My Story

[sweettea&cream]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA

I came here for help when my ex sued for custody of my 12-year-old daughter and was crucified. I am, and have always been, a good parent that always put my child's interest first. However, this site felt that because I was being sued -- I was controlling, unfair to the father, and not thinking of my child.

In all fairness, the advisors on this site, nor I, knew I had a bad judge in GA that was forced to resign from the bench, due to possible criminal litigation, and sent a letter to the Governor that he would never seek office again.

I've had a semi-happy ending in the long run. My daughter is back with me and we are closer now than is imaginable. But the scars are deep. She is now 16 and we are still working through her resentment of her father. I don't want that resentment as some advisors on this site would like to believe. How does that benefit my daughter? He just sent my daughter and I to Paris for a vacation in his effort to redeem himself. Money goes a long way in court, not in real life.

My point is to avoid court and family lawyers. It will drain your savings and accomplish nothing. Follow your heart and fight with you heart. And don't give up. Your child needs you even if they don't think so at the time.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA

I came here for help when my ex sued for custody of my 12-year-old daughter and was crucified. I am, and have always been, a good parent that always put my child's interest first. However, this site felt that because I was being sued -- I was controlling, unfair to the father, and not thinking of my child.

In all fairness, the advisors on this site, nor I, knew I had a bad judge in GA that was forced to resign from the bench, due to possible criminal litigation, and sent a letter to the Governor that he would never seek office again.

I've had a semi-happy ending in the long run. My daughter is back with me and we are closer now than is imaginable. But the scars are deep. She is now 16 and we are still working through her resentment of her father. I don't want that resentment as some advisors on this site would like to believe. How does that benefit my daughter? He just sent my daughter and I to Paris for a vacation in his effort to redeem himself. Money goes a long way in court, not in real life.

My point is to avoid court and family lawyers. It will drain your savings and accomplish nothing. Follow your heart and fight with you heart. And don't give up. Your child needs you even if they don't think so at the time.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

And the reason you haven't told us your original screen-name and given us the link to your thread/s is.....?

 

[sweettea&cream]

Because I don't remember. It was three years ago. I think it was "sweettea" but I'm not sure.

 

[Proserpina]

Because I don't remember. It was three years ago. I think it was "sweettea" but I'm not sure.

The point being that without context your original post here is somewhat meaningless. KWIM?

Give us a bit of a branch? Do the searching yourself and post back

 

[sweettea&cream]

What a typical cop-out that my post brings to light! Are you guys incapable of admitting that you might have made a mistake? I can recognize that you can only do so much on a message board and also unknowing about a corrupt judge. However, look it up -- Caldwell. Then come back and defend him and how he wrecked my family without even TALKING to me!

YOU look my posts up and see how arrogant, uninformed, and judgemental you were if you want to know. The Family Court System is broken, in my opinion. People concerned about their families are better off avoiding it all costs until it recognizes it is broken and needs to be fixed.

Period.

 

[Proserpina]

What a typical cop-out that my post brings to light! Are you guys incapable of admitting that you might have made a mistake? I can recognize that you can only do so much on a message board and also unknowing about a corrupt judge. However, look it up -- Caldwell. Then come back and defend him and how he wrecked my family without even TALKING to me!

YOU look my posts up and see how arrogant, uninformed, and judgemental you were if you want to know. The Family Court System is broken, in my opinion. People concerned about their families are better off avoiding it all costs until it recognizes it is broken and needs to be fixed.

Period.

Alrighty then.

 

[sweettea&cream]

Cool! KWIM?

 

[Ohiogal]

Hey OP, you lied. Where did anyone state you were being controlling and unfair? Ummm yeah. Apparently we were correct in that his rights were NOT terminated since he actually ended up with custody.

#1 03-13-2006, 11:39 PM
sweettea
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1


EX~ has had NO CONTACT for one year

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is the name of your state? Arkansas
My ex has had no contact at all for one year this week. It states in my decree that after 1 year I have the right to proceed to have his parental rights revolked. He has been paying child support every month. my question is this concidered abandoment? will a judge grant me a judgement based only that he has not contacted his kids for a year even though he has paid his CS? and when do I stop waiting for him to contact me to see his kids and go on with our lives with vacation plans etc..
Thanks


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#2 03-14-2006, 02:04 AM
ceara19
Senior Member Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 7,062

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweettea
What is the name of your state? Arkansas
My ex has had no contact at all for one year this week. It states in my decree that after 1 year I have the right to proceed to have his parental rights revolked. He has been paying child support every month. my question is this concidered abandoment? will a judge grant me a judgement based only that he has not contacted his kids for a year even though he has paid his CS? and when do I stop waiting for him to contact me to see his kids and go on with our lives with vacation plans etc..
Thanks

Child support is usually seen as contact, so it is very doubtful that a judge will terminate his rights. You can ask to modify the order so that he will have to call you no less than 48 hours before he wants to exercise his visitation rights.
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#3 03-14-2006, 06:33 AM
nicetryadmin
Guest Posts: n/a

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweettea
What is the name of your state? Arkansas
My ex has had no contact at all for one year this week. It states in my decree that after 1 year I have the right to proceed to have his parental rights revolked. He has been paying child support every month. my question is this concidered abandoment? will a judge grant me a judgement based only that he has not contacted his kids for a year even though he has paid his CS? and when do I stop waiting for him to contact me to see his kids and go on with our lives with vacation plans etc..
Thanks

Ummm...after "one year" of WHAT?!!?! Using the same shampoo? Drinking diet, caffeine-free instead of just diet?


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#4 03-14-2006, 07:10 AM
stealth2
Senior Member Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 38,134

And of course you realize that, when you TPR, you kiss the support check adios-a-bye-bye, right?
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#5 03-14-2006, 07:33 AM
nicetryadmin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stealth2
And of course you realize that, when you TPR, you kiss the support check adios-a-bye-bye, right?

Wha...wha...WHAAAT??!!


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#6 03-14-2006, 01:11 PM
amanning
Member Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 33

nicetryadmin - after one year of no contact
(How does that relate to shampoo & soda, ???)
pick pick pick pick

"termination of parental rights" = no child support.

I agree with ceara19. If I were a judge, I would consider the fact that he is paying his CS that would be contact. (Sorry )

Everyone will probably slam me for saying this... go ahead.

My attorney told me a while back that if the NCP doesn't exercise their rights, "most people just go on with their lives". I have found with experiences with my X, it been hard to hold him in "contempt" for things such as not providing info as stated in decree, back pay, medical support.....etc... he just always got a slap on the wrist (ok, we'll let you slide THIS time) or the opportunity to divide it into "payments". NEVER put in jail. Most judges are very understanding of "real world" circumstances. If you do ever go back to court, I would go ahead and modify the order to state extended notice for visitation, or do it now if it makes you feel more comfortable....but sometimes doing that kind of stuff just stirs up the pot for more headaches.
Just something to think about. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Last edited by amanning; 03-14-2006 at 03:38 PM.


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#7 03-14-2006, 03:37 PM
MrsK
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,836

If he pays support, you will be very VERY unlikely to get his rights terminated. Good try.

 

[stealth2]

The point being that without context your original post here is somewhat meaningless. KWIM?

Give us a bit of a branch? Do the searching yourself and post back

Shame on you, Pro - that's worse than telling her google is her friend!

 

[st-kitts]

Hey OP, you lied. Where did anyone state you were being controlling and unfair? Ummm yeah. Apparently we were correct in that his rights were NOT terminated since he actually ended up with custody.

I don't think that was OP's post... OP mentions Georgia, but the old thread is from Arkansas...

 

[>Charlotte<]

My point is to avoid court and family lawyers. It will drain your savings and accomplish nothing. Follow your heart and fight with you heart. And don't give up.

Everything else aside, this is a little ridiculous. Fight with your heart? Where? How? If you're in a custody or visitation dispute, how are you going to fight it if you "avoid court"? What are you going to do, stand outside on the courthouse steps screaming "I want custody!"? Yeah, good luck with that.

