new issues

[lilmansmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

i cant unlock my other post our child FINALLY told my ex yesterday that he was afraid of him. Ex called me which he isnt supposed to and asked to have him for thanksgiving (got it documented because i told him he needs to contact my mom for all future discussions) finally our child told him he didnt want to be alone with him and that he didnt want to be around him because of his "wife". he hasnt finished all his supervised visits but i offered he come alone to my family house and spend thanksgiving with him that way. he refused. now my child knows his unsupervised visits are coming up and hes getting really depressed and angry his grades have dropped dramatically. he wont stay the entire time, is there anything i can do to prevent this? this man is already terrifing him and is creating a lot of stress can i do anything? no rude comments just advice

 

[Just Blue]

What is the point? You don't listen.

 

[lilmansmom]

What is the point? You don't listen.

I ma just wondering what my options are and what i can do about this

 

[TheGeekess]

I ma just wondering what my options are and what i can do about this

You can stop poisoning Junior against Dad.

 

[Just Blue]

I ma just wondering what my options are and what i can do about this

What the point? You don't listen.

 

[AlmostThere]

I ma just wondering what my options are and what i can do about this

Your only reasonable option is to stop saying things to your son that are making this a scary situation. You should you point out to your son that there will most likely be a lot of people there, he will have a lot of people to talk to and interact with, and will likely have a very good time.

If I were you, to show good intention, I would tell my son it would be a nice gesture to bring a dessert with him, and help him bake a pie.

You need to stop feeding your jealousy and hatred to your son.

 

[lilmansmom]

Your only reasonable option is to stop saying things to your son that are making this a scary situation. You should you point out to your son that there will most likely be a lot of people there, he will have a lot of people to talk to and interact with, and will likely have a very good time.

If I were you, to show good intention, I would tell my son it would be a nice gesture to bring a dessert with him, and help him bake a pie.

You need to stop feeding your jealousy and hatred to your son.

I'M not thats just it he has learned this on his own and has seen and witnessed himself like when his father would show up and see him for a few weeks then all of a sudden disappear from his life he knows hes not stupid or when his wife and i argue and he hears about it thats why he dont like her hes very protective of me or when everyone tells him things about his dad he is smart he knows. my ex has a facebook and only puts stuff about his "other" child but never about our son how do you think that makes him feel? he holds anger an fear an stress an aniety

 

[lilmansmom]

You can stop poisoning Junior against Dad.

an i do tell my son to talk to his dad an encourage him my son wants nothing to do with his father. my ex has to pull at his shirt just for my son to talk to him an i cant even get my son to talk on the phone with him how bad it is

 

[AkersTile]

I'M not thats just it he has learned this on his own and has seen and witnessed himself like when his father would show up and see him for a few weeks then all of a sudden disappear from his life he knows hes not stupid or when his wife and i argue and he hears about it thats why he dont like her hes very protective of me or when everyone tells him things about his dad he is smart he knows. my ex has a facebook and only puts stuff about his "other" child but never about our son how do you think that makes him feel? he holds anger an fear an stress an aniety

You don't get it. Dad has a right to be in kiddos life. You should be encouraging that relationship. Instead you turn kiddo against dad. Here's an idea to try: make pumpkin dip with kiddo and he can take it with him to dad's for thanksgiving. Beware though, its really addicting pumpkin dip.

1 container cool whip
1 can pumpkin pie filling
1 box instant vanilla pudding mix
Mix all ingredients together and serve with cookies for dipping

 

[TheGeekess]

I'M not thats just it he has learned this on his own and has seen and witnessed himself like when his father would show up and see him for a few weeks then all of a sudden disappear from his life he knows hes not stupid or when his wife and i argue and he hears about it thats why he dont like her hes very protective of me or when everyone tells him things about his dad he is smart he knows. my ex has a facebook and only puts stuff about his "other" child but never about our son how do you think that makes him feel? he holds anger an fear an stress an aniety

How would he 'hear' about an argument between two adults? Is he standing right there or are you telling him all about it later? And why are you arguing with Dad's wife ANYWAY?

As the CUSTODIAL PARENT, your obligation is to foster the relationship between Dad and Junior. But you don't get that, do you? I'm wondering how much of Junior's problems are due to Mom?

 

[lilmansmom]

How would he 'hear' about an argument between two adults? Is he standing right there or are you telling him all about it later? And why are you arguing with Dad's wife ANYWAY?

As the CUSTODIAL PARENT, your obligation is to foster the relationship between Dad and Junior. But you don't get that, do you? I'm wondering how much of Junior's problems are due to Mom?

no he was standing there when we got into an argument at the store she didnt see him but he was standing there and she proceeded to argue and fight with me, why would a child want to go with a parent when his "wife" does stuff like that in front of him. like i said hes protective of me and cares when people hurt me. we dont get along. and like i said i have tried fostering it, i cant even get him to call or want to stay with him HE DOESNT WANT TO

 

[lilmansmom]

You don't get it. Dad has a right to be in kiddos life. You should be encouraging that relationship. Instead you turn kiddo against dad. Here's an idea to try: make pumpkin dip with kiddo and he can take it with him to dad's for thanksgiving. Beware though, its really addicting pumpkin dip.

1 container cool whip
1 can pumpkin pie filling
1 box instant vanilla pudding mix
Mix all ingredients together and serve with cookies for dipping

I am encouraging it our child chooses not to go as much as i tell him to do it i cant make him do somethin he doesnt want to do an he dont get him for thanksgiving bc he didnt complete his supervised visits but i offered my ex that he comes to my family house if he wants to spend time with my son

 

[TheGeekess]

no he was standing there when we got into an argument at the store she didnt see him but he was standing there and she proceeded to argue and fight with me, why would a child want to go with a parent when his "wife" does stuff like that in front of him. like i said hes protective of me and cares when people hurt me. we dont get along. and like i said i have tried fostering it, i cant even get him to call or want to stay with him HE DOESNT WANT TO

It takes two to argue.

And since you are unwilling to accept your responsibility for your son's problems, then you are on your own.

Find yourself a therapist and get another for your son. He needs it since you've managed to do so much damage to him.

 

[TheGeekess]

I am encouraging it our child chooses not to go as much as i tell him to do it i cant make him do somethin he doesnt want to do an he dont get him for thanksgiving bc he didnt complete his supervised visits but i offered my ex that he comes to my family house if he wants to spend time with my son

Then you need to learn how to be a parent, don't you?


Junior gets NO SAY. You've given him power that no child is able to deal with.

 

[lilmansmom]

It takes two to argue.

And since you are unwilling to accept your responsibility for your son's problems, then you are on your own.

Find yourself a therapist and get another for your son. He needs it since you've managed to do so much damage to him.

i didnt argue though thats just it i told her this is not the place and i wasnt going to waste my time arguing.

he is already in counseling because of all these problems, he has told the counselor he is afraid to go and doesnt want anything to do with him or his "wife". he has anger depression and anxiety issues. his grades have even dropped and itsnt wanting to sleep or eat. he gets headaches and stomach pains when he knows he has to go see this man, how is this any good for him?