Summer visitation troubles

[amc22]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My children's Father and I have been separated for 5 years now and we have a separation agreement in place regarding child custody/visitation. The kids live with their dad in California and part of the agreement is they spend summers with me in Indiana. The agreement states the father shall be responsible for arranging and providing transportation for the children from Indiana at the end of the summer visit. The past 5 years I have flown out to CA and back with the kids and he has done the same. This summer he springs it on me out of the blue that he will not be flying out, that I need to take the kids to the airport and put them on a flight back to CA by themselves. Besides the fact that I do not feel it is my responsibility to take them to the airport 2 hours away, my daughter is freaking out over the idea of flying alone. She is only 12. What I want to know is, am I obligated to drive them to the airport and force them on a plane? Or is it up to him? And if I am obligated to take them, what do I do when my daughter refuses to get on the flight?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My children's Father and I have been separated for 5 years now and we have a separation agreement in place regarding child custody/visitation. The kids live with their dad in California and part of the agreement is they spend summers with me in Indiana. The agreement states the father shall be responsible for arranging and providing transportation for the children from Indiana at the end of the summer visit. The past 5 years I have flown out to CA and back with the kids and he has done the same. This summer he springs it on me out of the blue that he will not be flying out, that I need to take the kids to the airport and put them on a flight back to CA by themselves. Besides the fact that I do not feel it is my responsibility to take them to the airport 2 hours away, my daughter is freaking out over the idea of flying alone. She is only 12. What I want to know is, am I obligated to drive them to the airport and force them on a plane? Or is it up to him? And if I am obligated to take them, what do I do when my daughter refuses to get on the flight?

This is not the first go around on a plane, right? My daughter has done UM since she was 7. You sign 'em in and the person on the other end has to sign 'em out with ID. It's really not that hard.

Time to teach them to be a bit more independent.

 

[ecmst12]

I don't think it's unreasonable for a 12 year old to fly as an unaccompanied minor nor for you to drive her to the airport. Dad should pay for the airline to provide her with an escort for everyone's comfort. Still a lot cheaper than 2 extra tickets for him.

 

[nextwife]

Why? What is the problem with a 12 year old flying alone? My kiddo is 13 and we flew her out from WI to visit my sis in CA two years ago. Alone. She loved it.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My children's Father and I have been separated for 5 years now and we have a separation agreement in place regarding child custody/visitation. The kids live with their dad in California and part of the agreement is they spend summers with me in Indiana. The agreement states the father shall be responsible for arranging and providing transportation for the children from Indiana at the end of the summer visit. The past 5 years I have flown out to CA and back with the kids and he has done the same. This summer he springs it on me out of the blue that he will not be flying out, that I need to take the kids to the airport and put them on a flight back to CA by themselves. Besides the fact that I do not feel it is my responsibility to take them to the airport 2 hours away, my daughter is freaking out over the idea of flying alone. She is only 12. What I want to know is, am I obligated to drive them to the airport and force them on a plane? Or is it up to him? And if I am obligated to take them, what do I do when my daughter refuses to get on the flight?

Your daughter is plenty old enough to fly alone.

We need to know word for word what the order says, though. Minus names.

And really - you don't LET your daughter refuse. You're the parent here.

 

[stealth2]

my daughter is freaking out over the idea of flying alone. She is only 12.

Why is she so freaked out? She has flown before. Apparently more than once. What exactly is she afraid of?

 

[amc22]

The exact wording is: Father shall be responsible for arranging and providing the transportation to return the children from Indiana for the summer visit.

And I'm not asking for opinions of whether or not you think my children are old enough to fly alone. You don't know me or my kids. I am only asking if I am legally obligated to take them to the airport and put them on the plane?

 

[stealth2]

How do the children get to you at the start of your summer time?

He IS providing transportation home - you are not willing to comply with his plans. If you don't get them on the plane, it is entirely likely that you will find yourself in court for contempt - and may end up paying for his legal fees, his expense for getting the children home, and monetary sanctions. The court may go so far as to require visitation in their home state only (possibly under supervision), or for you to post a bond prior to their leaving CA.

And please - if you explain what she is afraid of, we can likely help you help her with it.

 

[Proserpina]

The exact wording is: Father shall be responsible for arranging and providing the transportation to return the children from Indiana for the summer visit.

And I'm not asking for opinions of whether or not you think my children are old enough to fly alone. You don't know me or my kids. I am only asking if I am legally obligated to take them to the airport and put them on the plane?

You brought it up, Mom. Not us.

 

[I'mTheFather]

If you prefer not to drive your daughter to the airport, have your ex hire a driver to get her there. Hopefully, the driver will be a fine upstanding fellow.

 

[amc22]

I fly out to CA, drive to their home and pick them up and fly back to Indiana with them. It's the way we have always done it.
As far as why she is afraid to fly alone...I think she is just naturally anxious about it.

 

[Proserpina]

I fly out to CA, drive to their home and pick them up and fly back to Indiana with them. It's the way we have always done it.
As far as why she is afraid to fly alone...I think she is just naturally anxious about it.

Seems like you have a choice.

You can either fly both ways with kiddo (pick up AND drop off), or she flies alone.

Either way though, she needs to be on that plane.

 

[ecmst12]

Just make it clear to dad that next time it is time for visitation, he will be responsible for getting her to the airport and putting her on the plane at his end. Other than that, this is definitely not a hill to die on.

 

[CSO286]

I fly out to CA, drive to their home and pick them up and fly back to Indiana with them. It's the way we have always done it.
As far as why she is afraid to fly alone...I think she is just naturally anxious about it.

Then do the right thing and turn it into an adventure for her. At this age its more.your anxieties rubbing off on her than anything else, I'm sure.

 

[stealth2]

I fly out to CA, drive to their home and pick them up and fly back to Indiana with them. It's the way we have always done it.

I agree with the previous poster who suggested letting him know that, in the future, you will do the same. If, however, you insist on flying with them yourself, that will be on you - in both directions.

As far as why she is afraid to fly alone...I think she is just naturally anxious about it.

Okay. That shouldn't be too hard to deal with. She's flown before, so she knows the ropes, generally speaking. As an Unaccompanied Minor, you will be permitted to get a gate pass and accompany the children to the gate (how old are the other children?) and remain there until the plane has departed. On the other end, Dad will be able to get a gate pass to meet the plane at the gate. (And vice-versa on flights from CA -> Indiana.) When they fly UM, only the person listed on the originating paperwork is going to be permitted to pick them up from airline personnel - so make sure you each have ID (which you'll need to get through Security, anyway). And yes - they DO check. (A hint for the future - whether you took back your married name or took another name, try to have ID in that name as well - or something that ties the two names together. I had a problem with that when my ex put the wrong name down for p/u.)

Does she have a cell phone? If not, I wouldget her a prepaid phone (TracFone is ~ $20 with some 60 minutes on it), and let her know that it is only to use for calling you or Dad if needed. Mine would call Dad from the plane when she boarded, then me when she landed. And vice-versa on the return.

Make sure that she has a place in her carry-on for her boarding pass. Also some snacks, something to keep her busy with. Some cash on-hand is always good.

Is the flight direct?