petition to modify

[teach85]

And as far as me being miserable....I'll take being miserable as long as my kids aren't. Because at the end of the day they are all that matter!

 

[Proserpina]

And as far as me being miserable....I'll take being miserable as long as my kids aren't. Because at the end of the day they are all that matter!

Do you understand that if Dad marries this current one, that the kids ARE going to be spending time - even days, nights, weekends - with this person?

And you won't be able to do a darned thing about it?

You REALLY need to adjust your mindset.

 

[mistoffolees]

When it it come to my kids being treated like crap, no I'm not going to bend. Why would I send my kids to go spend the evening with someone who doesn't like them and they don't like when I don't have to. When it comes to their father there is no co-parenting. He doesn't give a crap about the upbringing, education, medical issues with the kids until he is mad about something and then uses whatever excuse he can to start an issue. I've been to the class. They didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. There is so much more to this than I have time to write.

But when it comes down to it, I am going by the court arrangement that HE agreed to. Judge made it clear to stick to it and I am. There has been no change in circumstance, therefore no reason for a change other than he is pissy and want to start something. And since he legally can't have an arguement and fight with me, he is going to do it in the courts now. He is the kind of person who is always wanting to be fighting about something. So no disrespect, but you don't know the half of all the underlying issues going on with their father. I've tried and there is no getting along. The nicer I am and the more I try to get along the bigger of an a** he becomes!

OK, so you're NOT here for advice.

iamalwaysrightanddontcarewhatanyonesays.com is down the corridor to the left.

BTW, we obviously don't know him, but given your attitude here, your accusations in the above paragraph ring pretty hollow.

 

[stealth2]

You REALLY need to adjust your mindset.

I"s ask OP to also adjust her language.

 

[teach85]

I have already excepted the fact that she will be spending time with the kids. She already is and I've let it go. But what I will not do is leave them with someone who treats them they way she does when I don't have to. If when we go to court the judge decides to change it then I will have to go by what the new order says. But for now I am doing nothing wrong by going by what our court ordered arrangement states! I was here for legal advise and I got it. I was asking if he even had grounds to petition to modify when there has been no changes in circumstance and he didn't follow the procedure set up in our agreement for handling it. He just jumped straight to court when it specifically say he have to media before even filling in court. And yes it is true you don't know their father or his girlfriend. The only things you know is what info you are given. But I can assure you the accusations are far from hollow. But everone is entitled to their opinion. And sorry if it sounded like I was getting pissy with anyone here! Didn't mean to offend anyone. It's been a long week with other things and this letter yesterday just topped it off and when it comes to my kids momma bears comes out! I really do appreciate everyone's advice and taking time to comment.

 

[stealth2]

Just curious, based on your user name... are you a teacher?

 

[mistoffolees]

Just curious, based on your user name... are you a teacher?

I hope not. If she is, I sure hope she's not teaching her grammar to our kids.

 

[MichaCA]

What exactly does your court order say about ROFR - word for word (no names)?

Outside of you following the court order regarding ROFR, there is nothing you can do about the children being alone with gf. Surely there are other times dad leaves children with her for a while to go do something. Unless, as suggested, you can get a no paramour order in your court order...its mute...and I don't even know what restrictions that would have...no overnight guests probably.

It sounds like you DO want to fight the issue with the gf...get clear on that because that would be a reason to file for contempt (not advising it, I'd be out consulting with an attorney about that). You have to get clear what to propose for your court order that may help dad be more responsive to calling YOU first for his overnight work shifts. The way your order is written, that could be handled with a good mediator.

I would file a responsive motion - not necessary but my preference so judge has info in front of him before you show up - and point out dad is making no attempt to mediate this before court, and that you were willing to.

Call around, get some mediators names, availability, send that certified mail to dad and quote the part of your court order about going to mediation first. Attach it to your responsive declaration.

But first get clear if you do or don't want to file for contempt...if you don't, suck up the gf and focus on clarifying ROFR and keep pointing out attempts to mediate this vs going to court.

