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Have an existing no-contact order, need to divorce

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ebc1680

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?


- Married overseas in January 2004 but didnt stay together after marriage as she had no visa.
- wife came to US in March 2005 but left me within 6 months in Sept 2005 and went back to her country to her parents as she couldnt handle the culture change and was fed up with the lifestyle over here.
- wife was 3 months pregnant when she left in Sept 2005
- child born in foreign country in 2006
- after considering child's need, I decided to get wife and child to the US. So both came to US again in June 2008 (3 yrs after she left me).
- within 2 months, in August 2008, she slapped domestic violence and child abuse charges on me. Note that the child was just 2.5 yrs old
- domestic violence case was withdrawn by her so that ended.
- for child abuse charges, I was given PTI for 3 years, which will end in March 2012. One condition of PTI was no contact with mother and the kid. So since August 2008, when she put these charges on me, we have been living separately and I dont know where she lives.
- dyfs also pursued a separate case against me for child abuse and judge found me guilty and handed over child's legal and physical custody to mother. Before the judgement, I had 1 hr/week supervised visitation but after the case, I did not take visitation as child used to cry and wanted to come home to the family which was not possible due to the orders, so rather than having the child go through the torture, I gave up visitation.
- so due to no contact on PTI and order by dyfs judge, I have not seen my wife and kid since August 2008.
- have been paying child support regularly since the incident happened.


- in summary, though I was married in 2004, me and my wife have stayed together only for 7 months in all.
- note that my wife is very smart where she will cry in front of the judges or others to gain sympathy but as soon as she steps outside the courts, she would be all smiling as if saying - I can easily nail you.

Now I want to divorce my wife and get over with things. Reason I didnt divorce before as am very simple person and didnt have that much money to pay the lawyers. Hence I lost the dyfs matter as well, as I didnt had enough to pay the lawyer, and accepted whatever judgement they gave.

Q1. So need guidance on how can I proceed with Divorce in the state of NJ?
Q2. Since there is a no-contact order, how do I serve summons to her?
Q3. Given that she stayed only for 8 months, how much will be the approx alimony. I dont have any property nor have a job since past 3 years as whereever I go, my background check reveals my PTI and I dont get jobs.
Q4. Can anyone suggest any good attorney in NJ (should not be expensive as I cant afford much).
 


tuffbrk

Senior Member
We are unable to recommend attorneys, however there is a link right in this sight that you can access. As you are not working, you can contact Legal Aid to see if they will help. If not, ask them for a reduced rate attorney referral.

You shoul dnot have to pay any alimony. Clearly your wife has been living without financial support from you for quite some time. Unless you are paying her funds in addition to child support? Otherwise, your attorney can certainly make the case that she has proven herself to be self-supporting. Good luck!
 

ebc1680

Junior Member
Thanks @tuffbrk for your feedback. She is basically surviving on the child support I am giving to the child, which is $1000+ per month. Can I use that to show she does not need alimony as she is surviving off it for the past 3 years.

Basically when she applied for child support, the judge took her income to be zero though she had prior work experience and has an MBA. Even I was unemployed at that time, but my wife started crying and acting in the court and the judge was totally swept by that and felt like I was the most evil person on this earth and slammed me with that big amount.

I had put in a motion to reduce it but the same crying and acting dumb tactic was used by my wife and judge reduced the amount by a mere $12.

Even today, I take help from friends and loans to pay the support amount because I simply cant afford that $1000+ nor can put motion after motion and get reduction of $10-$12.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Thanks @tuffbrk for your feedback. She is basically surviving on the child support I am giving to the child, which is $1000+ per month. Can I use that to show she does not need alimony as she is surviving off it for the past 3 years.
You can make that argument - and it might be convincing to some judges. Start by learning about the different types of alimony in NJ. It's possible that you could use that argument to reduce SOME alimony, but not all of it:
New Jersey Alimony, Part 1 | divorcenet.com


Basically when she applied for child support, the judge took her income to be zero though she had prior work experience and has an MBA. Even I was unemployed at that time, but my wife started crying and acting in the court and the judge was totally swept by that and felt like I was the most evil person on this earth and slammed me with that big amount.

I had put in a motion to reduce it but the same crying and acting dumb tactic was used by my wife and judge reduced the amount by a mere $12.
It may have looked that way, but I doubt it. Judges are used to crying and sob stories and usually aren't all that influenced by them. More likely is that she was able to convince the judge and you weren't. That's why I would suggest having an attorney on your side. It can make a big difference.


Even today, I take help from friends and loans to pay the support amount because I simply cant afford that $1000+ nor can put motion after motion and get reduction of $10-$12.
You can calculate what you should be paying here. You can ask the court to impute an income to your ex - what she could be making. In many cases, the court will only impute minimum wage unless there's evidence that ex turned down a job for more.
New Jersey Child Support Calculator - AllLaw.com

First step would be to find out if what you're paying is within guidelines. If not, ask for it to be reduced to guideline support. If it is already within guidelines, you're probably not going to get a reduction.
 

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