petition to modify

[teach85]

I wouldn't send them. I'd take the risk in court, given everything else that's going on.

Contempt is "just" a violation of a court order (refusing to send the kids), contempt is a WILLFUL violation of the court order without good cause.

Only you can do the cost/benefit analysis involved in deciding whether or not to send the kids IN YOUR CASE.

Thanks for your input! I am just at a loss here! I am litterally sick to my stomach thinking about sending them there tomorrow! I see and get what everyone is saying but when it is your kids, it's just not that easy!

And honestly, I don't think he wants to go down the road of contempt charges. I could go through our order and file contempt on him for several different things...his drinking, his gf being around the kids, him not calling me first to watch the kids like he is suppose to when he needs a sitter, not paying his half of childcare expenses, etc. Not saying I'm going to but if he pushes it I have plenty I can push back with!

 

[Isis1]

Thanks for your input! I am just at a loss here! I am litterally sick to my stomach thinking about sending them there tomorrow! I see and get what everyone is saying but when it is your kids, it's just not that easy!

And honestly, I don't think he wants to go down the road of contempt charges. I could go through our order and file contempt on him for several different things...his drinking, his gf being around the kids, him not calling me first to watch the kids like he is suppose to when he needs a sitter, not paying his half of childcare expenses, etc. Not saying I'm going to but if he pushes it I have plenty I can push back with!

in the even that visitation is still upheld by the court, request a no corporal punishment clause. in the event a situtation like this occurs again, dad would also be held in contempt for that as well.

 

[teach85]

in the even that visitation is still upheld by the court, request a no corporal punishment clause. in the event a situtation like this occurs again, dad would also be held in contempt for that as well.

Will do! Thanks!

 

[teach85]

If I do as Single317Dad suggests and ask the courts for a restraining order again the gf for the kids... 1.how likely is that to be issued? 2. How will that work then she is now living there?

 

[CJane]

Thanks for your input! I am just at a loss here! I am litterally sick to my stomach thinking about sending them there tomorrow! I see and get what everyone is saying but when it is your kids, it's just not that easy!

Believe me, I know.

My kids' stepmom recently assaulted my 14 year old. I called family services and they did their investigation, created a "founded" case and put a safety plan in place.

I didn't make my kiddo go back to Dad's at all until she was ready to. I DID have a long talk with her about the fact that she DOES have to have a relationship with him, and that he IS having a really hard time with the idea of her growing up and pushing back against his and SMom's dictatorial ways. Mind you, not EXCUSING SMom's behavior (or the fact that Dad blames kiddo for the situation), but trying to get her to see that one of them has to be the adult.

She stayed at my house for 3 of his days and then resumed time with him. The safety plan includes her being able to determine on a day by day basis whether she feels as if his house is "safe" for her, and if it's not, she can call me and come here.

Of course, she's not allowed access to a phone w/out it being monitored.

So yeah, a lot of us know what it's like. And that at the end of the day, you have to decide whether your "case" is more important than your "gut".

 

[teach85]

Believe me, I know.

My kids' stepmom recently assaulted my 14 year old. I called family services and they did their investigation, created a "founded" case and put a safety plan in place.

I didn't make my kiddo go back to Dad's at all until she was ready to. I DID have a long talk with her about the fact that she DOES have to have a relationship with him, and that he IS having a really hard time with the idea of her growing up and pushing back against his and SMom's dictatorial ways. Mind you, not EXCUSING SMom's behavior (or the fact that Dad blames kiddo for the situation), but trying to get her to see that one of them has to be the adult.

She stayed at my house for 3 of his days and then resumed time with him. The safety plan includes her being able to determine on a day by day basis whether she feels as if his house is "safe" for her, and if it's not, she can call me and come here.

Of course, she's not allowed access to a phone w/out it being monitored.

So yeah, a lot of us know what it's like. And that at the end of the day, you have to decide whether your "case" is more important than your "gut".[/QUOTE]

I am just terrified at the idea of some screwed up judge seeing that I violated the order and deciding he is going to "teach me a lesson" or "set an example" my giving dad more time or not doing anythign about all the bs that is going on!

 

[single317dad]

I wasn't aware that I really could. If it's not illegal for her to smack her across the face (which is what I've been told) will they issue one? And are the courts likely to issue one when it is based only on what my children have told me? I know it happened but not sure if they will or not. If you think they will be willing to issue one, I will be on it Monday morning!

From:

Cook County Clerk of the Circuit Court

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic violence is any physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of a household or family member by another.

WHO CAN BE PROTECTED? The IDVA (Illinois Domestic Violence Act) defines household or family members who can be protected as follows: spouses, former spouses, parents, children, stepchildren and other persons related by blood or by present or prior marriage, persons who share or formerly shared a common dwelling, persons who have or allegedly have a child in common, persons who share or allegedly share a blood relationship through a child, persons who have or have had a dating or engagement relationship, persons with disabilities and their personal assistants, caregivers and high-risk adult with disabilities. 50 ILCS 60/201 and 750 ILCS 60/103(6)(8).

