Would this qualify as a change

[backhoe]

What about all the tardies and unexcused absences?

That is why I think it is a change because you can't make up your work when it is unexcused. If you look at the day to day grades they correspond with the absences. My son had the benefit of teachers who allowed him to make up some of his work even with unexcused absences.

And if you noticed, most of the absences had them both missing school on the same day. If your parent doesn't care enough to make sure that your absences are excused knowing that you will get zeroes, why would you continue to care?

She has to take them to school because they go out of district. I am not there to witness it but why would they both be absent the same days the majority of the time? Most kids don't get sick on the same day.

I have their daily grades and how their zeros correspond to those days.

 

[stealth2]

With my son's IQ and love of learning he should be getting better grades and if you see, his drop was in the 2nd Trimester and his teachers and a counselor intervened.

I hate to tell ya... my son's IQ is way up there, loves to read & learn, and he had the same problem as your daughter. LOL Though he'd actually DO the homework, just not hand it in. It wasn't important to him. Yeah, he pulled some bad grades. Up to the end of his Junior year. Senior year? He told me that he finally realized how he'd screwed up, and how many more choices he'd have if he hadn't. Still and all - he's in a good University (with a free ride), finished his freshman year with a 3.8 GPA in their Honors Program, and is loving the level of learning he's at (taking a lot of upper level courses because his AP scores placed him out of frosh classes). Turns out - he was bored in HS. Even with AP classes... he was bored.

Anyway - more later as I think of it.

 

[Silverplum]

I truly think that living with me and having stability and guidance is the best place for them.
{big snip}
I just don't think they are getting what they need, not physically, emotionally, nutritionally, educationally, not in any area at all.

I don't want to spend time and money on a lawyer, I just truly think that I am the better parent at this time.

Then what do you plan to do?

Lay there and wait for Mom to drop them off with a signed court order giving you custody plus her check for next month's child support??

 

[backhoe]

Then what do you plan to do?

Lay there and wait for Mom to drop them off with a signed court order giving you custody plus her check for next month's child support??

Oh no, I was just using that to make a point. I don't want to spend money on a lawyer but I am only willing to do it because I think it is in the best interests of the children.

 

[backhoe]

I hate to tell ya... my son's IQ is way up there, loves to read & learn, and he had the same problem as your daughter. LOL Though he'd actually DO the homework, just not hand it in. It wasn't important to him. Yeah, he pulled some bad grades. Up to the end of his Junior year. Senior year? He told me that he finally realized how he'd screwed up, and how many more choices he'd have if he hadn't. Still and all - he's in a good University (with a free ride), finished his freshman year with a 3.8 GPA in their Honors Program, and is loving the level of learning he's at (taking a lot of upper level courses because his AP scores placed him out of frosh classes). Turns out - he was bored in HS. Even with AP classes... he was bored.

Anyway - more later as I think of it.

They wanted to move my son up 2 grades and I disagreed because he is so immature.

Once again, the bad grades come from unexcused absences and tardies. Some of the tardies are almost half the day, after half a day they are counted as absent.

Their mother has to take them to school because they go out of district so it appears that their mother is not getting them to school on time and sometimes not at all. And then they are unexcused absences so the work can't be made up in most cases.

 

[Silverplum]

Oh no, I was just using that to make a point. I don't want to spend money on a lawyer but I am only willing to do it because I think it is in the best interests of the children.

I don't remember ever meeting anyone who wanted to spend money on a lawyer.

 

[happybug]

What about all the tardies and unexcused absences?

That is why I think it is a change because you can't make up your work when it is unexcused. If you look at the day to day grades they correspond with the absences. My son had the benefit of teachers who allowed him to make up some of his work even with unexcused absences.

And if you noticed, most of the absences had them both missing school on the same day. If your parent doesn't care enough to make sure that your absences are excused knowing that you will get zeroes, why would you continue to care?

She has to take them to school because they go out of district. I am not there to witness it but why would they both be absent the same days the majority of the time? Most kids don't get sick on the same day.

I have their daily grades and how their zeros correspond to those days.

My children are one grade apart and when they get sick, they often BOTH get sick. If they don't get sick at the same time you can count on the well one becoming sick within a day or 2 of the other.

 

[backhoe]

My children are one grade apart and when they get sick, they often BOTH get sick. If they don't get sick at the same time you can count on the well one becoming sick within a day or 2 of the other.

In my experience they most often catch things at school and one gets sick and then the other some days later.

Most of their absences are one day and it is both of them and they are all unexcused.

There are a few where one or the other missed one or more days by themselves and that appears to be illness and those are excused.

 

[mistoffolees]

What about all the tardies and unexcused absences?

Call the principal and ask why he hasn't done anything about it.

 

[CJane]

Call the principal and ask why he hasn't done anything about it.

Maybe because 8 or so unexcused absences isn't all that big of a deal.

