Thanksgiving visitation

[babybaker7]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I was supposed to go to my out of state family's house for Thanksgiving this year. It is my ex husbands year for Thanksgiving so I cancelled my plans. I have tried calling my ex to talk about that weekend for the last week. His mom called me yesterday and said they were going to do Thanksgiving that Saturday. I had planned our Thanksgiving for that Saturday. I explained to my ex mother in law all of this and she said I should have called her before I made plans. She says it is his Saturday for the kids. I explained to her that her son should communicate with me and I should not have to go through her. We got in to it on the phone and she hung up on me. She called back later and I let it go to voicemail. She then proceeded to tell me on voicemail that "whatever needs to happen will happen". He has seen the kids 4 times in the last year. Even if its not his Saturday and he comes to visit I let the kids go see him. I don't feel as though he should get to ruin my Thanksgiving plans and the Saturday plans. Any advice as to what I should do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mariasusa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I was supposed to go to my out of state family's house for Thanksgiving this year. It is my ex husbands year for Thanksgiving so I cancelled my plans. I have tried calling my ex to talk about that weekend for the last week. His mom called me yesterday and said they were going to do Thanksgiving that Saturday. I had planned our Thanksgiving for that Saturday. I explained to my ex mother in law all of this and she said I should have called her before I made plans. She says it is his Saturday for the kids. I explained to her that her son should communicate with me and I should not have to go through her. We got in to it on the phone and she hung up on me. She called back later and I let it go to voicemail. She then proceeded to tell me on voicemail that "whatever needs to happen will happen". He has seen the kids 4 times in the last year. Even if its not his Saturday and he comes to visit I let the kids go see him. I don't feel as though he should get to ruin my Thanksgiving plans and the Saturday plans. Any advice as to what I should do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You say up front its your ex's year to have child this Thanksgiving, so you send the child for whatever your court order says constitutes Thanksgiving holiday. Period. Just because dad doesn't want to negotiate about it is not a reason to bug grandma and make requests of her...but thats up to you.

 

[babybaker7]

You say up front its your ex's year to have child this Thanksgiving, so you send the child for whatever your court order says constitutes Thanksgiving holiday. Period. Just because dad doesn't want to negotiate about it is not a reason to bug grandma and make requests of her...but thats up to you.

The order says he gets 8 hours every other holiday and every other Saturday. I am giving him Thanksgiving day because thats what he wanted since its his year. So I planned my Thanksgiving for that saturday. Well his mom says its his Saturday and hes doing his Thankgiving with his family that day. He is not allowed over nights because he molested my children yet the judge still gave him 8 hour visitations. What will happen if I don't give him 8 hours for the Saturday after Thanksgiving? I have always worked with him. This I am not willing to give up because my family is coming in that weekend and he is getting Thanksgiving day.

 

[Silverplum]

The order says he gets 8 hours every other holiday and every other Saturday. I am giving him Thanksgiving day because thats what he wanted since its his year. So I planned my Thanksgiving for that saturday. Well his mom says its his Saturday and hes doing his Thankgiving with his family that day. He is not allowed over nights because he molested my children yet the judge still gave him 8 hour visitations. What will happen if I don't give him 8 hours for the Saturday after Thanksgiving? I have always worked with him. This I am not willing to give up because my family is coming in that weekend and he is getting Thanksgiving day.

Run up to the courthouse and tell your Judge that s/he made a big mistake, and you are NOT willing to give up your (wrong) ideas.

Thanskgiving is Dad's.

Saturdays, for 8 hours, are Dad's.

Doesn't matter whether or not you want to give up time or a day or if your entire family back to Great-Great Grandpa comes for Saturday Thanksgiving: it's Dad's time.

Mess with it, and you are eligible to be filed against for contempt. It's a court ORDER.

 

[LdiJ]

Run up to the courthouse and tell your Judge that s/he made a big mistake, and you are NOT willing to give up your (wrong) ideas.

Thanskgiving is Dad's.

Saturdays, for 8 hours, are Dad's.

Doesn't matter whether or not you want to give up time or a day or if your entire family back to Great-Great Grandpa comes for Saturday Thanksgiving: it's Dad's time.

Mess with it, and you are eligible to be filed against for contempt. It's a court ORDER.

I am not sure that I agree with that.

In the first place, if he has only seen the child 4 times in the last year and he only gets every other Saturday, then its uncertain whether or not this would be his Saturday on the rotation or not. Just because his mother says so doesn't mean it is.

Therefore she would not be in contempt unless it could be proven that this Saturday would have been dad's Saturday under the rotation.

