Creative suggestions for enforcement of punctuality?

[Shears]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

In the past, there has been a consistent issue with my ex with regard to meeting times for 'exchange' of our son. On numerous occasions I have sat from 30 minutes to 2 hours waiting at the designated location. With no call or text from the ex, and no extenuating circumstance to have caused the issue. Just a general lack of respect for others. I can count on one hand how many times she's been punctual - no joke.

Due to current proceedings, there's a very likely chance *something* is about to change (either custody altogether, or at a minimum just the visitation agreement).

I'm trying to figure out what verbiage could be included in the final agreement to try to prevent this particular issue in the future. Is that even possible? Or is it just 'this is the meeting place and time; and if one party doesn't respect it over and over, the other party can file contempt if they want, but really how far does that get anyone in the end?'

Here's what I was thinking (*just* a thought - please chime in if it's unenforceable, silly, etc.). Again, if anyone has any other suggestions, please pass along!:
If one party is more than 30 minutes late without agreement of a new exchange time, then after 2 infractions per calendar year the agreed-upon halfway point for exchanges will be moot; for the remainder of the year, the late party will be responsible for pick-up and drop-off at other party's home or child's school during the schoolyear. (add some type of verbiage here for extenuating circumstances [car trouble, traffic, medical, etc.].)

 

[PQN]

Why don't you just have the receiving party pick up? That way if she is late picking the child up, you get extra time with him at your house. And when you pick him up, you won't have to wait for her anywhere, just go to her house.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

In the past, there has been a consistent issue with my ex with regard to meeting times for 'exchange' of our son. On numerous occasions I have sat from 30 minutes to 2 hours waiting at the designated location. With no call or text from the ex, and no extenuating circumstance to have caused the issue. Just a general lack of respect for others. I can count on one hand how many times she's been punctual - no joke.

Due to current proceedings, there's a very likely chance *something* is about to change (either custody altogether, or at a minimum just the visitation agreement).

I'm trying to figure out what verbiage could be included in the final agreement to try to prevent this particular issue in the future. Is that even possible? Or is it just 'this is the meeting place and time; and if one party doesn't respect it over and over, the other party can file contempt if they want, but really how far does that get anyone in the end?'

Here's what I was thinking (*just* a thought - please chime in if it's unenforceable, silly, etc.). Again, if anyone has any other suggestions, please pass along!:
If one party is more than 30 minutes late without agreement of a new exchange time, then after 2 infractions per calendar year the agreed-upon halfway point for exchanges will be moot; for the remainder of the year, the late party will be responsible for pick-up and drop-off at other party's home or child's school during the schoolyear. (add some type of verbiage here for extenuating circumstances [car trouble, traffic, medical, etc.].)

The basic theory isn't silly, in my opinion, its a creative solution, but I don't think it will fly with a judge because its too restrictive/harsh.

Tell me how far the distance is and what kind of traffic conditions normally apply and maybe I can suggest something a little different.

 

[Shears]

Why don't you just have the receiving party pick up? That way if she is late picking the child up, you get extra time with him at your house. And when you pick him up, you won't have to wait for her anywhere, just go to her house.

That's what I wanted to do long ago, but now she's moving (again). She moves a LOT. Further, further, and further each time. Her most recent move is a 4-hour round trip drive. I work, she doesn't. These moves, and my job, aren't really conducive to one parent doing the whole part of the trip one-way. Once or twice a month, maybe no big deal. But it would be more often than that, and often on a Friday (rush hour for this trip would add another hour to already 4-hour round-trip drive).

From everything I've read on here, it looks like her move makes her responsible for the transportation. (I think?). I don't move around, and have no intentions to in the future (barring any extenuating circumstances, e.g. job loss or something). I'm not trying to go that route with her, forcing her to do all the transporting - I *am* trying to do the 'meet her halfway' thing. I think it's best for all three of us (and I think she'd agree). Thing is, I'm willing to do that *if* she doesn't leave me sitting at a gas station for an hour.

