Practicing alcoholic wants divorce

[AntonioD]

You're missing almost all of my points:

1. The recordings may be illegal. Stop it.

2. Whether the kids agree or not is irrelevant. In fact, your discussing it with them may be perceived as negative - you appear to be alienating the other parent.

3. I don't care what the financial situation is. She's making enough to support your family, so stop with the "she's hopelessly worthless and doesn't contribute a thing" crap.

4. No one cares if you think it's unsafe for her to be around the kids. What FACTUAL EVIDENCE do you have?

1. The recordings ARE illegal if used, right?

2. She yells all the business in front of them and then tells me, in front of them just what you're saying. I try to cover for her and tell them to respect her, as Alanon tells us-it's a disease. They're constantly trying to get her to calm down and begged her to stop hitting me and spitting on me one day. She stomped on and smashed their Playstation one day. She's not the same girl I fell in love with, she's not the same mom they knew. I don't coach them.

3. ""she's hopelessly worthless and doesn't contribute a thing" crap." Pretty sure I didn't say that. If she gets help or works the steps or something of the sort, she's A#1 in my eyes. She can't support the family with the extraneous costs, I pay more to support us.

4. 2 trips to the urgent care, 1 for stitches. Police showing up due to an escalation in our garage between the unsupervised kids while I was at work...it kind of just goes on from there, and those are just lately. No shortage of eyewitnesses to the behavior.

Ohiogal, thanks for the idea. A well known TV show offered to do that for an episode, but she wouldn't agree.

I'm planning the move, with the kids, and she'll always have access. What do you think about those previous questions? Thanks!

 

[mistoffolees]

1. The recordings ARE illegal if used, right?

Maybe, maybe not. You haven't told how you recorded her. If you had a video camera in full view, it's probably OK. If you had a hidden camera inside your home, it probably isn't.

2. She yells all the business in front of them and then tells me, in front of them just what you're saying. I try to cover for her and tell them to respect her, as Alanon tells us-it's a disease. They're constantly trying to get her to calm down and begged her to stop hitting me and spitting on me one day. She stomped on and smashed their Playstation one day. She's not the same girl I fell in love with, she's not the same mom they knew. I don't coach them.

And what happened when you called the police for her hitting you? How many police reports do you have?

And why wasn't that important enough to mention until the second page of posts?

3. ""she's hopelessly worthless and doesn't contribute a thing" crap." Pretty sure I didn't say that. If she gets help or works the steps or something of the sort, she's A#1 in my eyes. She can't support the family with the extraneous costs, I pay more to support us.

And, yet, she's functioning well enough to be earning the majority of your family income right now.

4. 2 trips to the urgent care, 1 for stitches. Police showing up due to an escalation in our garage between the unsupervised kids while I was at work...it kind of just goes on from there, and those are just lately. No shortage of eyewitnesses to the behavior.

Sorry, much of that won't hold up in court. Stitches? Big deal. How are you going to prove that she did it?

Sufficiently believable witnesses might hold up, but you haven't convinced me - so I don't see how you're going to convince a judge. Just what, EXACTLY, can these eyewitnesses testify to?

I'm planning the move, with the kids, and she'll always have access. What do you think about those previous questions? Thanks!

I think you've gotten the answer to that. File for divorce and ask for temporary custody. Simply moving out with the kids could potentially cause you problems.

 

[AntonioD]

Divorce...

Wow. I see it just becomes very argumentative even mentioning divorce. These are all good points, but there are answers to all the questions. I will stand my ground, tell the truth and let nature take its course. After all is said and done I will re-post with updates just to let you know what happened. If I don't like what the court decides, I will handle the matter. In the mean time, I abide by the law. 7 police reports, by the way.

 

[stealth2]

If I don't like what the court decides, I will handle the matter. In the mean time, I abide by the law.

Well, then you can definitely say goodbye to your kids.

 

[AntonioD]

?

Well, then you can definitely say goodbye to your kids.

What do you mean?

 

[LdiJ]

What do you mean?

The whole, "If I don't like what the court decides, I will handle the matter" bit comes across as if you will take matters into your own hands. If that is what you meant, then you can say goodbye to your kids.

 

[AntonioD]

Divorce, etc.

