Leave while she's deployed.

[single317dad]

Adultery is definitely grounds for divorce. And spousal support can be awarded. No one has contested those facts.

I also never said that Dad had no advantage due to Mom's actions. In fact, I specifically stated that statute said that he should not have to pay alimony if he can prove adultery - even if stbx would otherwise be eligible.

I simply objected to your conclusion from those facts that "If Dad CAN prove adultery, he would even have a good shot at spousal support". That conclusion is not supported by statute. But feel free to show a statute that supports your position.

I simply believe the judge will see the adultery as the aggravating factor that it is, and, assuming equality on all other issues and no other mitigating/aggravating factors, Dad would be left at an advantage in the divorce overall. Since custody, child support, and spousal support, among other remedies, are available, Dad would be foolish not to pursue them all.

However, since OP has not returned to enlighten us as to the finer points of his situation, it looks like we're wasting our breath anyway.

 

[gr8rn]

I simply believe the judge will see the adultery as the aggravating factor that it is, and, assuming equality on all other issues and no other mitigating/aggravating factors, Dad would be left at an advantage in the divorce overall. Since custody, child support, and spousal support, among other remedies, are available, Dad would be foolish not to pursue them all.

However, since OP has not returned to enlighten us as to the finer points of his situation, it looks like we're wasting our breath anyway.

You have a lot to learn.

 

[single317dad]

You have a lot to learn.

From:

http://www.scstatehouse.gov/code/t20c003.htm

(C) In making an award of alimony or separate maintenance and support, the court must consider and give weight in such proportion as it finds appropriate to all of the following factors:

(1) the duration of the marriage together with the ages of the parties at the time of the marriage and at the time of the divorce or separate maintenance action between the parties;

(2) the physical and emotional condition of each spouse;

(3) the educational background of each spouse, together with need of each spouse for additional training or education in order to achieve that spouse's income potential;

(4) the employment history and earning potential of each spouse;

(5) the standard of living established during the marriage;

(6) the current and reasonably anticipated earnings of both spouses;

(7) the current and reasonably anticipated expenses and needs of both spouses;

(8) the marital and nonmarital properties of the parties, including those apportioned to him or her in the divorce or separate maintenance action;

(9) custody of the children, particularly where conditions or circumstances render it appropriate that the custodian not be required to seek employment outside the home, or where the employment must be of a limited nature;

(10) marital misconduct or fault of either or both parties, whether or not used as a basis for a divorce or separate maintenance decree if the misconduct affects or has affected the economic circumstances of the parties, or contributed to the breakup of the marriage, except that no evidence of personal conduct which may otherwise be relevant and material for the purpose of this subsection may be considered with regard to this subsection if the conduct took place subsequent to the happening of the earliest of (a) the formal signing of a written property or marital settlement agreement or (b) entry of a permanent order of separate maintenance and support or of a permanent order approving a property or marital settlement agreement between the parties;

(11) the tax consequences to each party as a result of the particular form of support awarded;

(12) the existence and extent of any support obligation from a prior marriage or for any other reason of either party; and

(13) such other factors the court considers relevant.

EDIT: Removed my snarky comment and replaced it with SC statute.

 

[stealth2]

EDIT: Removed my snarky comment and replaced it with SC statute.

Wise decision, grasshopper.

 

[mistoffolees]

From:

S.C. Code of Laws Title 20 Chapter 3 Divorce - www.scstatehouse.gov-LPITS



EDIT: Removed my snarky comment and replaced it with SC statute.

Thank you for providing that statute.

That disagrees with the information I provided - perhaps my site is talking about normal practice or something.

 

[single317dad]

Thank you for providing that statute.

That disagrees with the information I provided - perhaps my site is talking about normal practice or something.

You're welcome.

In all fairness, the SC site was a pain to find, and the first few "lawyer sites" I found left out (10), (11), and (12).

 

[single317dad]

Wise decision, grasshopper.