OP...get out a calendar and figure out if it really is supposed to be his saturday that weekend.

 

[Silverplum]

I am not sure that I agree with that.

I'd LOL, but I'm bored by now.

 

[babybaker7]

I am not sure that I agree with that.

In the first place, if he has only seen the child 4 times in the last year and he only gets every other Saturday, then its uncertain whether or not this would be his Saturday on the rotation or not. Just because his mother says so doesn't mean it is.

Therefore she would not be in contempt unless it could be proven that this Saturday would have been dad's Saturday under the rotation.

OP...get out a calendar and figure out if it really is supposed to be his saturday that weekend.

Ok. The papers state he gets the 1st Saturday after Jan 4 2010. So it would be his Saturday after Thanksgiving. He will not return my calls though. I don't have a clue what he has to say it is just his mom. I am sure he does want that Saturday though. Just so I can't have it. I don't understand why he can't communicate with me. As I said I have never said it's my weekend you can't have them. That is not fair to the kids. I also don't feel it is fair though that my kids don't get a Thanksgiving with their moms family because the family all has conflicting schedules and that Saturday works for almost everyone.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok. The papers state he gets the 1st Saturday after Jan 4 2010. So it would be his Saturday after Thanksgiving. He will not return my calls though. I don't have a clue what he has to say it is just his mom. I am sure he does want that Saturday though. Just so I can't have it. I don't understand why he can't communicate with me. As I said I have never said it's my weekend you can't have them. That is not fair to the kids. I also don't feel it is fair though that my kids don't get a Thanksgiving with their moms family because the family all has conflicting schedules and that Saturday works for almost everyone.

RE: the bolded above, the facts of the matter ---> Then you go back to what I said previously, before Ldij posted her stuff.

 

[CJane]

I also don't feel it is fair though that my kids don't get a Thanksgiving with their moms family because the family all has conflicting schedules and that Saturday works for almost everyone.

You're right, it's NOT fair. But it's also life.

 

[mariasusa]

What you've got to learn to do (or be very miserable) is to schedule some of the big holidays on different days. Thats what you do with a split household. You set the precedent...your family learns what holidays you have what years...and say for this year you make Sunday Thanksgiving at your home. Don't make it a big deal...because its in the court order and dad is probably not calling because he doesn't want to deal with it. I wouldn't either.

You've got to learn how to work around the court order - its very easy to do...kids are very flexible that way. And its not fair to your child to be put in the middle of visitation with dad or oh no! he loses the big Thanksgiving deal with you. You shouldn't have set it up, especially with him. The ONLY time you schedule something on dads time is when you've got written permission from dad he's OK with it.

 

[babybaker7]

What you've got to learn to do (or be very miserable) is to schedule some of the big holidays on different days. Thats what you do with a split household. You set the precedent...your family learns what holidays you have what years...and say for this year you make Sunday Thanksgiving at your home. Don't make it a big deal...because its in the court order and dad is probably not calling because he doesn't want to deal with it. I wouldn't either.

You've got to learn how to work around the court order - its very easy to do...kids are very flexible that way. And its not fair to your child to be put in the middle of visitation with dad or oh no! he loses the big Thanksgiving deal with you. You shouldn't have set it up, especially with him. The ONLY time you schedule something on dads time is when you've got written permission from dad he's OK with it.

I tried calling him to ask him what he was doing and to ask if I could have Saturday. I didn't call to tell him I was taking them on his day. He did not answer or return my calls. Then his mother told me the day after I planned it (4 days after trying to reach dad to see what his plans were) that they were doing it Saturday. Thanks for all of your responses. Dad is not coming in until Friday. Grandma just thought she was getting Thanksgiving. I am keeping the kids for Thanksgiving and Dad is taking them for his Saturday. It all worked out in the end. The question I had was what would happen in court if I did not give him the Saturday but that does not matter now. I appreciate all of the feedback, even if it didnt answer my question

 

[Silverplum]

I tried calling him to ask him what he was doing and to ask if I could have Saturday. I didn't call to tell him I was taking them on his day. He did not answer or return my calls. Then his mother told me the day after I planned it (4 days after trying to reach dad to see what his plans were) that they were doing it Saturday. Thanks for all of your responses. Dad is not coming in until Friday. Grandma just thought she was getting Thanksgiving. I am keeping the kids for Thanksgiving and Dad is taking them for his Saturday. It all worked out in the end. The question I had was what would happen in court if I did not give him the Saturday but that does not matter now. I appreciate all of the feedback, even if it didnt answer my question

I did answer your question, very clearly.

You just didn't read.