To answer your other question, Dad's GF would not be allowed around the children IF the judge saw evidence to grant the order of protection against her. IF it is granted, she would have to leave while the kids are there or Dad would have to meet the kids somewhere else.

There are 3 kinds of protective orders in Illinois: Emergency, Interim, and Permanent. Emergency is immediate and lasts 7 to 21 days, and can be granted ex parte (without the other party present). A hearing with all parties would be held to establish a permanent order. Interim lasts 30 days and would also require a hearing to establish a permament order (which, despite its name, lasts up to 2 years.)

 

[teach85]

I texted my ex's sister to see if she was coming down this weekend (like I said before she does come down quite a bit when the kids are at his house). She said she is coming down for the weekend. This makes me feel alittle better. We are not friends by any means, but I do know she wouldn't let anyone do anything to the kids. It would be over her dead body. The last time she saw dad's gf being nasty and mean to my kids, she called me and told me everything that happened.

 

[single317dad]

I am just terrified at the idea of some screwed up judge seeing that I violated the order and deciding he is going to "teach me a lesson" or "set an example" my giving dad more time or not doing anythign about all the bs that is going on!

That is a valid concern and one reason I advised to send the kids to Dad's. I respect CJane's opinion on the matter and I encourage you to consider it highly. But keep in mind that this judge will likely be your judge for the forseeable future custody issues, and alienating him/her at this point may leave you with a hill to climb down the road. Some judges take these things personally, and others will step back and look at the bigger picture. I think the fact that you haven't taken other steps to protect the kids (yes, you've called DCS, but no orders are in place) would work against you.

Not judging, just being honest.

I texted my ex's sister to see if she was coming down this weekend (like I said before she does come down quite a bit when the kids are at his house). She said she is coming down for the weekend. This makes me feel alittle better. We are not friends by any means, but I do know she wouldn't let anyone do anything to the kids. It would be over her dead body. The last time she saw dad's gf being nasty and mean to my kids, she called me and told me everything that happened.

This is probably the best-case scenario in this difficult situation.

 

[teach85]

That is a valid concern and one reason I advised to send the kids to Dad's. I respect CJane's opinion on the matter and I encourage you to consider it highly. But keep in mind that this judge will likely be your judge for the forseeable future custody issues, and alienating him/her at this point may leave you with a hill to climb down the road. Some judges take these things personally, and others will step back and look at the bigger picture. I think the fact that you haven't taken other steps to protect the kids (yes, you've called DCS, but no orders are in place) would work against you.

Not judging, just being honest.



This is probably the best-case scenario in this difficult situation.

No offense taken! I need honesty right now!

 

[teach85]

Thanks!

I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have responded tonight! I don't know what I would have done (probably gone crazy) if I hadn't had you guys advice and opinions to help me try to figure this out! I truely appreciate it!

 

[mistoffolees]

Believe me, I know.

My kids' stepmom recently assaulted my 14 year old. I called family services and they did their investigation, created a "founded" case and put a safety plan in place.

I didn't make my kiddo go back to Dad's at all until she was ready to. I DID have a long talk with her about the fact that she DOES have to have a relationship with him, and that he IS having a really hard time with the idea of her growing up and pushing back against his and SMom's dictatorial ways. Mind you, not EXCUSING SMom's behavior (or the fact that Dad blames kiddo for the situation), but trying to get her to see that one of them has to be the adult.

She stayed at my house for 3 of his days and then resumed time with him. The safety plan includes her being able to determine on a day by day basis whether she feels as if his house is "safe" for her, and if it's not, she can call me and come here.

Of course, she's not allowed access to a phone w/out it being monitored.

So yeah, a lot of us know what it's like. And that at the end of the day, you have to decide whether your "case" is more important than your "gut".

The difference is that the judge already ruled in this case and gave Dad visitation.

 

[CJane]

The difference is that the judge already ruled in this case and gave Dad visitation.

My ex has primary custody.

What does that have to do with what's happening right now?

 

[teach85]

I just got done dropping the kids off at their dads. His sister was there and gf was not (but will be later). They were happy to be there once they saw aunties car in the driveway. My oldest and I had a talk last night about what he can do if thigs are going on that shouldn't be. He can call my or my boyfriend's phones (both are fully charged and will be "glued" to us this weekend). He has both numbers memorized in case he doesn't have his phone and needs to use another phone. I also told him that if for some reason he can't reach either one of us he can alway call 911. I made sure he knew dad's address as well. I quized him this morning on the numbers and address and he's got them down. This made me feel alittle bit better. Now it's time for me to sit back, have a glass of wine and try not to stress about it all weekend (not likely though).