School Decisions

[13sierra32]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I'm not sure if there is an actual "legal" answer to this, but I thought I'd give it a shot...and I am really looking for confirmation of my thoughts, as I think I may have a general idea.

My ex-husband and I have 50/50 custody and physical placement of our 6 yr old Kindergartner.

I can provide any requested details but don't want to provide clutter that isn't needed, (I know you're all busy!).

If I move residences within the same city, causing my son to change elementary schools- and my ex and I disagree on his schooling (ex may decide that if he's changing anyway, he should go to private school), what are the steps to coming to a decision on that? Mediation and then court? If so, what types of things does the mediator/court look at to assist in coming to a decision? I am guessing stability, permanence of residence, best interest of the child, etc?

While I respect my ex as my son's father, we tend to disagree at times on what may be in our son's "best interest".

Note: divorce decree states that our son will attend school in our city- doesn't specify public or private, and both are in the city.

Also note that this isn't a financial issue- I truly believe that our son (for various reasons) will be better off in the public school setting.

Please let me know if any further details would help. Thank you in advance for any responses!

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I'm not sure if there is an actual "legal" answer to this, but I thought I'd give it a shot...and I am really looking for confirmation of my thoughts, as I think I may have a general idea.

My ex-husband and I have 50/50 custody and physical placement of our 6 yr old Kindergartner.

I can provide any requested details but don't want to provide clutter that isn't needed, (I know you're all busy!).

If I move residences within the same city, causing my son to change elementary schools- and my ex and I disagree on his schooling (ex may decide that if he's changing anyway, he should go to private school), what are the steps to coming to a decision on that? Mediation and then court? If so, what types of things does the mediator/court look at to assist in coming to a decision? I am guessing stability, permanence of residence, best interest of the child, etc?

While I respect my ex as my son's father, we tend to disagree at times on what may be in our son's "best interest".

Note: divorce decree states that our son will attend school in our city- doesn't specify public or private, and both are in the city.

Also note that this isn't a financial issue- I truly believe that our son (for various reasons) will be better off in the public school setting.

Please let me know if any further details would help. Thank you in advance for any responses!

So does dad live in the school district where son currently attends? Most times, the court will NOT order private school. Is dad going to pay completely for the entire private school? Why does he want private school? Does your son have any special needs?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I'm not sure if there is an actual "legal" answer to this, but I thought I'd give it a shot...and I am really looking for confirmation of my thoughts, as I think I may have a general idea.

My ex-husband and I have 50/50 custody and physical placement of our 6 yr old Kindergartner.

I can provide any requested details but don't want to provide clutter that isn't needed, (I know you're all busy!).

If I move residences within the same city, causing my son to change elementary schools- and my ex and I disagree on his schooling (ex may decide that if he's changing anyway, he should go to private school), what are the steps to coming to a decision on that? Mediation and then court? If so, what types of things does the mediator/court look at to assist in coming to a decision? I am guessing stability, permanence of residence, best interest of the child, etc?

While I respect my ex as my son's father, we tend to disagree at times on what may be in our son's "best interest".

Note: divorce decree states that our son will attend school in our city- doesn't specify public or private, and both are in the city.

Also note that this isn't a financial issue- I truly believe that our son (for various reasons) will be better off in the public school setting.

Please let me know if any further details would help. Thank you in advance for any responses!

If you can't agree, then you'll have to have the court decide. If your decree requires mediation, then you have to try that first, but not all decrees or states require mediation.

If there's no other way to choose, the court might simply say that since the child has already started school, it makes sense to leave him where he is if one parent remains there. And if one parent remains in that district, that is probably allowed by the school district.

 

[13sierra32]

Well- that's the part that seems like a no-brainer, I'm actually moving INTO the district where dad lives- so you'd think since we'd be in the same public district, our son would go there with no questions asked.

I fear, however, that dad will allow emotions to come into play (me moving on), as he has had a tendency to do- and then may request private school just because he knows how I feel about it. Just a little more history- dad was granted (by me) the right to send him to private school (and yes- he would pay 100%) when dad lived with his girlfriend and two kids- but 6 weeks later, dad and girlfriend moved out and he suddenly turned the school decisions back over to me, (I try not to reach over the fence, so to speak, so I don't know why they moved so suddenly and remain together).

