relocation issue and visitation fee

[bluesky368]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I am in divorce process and I am working on the settlement agreement with my wife. She agrees I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month.

But, we have a couple of items we disagree. I would like to have your opinion.

Question 1)

I have a plan to move to California after divorce but my wife is very concerned about that and try to prevent me from moving since she needs to see the kids easier and often. My attorney put down term to the agreement.

3(b) WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family. HUSBAND shall be allowed to remove the minor children from the State of Illinois with WIFE’S permission, which shall not be unreasonably withheld.

My wife only wants this

HUSBAND shall not be allowed to remove the minor children from the State of Illinois without WIFE’S permission.

My attorney said that removing minor children from IL needs to notify court and with court's approval anyway. Putting this to agreement will not hurt me. But I want to add "WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family." which my wife disagree.

I don't know without the above saying if that will affect my application to move the kids out of IL? I am sure we will have another fight after divorce if I want to move the kids out of IL and my wife disagree. What is my chance to let the court approve my moving if my wife disagree even I offer her a visitation schedule and pay for her travel.

If I insist on putting "WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family." to the agreement. I want to know if it will help me remove the kids out of IL if we cannot reach an agreement and have to fight in the court room for this issue?


Also, how complicated paper work to apply the kids out of IL? For this application, do I need attorney to do that? Can I do for myself? What procedure/form do I need to fill out? If my parents are very sick in CA, I want to bring the kids to see them. How soon the court to process my request?

Question 2)

4(a). ...WIFE’S only duty of child support shall be to support the children while they are in her care (for visitation).

My wife wants to add
if the children stayed with her more than a week consecutively. I need to pay her $30 a day for any additional day after a week ( 7 days). It seems this is no need because if I want to put the kids to her more than 7 days, she can discuss with me about the fees. If she is not satisfy, she can not accept. Also. I think this is not good to kids. It's building a wall between us.
If I want the kids to stay with her during the summer, and I have to pay for. If I have to pay for, I might be concern not allow to do that.

So, how to handle this disagreement? Do you have any ideas for comment practice in your experience.

Thanks

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I am in divorce process and I am working on the settlement agreement with my wife. She agrees I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month.

But, we have a couple of items we disagree. I would like to have your opinion.

Question 1)

I have a plan to move to California after divorce but my wife is very concerned about that and try to prevent me from moving since she needs to see the kids easier and often. My attorney put down term to the agreement.

3(b) WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family. HUSBAND shall be allowed to remove the minor children from the State of Illinois with WIFE’S permission, which shall not be unreasonably withheld.

I sure as heck wouldn't sign that. What is "unreasonable"? Who decides that?

My wife only wants this

HUSBAND shall not be allowed to remove the minor children from the State of Illinois without WIFE’S permission.

That is far more reasonable, if you add "or permission from the court".

My attorney said that removing minor children from IL needs to notify court and with court's approval anyway. Putting this to agreement will not hurt me. But I want to add "WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family." which my wife disagree.

Again, I wouldn't sign that. At. All.

I don't know without the above saying if that will affect my application to move the kids out of IL? I am sure we will have another fight after divorce if I want to move the kids out of IL and my wife disagree. What is my chance to let the court approve my moving if my wife disagree even I offer her a visitation schedule and pay for her travel.

It depends - will the move be in the best interest of the children? Not you, but the children?

If I insist on putting "WIFE acknowledges that HUSBAND may relocate because of employment opportunities, and/or to be closer to his family." to the agreement. I want to know if it will help me remove the kids out of IL if we cannot reach an agreement and have to fight in the court room for this issue?

You can't insist on anything, really.

Also, how complicated paper work to apply the kids out of IL? For this application, do I need attorney to do that? Can I do for myself? What procedure/form do I need to fill out? If my parents are very sick in CA, I want to bring the kids to see them. How soon the court to process my request?

Sounds to me like you need an attorney - period.

Question 2)

4(a). ...WIFE’S only duty of child support shall be to support the children while they are in her care (for visitation).

My wife wants to add
if the children stayed with her more than a week consecutively. I need to pay her $30 a day for any additional day after a week ( 7 days). It seems this is no need because if I want to put the kids to her more than 7 days, she can discuss with me about the fees. If she is not satisfy, she can not accept. Also. I think this is not good to kids. It's building a wall between us.
If I want the kids to stay with her during the summer, and I have to pay for. If I have to pay for, I might be concern not allow to do that.

So, how to handle this disagreement? Do you have any ideas for comment practice in your experience.

Thanks

I seriously think you need an attorney.

 

[Silverplum]

I hate the whole agreement!

I agree, you NEED your OWN attorney. Not sharing an attorney with Mom. Your own attorney looking after YOUR interests...and let Mom pay her own bills, for Pete's sake.

One more thing -- your idea of moving to be near your family? That's not right. MOM is their family, along with YOU. If you don't like what I'm writing, view it as if it's happening TO you: Mom announcing that HER family is more important for the kids than YOU are.

