No custody order as of yet

[LdiJ]

All I *ever* want to type to you is:

LdiJ...sigh...

And then throw in as many rollie-eyes as I can.



The exact same way YOU think that it's best for MOM to KEEP the child -- DESPITE THE FACT that she and Dad were MARRIED.

Yes. The EXACT same way.

Difference between me and you? I tell the truth. You kiss Moms.


I would whack everyone and let God sort 'em out. (Old Marine saying.)

Ok, then your advice is to turn the child over to dad even though she knows that dad is not going to give the child back and that she won't see the child again until the judge makes orders.

So that is what you would have done if you had been in her shoes. That is what you would advise all of your family and friends to do if they were ever in the same position.

Ok...you have the right to have that opinion.

However, the law states that in a married situation either parent has an equal right to have the child with them until a court says otherwise. Which also means, legally, that they both have the right to keep the child away from the other parent until a judge says otherwise. That is the unfortunate thing about equal legal rights.

If anybody that was in my family, male or female, lead me to believe that they were going to pull the kind of "snatch" that this dad has indicated that he intends to pull, I would get right in their face and tell them that unless they convinced me that they were NOT going to do it, that I would tell the other parent not to let the child anywhere near them until a judge said so.

I have the right to have that opinion too...

 

[CJane]

I got onto his facebook account and read a conversation between the two of them

I still wanna know why Mom thinks it's perfectly ok to go mucking about in Dad's Facebook account.

If ALL she has to "go on" is that he vented to his GF that he didn't feel like giving kiddo back? She's freaking out over nothing.

After all, she's posted HERE that she doesn't want to "let" him have kiddo this weekend.

No. Legally neither of them would be doing anything wrong. But Mom is not going to have a very easy next 14 years if she doesn't learn to keep her nose where it belongs.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok, then your advice is to turn the child over to dad even though she knows that dad is not going to give the child back and that she won't see the child again until the judge makes orders.

She SAYS that.
She does NOT know that. She has no justification to act in advance for what she thinks might happen.

And, as it is, SHE has been keeping the child. Where's YOUR outrage at THAT?

So that is what you would have done if you had been in her shoes.

What you, and everyone else, should know about ME is that I would NOT BE in her shoes.

That is what you would advise all of your family and friends to do if they were ever in the same position.

Ok...you have the right to have that opinion.

Of course I do.

And better yet, I'm correct. Morally, legally, all around the block.

However, the law states that in a married situation either parent has an equal right to have the child with them until a court says otherwise. Which also means, legally, that they both have the right to keep the child away from the other parent until a judge says otherwise. That is the unfortunate thing about equal legal rights.

If anybody that was in my family, male or female, lead me to believe that they were going to pull the kind of "snatch" that this dad has indicated that he intends to pull, I would get right in their face and tell them that unless they convinced me that they were NOT going to do it, that I would tell the other parent not to let the child anywhere near them until a judge said so.

I have the right to have that opinion too...

You DO have the right to be scared of everything.
You DO have the right to think Moms own children.
You DO have the right to tell posters what you think.

You're wrong, but you have the right to be wrong.

 

[Just Blue]

Ok, then your advice is to turn the child over to dad even though she knows that dad is not going to give the child back and that she won't see the child again until the judge makes orders.So that is what you would have done if you had been in her shoes. That is what you would advise all of your family and friends to do if they were ever in the same position.

Ok...you have the right to have that opinion.

However, the law states that in a married situation either parent has an equal right to have the child with them until a court says otherwise. Which also means, legally, that they both have the right to keep the child away from the other parent until a judge says otherwise. That is the unfortunate thing about equal legal rights.

If anybody that was in my family, male or female, lead me to believe that they were going to pull the kind of "snatch" that this dad has indicated that he intends to pull, I would get right in their face and tell them that unless they convinced me that they were NOT going to do it, that I would tell the other parent not to let the child anywhere near them until a judge said so.

I have the right to have that opinion too...

