My rights as a victim of adultery - PA

[goodfather76]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello all,

I am a married man in my 30s with two young kids and I have caught my wife in repeat adulterous affairs with several other people. As the primary income provider and owner of our home I would like to know my rights. My wife is leading me to believe that I would have some sort of obligation to continue to provide for her. I'd like to think that I could ask her to move out and provide for herself since she does work. We seem to jointly agree that the kids would stay with me. That much makes since I am the one that cares for them the majority of the time. She's been plotting to take advantage of me for the past six months and I have concrete evidence that proves everything she has been up to. I'd like to think I have an open and shut case but I know how courts and the law sometimes sides with women in family cases. I don't want to be taken advantage of any longer. Could somebody please provide some guidance? Thank you in advance!

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello all,

I am a married man in my 30s with two young kids and I have caught my wife in repeat adulterous affairs with several other people. As the primary income provider and owner of our home I would like to know my rights. My wife is leading me to believe that I would have some sort of obligation to continue to provide for her. I'd like to think that I could ask her to move out and provide for herself since she does work. We seem to jointly agree that the kids would stay with me. That much makes since I am the one that cares for them the majority of the time. She's been plotting to take advantage of me for the past six months and I have concrete evidence that proves everything she has been up to. I'd like to think I have an open and shut case but I know how courts and the law sometimes sides with women in family cases. I don't want to be taken advantage of any longer. Could somebody please provide some guidance? Thank you in advance!

Forget that. Only a woman has an open and shut case in court.

Good luck.

 

[goodfather76]

Bali,

Aww, you're hurting me! Can you or somebody else at least give me an idea of what my chances are? I mean I have concrete evidence that has her plotting against me for a period of several months. She's still in the adulterous affairs and I feel like I should have nothing to do with her anymore. Unfortunately there are two young kids involved (on my end) and a wife and a possible other child on the other end of one of her flings. I've been the primary care taker for the children while she went off and did whatever with whomever. She has already agreed to allow me to take care of the kids while she gets her life together. Hobnestly, I can't see how anybody could look at a situation like ours and say she deserves anything. Still, I understand that the law is not logical. Has there been anyone else in my situation? If so how did you handle it? I'm lost and I really need some advice. I don't want my self or my children suffering anymore from this nonsense. I'm looking not only for legal advice but practical advice as well. Please help!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello all,

I am a married man in my 30s with two young kids and I have caught my wife in repeat adulterous affairs with several other people. As the primary income provider and owner of our home I would like to know my rights. My wife is leading me to believe that I would have some sort of obligation to continue to provide for her. I'd like to think that I could ask her to move out and provide for herself since she does work. We seem to jointly agree that the kids would stay with me. That much makes since I am the one that cares for them the majority of the time. She's been plotting to take advantage of me for the past six months and I have concrete evidence that proves everything she has been up to. I'd like to think I have an open and shut case but I know how courts and the law sometimes sides with women in family cases. I don't want to be taken advantage of any longer. Could somebody please provide some guidance? Thank you in advance!

If your state is a "fault" state rather than a "no fault" state then adultery can make a difference when it comes to things like alimony. However, it doesn't make any difference when it comes to the property settlement or child custody.

However a "fault" divorce also generally makes things more hostile, and the two of you are going to be co-parents for the rest of your children's lives, so you also need to be doing what is in the best interest of your children.

If you don't have an attorney, get one. That is the best way to protect your interests.

 

[goodfather76]

It is a fault state. We have been married for about three years but living together for 8 1/2. I get free legal advice through a service I signed up for but it's not active yet so that's why I'm posting here. I will be speaking with a lawyer soon but the issue gets more painful everyday so I need daily advice. I don understand/appreciate how and why adultery would not affect property settlement but I don't believe that will be an issue in my case. There is an extra element of danger as well because she is carelessly associating with random guys from the internet and setting up dates. This is all the more reason I want her completely out of my life. I believe at any moment one of these guys could reach out and bring harm to any of us though she feels confident that she has things "under control" and that I'm just being overly dramatic. She is clearly not making rational decisions and I would say not trustworthy in the least. I don't want to excite her at all and send her sprialling off. In all honesty I don't want to hurt her but her actions are deeply affecting me and my line of work. They are also affecting our children. I do make good money and I'd like to be able to help her financially but we're just recovering from near bankruptcy due to credit card debt (That's only a slight exaggeration.) so there's not a whole lot of extra money for me to support two separate households. As I see things she is capable of increasing her hours from part time to full time and supporting herself, albeit in a much more modest lifestyle. She is trying to take from me so that she can complete her degree. I'm of the mindset that I cannot be bothered anymore.

