Can a parent influence the court to take more action?

[houseof5]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana
Next month my daughter (13) will have to go in front of the Juvenile judge for running away. She left in the middle of the night but we were able to find her by the next afternoon. We had her arrested but because it was her first offense she was arrested and immediately turned back over to us. Without getting into all of the details of the past year with this child (I will if I need to if it helps answer my question) let's just say I was less than happy that she was simply getting a slap on the wrist. She was so out of line with the arresting officer, he was even pretty ticked that he couldn't take her in. We've been told by the police that she will most likely just get a fine (1st offense and overcrowding at the juvenile facility). In other words, she will get a slap on the wrist and we (her parents) will be paying a fine/court costs. Don't get me wrong, I do not want my child to go to jail but after all that has happened in the past year I am terrified for her future and after everything that we've tried I feel like this is our last straw. Is it appropriate for us to contact the D.A. and discuss this with them? Or is there someone else in the court system we could contact? I feel like I am watching 'Girl Interrupted' right before my eyes and I am truly terrified for my child. Any opinions on the matter are appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Indiana Filer]

Take her to a local mental health facility and have her evaluated. They may recommend in-patient treatment, or out-patient treatment.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana
Next month my daughter (13) will have to go in front of the Juvenile judge for running away. She left in the middle of the night but we were able to find her by the next afternoon. We had her arrested but because it was her first offense she was arrested and immediately turned back over to us. Without getting into all of the details of the past year with this child (I will if I need to if it helps answer my question) let's just say I was less than happy that she was simply getting a slap on the wrist. She was so out of line with the arresting officer, he was even pretty ticked that he couldn't take her in. We've been told by the police that she will most likely just get a fine (1st offense and overcrowding at the juvenile facility). In other words, she will get a slap on the wrist and we (her parents) will be paying a fine/court costs. Don't get me wrong, I do not want my child to go to jail but after all that has happened in the past year I am terrified for her future and after everything that we've tried I feel like this is our last straw. Is it appropriate for us to contact the D.A. and discuss this with them? Or is there someone else in the court system we could contact? I feel like I am watching 'Girl Interrupted' right before my eyes and I am truly terrified for my child. Any opinions on the matter are appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Let me tell you a story. My ex had a daughter who was extremely rebellious (mostly because ex was a PIA to her, but that's a different story). This daughter mouthed off, ignored my ex (although she usually listened to me), refused to do anything ex asked her to do. Then she ran away from home one day. Fortunately, I was able to find her with the help of a good friend and bring her back home. We worked out the real problem (most of which was my ex's domineering approach to parenting) and dealt with it.

She got a free ride to college and ended up as a college honors student and just finished med school near the top of her class.

Don't assume that there's something wrong with a kid just because they ran away. Find out what the REAL problem is and then deal with that. Maybe it's your parenting style. Maybe it's something happening at school. Maybe it's a boyfriend problem. Whatever it is, you're better off if you deal with the REAL problem rather than acting like the symptom (running away) is the issue - and having her thrown in jail would not address the real problem.

Without knowing the real problem, it is, of course, impossible to suggest how you might fix it. Maybe family counseling. Maybe individual counseling. Maybe just sitting down with her and really listening. But fixing the PROBLEM is going to be far more effective than punishing the symptom.

 

[houseof5]

I'm new so I hope I'm doing this right and responding correctly.
I'll try to answer as best I can.