 

[teach85]

We used a mediator to draft the current order. When we mediated I suggested have something saying he would not have any girlfriends around the children until they had been exclusively dating for 3 month. Just to eliminate all the different women. I am not trying to prevent him from moving on. After hearing my concerns with all the women and the people he was choosing to leave the kids with, the judge made the order the way it currently is. No girlfriends and the kids come to me first. I really don't want to file contempt for her just being around the kids. I'm not that petty. The other things he is complaining about are not worth arguing over. We are already splitting the holidays in half so not really sure what he wants there because he hasn't mentioned it till now. As for school issues, he is listed as a parent who receives mail and the OP prevents him from being at the school. So I'm not sure what he expecting there either. But me getting ROFR is not something I am willing to budge on. Now had he called me ahead of time and said I have to work so my sister is keeping them, I am fine with that. She is someone we both agree on watching the children. Maybe it can be worded to state something along the lines of....If he requires a sitter and a mutually agreed upon sitter cannot be found then the kids come to me. Sounds reasonable to me. That way, I still not having to leave the kids with her and he can have the option of keeping them by having an approved sitter come.

 

[Proserpina]

We used a mediator to draft the current order. When we mediated I suggested have something saying he would not have any girlfriends around the children until they had been exclusively dating for 3 month. Just to eliminate all the different women. I am not trying to prevent him from moving on. After hearing my concerns with all the women and the people he was choosing to leave the kids with, the judge made the order the way it currently is. No girlfriends and the kids come to me first. I really don't want to file contempt for her just being around the kids. I'm not that petty. The other things he is complaining about are not worth arguing over. We are already splitting the holidays in half so not really sure what he wants there because he hasn't mentioned it till now. As for school issues, he is listed as a parent who receives mail and the OP prevents him from being at the school. So I'm not sure what he expecting there either. But me getting ROFR is not something I am willing to budge on. Now had he called me ahead of time and said I have to work so my sister is keeping them, I am fine with that. She is someone we both agree on watching the children. Maybe it can be worded to state something along the lines of....If he requires a sitter and a mutually agreed upon sitter cannot be found then the kids come to me. Sounds reasonable to me. That way, I still not having to leave the kids with her and he can have the option of keeping them by having an approved sitter come.

I'm just shaking my head here.

Shaking my head.

 

[InfantCustody]

We used a mediator to draft the current order. When we mediated I suggested have something saying he would not have any girlfriends around the children until they had been exclusively dating for 3 month. Just to eliminate all the different women. I am not trying to prevent him from moving on. After hearing my concerns with all the women and the people he was choosing to leave the kids with, the judge made the order the way it currently is. No girlfriends and the kids come to me first. I really don't want to file contempt for her just being around the kids. I'm not that petty. The other things he is complaining about are not worth arguing over. We are already splitting the holidays in half so not really sure what he wants there because he hasn't mentioned it till now. As for school issues, he is listed as a parent who receives mail and the OP prevents him from being at the school. So I'm not sure what he expecting there either. But me getting ROFR is not something I am willing to budge on. Now had he called me ahead of time and said I have to work so my sister is keeping them, I am fine with that. She is someone we both agree on watching the children. Maybe it can be worded to state something along the lines of....If he requires a sitter and a mutually agreed upon sitter cannot be found then the kids come to me. Sounds reasonable to me. That way, I still not having to leave the kids with her and he can have the option of keeping them by having an approved sitter come.

I would imagine dad is going to ask for a complete holiday schedule, not just the three you all listed. Birthdays, etc really should have been included.

If you mediated your agreement with dad, I am guessing the judge just signed the agreement, correct? I am still saying the girlfriend provision is either going to be removed or limited to overnight hours. That is overly controlling, all around.

As I was told by my attorney, if the ROFR becomes a battleground for fights between parents, or something they use to litigate over, it is usually just REMOVED. Especially if we are not talking about serious violations (such as the parent being gone overnight or the entire visitation period) but rather petty picking such as a few hours. You say you won't budge...well....when the judge budges you it won't be your choice.

Mom: Do you EVER leave your children, for any reason, during your parenting time or are they actually glued to you 24/7? Do you offer dad the time prior to leaving them for any amount of time?

You are going to have SERIOUS issues down the road if you don't give up the control issues re: dad's time. Get over it. Have a glass of wine. Relax. Take a bubble bath. If you don't adjust your thinking, I believe court may be a big shock for you.

