Help with divorce - brain tumor

[balerian]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ, Morris County

I moved to NJ from texas to live with my stbx. I was only 18 and she was 36, thought I was in love with her. Living with her from 2002-current. We married 2007 and decided on wanting a divorce in 2010. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2005. She was fired in 2006 and never returned to work due to the side effects of medication and tumor. She also never applied for disability dispite my urgings. I married her because it was the only way to ensure that she would continue to have health insurance at the time because I was switching jobs.

I have attempted to fill out paperwork online to file for a divorce however she says that she will not sign the divorce papers until she is ensured a financial support system. However I dont even make enough money now to support us. We are still on friendly terms, and still live together with lack of a better option. We have agreed to split all physical items and have no issues. I think the issue is going to come on the financials. Is she entitled to Alimony? How can I get my divorce civily? If I wanted to help her, how could I do so without ultimately killing my own financial status? Im only making 34k right now and cant afford the bills every month as it is.

Please help me figure out how to proceed.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ, Morris County

I moved to NJ from texas to live with my stbx. I was only 18 and she was 36, thought I was in love with her. Living with her from 2002-current. We married 2007 and decided on wanting a divorce in 2010. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2005. She was fired in 2006 and never returned to work due to the side effects of medication and tumor. She also never applied for disability dispite my urgings. I married her because it was the only way to ensure that she would continue to have health insurance at the time because I was switching jobs.

I have attempted to fill out paperwork online to file for a divorce however she says that she will not sign the divorce papers until she is ensured a financial support system. However I dont even make enough money now to support us. We are still on friendly terms, and still live together with lack of a better option. We have agreed to split all physical items and have no issues. I think the issue is going to come on the financials. Is she entitled to Alimony? How can I get my divorce civily? If I wanted to help her, how could I do so without ultimately killing my own financial status? Im only making 34k right now and cant afford the bills every month as it is.

Please help me figure out how to proceed.

You are lucky that you're in TX - which is not particularly alimony-friendly. However, if she is truly disabled, it's not impossible for her to get it. However, with your income and the short term marriage, I wouldn't expect it to be much, if anything.

What you need to do is file for divorce and ask for division of the marital property. Since you don't want to pay alimony, just don't mention it. She would have to request it and you would have a chance to respond. Your argument that she hasn't even tried to get disability is a good one - she needs to prove that she's unable to work and if she hasn't tried to get disability, that's going to be hard.

I would encourage you to talk with an attorney in your county. Many attorneys will give you an initial consultation for free - and you can learn a lot in half an hour.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ, Morris County

I moved to NJ from texas to live with my stbx. I was only 18 and she was 36, thought I was in love with her. Living with her from 2002-current. We married 2007 and decided on wanting a divorce in 2010. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2005. She was fired in 2006 and never returned to work due to the side effects of medication and tumor. She also never applied for disability dispite my urgings. I married her because it was the only way to ensure that she would continue to have health insurance at the time because I was switching jobs.

I have attempted to fill out paperwork online to file for a divorce however she says that she will not sign the divorce papers until she is ensured a financial support system. However I dont even make enough money now to support us. We are still on friendly terms, and still live together with lack of a better option. We have agreed to split all physical items and have no issues. I think the issue is going to come on the financials. Is she entitled to Alimony? How can I get my divorce civily? If I wanted to help her, how could I do so without ultimately killing my own financial status? Im only making 34k right now and cant afford the bills every month as it is.

Please help me figure out how to proceed.

You've been married only a very short while and despite your wife being disabled (why won't she file for disability? That IS pretty much a guaranteed income), on your salary it's unlikely the court will order alimony unless you're obviously and voluntarily underemployed and capable of earning MUCH more.

The court won't force you to become destitute - the court will recognize that you have to live, too.

I'd speak with a local attorney. While it's fine that you're civil at the moment, I honestly believe what she's asking of you is at least a little unreasonable based on the circumstances.

 

[Proserpina]

You are lucky that you're in TX - which is not particularly alimony-friendly. However, if she is truly disabled, it's not impossible for her to get it. However, with your income and the short term marriage, I wouldn't expect it to be much, if anything.

What you need to do is file for divorce and ask for division of the marital property. Since you don't want to pay alimony, just don't mention it. She would have to request it and you would have a chance to respond. Your argument that she hasn't even tried to get disability is a good one - she needs to prove that she's unable to work and if she hasn't tried to get disability, that's going to be hard.

I would encourage you to talk with an attorney in your county. Many attorneys will give you an initial consultation for free - and you can learn a lot in half an hour.

He moved FROM Texas, misto.

 

[ecmst12]

You had better get yourself a lawyer. You do NOT have to support her for the rest of her life. If you are ordered to pay alimony, it would be short term due to the short length of your marriage. She apparantly needs a reality check that she can't rely on you to support her forever and needs to apply for disability and whatever else she is entitled to so she can support herself. You need to be able to cut your ties and move away from her since it seems like she is dragging you down a very deep hole.

 

[mistoffolees]

He moved FROM Texas, misto.

Oops. My bad.

Either way, he needs to speak to an attorney.

 

[tuffbrk]

GET AN ATTORNEY. Although it is a short term marriage, you could still wind up being ordered to pay rehabilitative or limited duration alimony. You need to have your attorney aggressively argue against it. She absolutely needs to apply for disability - the fact that she has not done so is not your responsibility. You can lead a horse to water...

Do NOT allow yourself to be intimidated by the system or by her medical issue. There are resources available to her that she is choosing to not avail. That is being done to hang onto you while she is undergoing treatment. Do not be surprised if she asks for you to be responsible to pay Cobra for her which you cannot afford.

Good lucj.