Within the last 6 months she has been admitted twice to two separate inpatient psych facilities. Both times she was dx with ODD and depression. She was actually 'commited', because of two separate incidents of cutting. She is an extremely bright child (she's been tested) but she is also a follower and stubborn as all get out. All of this started about a year ago when she met this girl who just moved to our town and she introduced my daugher to cutting amoung other things. For the last 8 months or so she sees a psych every two weeks who monitors her meds (for depression) and she sees a Licensed counselor once a week (as does the rest of the family). She has stolen from me, my mother, my mother in law and from friends. She has snuck out twice to walk around the neighborhood to do God knows what (this was bf the running away thing)When asked why, she says..'cause I wanted to', that is her canned response to everything. Right before her first commital she decided she just wasn't going to do school work anymore so now she has been retained in the 7th grade. I've caught her smoking, drinking beer and recently found out that she took a prescription med left over from my husbands brain surgery last year and she is also very destructive with property and things, therefore has nothing that isn't written on, cut up or set on fire. She respects nothing and no one.
Our home is now wired to the gill along with motion detectors. There is not a drop of alcohol to be found in the house and all meds are looked behind a deadbolt in the homeoffice. She has no access to a phone, she has no access to a computer. She is basically on lock down, in order to keep her safe.
As far as the real problem... I wish someone could tell me. Having her face the reality of her consequences (in front of a judge) feels like my last hope.
Not sure if this helps but when she was ddc from the hospital the dr there said, "what you have here is a very hard headed, spoiled child who is manipulating you ie. the cutting, the pacifying needs to stop and the only way to do that is to grow a spine" (ouch, yes that hurt but he was right) Her counselor's opinion is basically the same. And I'm trying like crazy to do just that which is why we chose to have her arrested when she ran away. But if she goes in front of the court and the only person that is punished is me when I have to pay the court costs/fines then what good have I done?

Oh, one more thing. The person she ran away with, was a 16 year old boy.

 

[Zigner]

I would suggest that you ask the school for an evaluation for special education services based Emotional Disturbance.

 

[houseof5]

I would suggest that you ask the school for an evaluation for special education services based Emotional Disturbance.

We did that after her first stay at the hospital back in January. Her teachers, the school counselor and the administration as a whole were extremely sympathetic and did every thing they could possibly do to help her. Unforunately, ODD doesn't fall under 504 accomodations so legally there was nothing they HAD to do for her. In a way, I agree. I've never really understood the dx of ODD. It is totally something she can control. She chooses not to. And will tell me or any other adult, she does what she wants, when she wants and doesn't care what the consequences are. Her teachers volunteered their own personal time to help her get caught up and pass, she refused their help.

The arresting police officer, her counselor and her doctor all told me to keep a journal of any and all 'infractions' between the time of the aresst and the court date and that the judge would take those things into consideration. However, like those of you who have responded and made suggestions (thank you very much) I'm sure that the judge will also make some of the same suggestions. I doubt I'll be given the time to explain what we've done already and that's why I was wondering if it was appropriate for me to try and contact the court ahead of time.
What I would really like to see happen is that she be sentenced to some sort of community service (work). But I have no idea what the options are.

 

[Zigner]

Why focus on the ODD? You stated your daughter also was diagnosed with depression.

Did they do a full evaluation to determine eligibility for special education services?

ETA: In my opinion, you should be doing everything in your power to keep this child OUT of the justice system.

 

[mistoffolees]

Why focus on the ODD? You stated your daughter also was diagnosed with depression.

Did they do a full evaluation to determine eligibility for special education services?

ETA: In my opinion, you should be doing everything in your power to keep this child OUT of the justice system.

I agree. The child has ODD and depression. OP is focusing on the symptom (running away) rather than addressing the real problem.

The criminal justice system is probably the WORST place for this child to be.

 

[houseof5]

Why focus on the ODD? You stated your daughter also was diagnosed with depression.

Did they do a full evaluation to determine eligibility for special education services?

ETA: In my opinion, you should be doing everything in your power to keep this child OUT of the justice system.

Yes, she has had a full evaluation by the school, two adolescent psychiatric hospitals, her current psychiatrist and a pediatric nuerologist. She tests two standard deviations above average and blows everyone out of the water when it comes to the yearly standardized tests. They've labeled her as 'lazy'. And the only thing she qualifies for is that once a week the school counselor calls her out of class to ask her 'So how are you doing? Want to talk about anything'. To which she responds, "fine and no".
The consensus among her doctors/counselors is that her depression is situational. In other words, her life stinks because of her own actions. She has no freedom, no one trusts her, she's alienated herself from all of her friends because she is now the 'girl no one wants their daughter to hang out with' and to top it off she is now going to be ridiculed when she goes back to the 7th grade this fall (12 and 13 year olds are cruelest of all creatures).
And I agree, the last thing I want is for her to be in the justice system. I just don't know what else to do. Like I said earlier, I would really like for her to be given some sort of mandatory community service. I just don't know if that is an option.

And I really should have mentioned this earlier. We have been dealing with this (the oppositional behavior and grade issues) since she has been in the third grade. She has been evaluated year after year. It's only been in the past year that things have escalated to the degree that they have. And I'm terrified.

 

[houseof5]

I agree. The child has ODD and depression. OP is focusing on the symptom (running away) rather than addressing the real problem.

The criminal justice system is probably the WORST place for this child to be.

If only I knew what the real problem was. Thank you all for your suggestions.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, she has had a full evaluation by the school, two adolescent psychiatric hospitals, her current psychiatrist and a pediatric nuerologist. She tests two standard deviations above average and blows everyone out of the water when it comes to the yearly standardized tests. They've labeled her as 'lazy'. And the only thing she qualifies for is that once a week the school counselor calls her out of class to ask her 'So how are you doing? Want to talk about anything'. To which she responds, "fine and no".
The consensus among her doctors/counselors is that her depression is situational. In other words, her life stinks because of her own actions. She has no freedom, no one trusts her, she's alienated herself from all of her friends because she is now the 'girl no one wants their daughter to hang out with' and to top it off she is now going to be ridiculed when she goes back to the 7th grade this fall (12 and 13 year olds are cruelest of all creatures).
And I agree, the last thing I want is for her to be in the justice system. I just don't know what else to do. Like I said earlier, I would really like for her to be given some sort of mandatory community service. I just don't know if that is an option.

And I really should have mentioned this earlier. We have been dealing with this (the oppositional behavior and grade issues) since she has been in the third grade. She has been evaluated year after year. It's only been in the past year that things have escalated to the degree that they have. And I'm terrified.

Do you know that you can MAKE your child do community service without the courts being involved in it at all? You can sign your child up to volunteer just about any place that accepts volunteers. That also might be very healthy for your child as well, as it would expose her to different people who do not know her past and who will judge her based on her current actions, not her past actions.

You also need to keep up the counseling.

 

[houseof5]

Do you know that you can MAKE your child do community service without the courts being involved in it at all? You can sign your child up to volunteer just about any place that accepts volunteers. That also might be very healthy for your child as well, as it would expose her to different people who do not know her past and who will judge her based on her current actions, not her past actions.

You also need to keep up the counseling.

We have volunteered before, making bag lunches for the homeless. She was not allowed any interaction with people in the shelter b/c of her age (you have to be 15 to serve them directly). So, she didn't really understand/care why we were doing it. Unfortunatly, everything I've looked into have age restrictions and she is too young, but I will keep looking. I totally agree with you LDJ. I agree, that she needs to interact with people who will not judge her for her past actions. As an adult, I don't think I could be strong enough to crawl out of the hole she has dug for herself.
We most definitely will continue the counseling.
As for my original question. I do not plan on contacting the court, no one out right said I shouldn't but that's the perception I got from the replies. We will go on her scheduled date and hope that what ever happens is what is best for her. Honestly, over the past week or so she's been asking me a lot of questions about what might happen. I think she is really scared and for the first time in a long time she is showing it.
Anyway, I have to say that I've been lurking here for several years reading a lot so I respect the suggestions/opinions that I've gotten.
Thank you all, again.

 

[PQN]

You are not alone. Sadly, there are maany families struggling with children like this.

Go to this website: Support for parents

Register, post your story, read some of the other's stories. It sounds like your daughter needs RTC more than DJJ.

And your daughter does qualify for an IEP. (1) She has a disability (ODD and depression - both dx by a medical doctor, the school's OPINION of ODD is irrelevant) and (2) it has a negative impact on her education (as the school proved by retaining her in 7th grade).

 

[houseof5]

You are not alone. Sadly, there are maany families struggling with children like this.

Go to this website: Support for parents

Register, post your story, read some of the other's stories. It sounds like your daughter needs RTC more than DJJ.

And your daughter does qualify for an IEP. (1) She has a disability (ODD and depression - both dx by a medical doctor, the school's OPINION of ODD is irrelevant) and (2) it has a negative impact on her education (as the school proved by retaining her in 7th grade).

Thank you. I've gone to the website and have learned a lot. Will continue to read and will post soon. Still learning the lingo over there.