petition to modify

[Just Blue]

When it it come to my kids being treated like crap, no I'm not going to bend. Why would I send my kids to go spend the evening with someone who doesn't like them and they don't like when I don't have to. !

I am going to ASSume, based on your user name that you are 25?26?

I will tell you a story of the very first person who did not "like" my eldest. My eldest, who is a VERY LIKABLE person, was placed with a teacher in the 6th grade. This woman didn't "get" my daughter. It was very apparent that she did not like my daughter when we had a PTC. My DD also did not care for this teacher. Dad and I discussed the issue and decided that the teacher would really benefit from DD in her class and DD would ultimately benefit from dealing with the "nasty" teacher. She learned that despite her "winning personality" not every person she meets will like her. Such is life. I still made her go to school and be with that person for NINE HOURS A DAY. FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!

It DID teach DD a valuable lesson.

 

[teach85]

I am going to ASSume, based on your user name that you are 25?26?

I will tell you a story of the very first person who did not "like" my eldest. My eldest, who is a VERY LIKABLE person, was placed with a teacher in the 6th grade. This woman didn't "get" my daughter. It was very apparent that she did not like my daughter when we had a PTC. My DD also did not care for this teacher. Dad and I discussed the issue and decided that the teacher would really benefit from DD in her class and DD would ultimately benefit from dealing with the "nasty" teacher. She learned that despite her "winning personality" not every person she meets will like her. Such is life. I still made her go to school and be with that person for NINE HOURS A DAY. FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!

It DID teach DD a valuable lesson.

Very good point, but this is totally different situation. And since dad's gf is now smacking my youngest across the face, I'm not going to be backing down on this one!

 

[teach85]

No. You need to file a properly drafted petition. If you don't know how to do this, you should seek the assistance of an attorney or paralegal.

Ok, thank you!

 

[Just Blue]

Very good point, but this is totally different situation. And since dad's gf is now smacking my youngest across the face, I'm not going to be backing down on this one!

I saw that after. I would not tolerate such either.

 

[teach85]

As if there isn't enough going on already! Today in the mail I received a subpoena from the State's Attorney's office to testify against my ex for the incident that got him arrested and resulted in the op. This bench trial is set for two days before for the petition to modify infront of the same judge! Hopefully my ex's crazy bs from two days before will be fresh in the judges mind when we go to court.

 

[teach85]

File an emergency motion asking for immediate supervised visitation.

After talking to the caseworker, it is sounding like this is the route they are going to take it. I talking with the caseworker again in the morning. If they are doing this themselves it will save me from trying to figure our how to do this on my own because I'm afraid I will mess it up. I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to filing things! So we will see what the caseworker says tomorrow morning. If not, I'm going to take a half day tomorrow and go up to the court house and figure out how to get it filed.

 

[teach85]

Advice please!!!

DCFS caseworker canceled on me this morning because he had an emergency come up. I switch with someone at work so that I could then meet with him in the afternoon instead. Same thing happened. He called and cancel because of an emergency. The case was opened Tuesday morning and here it is Friday and the caseworker has yet to have contact with the kids. What can I do now? It's 4 p.m. Friday and too late to go get an emergency motion filed. How much trouble will I be in if I don't send them this weekend? I am going to go up to the court house first thing Monday morning and filling the emergency order because the DCFS caseworker keep rescheduling. He in now saying he can't come by till Monday at 4:30.

Thanks in advance!

 

[mistoffolees]

DCFS caseworker canceled on me this morning because he had an emergency come up. I switch with someone at work so that I could then meet with him in the afternoon instead. Same thing happened. He called and cancel because of an emergency. The case was opened Tuesday morning and here it is Friday and the caseworker has yet to have contact with the kids. What can I do now? It's 4 p.m. Friday and too late to go get an emergency motion filed. How much trouble will I be in if I don't send them this weekend? I am going to go up to the court house first thing Monday morning and filling the emergency order because the DCFS caseworker keep rescheduling. He in now saying he can't come by till Monday at 4:30.

Thanks in advance!