I get dad's concern as a parent, but it doesn't rise to the level of a custody change. Just doesn't.

 

[stealth2]

That is why I think it is a change because you can't make up your work when it is unexcused. If you look at the day to day grades they correspond with the absences. My son had the benefit of teachers who allowed him to make up some of his work even with unexcused absences.

My experience with both of mine was - if you didn't hand in homework on time, regardless of the excuse (except an excused absence), it was a zero. No make-ups. Sorry, but your daughter didn't fail Econ for her unexcused tardies/absences. She didn't do the work. Period. That is on her.

Again - you have no proof that Mom is making them late or to be absent.

I don't deny that you're in a frustrating situation. But your kids are old enough to own their part in it. I don't believe for a minute that they are up and sitting in the car, waiting for Mom to take them to school, while she's still asleep. I know teens pretty well... It wouldn't surprise me if they were taking advantage of their situation.

As for after school activities... Have you offered to help offset the cost of their involvement and brainstormed how they could get to/from?

 

[backhoe]

Maybe because 8 or so unexcused absences isn't all that big of a deal.

I get dad's concern as a parent, but it doesn't rise to the level of a custody change. Just doesn't.

The rule is no more than 10 absences in a semester that is excused and unexcused. after 5 unexcused they become truant but obviously the school isn't really doing anything about it.

 

[backhoe]

My experience with both of mine was - if you didn't hand in homework on time, regardless of the excuse (except an excused absence), it was a zero. No make-ups. Sorry, but your daughter didn't fail Econ for her unexcused tardies/absences. She didn't do the work. Period. That is on her.

She did the class work and she got 100s on all but one class assignment and 95 on one
Again - you have no proof that Mom is making them late or to be absent.

I don't deny that you're in a frustrating situation. But your kids are old enough to own their part in it. I don't believe for a minute that they are up and sitting in the car, waiting for Mom to take them to school, while she's still asleep. I know teens pretty well... It wouldn't surprise me if they were taking advantage of their situation.

Teen or not, you don't know my daughter, she is up at the crack of dawn, I think she got that from my grandfather because she sure didn't get it from me or her mother, I have 3 alarm clocks.

As for after school activities... Have you offered to help offset the cost of their involvement and brainstormed how they could get to/from?

Of course, I buy almost everything they need. It took a few mess ups because when I sent money their mother took it and they didn't get the clothes or shoes or whatever, even Christmas gift cards were taken from them. If we (myself and extended family) sent receipts she often took items back to the store and kept the cash. We now buy online, ship it directly and she'd have to charge it back to the credit card so they actually get what they need now.

She literally buys them almost nothing. I feel like I have to because they need things. It would be nice if she would buy a bottle of lotion or some acne cream but she won't and it costs a fortune to ship so I try to get them to save up their requests and plan ahead and make a large enough order that it ships free.

My daughter tried out for the color guard and made the team, she was so happy and was going to go back in mid-July to start practice but she said there is no need to go back because her mother said she won't take her anyway and she has no way of getting there and home every day.

 

[mistoffolees]

Maybe because 8 or so unexcused absences isn't all that big of a deal.

Personally, I think 8 unexcused in a year is a lot, but if the school's policy is that there are not enough unexcused absences to do anything, then it is absolutely not grounds for Dad to change custody.

 

[backhoe]

Personally, I think 8 unexcused in a year is a lot, but if the school's policy is that there are not enough unexcused absences to do anything, then it is absolutely not grounds for Dad to change custody.

The 8 unexcused absences were all in the same semester. My son benefitted by only having half of his 2nd trimester interrupted by all the absences and after his teachers spoke to him and realized that he was not at fault helped him out but it doesn't make the problem go away.

I have been told by my children why they weren't taken to school but I didn't witness the incidents. It was because she was still drunk from the night before and wouldn't get out of bed. She has bad hangovers, she has been hospitalized more than once because of them and she usually needs someone to take care of her.

She has had problems in the past but since the beginning of the year she seems to have gone off the deep end, according to the kids. She was supposed to be receiving her Master's degree this month but she quit school in January and it has been party, party, party ever since.

Once again, I don't encourage my kids to tell me this stuff and I try to change the subject and I never, ever question them but they want someone to know about their lives. They want someone to rescue them. I am the only one who might have the ability to do that. My son has always been my ex-wife's favorite and even he is devastated by what is happening.

My parents visited and within 15 minutes my son announced to my mother that his Mom was getting drunk and bringing home a different man every night. She told him that he shouldn't be saying things like that and he said "Well its true".

Would it help if the the judge talked to the children. There is a provision in Colorado for that but I don't know under what circumstances. They are the eye witnesses but they both have the same story and things that can be corroborated always show that they are telling the truth.

As I pretty much said in the 1st post the grades and the absences are just the part of the iceberg that I can prove in court.