holiday

[RyanLiu_99]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Judge order I have 4 year old Son on each Wed evening and every other weekends. And my ex and I alternative Thanksgiving each year, and share Christmas/winter break on half/half base.

We just get separated, divorce is still pending. And this is our first holiday.

Now my ex and I have trouble to agree when to when is Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday.

My ex says:

"Thanksgiving is always on Thu, and we can be and should be consistent: Thanksgiving holidays does not include Wednesday, Friday and weekends , forever."

"This Year thanksgiving is: 11/24 Thursday 10:00am to 8:00 pm"

"Christmas holiday is only on Dec 25 one day this year. "

"The coming New Year is only 1/1 one day"
----
You see, since Son spend most time with her, and she try to define the holiday as slim as possible so Son won't be with me.

What is common sense, what is common practice? How can I handle it. Go to court for such thing?

Neither of us have lawyer.

Thanks,

 

[Isis1]

What is the exact wording of your court order as it pertains to the holidays?

 

[RyanLiu_99]

minute order about holiday

I only have court minter order. About holiday, it says:

"The parties are ordered to participate in a mediation appointment in an attempt to reach an agreed upon schedule with the child for holidays/special days.

The holiday schedule shell include alternating years for Thanksgiving, an equal sharing of Christmas/winter break on "first-half/second-half" schedule and two weeks of vacation time with the child during the Summer"

"Formal order: Respondent's counsel shall submit a formal order."

She(respondent) fired her lawyer soon after court hearing, so " Respondent's counsel" never submit formal order.

Mediation has not happened either. I will try do it soon.

Thanks,

 

[Proserpina]

What is the exact wording of your court order as it pertains to the holidays?

Post hx....

 

[ecmst12]

When you get your final court order, you will clearly need to make sure it spells out EXACTLY when each holiday begins and ends.

For this year, it appears that Thanksgiving is indeed one day, but of course it's silly for him to spend Wed evening with you, then go back to moms, then back to you the next morning. Is that weekend your scheduled weekend or hers? Either way it looks like Friday is her day.

Your order says Christmas BREAK. That means more than one day. But without definition of when break starts and ends, since he's not in school, it's going to be hard to determine.

I hope you have a lawyer.

 

[mistoffolees]

When you get your final court order, you will clearly need to make sure it spells out EXACTLY when each holiday begins and ends.

For this year, it appears that Thanksgiving is indeed one day, but of course it's silly for him to spend Wed evening with you, then go back to moms, then back to you the next morning. Is that weekend your scheduled weekend or hers? Either way it looks like Friday is her day.

Your order says Christmas BREAK. That means more than one day. But without definition of when break starts and ends, since he's not in school, it's going to be hard to determine.

I hope you have a lawyer.

I agree with you. However, I would suggest that the two of them work it out. Unlike many situations, ex is willing to reach a definition and have it become the same year after year (my ex wanted the definition to change every year so that she could get extra time). It really doesn't matter as much exactly what they agree to as that they agree to something and are wiling to live with it. In the end, since they're alternating, they'll both end up with the same amount of holiday time in the end, so it shouldn't be that hard to come up with a definition that they can agree on - and submit it to the court rather than relying on the court's standard wording.

 

[RyanLiu_99]

alternating does not means fair

Alternating each year does not means fair.

Since she has most time with kid, if it is not holiday, it ends up son with her. That is why she make each major holiday just one day.

 

[Silverplum]

Alternating each year does not means fair.

Since she has most time with kid, if it is not holiday, it ends up son with her. That is why she make each major holiday just one day.

Then that's what you need to focus on in your next modification/mediation.

Divorce isn't "fair." Never will be.

 

[stealth2]

Divorce isn't "fair." Never will be.

Heck - LIFE isn't fair! Anyone who thinks it's supposed to be is delusional.

 

[InfantCustody]

You all will have to work it out this year...and make sure it is spelled out fully in future years. But really? Life isn't fair.

