pregnant minor daughter fmla

[gabe75007]

I guess you are right in alot of ways and she does need to take the adult consequences of what she has done, although i dont feel like i am trying to shed her from her choices, i am just trying to be there as a mom....I just was wanting to have my job protected when i take off, i don't think her having a csection to go along with my work schedule is a good idea....I have been at this company for 8 years and I have not told them she is pregnant yet. I am fearing they will fire me shortly after i tell them.....They have strict moral values and i am already in a bad position as they are upset with me (for what i have no idea). My daughter being pregnant is going to be the icing on the cake and i wanted to some way protect my job or know that between unemployment and my savings we would make it till i find a new job, maybe i will have one before the time even comes. I am on the way out the door anyways...if past behavior is a prediction of future behavior.

 

[Proserpina]

Well, regardless, it is, and can be done. happens all of the time. It depends on the insurance and the doctor. (Medicaid wont authorize that, but some private companies will) celebrities do it all of the time. so do working moms who have the money like that.

teenagers have a unique ability to recover from c sections and natural child births fairly easy.

I had a c section when I was a teenager for the convenience of the MD delivering for me. (plus my labor was going on 19 hours with no dilation at all) it was fast, easy, painless, and over with. I wouldn't have had it any other way, in hindsight. yes recovery in the hospital was about a week longer then natural, but it wasn't awful. gave me more timer to rest before bringing baby home to my exclusive care.

keep the incision area clean, and wipe it with alcohol to kill the germs. I don't see how its much different from cutting the vag to allow the baby out (perineum?) just like any cut or incision, the wound needs to be cared for, and caring for it isn't really that big of deal


It might be an option. Ops daughter should talk it over with her ob/gyn. If he's not willing to do it, then thats that.

"Vagina". It's okay, you can say the word. It's not a bad word.

(And yes, it's the perineum)

Anyway, you might find that many parents AND OB/GYNs aren't overly fond of episiotomies these days, either.

But really - this has NOTHING to do with the OP's question.

 

[Banned_Princess]

"Vagina". It's okay, you can say the word. It's not a bad word.

(And yes, it's the perineum)

Anyway, you might find that many parents AND OB/GYNs aren't overly fond of episiotomies these days, either.

But really - this has NOTHING to do with the OP's question.

Just trying to put out options. to deal with the juggle of working and being there for someone you love's childbirth. (daughter in this case)

of course it is up to the patient and doctor to know what is best, and possible.


and I'm sure mom wants daughter to go through natural childbirth, no drugs. so next time she might think about what she is doing.

My friends mom did that to her 11 years ago, and to this day, she has not had another baby... as opposed to other girls I know got all doped up and subsequently had 5 more. talk about irresponsible breeding!!!

Lots of women deliver alone, I'm sure daughter will not hate mom forever. (wheres dad by the way... not invited to his child's birth?)

Plus she can understand that a paycheck is absolutely necessary if she wants to have a home to bring baby to.

have you, op spoke to your daughter about this?

OP you can get the call she is delivering, and leave work, and return the next day. you don't need extensive time off. you do come home every night don't you? your boss might be overjoyed for your new addition. especially after 8 years of loyal service!

 

[Banned_Princess]

I guess you are right in alot of ways and she does need to take the adult consequences of what she has done, although i dont feel like i am trying to shed her from her choices, i am just trying to be there as a mom....I just was wanting to have my job protected when i take off, i don't think her having a csection to go along with my work schedule is a good idea....I have been at this company for 8 years and I have not told them she is pregnant yet. I am fearing they will fire me shortly after i tell them.....They have strict moral values and i am already in a bad position as they are upset with me (for what i have no idea). My daughter being pregnant is going to be the icing on the cake and i wanted to some way protect my job or know that between unemployment and my savings we would make it till i find a new job, maybe i will have one before the time even comes. I am on the way out the door anyways...if past behavior is a prediction of future behavior.

If you get a new job before the birth of precious baby, I think the option to take off a few days to be with daughter is likely even less possible then the situation you are in now.

If they fire you for taking a day or two, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. no need to rush unemployment.

maybe the baby will come naturally on a Friday afternoon / evening.

God bless your daughter and your upcoming bundle of pure joy.

good luck!!!

