Rights

[breezymom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I have a toddler (I am making this somewhat vague, but will portray as accurately as possible, for reasons that will be understood later in the post) who visits Dad alternating weeks with day visit/over night visit. The child's father has another child, as well, in a different county.

The father has ranted online constantly, with veiled threats and such, directed at me and people with whom I work, the latter NOT veiled, but detailed as to first and last name, position, and place of employment. He does this when he knows I am reading it (our court order states that we have to communicate, to which I have tried to keep in written form for the most part to protect not only both myself and him, but also the child from overhearing). He deletes things later on, however, these things have been saved and are on hard copy, as well.

Recently something happened where the other child lives where he did not have the child for visitation. He is also harassing the childcare both online and in person and they are well aware of the former, I am sure. With some of his written communication online concerning the matter, I have been told by someone that that person had "never seen him that worked up before."

I sent the Child Advocate the postings he made along with my concern of his state of mind while the child was there. My question is, what else can I do since the kids are in two different areas and I can't just deny visitation for no apparent reason...nor would I want to do that to the child. I am really kind of stuck here. I want to ensure the safety of our child (he is an abuser, mainly verbal/mental), yet I want to be fair and WILL be honest about everything.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I have a toddler (I am making this somewhat vague, but will portray as accurately as possible, for reasons that will be understood later in the post) who visits Dad alternating weeks with day visit/over night visit. The child's father has another child, as well, in a different county.

The father has ranted online constantly, with veiled threats and such, directed at me and people with whom I work, the latter NOT veiled, but detailed as to first and last name, position, and place of employment. He does this when he knows I am reading it (our court order states that we have to communicate, to which I have tried to keep in written form for the most part to protect not only both myself and him, but also the child from overhearing). He deletes things later on, however, these things have been saved and are on hard copy, as well.

Recently something happened where the other child lives where he did not have the child for visitation. He is also harassing the childcare both online and in person and they are well aware of the former, I am sure. With some of his written communication online concerning the matter, I have been told by someone that that person had "never seen him that worked up before."

I sent the Child Advocate the postings he made along with my concern of his state of mind while the child was there. My question is, what else can I do since the kids are in two different areas and I can't just deny visitation for no apparent reason...nor would I want to do that to the child. I am really kind of stuck here. I want to ensure the safety of our child (he is an abuser, mainly verbal/mental), yet I want to be fair and WILL be honest about everything.

You are not making much sense; but I will say this: Do not deny dad his court ordered visitation.

 

[breezymom]

He has two daughters by two different women.

I said I would not deny visitation.

He has been making veiled threats online.

He has been threatening my coworkers online.

He has been slandering his other child's care center online and harassing them offline.

I have been told, continually, that his rants, both spoken and written, are viewed as him being unstable.

He, for some reason, did not get his other child for visitation.

The other child is not in this area of the state.

He did have our child while in this state of mind. I gave a general age range to express that our child is not old enough to communicate such events accurately, other than doing things like the child has done, such as banging her head on the wall after an over night visit, continually calling me "bitch," after a day visit, and barely sleeping for two weeks straight after another over night visit.

I hope this is clearer, because I don't want him stalking me online.

All I am looking for is some sort of advice from someone who may have been through a similar situation.

 

[Antigone*]

He has two daughters by two different women.

I said I would not deny visitation.

He has been making veiled threats online.

He has been threatening my coworkers online.

He has been slandering his other child's care center online and harassing them offline.

I have been told, continually, that his rants, both spoken and written, are viewed as him being unstable.

He, for some reason, did not get his other child for visitation.

The other child is not in this area of the state.

He did have our child while in this state of mind.

I hope this is clearer, because I don't want him stalking me online.

All I am looking for is some sort of advice from someone who may have been through a similar situation.

The reasons he did not have his other child are not relevant to you whatsoever. You must deliver your child. If you feel that your child is or has been abused during the time he/shares with dad, then involve the authorities to investigate.

 

[Silverplum]

The reasons he did not have his other child are not relevant to you whatsoever. You must deliver your child. If you feel that your child is or has been abused during the time he/shares with dad, then involve the authorities to investigate.

Agreed.

Mom, you're stretching.

 

[breezymom]

That is fine. That's all I wanted to know. Will just have to wait until the child is the half-sister's age, or so, when the child can communicate verbally instead of behaviorally.

BTW...Nothing is "stretched." I have everything printed out and record of spoken communication. His behaviors were seen in court, as well, in our last appearance, so along with the documentation, the judge felt it necessary to put it in the court order that communication was ONLY to be about the child and not the threats and such that had been occurring. Obviously, it still continues, and I have had numerous opportunities to say things in frustration and have not and will not.

 

[Silverplum]

That is fine. That's all I wanted to know. Will just have to wait until the child is the half-sister's age, or so, when the child can communicate verbally instead of behaviorally.

And then what?
Drag someone else's child into court to prove your point?

BTW...Nothing is "stretched." I have everything printed out and record of spoken communication. His behaviors were seen in court, as well, in our last appearance, so along with the documentation, the judge felt it necessary to put it in the court order that communication was ONLY to be about the child and not the threats and such that had been occurring. Obviously, it still continues, and I have had numerous opportunities to say things in frustration and have not and will not.

I say you're stretching -- to have Dad removed.

You're snatching at anything and everything, documenting, coveting the "testimony" of someone else's nonverbal child...good grief.