I don't want to hide things from her (that'd make me just as bad as her) so I feel I should tell her about the lawyer. At the same time I don't want to stir the pot. I'm really not sure how to handle this. I know I've been wronged severely. I know that I shouldn't have to put up with this any longer. I just don't know how to get out gracefully.

 

[LdiJ]

It is a fault state. We have been married for about three years but living together for 8 1/2. I get free legal advice through a service I signed up for but it's not active yet so that's why I'm posting here. I will be speaking with a lawyer soon but the issue gets more painful everyday so I need daily advice. I don understand/appreciate how and why adultery would not affect property settlement but I don't believe that will be an issue in my case. There is an extra element of danger as well because she is carelessly associating with random guys from the internet and setting up dates. This is all the more reason I want her completely out of my life. I believe at any moment one of these guys could reach out and bring harm to any of us though she feels confident that she has things "under control" and that I'm just being overly dramatic. She is clearly not making rational decisions and I would say not trustworthy in the least. I don't want to excite her at all and send her sprialling off. In all honesty I don't want to hurt her but her actions are deeply affecting me and my line of work. They are also affecting our children. I do make good money and I'd like to be able to help her financially but we're just recovering from near bankruptcy due to credit card debt (That's only a slight exaggeration.) so there's not a whole lot of extra money for me to support two separate households. As I see things she is capable of increasing her hours from part time to full time and supporting herself, albeit in a much more modest lifestyle. She is trying to take from me so that she can complete her degree. I'm of the mindset that I cannot be bothered anymore.

I don't want to hide things from her (that'd make me just as bad as her) so I feel I should tell her about the lawyer. At the same time I don't want to stir the pot. I'm really not sure how to handle this. I know I've been wronged severely. I know that I shouldn't have to put up with this any longer. I just don't know how to get out gracefully.

Besides what I told you in the PM. I will also tell you that you have to force yourself to accept reality. You have to let go of the hurt. I have been in your shoes and its the only way to keep yourself healthy and sane.

Lots of very respectable people meet on the internet these days, so you can't let your imagination overcome you with the idea that she is putting you all in danger. In all reality, its probably no more dangerous than if she was meeting people at the local bar or coffee shop.

No, adultery does not effect a property settlement, so you are going to have to be realistic about that too. You are each entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets, and responsible for 1/2 of the marital debts. If you have only been married 3 1/2 years, then she is very unlikely to be entitled to any kind of alimony...unless perhaps she financially put you through school.

Of course you have to tell her about the attorney. She will find out immediately anyway, so it would be pointless NOT to tell her.

Again....let go of the anger and hurt. I know its not easy to do, but you and your child will both end up happier if you do.

 

[goodfather75]

Same boat

To Goodfather76,

I know your post is 4 years old, but I hope to God you get this...

I am in the same boat as you. I have two kids, and an unfaithful wife. I forgave her the first time and can no longer continue to do so learning that she has been unfaithful again.
The situation you described is the same for me. So, now that 4 years have passed I would love to know what happened to you? How did you come out of the divorce? How did it go with the children?

I need help just like you, I’m just hoping that since you had to walk down that path you could help me avoid any pitfalls you came across.

Thank you

 

[Proserpina]

To Goodfather76,

I know your post is 4 years old, but I hope to God you get this...

I am in the same boat as you. I have two kids, and an unfaithful wife. I forgave her the first time and can no longer continue to do so learning that she has been unfaithful again.
The situation you described is the same for me. So, now that 4 years have passed I would love to know what happened to you? How did you come out of the divorce? How did it go with the children?

I need help just like you, I’m just hoping that since you had to walk down that path you could help me avoid any pitfalls you came across.

Thank you

PLEASE don't post to years-old threads.

If you have a legal question, post your own thread.

Thanks.

 

[Bali Hai]

To Goodfather76,

I know your post is 4 years old, but I hope to God you get this...

I am in the same boat as you. I have two kids, and an unfaithful wife. I forgave her the first time and can no longer continue to do so learning that she has been unfaithful again.
The situation you described is the same for me. So, now that 4 years have passed I would love to know what happened to you? How did you come out of the divorce? How did it go with the children?

I need help just like you, I’m just hoping that since you had to walk down that path you could help me avoid any pitfalls you came across.

Thank you

I think the fact that since OP hasn't been heard from for over 4 years suggests that things didn't go well.

 

[Zigner]

I think the fact that since OP hasn't been heard from for over 4 years suggests that things didn't go well.

Or, that the OP was turned off by your response.

 

[Bali Hai]

Or, that the OP was turned off by your response.

Possibly, some people just can't handle the truth.

 

[Zigner]

Possibly, some people just can't handle the truth.

I agree - your responses here have shown that you fall in to that category.