 

[MichaCA]

In addition to the above advice, this is what I'd do;

Spend one hour in a consult with a local family law attorney, ask him about all this.

Write a responsive declaration stating your stance on dads requests.

When it comes to the ROFR, make a point you think its important due to dads work schedule. Explain, very objectively, your understanding that dad, at least once, did not contact you for his work hours - spell them out. Request clarification, or re-wording that makes it clear the ROFR is meant for him to call you each time there is a overnight work schedule. (maybe the judge will say a few words to him). It may be best to keep mention of gf out of this one, since you say you have accepted it.

I understand your feelings...children don't like gf...and the kids should be with you for those extra times. However, one person pointed out...what if he marries this person? So it is true at some point you need to accept that she's there, you don't like her, the kids don't like her...and worst case scenerio he either marries her or continues a revolving door with women. This is their kids dad. They are not being abused. Help them learn how to deal with difficult situations.

The thing is,unless she is living there, or other women, it would be very hard to prove to the court that he is seeing a woman he has dated less than three months. It will keep your attention preoccupied on his life - which you don't want - vs. moving on. Let him make his blunders...just keep being a good parent.

 

[teach85]

I do understand that if the judge removes it the children and I will just have to deal. But I honestly don't see it happening. This judge is the one that changed that whole section of the order to make it more restricting for dad. During the OP hearing the judge almost issued supervised visits for dad. I'm not just neing parinoid over nothing! So I guess we will see what happens. I am fine with having things more clearly spelled out in the order. But at the time the order was signed he was only concerned about those particulair ones (and only because his family wants to see them).

 

[teach85]

In addition to the above advice, this is what I'd do;

Spend one hour in a consult with a local family law attorney, ask him about all this.

Write a responsive declaration stating your stance on dads requests.

When it comes to the ROFR, make a point you think its important due to dads work schedule. Explain, very objectively, your understanding that dad, at least once, did not contact you for his work hours - spell them out. Request clarification, or re-wording that makes it clear the ROFR is meant for him to call you each time there is a overnight work schedule. (maybe the judge will say a few words to him). It may be best to keep mention of gf out of this one, since you say you have accepted it.

I understand your feelings...children don't like gf...and the kids should be with you for those extra times. However, one person pointed out...what if he marries this person? So it is true at some point you need to accept that she's there, you don't like her, the kids don't like her...and worst case scenerio he either marries her or continues a revolving door with women. This is their kids dad. They are not being abused. Help them learn how to deal with difficult situations.

The thing is,unless she is living there, or other women, it would be very hard to prove to the court that he is seeing a woman he has dated less than three months. It will keep your attention preoccupied on his life - which you don't want - vs. moving on.

Let him make his blunders...just keep being a good parent

.

I do understand what you are saying but that is easier said than done when his blunders are having an emotional impact on my kids! It's hard to sit back and see your kids very upset because of their father and there not being much you can do about it other than pray that one day he will wake up, grow up and be a good dad to them.

 

[teach85]

I would imagine dad is going to ask for a complete holiday schedule, not just the three you all listed. Birthdays, etc really should have been included.

If you mediated your agreement with dad, I am guessing the judge just signed the agreement, correct? I am still saying the girlfriend provision is either going to be removed or limited to overnight hours. That is overly controlling, all around.

As I was told by my attorney, if the ROFR becomes a battleground for fights between parents, or something they use to litigate over, it is usually just REMOVED. Especially if we are not talking about serious violations (such as the parent being gone overnight or the entire visitation period) but rather petty picking such as a few hours. You say you won't budge...well....when the judge budges you it won't be your choice.

Mom: Do you EVER leave your children, for any reason, during your parenting time or are they actually glued to you 24/7? Do you offer dad the time prior to leaving them for any amount of time?

You are going to have SERIOUS issues down the road if you don't give up the control issues re: dad's time. Get over it. Have a glass of wine. Relax. Take a bubble bath. If you don't adjust your thinking, I believe court may be a big shock for you.

I do leave my youngest with a babysitter during the day while we (both I and her dad) are working. My oldest goes with me to the summer camp I run. Other than them going to spend time with grandparents or other family members they are with me during my parenting time. I do not go out or make plans to go out and do things when they are with me unless it is something they can go to. I schedule and plan things for when it is their father's weekend.