I don't think anyone can tell you how much trouble you will be in. I would ask the DCFS caseworker for their thoughts on the matter.

As a general rule, though, if you have a real belief that the child could be in danger and can back it up with evidence, your odds of getting into serious trouble would be lower than if you're simply panicking without cause.

So it really comes down to whether you have a real, legitimate concern for the child's safety - and can back it up.

 

[teach85]

I don't think anyone can tell you how much trouble you will be in. I would ask the DCFS caseworker for their thoughts on the matter.

As a general rule, though, if you have a real belief that the child could be in danger and can back it up with evidence, your odds of getting into serious trouble would be lower than if you're simply panicking without cause.

So it really comes down to whether you have a real, legitimate concern for the child's safety - and can back it up.

The caseworker said, that if it is court ordered that until he meets with us he can't tell me it's ok not to send them. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to do anything that can end up hurting my case. But I am also not ok with sending them over there at this point either. If I go into the court house Monday morning and tell them straight up I didn't send them, this is why and file the emergency order you would think they would understand. Obviously if DCFS is involved I should be able to claim that I have a more than reasonable belief that something is going on. I am not saying I think they are gonna wind up dead, but the usual crazy drunkeness and fights and dad's girlfriend smacking on them is verly likely!

Worst case scenerios, what's the worst you think may/have seen happen if I don't send them? (I have never refused him his weekend before)

If these were your kids and you were in the same situation, what would you do? I know that it isn't a legal question, but from one parent to another, what would you do?

 

[mistoffolees]

The caseworker said, that if it is court ordered that until he meets with us he can't tell me it's ok not to send them. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to do anything that can end up hurting my case. But I am also not ok with sending them over there at this point either. If I go into the court house Monday morning and tell them straight up I didn't send them, this is why and file the emergency order you would think they would understand. Obviously if DCFS is involved I should be able to claim that I have a more than reasonable belief that something is going on. I am not saying I think they are gonna wind up dead, but the usual crazy drunkeness and fights and dad's girlfriend smacking on them is verly likely!

Worst case scenerios, what's the worst you think may/have seen happen if I don't send them? (I have never refused him his weekend before)

If these were your kids and you were in the same situation, what would you do? I know that it isn't a legal question, but from one parent to another, what would you do?

As I said, you should not be considering keeping the kids unless you have hard, solid evidence that would prove that he's a danger.

The fact is that you just had a hearing and the court heard the evidence and granted him visitation. That creates a HUGE presumption that it's safe for the kids to be there. Arguing that "because DCFS is involved, he must be a danger to the kids" isn't going to fly.

If you don't comply with the court order, a lot of things can happen - mostly very bad:
- Contempt of court charge with penalties up to and including jail time
- Judge will not seriously consider your request to vacate his order
- You could lose custody

Do not keep the kid unless there is a very real, very provable, imminent risk of harm. Even then, I'd be seeing if I could work something out with the other parent to get them to agree to visitation but with supervision.

Meanwhile, teach the kids to dial 911 if they are in danger. Even a 7 year old can probably handle that.

 

[teach85]

As I said, you should not be considering keeping the kids unless you have hard, solid evidence that would prove that he's a danger.

The fact is that you just had a hearing and the court heard the evidence and granted him visitation. That creates a HUGE presumption that it's safe for the kids to be there. Arguing that "because DCFS is involved, he must be a danger to the kids" isn't going to fly.

His behavior isn't the only issue. His girlfriend is now smacking my kids in the face

If you don't comply with the court order, a lot of things can happen - mostly very bad:
- Contempt of court charge with penalties up to and including jail time
- Judge will not seriously consider your request to vacate his order
- You could lose custody

Which is why I am asking. I don't want to do anything that can harm my custody or hurt my case.


Do not keep the kid unless there is a very real, very provable, imminent risk of harm.

Even then, I'd be seeing if I could work something out with the other parent to get them to agree to visitation but with supervision.

I wish it could be that easy! I will ask, but I am sure he will laugh in my face. I will try to call his sister and see if she can come down for the weekend. She comes down to visit and stay with him alot when the kids are there.