I'm not sure I'm following your logic (or maybe I'm missing something?) as to why you believe alternating holidays is unfair, but you aren't going to get every holiday.

As far as what is standard, there is no standard. Some people - the person who has Thanksgiving gets the entire week-end (Wed night - Sunday night) some people (my ex and I) split the day, and we alternate who has 1st half vs 2nd half. This year my ex gets Tues at 1 - Thursday at 1. I get Thurs at 1 - Sat at 1. Then it goes back to the regular schedule.

Last year, we split the day in 6 hour blocks as our son was an infant. There is no standard. It is a matter of what you agree to or what the judge orders, but alternating or sharing holidays is standard, and it is fair.

 

[RyanLiu_99]

By "alternating is not fair", I mean, for example:

If Thanksgiving is 3 days, she got 3 days this year, I got 3 days next year.

If Thanksgiving is one day or just 10:00AM-8:00PM, as she defined, then she got 3 days this year, I got 1 day next year.

The catch if it is not defined as holiday, she get them all in each year. The catch is she has primary physical custody. Only it is holiday, I have half chance.

So it is not about alternating, it is about holiday definition.

Regards,

 

[Silverplum]

By "alternating is not fair", I mean, for example:

If Thanksgiving is 3 days, she got 3 days this year, I got 3 days next year.

If Thanksgiving is one day or just 10:00AM-8:00PM, as she defined, then she got 3 days this year, I got 1 day next year.

The catch if it is not defined as holiday, she get them all in each year. The catch is she has primary physical custody. Only it is holiday, I have half chance.

So it is not about alternating, it is about holiday definition.

Regards,

So you need to research parenting plans that are more specific, more equal. Propose your favorite and see how it goes.

 

[CJane]

By "alternating is not fair", I mean, for example:

If Thanksgiving is 3 days, she got 3 days this year, I got 3 days next year.

If Thanksgiving is one day or just 10:00AM-8:00PM, as she defined, then she got 3 days this year, I got 1 day next year.

The catch if it is not defined as holiday, she get them all in each year. The catch is she has primary physical custody. Only it is holiday, I have half chance.

So it is not about alternating, it is about holiday definition.

Regards,

Well, that's where you're wrong.

If the HOLIDAY is defined as one day (and it is. Really), then this year she gets that day (ONE DAY) and next year you get that day (ONE DAY) and then, whoever's weekend it is gets the other days.

Now, you CAN define the "HOLIDAY PERIOD" as X days. And many people do. My own order specifies "From 8pm Wednesday until 8pm Sunday". But that's up to each particular person/family/judge to determine.

And it shouldn't be about 'fair'. It should be about maintaining normalcy for the child. That's why MY order is written so that the kids spend EVERY Christmas (from whenever school gets out until 12/28) with ME. Because when we were married, we spent Christmas with my family. They spend every Easter with HIM because when we were married, we spent Easter with his family.

We didn't sit down and say "What's fair to US?" We sat down and said "What's the right thing to do for the kids while we're turning the rest of their lives upside down?"

 

[StayGravity]

I only have court minter order. About holiday, it says:

The holiday schedule shell include alternating years for Thanksgiving, an equal sharing of Christmas/winter break on "first-half/second-half" schedule and two weeks of vacation time with the child during the Summer"

As I read this Thanksgiving is only one day. No matter how many days the school is out for, you only get one day.

However for Christmas/Winter Break, that is school defined and is usually two weeks. One year you would get the first have to include Christmas Morning or Christmas Day as it doesn't really say and the next year you would get the second half of Christmas/Winter Break to include New Years.

"Formal order: Respondent's counsel shall submit a formal order."

She(respondent) fired her lawyer soon after court hearing, so " Respondent's counsel" never submit formal order.

If she fired her lawyer, then she has to retain some type of counsel to submit a formal order or she could be held in contempt of court when you take her back to court.

 

[CJane]

If she fired her lawyer, then she has to retain some type of counsel to submit a formal order or she could be held in contempt of court when you take her back to court.

How do you figure?