As far as your experience with the judge and whatever lawyers you're talking about, that's hardly representative of everyone's experience. You certainly do nobody on this site a service by encouraging them to avoid lawyers. Some people have the ability to represent themselves. I have no doubt that most people don't. If you don't believe that, take a look around this site.

So knock off the drama queen histrionics and stop chastising these people who didn't pat you on the head and tell you everything was going to be okay. You came here for factual information, and that's exactly what you got.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I have been here for a long time. Even I, with as much research as I have done in over 4 years, do not feel that I could represent myself. What I do, though, I present the research that I have to my attorney to minimize my costs.

 

[sweettea&cream]

Sorry, that's not me. I said I wasn't sure what my login was. That poster is from Arkansas. I am from Georgia. That poster also has more than one kid. My ex never went without visitation. He sued me for custody when she was just 12.

Because he won, this site assumed that there had to be something wrong with my parenting since it went against the law. No guardian ad litem that WAS requested by me. No hearing with the judge. The judge just stated that if that is what the child wanted, at 12, so be it. It didn't matter that at 12, she had a 17-year-old on-line boyfriend from Puerto Rico that the ex flew to Georgia to stay with him. It didn't matter that I was denied visitation and phone calls for weeks at a time. It cost me 15K to learn that.

His case against me was that I had moved my mother into my home. It didn't matter that my mother had a separate apartment, complete with kitchen, downstairs from mine and my daughter's living quarters. Taking care of my mother and working full-time outside of the home deemed me as unfit to care for a 12-year-old properly.

Things are good now. But I had to ditch the lawyers and the courts. She now lives with me. No child support and no change in custody papers. He has all the visitation he wants and I encourage it. But it isn't much with a resentful teenager. I continue to tell her that parents are stupid and HER parents are especially dumb, and she believes that, but scars take time to heal.

Again, you assumed I was a liar without validating your facts further proving my point that Family Law is flawed and should be avoided. I know you guys have a hard time admitting their is corruption in the family court system, but it is a disservice to all posters seeking your advise to not warn them of potential rulings against the grain of the law.

People can save a lot of money and heartache by avoiding the court system as much as possible, even if they are "right" in the eyes of the law.

 

[SESmama]

So if another poster has a very contentious ex and insists on going to court (despite the poster's wishes) then you are advising the poster to simply roll over and let the ex take full control over the situation? Then they would TRULY end up as you did. Not every situation can be solved with rainbows and hearts. Some do indeed require intervention.

Divorce and custody are VERY emotional issues. Not everyone can handle these in a non-emotional way. THAT is why they have lawyers and mediators and courts.

MPO? Take your hearts and rainbows and stick 'em elsewhere.

 

[sweettea&cream]

FYI, you fight it with the child in question, not on the courthouse steps. You fight it by maintaining contact with the child despite any efforts to block it. You fight it by not giving up with your child because the court or lawyers tell you there is nothing that can be done.

You don't fight it with legal letters or requests for hearings that drain your bank account and increase tension that are a roll of the dice how the ruling will fall. There is no jury. It is one, very human, judge interpreting the "law" as he/she sees it.

The only drama queen histrionics on this thread seem to be coming from the vehement denial of the responders attacking me for pointing out the flaws in the family court system. I'm just saying, if you have to enter the system, do so with both eyes open and aware of the risks.

Everything else aside, this is a little ridiculous. Fight with your heart? Where? How? If you're in a custody or visitation dispute, how are you going to fight it if you "avoid court"? What are you going to do, stand outside on the courthouse steps screaming "I want custody!"? Yeah, good luck with that.

As far as your experience with the judge and whatever lawyers you're talking about, that's hardly representative of everyone's experience. You certainly do nobody on this site a service by encouraging them to avoid lawyers. Some people have the ability to represent themselves. I have no doubt that most people don't. If you don't believe that, take a look around this site.

So knock off the drama queen histrionics and stop chastising these people who didn't pat you on the head and tell you everything was going to be okay. You came here for factual information, and that's exactly what you got.