Thinking about divorce

[10827]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa

I am thinking about divorce. We have tried therapy multiple times. My base salary is 90k/yr plus overtime. My wife and i have been married 8 years and have 2 kids, 7yo and 8yo, we live in iowa. Our marriage started out with me finding out she had 9k in credit card debt, i was not aware of. I also inherited her 10k in student loan debt, I knew about that. I tried multiple times to get her to work, but she insisted on being a stay at home mom. She is very smart. She had finished 2 years of college, 1 year of cosmetic school with license when we married. After 2 years of marriage, she started dental hygiene school(which is a great profession and hard schooling to get into). After 1 year and about 12k in debt accumulated, she decided she didn't like working in peoples mouthes and hurting them, her grades were excellent! Now She has been in school for teaching the last 2 years and has about 1.5 years left and is planning on completing with another 35k in student loans. I will not be another every other weekend dad. We both love the small town we live in and the school system. I would not stop fighting until custody was 50/50, an every other week type thing. My kids are the most important thing to me. With our house, motorcycle, vehicles, camper, credit card=160000 debt. My student loans=2,500 Her student loans=40,000 What would I be responsible for and what would she be responsible for? How does this all play out?

 

[10827]

anyone have any advice for me???

 

[mistoffolees]

anyone have any advice for me???

Yes. Learn patience. Everyone here is a volunteer and isn't sitting around waiting for your response.


As for the rest, there's nothing particularly unusual about your case. You will each be entitled to 1/2 of marital debt and 1/2 of marital assets. Whoever takes an asset will get the debt that goes with that asset - and then other debts and assets will be allocated to equalize things.

In many cases, student loan debt is not considered marital debt and will be assigned to the person who received the education, but that's not always true.

If you have a specific question, feel free to ask it, but you might want to start by doing a little searching of this site so you can see the 10,000 times this question has been asked and answered.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa

I am thinking about divorce. We have tried therapy multiple times. My base salary is 90k/yr plus overtime. My wife and i have been married 8 years and have 2 kids, 7yo and 8yo, we live in iowa. Our marriage started out with me finding out she had 9k in credit card debt, i was not aware of. I also inherited her 10k in student loan debt, I knew about that. I tried multiple times to get her to work, but she insisted on being a stay at home mom. She is very smart. She had finished 2 years of college, 1 year of cosmetic school with license when we married. After 2 years of marriage, she started dental hygiene school(which is a great profession and hard schooling to get into). After 1 year and about 12k in debt accumulated, she decided she didn't like working in peoples mouthes and hurting them, her grades were excellent! Now She has been in school for teaching the last 2 years and has about 1.5 years left and is planning on completing with another 35k in student loans. I will not be another every other weekend dad. We both love the small town we live in and the school system. I would not stop fighting until custody was 50/50, an every other week type thing. My kids are the most important thing to me. With our house, motorcycle, vehicles, camper, credit card=160000 debt. My student loans=2,500 Her student loans=40,000 What would I be responsible for and what would she be responsible for? How does this all play out?

anyone have any advice for me???

One big reason I haven't taken the time on your post is that you seem to want NUMBERS.

I don't *do* NUMBERS and calculations and stuff here for posters. I don't think anyone here does.

NUMBERS are a matter for your attorney/s to work out.

 

[10827]

sorry if i seemed impatient. I'm new to this site. I'm not looking for numbers, didn't mean to make it look that way, just wanted to be as descriptive as possible. Is there a possibility that I will pay alimony? How does child support work if custody is 50/50?

 

[mistoffolees]

sorry if i seemed impatient. I'm new to this site. I'm not looking for numbers, didn't mean to make it look that way, just wanted to be as descriptive as possible. Is there a possibility that I will pay alimony? How does child support work if custody is 50/50?

Google is your friend. Google "child support calculator" for your state. That will give you an idea of CS.

Alimony? For an 8 year marriage, probably short term at most.

 

[LdiJ]

Google is your friend. Google "child support calculator" for your state. That will give you an idea of CS.

Alimony? For an 8 year marriage, probably short term at most.

And just to forstall any question, yes, even with 50/50 custody the parent with the higher income pays some child support.

 

[10827]

Even with 50/50 custody I fully expect to pay in some child support, keep them on my insurance, and pay child care. I am very accepting of all that for my kids. I'm just really lost on how the alimony, debt, and property all plays out...

 

[10827]

What will help me get the 50/50 joint custody(if that's the proper term)?

 

[Silverplum]

What will help me get the 50/50 joint custody(if that's the proper term)?

Don't move away. Stay in the same school district. (Even if they aren't in school yet.)

Don't allow Mom to act like she "owns" the children. She doesn't. You two are equal parents: act like it, and don't be cowed.

Knowledge is power. Read a lot, here and perhaps elsewhere.

 

[LdiJ]

What will help me get the 50/50 joint custody(if that's the proper term)?

I am not a big fan of 50/50 custody because I think its hard on the children. Sometimes they end up feeling like visitors in both homes and that they have no true home.

However, your children are at the best age for it, in my opinion. Its harder on really little ones and teens sometimes resent it. So if its going to happen, your children are at about the best age for it.

What could however make it difficult for you is the fact that mom has been a stay at home parent and therefore has been the primary caretaker for the children. Please also keep in mind that you could end up paying both your own legal fees AND mom's...therefore don't push it so far that you end up taking resources away from your children. If mom will agree to you having almost 50/50 consider accepting that rather than bankrupting yourself with legal fees.

 

[10827]

Great Information

Thank you.

 

[mistoffolees]

Even with 50/50 custody I fully expect to pay in some child support, keep them on my insurance, and pay child care. I am very accepting of all that for my kids. I'm just really lost on how the alimony, debt, and property all plays out...

Google is your friend:
Divorce Support - Iowa Divorce Laws

In general, you each get 1/2 of the assets and 1/2 of the marital debt. The one who keeps the house will keep the mortgage. And so on.

In general, when you keep repeating "I don't know anything about this and don't know where to start" even after getting some advice on where to start, you need an attorney.