NDickinson
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee
More than anything, I need to know I'm not the crazy one.
I have an elderly Father-in-law (FIL) living in Memphis. My husband and I live in Arizona. My brother- and sister-in-law (BIL, SIL, respectively) live in Memphis.
About five years ago, my FIL was diagnosed with dementia (so we are told by the BIL & SIL - I believe it's Alzheimer's Disease). He has always been a forgetful person but now it's to the point he calls us several times a day, will say the same things over and over in the conversation, confuses my husband with my step-son, forgets who my son is, etc.
A couple years ago, my BIL took over my FIL's finances, w/o the benefit of a POA of any kind. He shared with my husband that it was a complete mess and many, many bills were unpaid, including some tax bills. What should be noted is: My FIL was a business professor in the University of Tennessee system and has ALWAYS taken care of business. For him to not do so is, to me, a symptom of the progression of his mental incapacity.
About four years ago, my SIL moved in with my FIL and assumed the role of caregiver. She suffers from mental illness and alcoholism (but refuses to take her meds because "Jesus will heal me.") My husband and BIL are very aware of her condition and just accept it with, "Well, that's just who she is." She receives Social Security and earlier this year received a lump sum payment for the three+ years she was fighting them for a disability. She always told the family (my FIL and mother-in-law divorced 30 years ago) she would pay my FIL back "...when I get my lump sum from Social Security." She never did.
Recently, it came to light that she's been taking money from my FIL and using his credit card as though it were her own. It seems my FIL has been paying her medical bills for over three years now out of his pocket. It has also come to light she is leaving my FIL alone for days at a time and he is subsisting on frozen meals from a box, doesn't get his meds regularly, has had times where he needed medical help and had to call my BIL because my SIL was no where to be found. He is also caring for her two dogs because she is a bit of an animal collector.
Also, as a side note - last year, my MIL and step-FIL lost their house. They had asked my SIL to assist them and she did it all so completely wrong they were foreclosed on (Once I found out what was happening, I made two phone calls and could have saved their house but they refused to do anything not recommended by my SIL).
For the last two weeks, my BIL has been calling my husband almost daily to complain about my SIL's thefts and asking what he should do. I finally called the police to report it all and this is where the REAL trouble began.
My BIL refused to cooperate with the police, telling them everything's fine, no money has been stolen, Dad doesn't even HAVE a credit card to steal, etc... He ended it with, "She's just crazy and hates us. She's trying to get back at us for something." Then he calls my husband to ream me for getting the authorities involved. Seems his plan was to just keep track of all the money stolen and take it out of my SIL's share when FIL dies in heaven knows how many years.
My husband feels his sister needs our protection, not the police. He and my BIL also feel so long as "Dad can afford it, it's fine."
My intention is to call an attorney specializing in Elder Law in Memphis on Monday to discuss all of this with him and my husband and I are feuding over all of this to the extent he's telling me if I pursue this he'll divorce me because he doesn't feel it's a police matter but a private family matter. The SIL has been put on notice several times about her theft but there are no consequences presented so she continues on. This is where they've taken the stance that it's fine so long as Dad can afford it. She's into him for, literally, thousands of dollars. She is not a paid caregiver but one who has assumed the role. However, she's rarely there, will leave him alone for days while she goes off and does whatever it is she does and refuses to give him a medication my FIL's doctor prescribed for his Alzheimer's because, "Dad doesn't want to take it."
My FIL is furious with me and says he's the most angry because he's being treated like he's an idiot. Everyone is so worried about hurting someone's feelings that nothing is being done to protect my FIL and his finances. There is no POA, there is nothing in place to address any of this at all. My FIL doesn't have a signed will so taking the stolen money out of her share isn't possible either, given the TN intestate laws come into play. There are some days he realizes he has issues but, most days, he doesn't think anything is wrong. At one time he was considering moving out here to live with us but my BIL and SIL talked him out of it. My BIL said he didn't want it because, "I'll never see him again." Apparently, there are no highways, trains or airplanes that fly from Memphis to Tucson.
Am I the crazy one here? My husband seems to think so as does his brother and sister. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing in contacting an attorney about all this. I can't stand back and do nothing. I even told my husband that the Memphis Police told me he and his brother could be charged as accessories to the crime of their sister stealing the money by doing nothing and he doesn't care. He believes nothing will come of it and that she should be allowed to go on stealing the money as long as his dad can afford it. My husband and his brother have said they don't want to do anything because it will hurt their sister's feelings. Boo-frickin'-hoo! I've told my husband "feelings" don't enter into a business arrangement that should be centered around their father.