My son doesn't have any special needs, however, has very high social anxiety and does well with consistency and strong friendship groups. My concern with the private school is that it is small and would eventually lead into the public high school where he would know less than 10% of the kids when the other 90% come from the public middle school. (I know it sounds strange and maybe not realistic to be looking so far into the future, but I feel fairly strongly that there isn't any reason that he shouldn't attend the public school.)

 

[CJane]

It's unlikely, faced with a public school in the district where both parents live or a private school that one parent is opposed to, that a judge would choose the private school.

 

[mistoffolees]

Well- that's the part that seems like a no-brainer, I'm actually moving INTO the district where dad lives- so you'd think since we'd be in the same public district, our son would go there with no questions asked.

It would have been easier if you had said that.

Since you'll both be in the same district, that's the only public school that the child can legally attend in most districts (unless you want to pay out-of-district tuition).

If Dad wants the child to go to private school, he is free to ask the court to order that. Typically, courts are reluctant to do so. However, if Dad agrees to pay 100% of the expense and if the private school is significantly better than the public school (and Dad can prove it), and if there are no significant religious objections from the other parent, then it's possible. But in that case, why would you object? Better school, no religious objections, and Dad pays....seems like an easy decision.

 

[CJane]

But in that case, why would you object? Better school, no religious objections, and Dad pays....seems like an easy decision.

Objections not based on religion would be just as valid. Personally, I would object to private school for a LOT of reasons that hit the list before religion does. And they're all valid, easily articulated objections.

 

[13sierra32]

Thank you for the responses.

I agree that religion isn't necessarily the most important reason for choosing private school- I did visit the school initially and did a side-by-side comparison of both public and private (things like special programs, offerings, on-site counselors, etc), and found them to be very similar.

I have a BA in Elementary Education- and part of what I think my son will gain from the public school experience is the sheer concept of diversity, and being exposed to multiple classes from 1st to 8th grade vs. one...the private school would be one or two classes per grade level- so basically 40 (max?) children that he would then get fed into the HS with.

Just my opinion, and I'm just not sure that dad would be able to convince the court of any sort of major difference between private and public...given that I did a pretty extensive check before I agreed to let him attend there- just a reminder that I've gone down the path of letting dad make the call on this already- and part of my resistance is the fact that he gave me the call to make when he decided it was no longer important to him.

 

[stealth2]

I know numerous kids (of various personalities and needs) who have attended prviate school and then transitioned to public in either MS or HS. Don't know a one who has had an issue. Just something to bear in mind.

 

[mistoffolees]

Objections not based on religion would be just as valid. Personally, I would object to private school for a LOT of reasons that hit the list before religion does. And they're all valid, easily articulated objections.

Perhaps. But the difference is that for non-religious objections, the court can easily weigh both sides. For a religious objection, the court has a hard time overruling the religious objection because it could amount to forcing the child to adopt the religion of one parent.

Thank you for the responses.

I agree that religion isn't necessarily the most important reason for choosing private school- I did visit the school initially and did a side-by-side comparison of both public and private (things like special programs, offerings, on-site counselors, etc), and found them to be very similar.

I have a BA in Elementary Education- and part of what I think my son will gain from the public school experience is the sheer concept of diversity, and being exposed to multiple classes from 1st to 8th grade vs. one...the private school would be one or two classes per grade level- so basically 40 (max?) children that he would then get fed into the HS with.

Just my opinion, and I'm just not sure that dad would be able to convince the court of any sort of major difference between private and public...given that I did a pretty extensive check before I agreed to let him attend there- just a reminder that I've gone down the path of letting dad make the call on this already- and part of my resistance is the fact that he gave me the call to make when he decided it was no longer important to him.

Don't underestimate the other advantages of private schools. For example, my daughter's school is much more inclusive and supportive than public schools in the area. Not to mention much safer.

Plus, I have a hard time believing that the private school doesn't outperform public schools on some measures. Private schools generally beat the average public school by a wide margin on standardized tests, for example. Of course, much of this is a selection phenomenon (kids in private school tend to come from a different socioeconomic background as well as generally have greater parental involvement), but are you sure that there's no difference? If there is, you don't want to pretend it's not there. Rather, you would state that the difference is due to non-school factors like the above (assuming you could find evidence to support that).

That said, you're moving into the same school district as Dad. Unless the schools are really atrocious, the court is unlikely to order private school unless Dad pays 100% of the cost (even then it's not a slam-dunk). So you should probably just ignore Dad's threats. If he brings it up, tell him that you'll consider the private school if he pays 100% of all the costs. Otherwise, I'd let him take it to court.