No, I mean she has a professional health care license and will then be held responsible for her drug and alcohol use. I wish only to resolve the matter in court with respect to parenting and what's best for the kids. As history has proven, the court, especially in this state, makes mistakes. According to you all it may be headed that direction, because of the necessity to prove properly in court to a party that wasn't present for the period in question. And you say the kids may not have input other than "Who do you want to live with?" They will most likely say me, but since when do kids know what's best for them anyway? I want her to get help and sober up. She will always have access to her kids. Did I mention I've had death threats? No matter. By the way, she left yesterday between 12-1pm, leaving the older child alone with his friends from his sleep-over, didn't make food, didn't tell him or I where she was going or when she'd be back. It's 3:43 pm now, no word from her. I have a question: What do I/can I say legally to the kids at this point? This is the third weekend in a row she's done this.

 

[LdiJ]

No, I mean she has a professional health care license and will then be held responsible for her drug and alcohol use. I wish only to resolve the matter in court with respect to parenting and what's best for the kids. As history has proven, the court, especially in this state, makes mistakes. According to you all it may be headed that direction, because of the necessity to prove properly in court to a party that wasn't present for the period in question. And you say the kids may not have input other than "Who do you want to live with?" They will most likely say me, but since when do kids know what's best for them anyway? I want her to get help and sober up. She will always have access to her kids. Did I mention I've had death threats? No matter. By the way, she left yesterday between 12-1pm, leaving the older child alone with his friends from his sleep-over, didn't make food, didn't tell him or I where she was going or when she'd be back. It's 3:43 pm now, no word from her. I have a question: What do I/can I say legally to the kids at this point? This is the third weekend in a row she's done this.

Judges often are not impressed if one parent tanks the other parent's opportunity to make a living. That could seriously backfire on you.

Where were you when mom left the home?

 

[stealth2]

No, I mean she has a professional health care license and will then be held responsible for her drug and alcohol use. I wish only to resolve the matter in court with respect to parenting and what's best for the kids. As history has proven, the court, especially in this state, makes mistakes. According to you all it may be headed that direction, because of the necessity to prove properly in court to a party that wasn't present for the period in question. And you say the kids may not have input other than "Who do you want to live with?" They will most likely say me, but since when do kids know what's best for them anyway? I want her to get help and sober up. She will always have access to her kids. Did I mention I've had death threats? No matter. By the way, she left yesterday between 12-1pm, leaving the older child alone with his friends from his sleep-over, didn't make food, didn't tell him or I where she was going or when she'd be back. It's 3:43 pm now, no word from her. I have a question: What do I/can I say legally to the kids at this point? This is the third weekend in a row she's done this.

How old are the kids? And... where were you? Since you claim to be the primary caregiver...

 

[AntonioD]

Divorce...

Judges often are not impressed if one parent tanks the other parent's opportunity to make a living. That could seriously backfire on you.

Where were you when mom left the home?

Wrong order. I agree, but wrong order. This woman's abuse was recognized by her last staff and they ousted her. I would not be going back in front of judges, obviously.

 

[AntonioD]

Divorce...

How old are the kids? And... where were you? Since you claim to be the primary caregiver...

11, 13. Took the younger to a 6 hour function with other kids.

 

[LdiJ]

Wrong order. I agree, but wrong order. This woman's abuse was recognized by her last staff and they ousted her. I would not be going back in front of judges, obviously.

If you think that once your divorce is final that you will never, ever be in front of a family law judge again, then you are fooling yourself. Some of us who have good relationships with our exes have managed to never be back in court again, but many people end up back in front of the judge from time to time, and some more frequently than most.

 

[AntonioD]

Alcoholic/Divorce

Had to go to a friend's yesterday after she physically beat our 11 year old right in front of me. She hit him about the face, the right side and the top of the head. Apparently she did it in the kitchen first then he came and sat next to me-apparently for protection. She had the TV in the kitchen so loud I didn't hear what was going on, but he had told her she was 'drunk (which she was after drinking a 40oz malt liquor) and didn't know what she was saying.' I picked him up and we calmly left. She just called and told us she would not be home again tonight after going out to drink, but I am to pick her up after work tomorrow. I will be speaking with her father tomorrow regarding his position in the matter; when I called him tonight after she left he said he couldn't talk as he was playing poker, but would call in the morning. She's still pressuring me to sign the papers, and I'm still refusing. I would never harm her. Last night I dreamt that I threw her off of a high balcony and she died, then I severely beat her boyfriend-an unknown dream figure. I'm so tired and scared. I will be going to Al-anon tomorrow with the kids.

 

[stealth2]

And what did the cops say when you went there with your son?

 

[mistoffolees]

And what did the cops say when you went there with your son?

Exactly. It amazes me all these people who are so concerned about their kids' safety and who insist that the other parent is the devil incarnate, but they never seem to call the police. Go figure....