station. This is a civil action, not a criminal prosecution.

So far.
 

CappyDick

Junior Member
Prosperpina - This gives me hope. I just want to make sure I'm doing all I can while I still have some influence. I will check into filing a restraining order tomorrow. The difference between civil and criminal is what I was missing, I believe. At least I'll know I tried. Thank you.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Prosperpina - This gives me hope. I just want to make sure I'm doing all I can while I still have some influence. I will check into filing a restraining order tomorrow. The difference between civil and criminal is what I was missing, I believe. At least I'll know I tried. Thank you.


I'd do the exact same thing, if it's any consolation.

I'd do whatever was in my power to protect my child even if she hated me at the time for it. Heck, if she didn't hate me for it I might think there was something wrong.

Good luck, Dad. Good for you for giving a damn!
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Let us know the result. It will be interesting to see if the court will support it, based on one parents desire for it.


I've heard of it happening in IN (which is OP's state) as well as PA, NJ, ND, MN, WA & OR. Keep reading past threads, OHRoadwarrior.

The courts will err on the side of caution when there's a minor child involved.
 

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