getting a divorce after married one year. Wife wants too much

[Ohiogal]

Newborn? Overnights?

Dad has only seen him 4 times?

Not likely.

It is possible for him to get overnights after a couple shorter visits. It is very possible.

 

[Ohiogal]

So regardless of how much I've tried to see him, since its only been four times split custody is pretty much out of the question? They're doing this purposely and it'll actually work?

Its not that I haven't tried, they don't really let me. They'll tell me to come when they know I'm at work or at drill. When I ask on my days off, they make up lame excuses as to why I can't see him. I had to mark off "sick" two days to see him. I ask to keep him and I've already explained that. Man, she's so manipulative...

Nope. Not out of the question. You need to get temporary orders in place. Depending on the county you can have temporary orders within a month and mom will get slammed for the game she is playing. But you need to be proactive.

 

[Ohiogal]

She doesn't have to let you until you get a court order. Respond to her filing for divorce, ask for immediate visitation, and propose a final parenting plan.

I agree that 50:50 isn't likely - at least at present, so be proactive about it. Propose a parenting plan that includes:
- Immediate start of visitation. Short, frequent periods of visitation at first, and then age appropriate visitation as time goes on (look up standard guidelines for your state). Possibly increasing to 50:50 when the child reaches 6 or 8. Note, however, that you may not get 50:50 even when the child is older (some judges won't order it unless both parents agree), but it's worth asking for it. Under any circumstances, you're not going to get 50:50 right away for a newborn, though.

Under any circumstances? That is wrong. There have been cases IN OHIO where the parents have had 50/50 timeshare for a "newborn". It depends on how they set up the 50/50 timeshare. So it is possible. Probable? Maybe not so much. But 6 or 8? Try 2 or 3. Ohio does NOT have standard guidelines for the state. Each county has different default visitation.

Yep. This really ought to be standard for all births, but when there's a suspicion of infidelity, you'd be crazy not to insist on it (unless you don't mind spending 18 or more years paying to support someone else's kid).

Yep. The only time he can request is BEFORE the divorce. Not after.

Also, be sure to talk with your attorney about the circumstances. You can ask for a no-paramour clause in your temporary divorce orders. If she's got someone else on the side, ask to be reimbursed for dissipation of marital assets. And so on.

Agreed.

 

[Ohiogal]

In the end, the right attorney for you depends on lots of factors. I thought my attorney was great, but she might not have been right for you. Look for:
- References. Talk to your friends to see if anyone has been through divorce. Get their views on their attorneys.
- Style. You should be comfortable talking with your attorney and their style should be compatible with yours. That doesn't mean the same. If you're a low-key, laid-back kind of person, you may want an aggressive pushy lawyer to balance you. Or maybe not. The key is that you need to be comfortable with them.
- Listening. A good attorney will explain the facts to you, but listen to your situation. Divorce is not a one-size-fits-all game. As one example, I've seen situations where the lower paid person waives alimony even though they might have been able to get it - and had good reasons. In this case, a good attorney will explain to the client the consequences of the decision and give a range of options. A bad attorney will either try to force the person into accepting alimony or will simply accept the client's request for no alimony without question.
- Communication. My business attorney is very talented and gets a lot done, but he doesn't communicate worth a darn. It can take weeks to get a call back (if it's urgent, I have to keep calling until I get through). And I often don't know what's going on with various negotiations. I can live with it for a business attorney because I mostly know what needs to be done and because I know him well enough to trust him. I would not likely accept that for your divorce attorney. Make sure the person has a reputation of communicating well. Some of the better ones will tell you that they always return calls within 24 hours.

Agree with the above.

- Check your state Bar. If an attorney has lots of complaints against them, stay away.

The state bar does NOT track complaints but rather DISCIPLINARY action. If the attorney has disciplinary action you need to find out the reason why. But if they have a lot of disciplinary action go the other way.

- Look for awards and accreditations. Mine was a member of the state Family law section of the Bar. That's a plus.

Being a member of the family law section means squat. It is not anything that is an award or accreditation. What it means is they paid the extra $50 to be part of the section. They may not even go to any of the meetings or participate in anything. So that doesn't tell you anything. What awards are you talking about? Some honors are a pay to play type of thing.

 

[mistoffolees]

Being a member of the family law section means squat. It is not anything that is an award or accreditation. What it means is they paid the extra $50 to be part of the section. They may not even go to any of the meetings or participate in anything. So that doesn't tell you anything. What awards are you talking about? Some honors are a pay to play type of thing.

I should have been more clear. My attorney was a member of the Family Law steering committee (or whatever they call it) for the state Bar. Apparently, three or 4 attorneys were chosen by their peers to serve on this committee. You're right that simply paying the fee to be part of the section doesn't mean much.