First option of Child Care

[olhobbes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hey folks, first of all i wanted to thank the forum folks for the advice I've already gleaned from searches. It's been invaluable. However, I could use some assistance understanding the first option of child care clause and how it relates to my daughter's situation.

Her mother and I recently went through mediation and received the preliminary judgement ( the pink paper ). Per court order, we share custodial time 50/50 ( switch off Wednesday at 3pm ). There is no language regarding first option in the court order, but we have had an agreement in place where we each cover for each other when the other can't watch our child.

The problem I have with this that she has abused this in the past and is attempting to do so again. While i have no problems with my daughter being with her mother while I'm at work, her mother will often show up late to drop offs or otherwise interfere with my time with my daughter, plus she'll make plans during my custodial time. My work schedule is somewhat flexible, hence this can cause my daughter stress because she wanted to do something fun with her mother on a day where I get off early.

Now, on to the questions; The preliminary judgement has already been put in place, and now my daughter's mother is claiming she wants to add the first option day care thing to it. Given her behavior, I am against this.

1) How feasible is it that she will be able to modify the order in place?
2) Obviously we need to both agree to any changes, which I will not. If we do not, do we go back to mediation?
3) What is the standard language used in these cases? Does it vary by county?
4) Based on past experiences, if one parent wants this and the other does not, how likely is the court to force this in to the agreement?
5) Our daughter enjoys spending time with her grandmother and her old daycare; if this language is in our agreement/orders, how much flexibility do I have in letting her spend time with these people?

Thanks again folks, I appreciate all the good information you folks volunteer up.

 

[mistoffolees]

1) How feasible is it that she will be able to modify the order in place?
2) Obviously we need to both agree to any changes, which I will not. If we do not, do we go back to mediation?
3) What is the standard language used in these cases? Does it vary by county?
4) Based on past experiences, if one parent wants this and the other does not, how likely is the court to force this in to the agreement?
5) Our daughter enjoys spending time with her grandmother and her old daycare; if this language is in our agreement/orders, how much flexibility do I have in letting her spend time with these people?

1. She can ask the court to modify it. You will then be able to explain the reasons you don't want to do it. The judge can decide either way.

2. Depends on what your decree says. Some decrees say you have to go to mediation and in other cases you get a hearing scheduled.

3. Varies by county. Google it.

4. Depends on the judge.

5. Then fight having ROFR added - and use those as examples of why you don't approve. If the court orders it, you have to follow the court order, though.

As for her interfering with your visitation time, you are free to file for contempt.

 

[olhobbes]

That's the thing, I haven't had much luck finding a standard language template for Right of First Refusal. I'm guessing this is due to each case being handled differently.

Thanks for the info though. I hate having to deal with this stuff, I always feel like she's trying to take custody away from me. It wouldn't surprise me if she pursued full custody because of my refusal to agree to ROFR.

Thanks again.

 

[olhobbes]

I have an addendum to this question, figured I'd bump this thread instead of opening a new one.

Currently our custody order has no ROFR language in it, and this week is "my" custodial time with our daughter. Her mother isn't working, so I am driving 2 hours each day to drop my daughter off with her mother while I work. I am only doing this for three days, as my daughter has expressed a wish to hang out with one of her friends one day and her grandmother the other.

My question is this: it's entirely possible ( and probable ) that my daughter's mother will pick her up on the day she goes with her friend, probably very early cutting in to the time my daughter gets to spend with her friend. Given there is no ROFR language in our order, are there any tools I have available to prevent this from happening? Are there any repercussions her mother faces by doing this?

I'm not out to prevent my daughter from seeing her mother, at all, but I do want to give my daughter time with her friends. It's something she's been missing this summer due to her mother's unemployment. I'd like to give her this last chance to do so before she goes back to school.

 

[TheGeekess]

Without the ROFR, then you have the ability to leave your daughter with who you wish during your parenting time.

 

[CJane]

How old is your daughter?

 

[olhobbes]

She's 7. What I was ( and will be again, I'm sure ) concerned with is her mother's ability to pick her up after I've dropped her off. Again, the purpose is not to limit the time she spends with her mother, but to give her time with friends and family as well.

If I drop her off at a friends house, I don't want her mother swinging by minutes/hour after me picking her up. Given it's a joint legal/physical custody situation, I'm not sure what options exist to prevent this from happening.

 

[LdiJ]

She's 7. What I was ( and will be again, I'm sure ) concerned with is her mother's ability to pick her up after I've dropped her off. Again, the purpose is not to limit the time she spends with her mother, but to give her time with friends and family as well.

If I drop her off at a friends house, I don't want her mother swinging by minutes/hour after me picking her up. Given it's a joint legal/physical custody situation, I'm not sure what options exist to prevent this from happening.

Unfortunately, there are no options to prevent it from happening. All you can do is take it back to court and ask the judge to explain to her that she cannot take your time without your agreement.

The other option of course is to stop filling in mom about your plans. Just tell her that you have plans for the day, not what those specific plans are.