I thought so

Sometimes kids and dogs bouncing off the walls while I "try" to work gets my ire up and I need to drink some lemonade and rethink my last 15 minutes

 

[SCFather]

Thank you all for your responses. I have restrained myself from reporting her to her commanders for the same reason, I have the child's future in mind. No matter how much I despise her for her actions, I can't restrain her from seeing our son, even though I would have all the right to until the temp. hearing. Also, I have gone to JAG and since I am employed as well (making about 900-1000 less than her monthly), that I wouldn't be entitled to any spousal support. He neglected to mention that I would get 50% of the BAH. She has agreed to split custody (50-50) but I don't have that in writing yet, so I can't say I have it yet. She comes back in 12 days, what should be my next move? I am getting my own apartment and setting the child up a room of his own, to show I can provide for him (and hopefully get full custody in the long run, once she see's how difficult being a single parent can be). I've also set up an appointment with a legal aide at family court, to have a care plan written out for when she gets back. Should I have her sign the 50-50 custody before I let her take my son, or should I maintain full custody until the temporary hearing?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you all for your responses. I have restrained myself from reporting her to her commanders for the same reason, I have the child's future in mind. No matter how much I despise her for her actions, I can't restrain her from seeing our son, even though I would have all the right to until the temp. hearing. Also, I have gone to JAG and since I am employed as well (making about 900-1000 less than her monthly), that I wouldn't be entitled to any spousal support. He neglected to mention that I would get 50% of the BAH. She has agreed to split custody (50-50) but I don't have that in writing yet, so I can't say I have it yet. She comes back in 12 days, what should be my next move? I am getting my own apartment and setting the child up a room of his own, to show I can provide for him (and hopefully get full custody in the long run, once she see's how difficult being a single parent can be). I've also set up an appointment with a legal aide at family court, to have a care plan written out for when she gets back. Should I have her sign the 50-50 custody before I let her take my son, or should I maintain full custody until the temporary hearing?

You only get a percentage of the BAH (and I am not sure its 50%) while you are still married, while the divorce is still pending. The reason for that is that she receives additional BAH while married and therefore the military has determined that she is required to assist in your support to at least that extent.

Once you are divorced, she will not get the same amount of BAH.

You also need to remember that deployment/combat pay is higher than regular pay, and that extra pay she is receiving will end upon her return, therefore she won't be making 900-1000 more than you anymore, she might even be making a little less.

Its dangerous not to allow the other parent to see a child until a court orders you do to so, particularly in a married situation...and particularly with the "just got back from deployment" sympathy factor. However based on your child's age and the fact that mom has been gone at a critical time, it would be very logical to phase in visitation.

 

[divona2000]

...I am getting my own apartment and setting the child up a room of his own, to show I can provide for him...

Side question-will your landlord let you out of your current lease? If you and wife both signed you are both responsible for the rent on that place.

 

[SCFather]

Side question-will your landlord let you out of your current lease? If you and wife both signed you are both responsible for the rent on that place.

Luckily, we are currently on a month by month basis (we were planning on buying a home when she got back), so the apartment isn't an issue.

 

[SCFather]

You only get a percentage of the BAH (and I am not sure its 50%) while you are still married, while the divorce is still pending. The reason for that is that she receives additional BAH while married and therefore the military has determined that she is required to assist in your support to at least that extent.

Once you are divorced, she will not get the same amount of BAH.

You also need to remember that deployment/combat pay is higher than regular pay, and that extra pay she is receiving will end upon her return, therefore she won't be making 900-1000 more than you anymore, she might even be making a little less.

Its dangerous not to allow the other parent to see a child until a court orders you do to so, particularly in a married situation...and particularly with the "just got back from deployment" sympathy factor. However based on your child's age and the fact that mom has been gone at a critical time, it would be very logical to phase in visitation.

She makes that much more because of the BAH mostly, but that's when she's here. So she is more financially set than I am, just not as good a parent. I know that when she gets back, she's expecting to just get him and that's it, me out of the picture for a few days, and I'm not comfortable doing that at all.

 

[LdiJ]

She makes that much more because of the BAH mostly, but that's when she's here. So she is more financially set than I am, just not as good a parent. I know that when she gets back, she's expecting to just get him and that's it, me out of the picture for a few days, and I'm not comfortable doing that at all.

And again, as soon as you are divorced the BAH will significantly decrease...which again means that she will not be making much, if any, more money than you do.

 

[Proserpina]

The difference between single and married BAH can be as little as $150/month or so.

Do we actually have the figures handy?

 

[LdiJ]

The difference between single and married BAH can be as little as $150/month or so.

Do we actually have the figures handy?

Here is a link to the tables, but you have to know the military member's rank.

2011 Basic Allowance for Housing Rates - Military Benefits - Military.com