I sure as heck wouldn't sign that. What is "unreasonable"? Who decides that?

That is far more reasonable, if you add "or permission from the court".

Again, I wouldn't sign that. At. All.

It depends - will the move be in the best interest of the children? Not you, but the children?

You can't insist on anything, really.

Sounds to me like you need an attorney - period.

I seriously think you need an attorney.

 

[Just Blue]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/do-grandparents-take-important-role-custody-battle-524041.html

 

[mistoffolees]

I sure as heck wouldn't sign that. What is "unreasonable"? Who decides that?

That is far more reasonable, if you add "or permission from the court".

Again, I wouldn't sign that. At. All.

It depends - will the move be in the best interest of the children? Not you, but the children?

You can't insist on anything, really.

Sounds to me like you need an attorney - period.

I seriously think you need an attorney.

I agree with all of that. You also left out "I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." which is also a sure recipe for disaster.

OP, you're looking for trouble with this agreement. You'll spend the rest of the kids' childhood in and out of court because everything is so vague and poorly defined.

Here's what you and your wife should do:

1. Figure out what's best for the kids. Is it living with you in IL? Living with you in CA? Living with wife in IL? That should be the first priority in any discussion. WHAT IS BEST FOR THE KIDS?

2. After you decide what is best for the kids, set up a custody plan commensurate with that. If it's best for the kids to live in IL and you want to go to CA, then you shouldn't be thinking of primary physical custody.

3. Set up a visitation plan - based on standards for your state (or something different if you can both agree to it). Whatever you do, it needs to be crystal clear and not subject to interpretation. Each one of you should be able to look at a calendar and know which days are yours without having to negotiate.

4. After that, you can set up child support.

Bottom line is that if you're getting a divorce, neither one of you can have everything you want. There WILL BE sacrifices - and they should be based on what's best for the kids. And you need to be aware that if you move out of state, Mom has a HUGE advantage in proving that it's best for the kids to live with you. Since she's staying in IL, you would have a HUGE uphill battle in proving to the court that it's better for you to move the kids out of state without Mom's permission. She's got the status quo on her side.

 

[Proserpina]

(In Illinois the burden of proof is on the relocating parent to prove why the move is in the child's best interest)

 

[Proserpina]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/do-grandparents-take-important-role-custody-battle-524041.html

I'm starting to see some control issues at play here.

 

[bluesky368]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." which is also a sure recipe for disaster."

Why? how can you predict why this is a sure recipe for disaster? Give me some examples?

 

[Proserpina]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." which is also a sure recipe for disaster."

Why? how can you predict why this is a sure recipe for disaster? Give me some examples?

Because it's terrifically vague and likely NOT in the best interest of the children.

Quick question - can you afford to pay for those twice-monthly visits?

Plane fare both ways? For both kids?

 

[Isis1]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." which is also a sure recipe for disaster."

Why? how can you predict why this is a sure recipe for disaster? Give me some examples?

Because if either one of you get a gnat up your butt, who decides WHICH weekend??

 

[mistoffolees]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." which is also a sure recipe for disaster."

Why? how can you predict why this is a sure recipe for disaster? Give me some examples?

Spend a few hours reading this forum. Anything that is not well defined leads to problems.

A proper parenting plan makes it clear to anyone which days belong to which parents. Either one (or the judge) should be able to look at a calendar and immediately know who has the kids at any given minute of any given hour of any given day of any given year. If your plan isn't that detailed, there will be a battle somewhere down the road.

 

[bluesky368]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." is my wife's say and I agree.

No, I cannot afford twice monthly to her. I offer her to visit kids four times per years. During the summer time ( about 2 months) or any school break, the kids can stay with Mom.


What is more reasonable say? My wife doesn't like to put specific/detail visitation schedule each week in the agreement. She wants more "freedom", not "controlling" in this issue.

For the relocating with kids, if I find another relationship in other state after few years, is it a good reason to court to relocate to other state with my kids?

 

[Proserpina]

"I take the sole custody to my kids and she can visit the kids at any time but at least two weekend per month." is my wife's say and I agree.

No, I cannot afford twice monthly to her. I offer her to visit kids four times per years. During the summer time ( about 2 months) or any school break, the kids can stay with Mom.

What are you saying here? First you're saying that you agree with "at least two weekends per month", then you're saying you can't afford that.

Are you expecting Mom to pay?

That's not likely.

What is more reasonable say? My wife doesn't like to put specific/detail visitation schedule each week in the agreement. She wants more "freedom", not "controlling" in this issue.

For the relocating with kids, if I find another relationship in other state after few years, is it a good reason to court to relocate to other state with my kids?

Oh GOSH no. You really cannot use a new partner as an excuse to remove them from their OTHER PARENT!

 

[gr8rn]

Can you have your wife sign up and ask questions? I would rather help her.

 

[Proserpina]

Can you have your wife sign up and ask questions? I would rather help her.

*snort*