 

[ecmst12]

Being induced on a specific date if there's no signs of labor impending increases the risk for needing a c-section because of non-progression, not to mention it's HELLA painful and puts both baby and mother through more stress. THe baby should come when it is ready to come, it will know when it's done cooking and if it's not, then it should stay in there! Elective inductions and c-sections are THANKFULLY becoming less common now as the US is increasingly criticized for its high rate of interventions with childbirth. It's a blessing that a c-section is available WHEN NECESSARY and they save a lot of lives when there are complications. But they also CAUSE complications and should never ever ever be the first choice when a natural birth is possible/safe.

Episiotomies are also becoming less common, thankfully, because in most cases a natural tear will heal much easier and cleaner than a cut. This is because a tear will happen along the cell wall lines, while a cut goes right through the cells. There are some situations where a tear might be worse, but not many, and doing them routinely is a bad practice.

 

[gabe75007]

Please read above....no my boss is not the type to be overjoyed about this birth....exactly the opposite. That is why i am trying to protect my job before i tell him. The babys dad will be at the birth, the babys other grandma & grandpa, myself, the grandpa passed away. My daughter plans to marry in about a year after they have both graduated from high school, he will work she will go to college and yes i will be helping her become an independent capable of supporting herself type of mom. we'll see what happens i cant predict the future but wish them the best.....

I have one son in engineering school and one that has his own business at 25, i am not here to make my kids dependent on me....my daughter helps her friends mom that has a seamstress shop and she and he will be buying diapers formula etc....but i do have the medical insurance that is paying for the birth....

Thanks!!!

 

[Proserpina]

Being induced on a specific date if there's no signs of labor impending increases the risk for needing a c-section because of non-progression, not to mention it's HELLA painful and puts both baby and mother through more stress. THe baby should come when it is ready to come, it will know when it's done cooking and if it's not, then it should stay in there! Elective inductions and c-sections are THANKFULLY becoming less common now as the US is increasingly criticized for its high rate of interventions with childbirth. It's a blessing that a c-section is available WHEN NECESSARY and they save a lot of lives when there are complications. But they also CAUSE complications and should never ever ever be the first choice when a natural birth is possible/safe.

Episiotomies are also becoming less common, thankfully, because in most cases a natural tear will heal much easier and cleaner than a cut. This is because a tear will happen along the cell wall lines, while a cut goes right through the cells. There are some situations where a tear might be worse, but not many, and doing them routinely is a bad practice.

I honestly, truly think this is one of the best posts I've ever seen.

Massively applauding.

 

[Proserpina]

Please read above....no my boss is not the type to be overjoyed about this birth....exactly the opposite. That is why i am trying to protect my job before i tell him. The babys dad will be at the birth, the babys other grandma & grandpa, myself, the grandpa passed away. My daughter plans to marry in about a year after they have both graduated from high school, he will work she will go to college and yes i will be helping her become an independent capable of supporting herself type of mom. we'll see what happens i cant predict the future but wish them the best.....

I have one son in engineering school and one that has his own business at 25, i am not here to make my kids dependent on me....my daughter helps her friends mom that has a seamstress shop and she and he will be buying diapers formula etc....but i do have the medical insurance that is paying for the birth....

Thanks!!!

So she's going to have a LOT of support right there with her

Mom, I'm going to be brutally honest here. Perhaps the BEST thing to do for your daughter is to show her that sometimes, adults have obligations that they really can't get out of. Help her learn. Teach her. Help her understand that sometimes when she wants Mom present, Mom isn't always going to be available.

I realize this is a huge event. I really do. BUT. She also needs to understand how the real world works.

Good luck to you all, no matter what happens.

 

[gabe75007]

Sorry for posting yet again....and if i get a new job before the baby, yes it is likely that they will be understanding and compassionate about my situation in life, as an interview i have this week is a referral from a CPA and I will not take a job that the employer has no compassion....i have worked for small companies in the past and one of the benefits is compassion and caring about each individual employee...but of course you dont get the benefits of a large employer**************so i guess i have always taken the trade off...

 

[ecmst12]

4 people in the labor room with mom is at least 2 too many, not all of you will be allowed in the room at once. It sounds like she will have plenty of support and won't be alone even if you won't be there for the whole time. I can imagine it will be really emotionally hard on you to not be there, but you really need to decide if it's worth risking your job and if you can financially survive if you take that bet and lose. Unfortunately there isn't any legal protection for you to take off for this reason. Though if your intention is just to take off a day or 2 for the birth and you are fired for it, you do have a decent chance of getting unemployment...as long as you start looking for work right away.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Please read above....no my boss is not the type to be overjoyed about this birth....exactly the opposite. That is why i am trying to protect my job before i tell him. The babys dad will be at the birth, the babys other grandma & grandpa, myself, the grandpa passed away. My daughter plans to marry in about a year after they have both graduated from high school, he will work she will go to college and yes i will be helping her become an independent capable of supporting herself type of mom. we'll see what happens i cant predict the future but wish them the best.....

I have one son in engineering school and one that has his own business at 25, i am not here to make my kids dependent on me....my daughter helps her friends mom that has a seamstress shop and she and he will be buying diapers formula etc....but i do have the medical insurance that is paying for the birth....

Thanks!!!

The problem with teenagers having babies is that they aren't done maturing, and down the line, be it 3 or 10 years for now, the couple decide they don't like each other. there are exceptions, but I wouldn't push her to marry him.

man feels tied down, woman feels neglected, all kinds of drama can make their lives miserable.

he should be paying child support, and be granted visitation, and they should be able to co parent effectively. they can even live together for the time being... but getting married is something totally different (probably another unpopular opinion)

seems like your daughter will have alot of support during labor and delivery.

you will likely have to wait outside while mom and dad give birth. so I i don't think you need to take off to long.
get the call, tell boss its an emergency and you will call him if you cant make it to work the next day. emergences are not considered "willful misconduct. since he doesn't know anything, the emergency could very well be anything, and I doubt his first reaction will be "her daughters having a baby." (even tho I think that is covered under emergency)

that way, if you get fired, you CAN collect unemployment, as long as you are looking for a replacement job.

 

[gabe75007]

I have no idea about the marriage equation....only time will tell. and it may not happen at all....This is an extremely emotional decision and I can guess yall have seen that in my replies...all of these people will not be at the actual birth, she wants me, my sister, and the babys dad in the actual birth. I have told her that she should have the other grandmother in there before her aunt. I cryT as i write this because I cannot see me missing this birth and feeling good about myself, but that is my emotional side, and thank God i have time to come to grips about this and maybe find a job that will be understanding.

Thanks for all the advice and understanding, i really appreciate your input!!

And I am glad I know where i stand before i make a decision....

 

[gabe75007]

O and just FYI I did suggest natural child birth as an option and she went to the Dr and that idea got nixed really fast!!!!! LOL

 

[Banned_Princess]

O and just FYI I did suggest natural child birth as an option and she went to the Dr and that idea got nixed really fast!!!!! LOL

Thats because your private insurance will pay for all of the drugs requested. lol.

(I was covered under my moms private policy, and the first second I had any pain, I was given demeral and an epadural. )


Seriously We wish you and your daughter, and new grandbabie all the health and happiness the good Lord can bestow on you.

you have a serious decision to make, and I think the best advice was the one that teaches your daughter adults have to make adult decisions, and she cant always have mom around for comfort.

its not like she will be all alone (had my mom not been able to attend I would have been all alone, my mom also had my aunt to take shifts with her, so she could go home a while.. but after I got the pain meds, I didn't care who was there, nobody could have been there for all I cared, I just wanted the whole thing over with already. I was hungry and thirsty, and I wasn't allowed to eat or drink. but i digress)
and its not like you cant get to the hospital as soon as you are done working while she is there.


She isnt going to hate you.

If I were you I wouldnt say anything until the time comes, then I would leave work on family emergency, call boss tel him you need next day off, and if you are fired, then you are fired. you dont appear that happy with the job anyway.

If you get fired for leaving on a family emergency, and need the next day off, it is very likley you can draw unemployment until you can get another job (or the benifits run out. either way)

 

[Banned_Princess]

Ps, recomend us to your daughter if any custody or child support issues come up. We can help her too.


Cheers!!