But isn't that what you are pretty much advising?...Mom should keep the child from Dad till a CO. How is that OKAY? Especially based on a FB rant??? Is that reasonable "advice" LD???

 

[frylover]

So, if dad DOES keep kiddo, will THAT be OK? "Morally", I mean?

And, just out of curiosity, does "tell your BF to get his kid for 'parenting time', and just keep him" sound like something GF's bosses might be tell her?

I know....no proof, so mom should just trust that daddy is going to be honest and fair and aboveboard, because daddies always do the right thing and are always the innocent victims of evil, conniving, selfish mommies.

 

[gam]

Maybe OP is a computer whiz and cracked into his facebook, but I am betting not. Facebook is a public website, so if they had it on their wall, free to look at it, and that is dad and his GF being stupid. Or maybe OP has his passwords, not unusual for couples to have each others. I have my husbands and he has mine. Again dad and GF are stupid for not changing them.

No way in heck would I advise anyone who has this information to go ahead and turn the kids over. If she does, dad is then going to run on down and file, he has the children, won't go good for mom.

I've seen way to many make good on this, both with married and unmarried. He/she who has kids at the time of filing is most often the one who retains the children. I am sure OP here does not want anything less then 50/50, but what does dad want? That is the question and since he is having conversations with his paralegal GIRLFRIEND, about not returning the children, no way would I give him the children, until I had a court order to PROTECT MY RIGHTS WITH THE CHILDREN.

Dad's just a peach here, after all he is still married and having an affair with a paralegal. Surprises me no one started on that, cause normally many do.

 

[Proserpina]

Maybe OP is a computer whiz and cracked into his facebook, but I am betting not. Facebook is a public website, so if they had it on their wall, free to look at it, and that is dad and his GF being stupid. Or maybe OP has his passwords, not unusual for couples to have each others. I have my husbands and he has mine. Again dad and GF are stupid for not changing them.

A person's FB page is only as public as they make it.

A "conversation" between Dad and the girlfriend does not sound like a "wall" conversation to me. It sounds like Mom accessed Dad's actual account and went through his PMs.

And that's NOT cool - and in some instances is actually open to criminal action. EVEN IF she initially had permission to use his password. I suggest you read quincy's posts on that subject.

No way in heck would I advise anyone who has this information to go ahead and turn the kids over. If she does, dad is then going to run on down and file, he has the children, won't go good for mom.

Based upon a parent venting?

I've seen way to many make good on this, both with married and unmarried. He/she who has kids at the time of filing is most often the one who retains the children.

That's not accurate and you know it. I have no idea why you said that.

I am sure OP here does not want anything less then 50/50, but what does dad want?

How do you know that?

That is the question and since he is having conversations with his paralegal GIRLFRIEND, about not returning the children, no way would I give him the children, until I had a court order to PROTECT MY RIGHTS WITH THE CHILDREN.

The children aren't just Mom's to "give". What about HIS rights?

Dad's just a peach here, after all he is still married and having an affair with a paralegal. Surprises me no one started on that, cause normally many do.

Maybe because his affair has absolutely sod all to do with anything except Mom ha-ha'ed and brought it up?

 

[gam]

A person's FB page is only as public as they make it.

A "conversation" between Dad and the girlfriend does not sound like a "wall" conversation to me. It sounds like Mom accessed Dad's actual account and went through his PMs.

And that's NOT cool - and in some instances is actually open to criminal action. EVEN IF she initially had permission to use his password. I suggest you read quincy's posts on that subject.

If his wall is public or he or girlfriend have OP as a friend, they are stupid as anyone can read it including OP. Yes people have personal conversations on their walls with all kinds of private stuff.

Like I said perhaps she did access his account, but dad should have changed his passwords. I don't know who quincy is, but I would love to read the post. I wouldn't tell someone to do this, but if they did, I would take what they read seriously.