Meanwhile, teach the kids to dial 911 if they are in danger. Even a 7 year old can probably handle that.[/

QUOTE]

He does know how and he has my number on speed dial. The issue is that his dad has been taking his phone from him which prevents him from being able to call anyone.

I do want to thank you for you promptness and words of wisdom! I truely appreciate your outsiders opinion. As the parent in the middle of all of this it is sometimes hard to see how others (judges, caseworkers) might see things when they don't know/ see what all is going on!

 

[mistoffolees]

His behavior isn't the only issue. His girlfriend is now smacking my kids in the face

Then you call the police. Or have the kids call the police. Or call the police when the kids get back to you on Monday.

 

[single317dad]

The caseworker said, that if it is court ordered that until he meets with us he can't tell me it's ok not to send them.

Your caseworker is correct. You will be in direct violation of a court order if you do not send your children for their visitation.

If I go into the court house Monday morning and tell them straight up I didn't send them, this is why and file the emergency order you would think they would understand. Obviously if DCFS is involved I should be able to claim that I have a more than reasonable belief that something is going on.

As mistoffoles said, this depends entirely on your evidence and how the judge views it. Judges and DCFS see this ALL THE TIME. All day, every day. Don't be surprised if a small amount of abuse is not acted upon by either. I know it's important to you (it's important to me, too, when it's my kid), but you have to be realistic about how concerned DCFS is about the situation. They've already cancelled on you twice now, knowing the weekend was coming up. Doesn't sound like they're too worried about it.

Worst case scenerios, what's the worst you think may/have seen happen if I don't send them? (I have never refused him his weekend before)

Jail, loss of custody, and/or fines. I don't particularly think any of those would be levied against you as a first-time offender, but they are all on the table. You seriously risk alienating the court by ignoring its order. I think more likely a stern talking-to and a warning would be issued. Then, what will you do in the future when there's an even worse situation at Dad's that you need to protect your children from? Violate the order again?

At the very least you'll probably be dealing with the police this weekend if you don't send them.

If these were your kids and you were in the same situation, what would you do? I know that it isn't a legal question, but from one parent to another, what would you do?

Personally, I would send them. You will likely do more harm by keeping them than will be done to them if they go. If Dad's GF has smacked the children in the face, you should get a protective order for the children against her. Frankly, this should have already been done. Do this right, Mom, or you'll end up wishing you did.

 

[CJane]

I wouldn't send them. I'd take the risk in court, given everything else that's going on.

Contempt is "just" a violation of a court order (refusing to send the kids), contempt is a WILLFUL violation of the court order without good cause.

Only you can do the cost/benefit analysis involved in deciding whether or not to send the kids IN YOUR CASE.

 

[teach85]

Your caseworker is correct. You will be in direct violation of a court order if you do not send your children for their visitation.



As mistoffoles said, this depends entirely on your evidence and how the judge views it. Judges and DCFS see this ALL THE TIME. All day, every day. Don't be surprised if a small amount of abuse is not acted upon by either. I know it's important to you (it's important to me, too, when it's my kid), but you have to be realistic about how concerned DCFS is about the situation. They've already cancelled on you twice now, knowing the weekend was coming up. Doesn't sound like they're too worried about it.



Jail, loss of custody, and/or fines. I don't particularly think any of those would be levied against you as a first-time offender, but they are all on the table. You seriously risk alienating the court by ignoring its order. I think more likely a stern talking-to and a warning would be issued. Then, what will you do in the future when there's an even worse situation at Dad's that you need to protect your children from? Violate the order again?

At the very least you'll probably be dealing with the police this weekend if you don't send them.



Personally, I would send them. You will likely do more harm by keeping them than will be done to them if they go. If Dad's GF has smacked the children in the face, you should get a protective order for the children against her. Frankly, this should have already been done. Do this right, Mom, or you'll end up wishing you did.

I wasn't aware that I really could. If it's not illegal for her to smack her across the face (which is what I've been told) will they issue one? And are the courts likely to issue one when it is based only on what my children have told me? I know it happened but not sure if they will or not. If you think they will be willing to issue one, I will be on it Monday morning!