 

[breezymom]

And then what?
Drag someone else's child into court to prove your point?


I say you're stretching -- to have Dad removed.

You're snatching at anything and everything, documenting, coveting the "testimony" of someone else's nonverbal child...good grief.

The NON-verbal child is mine. The older child is the one with whom he has less visitation and recently didn't have. What I was saying, is that I will have to wait until the child we have TOGETHER is more verbally expressive and tells me on her own accord.

I don't want Dad removed. I want the phone calls to my work to stop. I want the threats for my safety to stop. I want to know the child is safe. I don't want to hear how someone can be murdered somewhere with it disguised as a suicide. I don't want our child to hear constant screaming and yelling and him saying, "your mom's a b****," "your sister's mom is a b****," "both your moms are crazy and can't take care of you," "your mom is having sexual fantasies about xyz person," "your grandmother has sexual fantasies about me," "you are being abused," "your sister is being sexually abused," "you have something wrong with your brain (substitute also with eyes, ankles, hips)," "I will take you from your mother," etc. ALL stuff he has said in front of the older sister when she was our daughter's age and couldn't communicate.

I have consistently kept conversation professional and concerning our child. He has used EVERY one of those times as an opportunity to abuse it, hence the court order.

 

[breezymom]

BTW...I have racked up hundreds of dollars in medical bills *with* insurance, taking her to eye doctors, pediatricians, and having a scan of her head, with results being that there is nothing wrong with our child.

I have had early intervention examine our child, as well, saying that not only was she NOT behind anywhere, but that she was milestones ahead. He proceeded to call them for a month and a half, threatening their jobs and harassing them.

The documentation I have is merely a small supplement to the documentation the government agencies in the state of whom he's harassed have.

And if I wanted to cut him off of visitation, I would have never taken it to court, since he has changed the pickup place 7 times and not picked up our child nearly half of her life already. I went to court so we COULD get some sort of regular visitation schedule settled.

 

[LdiJ]

The NON-verbal child is mine. The older child is the one with whom he has less visitation and recently didn't have. What I was saying, is that I will have to wait until the child we have TOGETHER is more verbally expressive and tells me on her own accord.

I don't want Dad removed. I want the phone calls to my work to stop. I want the threats for my safety to stop. I want to know the child is safe. I don't want to hear how someone can be murdered somewhere with it disguised as a suicide. I don't want our child to hear constant screaming and yelling and him saying, "your mom's a b****," "your sister's mom is a b****," "both your moms are crazy and can't take care of you," "your mom is having sexual fantasies about xyz person," "your grandmother has sexual fantasies about me," "you are being abused," "your sister is being sexually abused," "you have something wrong with your brain (substitute also with eyes, ankles, hips)," "I will take you from your mother," etc. ALL stuff he has said in front of the older sister when she was our daughter's age and couldn't communicate.

I have consistently kept conversation professional and concerning our child. He has used EVERY one of those times as an opportunity to abuse it, hence the court order.

I am not sure that there is any more that you can do than what you have already done. Unless dad does something that puts the child in harm's way, that can be proven with hard evidence, there is not much more the courts can do.

However, if he is harassing your coworkers they could certainly file for restraining orders against him.

 

[breezymom]

I apologize. I was frustrated, which is why I posted to begin with. I was cut off from my friends and family, being told by him that they were tapping our phones and wiring our houses. I was told by him on the phone, shortly after I left that if my phone kept cutting out and having the whirring noise that I should call 911 because the child and I were in immediate danger. I refrained and when the company came, they replaced a piece of faulty equipment on the line and have had no issues, since. I was told that he was the only person I could trust.

I just don't want our child to have the same fear. I honestly just wish he could get some help, but he has said he will never change.

 

[breezymom]

I am not sure that there is any more that you can do than what you have already done. Unless dad does something that puts the child in harm's way, that can be proven with hard evidence, there is not much more the courts can do.

However, if he is harassing your coworkers they could certainly file for restraining orders against him.

Thank you, Ldi. And I am unsure what is going on with that. The last time I spoke with the one person, the person said, He can talk to my lawyer. I have been way too stressed for way too long concerning him and I can't take it anymore.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you, Ldi. And I am unsure what is going on with that. The last time I spoke with the one person, the person said, He can talk to my lawyer. I have been way too stressed for way too long concerning him and I can't take it anymore.

Get some counseling yourself. You have been through an ordeal with this man and you really need the help of a counselor to help you get over that, and to learn how to deal with him now without stressing yourself. You might even call a domestic violence shelter for some recommendations as to who to see.

 

[Silverplum]

The NON-verbal child is mine.

Sorry, I misunderstood.

 

[mariasusa]

I apologize. I was frustrated, which is why I posted to begin with. I was cut off from my friends and family, being told by him that they were tapping our phones and wiring our houses. I was told by him on the phone, shortly after I left that if my phone kept cutting out and having the whirring noise that I should call 911 because the child and I were in immediate danger. I refrained and when the company came, they replaced a piece of faulty equipment on the line and have had no issues, since. I was told that he was the only person I could trust.

I just don't want our child to have the same fear. I honestly just wish he could get some help, but he has said he will never change.

I may be the only one here this way...but if I received threats to my safety, I would be calling the police, and filing a report. See what they have to say. It may not stop anything, but I don't take kindly to being threatened, its not OK. If he continued after that, I would file for a restraining order and that all parenting contact (outside of emergency with child) happen via email.