More than anything, I need to know I'm not the crazy one.
I have an elderly Father-in-law (FIL) living in Memphis. My husband and I live in Arizona. My brother- and sister-in-law (BIL, SIL, respectively) live in Memphis.
About five years ago, my FIL was diagnosed with dementia (so we are told by the BIL & SIL - I believe it's Alzheimer's Disease). He has always been a forgetful person but now it's to the point he calls us several times a day, will say the same things over and over in the conversation, confuses my husband with my step-son, forgets who my son is, etc.
A couple years ago, my BIL took over my FIL's finances, w/o the benefit of a POA of any kind. He shared with my husband that it was a complete mess and many, many bills were unpaid, including some tax bills. What should be noted is: My FIL was a business professor in the University of Tennessee system and has ALWAYS taken care of business. For him to not do so is, to me, a symptom of the progression of his mental incapacity.
About four years ago, my SIL moved in with my FIL and assumed the role of caregiver. She suffers from mental illness and alcoholism (but refuses to take her meds because "Jesus will heal me.") My husband and BIL are very aware of her condition and just accept it with, "Well, that's just who she is." She receives Social Security and earlier this year received a lump sum payment for the three+ years she was fighting them for a disability. She always told the family (my FIL and mother-in-law divorced 30 years ago) she would pay my FIL back "...when I get my lump sum from Social Security." She never did.
Recently, it came to light that she's been taking money from my FIL and using his credit card as though it were her own. It seems my FIL has been paying her medical bills for over three years now out of his pocket. It has also come to light she is leaving my FIL alone for days at a time and he is subsisting on frozen meals from a box, doesn't get his meds regularly, has had times where he needed medical help and had to call my BIL because my SIL was no where to be found. He is also caring for her two dogs because she is a bit of an animal collector.
Also, as a side note - last year, my MIL and step-FIL lost their house. They had asked my SIL to assist them and she did it all so completely wrong they were foreclosed on (Once I found out what was happening, I made two phone calls and could have saved their house but they refused to do anything not recommended by my SIL).
For the last two weeks, my BIL has been calling my husband almost daily to complain about my SIL's thefts and asking what he should do. I finally called the police to report it all and this is where the REAL trouble began.
My BIL refused to cooperate with the police, telling them everything's fine, no money has been stolen, Dad doesn't even HAVE a credit card to steal, etc... He ended it with, "She's just crazy and hates us. She's trying to get back at us for something." Then he calls my husband to ream me for getting the authorities involved. Seems his plan was to just keep track of all the money stolen and take it out of my SIL's share when FIL dies in heaven knows how many years.
My husband feels his sister needs our protection, not the police. He and my BIL also feel so long as "Dad can afford it, it's fine."
My intention is to call an attorney specializing in Elder Law in Memphis on Monday to discuss all of this with him and my husband and I are feuding over all of this to the extent he's telling me if I pursue this he'll divorce me because he doesn't feel it's a police matter but a private family matter. The SIL has been put on notice several times about her theft but there are no consequences presented so she continues on. This is where they've taken the stance that it's fine so long as Dad can afford it. She's into him for, literally, thousands of dollars. She is not a paid caregiver but one who has assumed the role. However, she's rarely there, will leave him alone for days while she goes off and does whatever it is she does and refuses to give him a medication my FIL's doctor prescribed for his Alzheimer's because, "Dad doesn't want to take it."
My FIL is furious with me and says he's the most angry because he's being treated like he's an idiot. Everyone is so worried about hurting someone's feelings that nothing is being done to protect my FIL and his finances. There is no POA, there is nothing in place to address any of this at all. My FIL doesn't have a signed will so taking the stolen money out of her share isn't possible either, given the TN intestate laws come into play. There are some days he realizes he has issues but, most days, he doesn't think anything is wrong. At one time he was considering moving out here to live with us but my BIL and SIL talked him out of it. My BIL said he didn't want it because, "I'll never see him again." Apparently, there are no highways, trains or airplanes that fly from Memphis to Tucson.
Am I the crazy one here? My husband seems to think so as does his brother and sister. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing in contacting an attorney about all this. I can't stand back and do nothing. I even told my husband that the Memphis Police told me he and his brother could be charged as accessories to the crime of their sister stealing the money by doing nothing and he doesn't care. He believes nothing will come of it and that she should be allowed to go on stealing the money as long as his dad can afford it. My husband and his brother have said they don't want to do anything because it will hurt their sister's feelings. Boo-frickin'-hoo! I've told my husband "feelings" don't enter into a business arrangement that should be centered around their father.
Last edited:
