I did not complete a move away order, what now?

[Lovingmom1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My custody agreement say that my ex is to have my daughter every other weekend, we alternate holidays and every other week during the summer months. It also outlines pick ups and drop offs. During the school year, he is to pick up at daughter's school or my residence and we meet half way for pick ups. During summer, we meet half way for both.

We have always been able to stray from our agreement slightly in order to help each other out; temporarily changing meeting times or places, swapping weekends, etc. The court encouraged us to work together and we have been doing so.

This agreement was put in place over a year ago, and I lived in a different county and city. I lost my house to foreclosure last August and had to move. My daughter and I moved about 25-30 miles south of my previous residence. I informed my ex of the need for the move in a phone conversation, we discussed the school and I have now lived in that county for over a year with no further discussion from him. Visitation has remained consistent and regular, with even slightly more time given to him than ordered.

My ex is now threatening to take me back to court because I did not fill out a "move-away order". I have since googled it, discovered I probably should have filled it out. I did not intentionally avoid it, I didn't know it existed. I assumed that notifying him would be enough. Well, now I'm not sure what to do. Should I complete one at this stage in the game? Is this order really a big deal for such a small move or does it apply to out of state or country moves?

 

[CJane]

He's known for a YEAR that you lived somewhere else, and his time with the child has NEVER been negatively impacted?

Even if you should have filed for permission to move, that ship has sailed.

 

[Lovingmom1]

He's known for a YEAR that you lived somewhere else, and his time with the child has NEVER been negatively impacted?

Even if you should have filed for permission to move, that ship has sailed.

Unfortunately, I was impacted by the fact that we were getting along and did not email it to him or put it in writing, I only notified him by phone. He has come to my residence to pick her up several times, so that is my only "proof" that he knew that we had moved and I had notified him. Well, also school documents such as report cards and I invited him to school events that she was having, but he did not attend any of them.

In fact, I was driving the 30 miles back to the original town for his pick ups instead of having him drive to my new residence each time, just to make transitions easier on him.

So, should I complete one now even though the ship has "sailed"? Just to cover my behind?

 

[CJane]

I think I'd wait and see what he does. Is he RANTING or is he actually FILING something in court - and if so, what?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My custody agreement say that my ex is to have my daughter every other weekend, we alternate holidays and every other week during the summer months. It also outlines pick ups and drop offs. During the school year, he is to pick up at daughter's school or my residence and we meet half way for pick ups. During summer, we meet half way for both.

We have always been able to stray from our agreement slightly in order to help each other out; temporarily changing meeting times or places, swapping weekends, etc. The court encouraged us to work together and we have been doing so.

This agreement was put in place over a year ago, and I lived in a different county and city. I lost my house to foreclosure last August and had to move. My daughter and I moved about 25-30 miles south of my previous residence. I informed my ex of the need for the move in a phone conversation, we discussed the school and I have now lived in that county for over a year with no further discussion from him. Visitation has remained consistent and regular, with even slightly more time given to him than ordered.

My ex is now threatening to take me back to court because I did not fill out a "move-away order". I have since googled it, discovered I probably should have filled it out. I did not intentionally avoid it, I didn't know it existed. I assumed that notifying him would be enough. Well, now I'm not sure what to do. Should I complete one at this stage in the game? Is this order really a big deal for such a small move or does it apply to out of state or country moves?

His ship has sailed on that one. He cannot wait for over a year and THEN try to protest your move. Well, actually he could TRY, but he wouldn't get anywhere with it other than to perhaps to get adjustments in the transportation portion of your orders.

 

[Lovingmom1]

I think I'd wait and see what he does. Is he RANTING or is he actually FILING something in court - and if so, what?

Well, I can only guess as to what his intention are, but his threat came in the middle of a text discussion. In the past weeks, he has become less willing to work together and has insisted we follow the order to the letter of the law, so we have been. He has been so over the top about it, insisting that everything be just perfect and going so far as to quote the order to me. So, since in the order states that he will pick her up at her school or my residence, I told him he could pick her up at home as opposed to me driving that 30 miles. He was angry that I was not willing to meet him and threatened to take me to court for the missing move away order. I insisted that I was simply following the order like he insisted. (I know, it was sassy, but you can understand my frustration)

It seems that when it benefits him, he is willing to compromise the order, but if not then we should stick to it like glue. I'm guessing that he was trying to bully me into doing what he wanted in order to scare me into doing the driving and making his life easier, because he eventually gave in and drove to the house to pick her up.

 

[stealth2]

Well, really - you *should* be picking up the extra transportation. You created the distance, after all.

 

[CJane]

Well, really - you *should* be picking up the extra transportation. You created the distance, after all.

Then Dad *should* quit insisting the order be followed to the letter.

 

[Lovingmom1]

Well, really - you *should* be picking up the extra transportation. You created the distance, after all.

Well, we could argue that all day since he initially moved 3 hours away from the original residence and I drive half way to make up THAT distance. I did that because I"m nice, not because I was ordered to. I allowed and agreed that to be put in the order because I didn't want him to be forced to bear that burden alone. You see, I was attempting to CO-parent.

I realized that I was making that drive even more difficult because of my move and without being asked, requested or questioned, met him in a fast food parking lot as opposed to the original school or residence.

I guess I should also mentiong that there was a REASON for the specific language in our orders. He was continually late for both pick ups and drop offs..sometimes hours late...with no call. So, we wrote the papers to be worded that way in order to avoid my daughter and I sitting in a parking lot for hours.

Now, I realize that we can argue the implied meaning here, that the order was set while I lived at that address, but the papers say, at her school or my residence. Since he was being such a stickler about other things, I went along with his request to follow the order to the letter of the law. And I have read over and over on this site, that it doesn't necessarily matter what was implied or intended. It only matters what the papers say.

Now, I also realize that I could have been the bigger person here and given into one of his requests once again despite those which I have already gone above and beyond on, but where is the line drawn between co-parenting and making equal (or at least attempting to be equal) compromises and one sided compromises?

I don't really want an answer to that question, because the issue at hand is the move away order. Should I still complete one at this stage of the game or not?

 

[LdiJ]

Well, we could argue that all day since he initially moved 3 hours away from the original residence and I drive half way to make up THAT distance. I did that because I"m nice, not because I was ordered to. I allowed and agreed that to be put in the order because I didn't want him to be forced to bear that burden alone. You see, I was attempting to CO-parent.

I realized that I was making that drive even more difficult because of my move and without being asked, requested or questioned, met him in a fast food parking lot as opposed to the original school or residence.

I guess I should also mentiong that there was a REASON for the specific language in our orders. He was continually late for both pick ups and drop offs..sometimes hours late...with no call. So, we wrote the papers to be worded that way in order to avoid my daughter and I sitting in a parking lot for hours.

Now, I realize that we can argue the implied meaning here, that the order was set while I lived at that address, but the papers say, at her school or my residence. Since he was being such a stickler about other things, I went along with his request to follow the order to the letter of the law. And I have read over and over on this site, that it doesn't necessarily matter what was implied or intended. It only matters what the papers say.

Now, I also realize that I could have been the bigger person here and given into one of his requests once again despite those which I have already gone above and beyond on, but where is the line drawn between co-parenting and making equal (or at least attempting to be equal) compromises and one sided compromises?

I don't really want an answer to that question, because the issue at hand is the move away order. Should I still complete one at this stage of the game or not?

No, you should not. There is no reason to do so.

 

[Silverplum]

Certainly, the court that has your divorce/custody files wants to know your current address. You can just send a letter to notify them.

 

[mistoffolees]

Certainly, the court that has your divorce/custody files wants to know your current address. You can just send a letter to notify them.

I would absolutely do this. It will at least prevent a contempt charge.

 

[LdiJ]

I would absolutely do this. It will at least prevent a contempt charge.

Dad can file for contempt whether she does that or not if he is determined to do so. However, its far too late for him to actually convince a judge to find her in contempt whether she does that or not. He was ok with it for a more than a year...its too late to squawk now.

As long as she isn't accidentally initiating a relocation case of her own by sending a notice of her new address to the courts, that is fine, but she needs to be careful about that.

 

[mistoffolees]

Dad can file for contempt whether she does that or not if he is determined to do so. However, its far too late for him to actually convince a judge to find her in contempt whether she does that or not. He was ok with it for a more than a year...its too late to squawk now.

As long as she isn't accidentally initiating a relocation case of her own by sending a notice of her new address to the courts, that is fine, but she needs to be careful about that.

You're assuming that Dad will be honest about knowing about it for a year. That may not be the case.

If Mom does nothing and Dad files for contempt and/or a change of custody, it becomes his word against hers - and Mom could be found in contempt (although the fact that she moved over a year ago makes it unlikely that custody would be changed).

If Mom files her new address with the court and Dad files for contempt, it should get dropped right away - as long as her filing is before his.