You guys are all assuming that she hacked into his account or read personal PM's, not sure that is the case. Not with what I know people put on their facebooks. I can pull up about 10 people's facebook wall, all of them are in split situations and they just give the information to the other party.

Based upon a parent venting?

Yep, just based on that. Because you or I don't know if this person was actually venting or making a threat that they will follow through on.

That's not accurate and you know it. I have no idea why you said that.

I'm confused by your reply to this. I might not have been very clear, I was saying I know many that have had this happen to them. Someone vented they were going to keep the kids and they did. Didn't turn out well for the ones without the kids at the time of filing, by the time it gets heard in court, a custodial environment can be found. Don't know how that is not accurate, it's what I have seen in many cases. I seen some that have come out different, but would not advise someone to take that chance with a court.

How do you know that?

Because OP would not be asking about not sending them, if she did not want to retain some form of major custody here. That would be 50/50 or primary. Why bother asking if you want to be the NCP, just hand the kids over then. I don't know that she wants 50/50, she may only want primary for all ANY OF US KNOW, but based on her asking what to do, she clearly does not want to be the NCP.

The children aren't just Mom's to "give". What about HIS rights?

Never said he didn't have any rights. But OP is the one with the kid at the moment, OP's husband is saying he is not going to return them. Why does OP have the kids to begin with? Perhaps she took off with them and left him. If that is the case, then I would bet dad would have already taken them on one of his previous times with them. OP said they have done this on their own to this point with time.

The children are also not just dads to "take" either. So for me when one is taking, then I am not giving in this situation. I don't care if dad was just venting, he should have not vented where someone could read it or hear it. You don't vent that your going to snag your kids and play dirty. Sorry you just don't, your asking for problems.

Maybe because his affair has absolutely sod all to do with anything except Mom ha-ha'ed and brought it up?

Ya lost me on this, not making any sense, what is sod?

If dad was the one posting and he said mom told her boyfriend she was going to take the kid and not return him, I WOULD BE TELLING DAD THE SAME THING. Makes no difference to me if the poster is mom or dad.

Now of course we only have mom sides, but that is the norm here, we only ever have one side. In some posts, for me, I have to err on the side of caution and this is one of them.

Someone in this case needs to get themselves some temp orders. Fine with me if it's dad, but if it continues like it is now, it is only going to turn this situation into a mess that won't be fixed for years.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't know who quincy is, but I would love to read the post. I wouldn't tell someone to do this, but if they did, I would take what they read seriously.

I STRONGLY suggest you look up the FA user "quincy", and read his posts regarding the same issue. You'll learn a lot.

And much as you're accusing some of us of assuming, you're doing the exact same thing in your posts on this thread.

Probably a good time for all to stop doing that.

 

[gam]

I STRONGLY suggest you look up the FA user "quincy", and read his posts regarding the same issue. You'll learn a lot.

And much as you're accusing some of us of assuming, you're doing the exact same thing in your posts on this thread.

Probably a good time for all to stop doing that.

I did look up Quincy, but Quincy posts a lot, haha. I will do a better advanced search, cause I didn't have luck on the first one of finding the subject.

I know I'm assuming, that's the thing with many posts. One reads it one way, another reads it another way. Are you wrong or am I? We don't know, cause all we have is one side and not a lot of facts, that's what sucks about boards like this. So based on that, I feel it actually is good with 2 different sides of viewing.

It boils down to both parents having equal rights, all great and good, and I am all about that, and everybody nice and peaceful. Problem comes in, when someone gets nervous and does something stupid. Now it could be dad in the case but it could also be mom. Once someone gets nervous and does something stupid, then only one parent has rights and the child, until you can get it in court and get some orders.

OP needs to read both views on this, and then she needs to really, really think on her situation. Is she getting nervous or it is her husband? She can still make a wrong decision, cause you just never know what the other one is doing or you may just be to caught up to see what your doing.

Just the way I view this crap, I know many see it more straight forward. Which straight forward applies most often. Just a few little topics that I think the other view does indeed apply to.