 

[PQN]

How old is your son? Is there safe public transportation he can use (if he's a teen)?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

You are trying to solve the problem after the fact with that method. She will probably admit she has an issue with this.

I would move for her to transport or require her to give 2.5 hours notice, when leaving for relay point and 1 hour window for wait beyond 2.5 hours from notice. If she fails to call and show timely, she forfeits next visit.

 

[CJane]

What time is the exchange?

It would be the same amount of driving if she brought kiddo to you every time (the whole drive) and you took kiddo home to her at the end of your time.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

What time is the exchange?

It would be the same amount of driving if she brought kiddo to you every time (the whole drive) and you took kiddo home to her at the end of your time.

I like CJanes solution. You either do drop off or pickup.

 

[Shears]

The basic theory isn't silly, in my opinion, its a creative solution, but I don't think it will fly with a judge because its too restrictive/harsh.

Tell me how far the distance is and what kind of traffic conditions normally apply and maybe I can suggest something a little different.

It's about 4 hours round trip. Could take 3.5 (if all driving late at night), could take 5 (or more?) (if rush hour). Half of the trips would be during rush hour. I did the drive yesterday (a Sunday). Left my house at 1:19. Arrived there at 2:05. Spent the day there, returned home leaving there at 9:00, arrived home at 10:30. Again, this was a Sunday - no rush hour, and the least amount of night drivers one would expect to see during a typical week.

 

[Shears]

What time is the exchange?

It would be the same amount of driving if she brought kiddo to you every time (the whole drive) and you took kiddo home to her at the end of your time.

Agreed - but 4 hours of driving in one day is a less taxing than 2 hours one day, 2 hours another day. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. She is a person who usually doesn't like to do *any* of the driving *ever*! LOL

 

[Shears]

How old is your son? Is there safe public transportation he can use (if he's a teen)?

He's 8. There is no public transportation for this route. (I wouldn't feel comfortable with that for him at age 8 if there were, though.)

 

[CJane]

Agreed - but 4 hours of driving in one day is a less taxing than 2 hours one day, 2 hours another day. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. She is a person who usually doesn't like to do *any* of the driving *ever*! LOL

That's a personal choice, I guess. I would - personally - rather do the entire drive once on a weekend than try and arrange my schedule around half the trip twice in a weekend.

 

[Shears]

What time is the exchange?

Oh - I failed to answer that.

Right now there's 'no time' - her most recent move has completely disrupted the original visitation schedule (which did not state times for exchanges outside of the school year to begin with). So I'm winging it until court.

What I hope to establish is:
If I win custody, her visitation would begin on the specified weekends at school recess on Friday during the school year (or, if she gets a 'regular' job, then at x pm, to be agreed upon by both parties); ending at 7 pm Sunday night. Summer weeks are from Sunday 7 pm to Sunday 7 pm.
If I lose custody mod, and we only modify current visitation agreement, then my visitation would begin on the specified weekends at 6 pm on Friday, ending at 7 pm on Sunday night. Summer weeks same as above.

The above is all based on meeting halfway. If we are not meeting halfway, visitation needs to end at 6 pm, so Child is not getting home at 9 pm. However we do it, I feel like he needs to be "in a home" by 8 pm.

 

[CJane]

Oh - I failed to answer that.

Right now there's 'no time'

Then how do you determine that she's late?

 

[Shears]

Then how do you determine that she's late?

To date, on a pick-up/drop-off day outside of school, by the day before said exchange we email one another regarding a time/place. Example - last week she emailed me the day before saying she would be in x area and could meet me at 1 p/m there, 'would that work?'. I agreed. Showed up at agreed upon place and time, and sat for an hour. I call 'late' on that.

Also, I don't have any communication with her outside of email due to this and every other issue we have. There have been too many lies and disappointments, so I make sure everything is 'trackable' now. If something's not stated in the original custody agreement, then it's clarified in an email.


*In the past, we would sometimes have to use text to communicate when running late, having an issue, etc., but now we both have phones that are linked to email, so I stick to email, so it's trackable *and* now an immediate form of communication to the phone.