17 yr old son stealing and using drugs and parent disageement

[peroboots]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey
My 17 year old son is smoking weed and stealing. I took him in to my home because his fathers girlfriend refuses to have him live in the house because he was stealing from them. We moved in with me and after ther 3 weeks he stold from me. he is staying at a hotel with his dad because neither one of us can trust him at the house. I told my ex for us to go to the judge and aks for him to be placed in a rehab to get help, again (he just got out of rehab 2 months ago. he was there for 7 months) one minute my ex wants to help him without rehab, next minute I am being told I have to take him in and deal with it. I dont know what else to do? Everytime I get him help and I get him in track he takes him back to live with him and when he gets out of control I am left with dealing with the issues by myself. I feel he needs to deal with the issue with our son and his girlfriend since our son choose to live with him. But cant help with the fact that I am his mother and want to help him

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey
My 17 year old son is smoking weed and stealing. I took him in to my home because his fathers girlfriend refuses to have him live in the house because he was stealing from them. We moved in with me and after ther 3 weeks he stold from me. he is staying at a hotel with his dad because neither one of us can trust him at the house. I told my ex for us to go to the judge and aks for him to be placed in a rehab to get help, again (he just got out of rehab 2 months ago. he was there for 7 months) one minute my ex wants to help him without rehab, next minute I am being told I have to take him in and deal with it. I dont know what else to do? Everytime I get him help and I get him in track he takes him back to live with him and when he gets out of control I am left with dealing with the issues by myself. I feel he needs to deal with the issue with our son and his girlfriend since our son choose to live with him. But cant help with the fact that I am his mother and want to help him

Please explain the bolded. How does a child/teenager think he has the power to decide where he lives?

 

[Ohiogal]

Please explain the bolded. How does a child/teenager think he has the power to decide where he lives?

Because mommy and daddy don't parent the child. (Just a guess.)

 

[TheGeekess]

Because mommy and daddy don't parent the child. (Just a guess.)

Which, of course, leads the child to act out. And when the parents don't set boundaries, the child's behaviour escalates.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey
My 17 year old son is smoking weed and stealing. I took him in to my home because his fathers girlfriend refuses to have him live in the house because he was stealing from them. We moved in with me and after ther 3 weeks he stold from me. he is staying at a hotel with his dad because neither one of us can trust him at the house. I told my ex for us to go to the judge and aks for him to be placed in a rehab to get help, again (he just got out of rehab 2 months ago. he was there for 7 months) one minute my ex wants to help him without rehab, next minute I am being told I have to take him in and deal with it. I dont know what else to do? Everytime I get him help and I get him in track he takes him back to live with him and when he gets out of control I am left with dealing with the issues by myself. I feel he needs to deal with the issue with our son and his girlfriend since our son choose to live with him. But cant help with the fact that I am his mother and want to help him

Since neither of you can deal with him effectively, perhaps you should call the cops and have the justice system straighten him out.

 

[Antigone*]

Since neither of you can deal with him effectively, perhaps you should call the cops and have the justice system straighten him out.

Especially since he is stealing and using drugs.

 

[peroboots]

Its difficult to discipline him when we never stick to the punishment. I stick to the punishment his dad tends to be a softy and gets him off punishment. I has been introuble with the law and when his dad couldd not handle that's when he decided to tell me he had trouble with the law and I had to jump in to fix things but any decision I made he did not agree. He wants me to help him but does not allow me to follow through. True it really sucks to be me! I guess time will tell and hope god helps along the way

 

[cyjeff]

Its difficult to discipline him when we never stick to the punishment. I stick to the punishment his dad tends to be a softy and gets him off punishment. I has been introuble with the law and when his dad couldd not handle that's when he decided to tell me he had trouble with the law and I had to jump in to fix things but any decision I made he did not agree. He wants me to help him but does not allow me to follow through. True it really sucks to be me! I guess time will tell and hope god helps along the way

When you called the police to report the thefts, what did they say?

You say that you never stick to a punishment. If there are no consequences for a specific action set, that action set is deemed appropriate.

Time to up the ante and bring out the tough love stick.