Blackmail?

[beatthehell]

Texas

Going through (as of now) uncontested divorce. Just need to come to an agreement on the buyout (we have 100k equity in the house) to me. She is refinancing in her name. Rather than half my 401k, we had verbally agreed that she gets a flat 10k (which is half the 401k minus expenses I would incur in furnishing my place). Now she is balking and we are at least 7k apart.

In her response to my offer, she says that there is a video that "Im sure many people would find interesting" of me.

Is this blackmail? What could happen to her if it is blackmail and I pursue it as such?

Also note that we have split custody 50/50 of two kids for the past three months. Currently we are in agreement that it will stay that way in the decree, but she has threatened on numerous occasions to go for full custody.

 

[mistoffolees]

Texas

Going through (as of now) uncontested divorce. Just need to come to an agreement on the buyout (we have 100k equity in the house) to me. She is refinancing in her name. Rather than half my 401k, we had verbally agreed that she gets a flat 10k (which is half the 401k minus expenses I would incur in furnishing my place). Now she is balking and we are at least 7k apart.

In her response to my offer, she says that there is a video that "Im sure many people would find interesting" of me.

Is this blackmail? What could happen to her if it is blackmail and I pursue it as such?

Also note that we have split custody 50/50 of two kids for the past three months. Currently we are in agreement that it will stay that way in the decree, but she has threatened on numerous occasions to go for full custody.

Yes, it's probably blackmail, but how are you going to prove it? Furthermore, it will cost you more to pursue blackmail charges and then a contested divorce than the $7 K you're arguing over.

I'd offer to split the difference and give her $3500 more, but if she doesn't agree, it's almost certainly going to be cheaper to give her the $7 K than to get into a contested divorce - especially if you're paying temporary support to her.

I would be careful, though, and make it clear that it's your final offer and if she tries to change the terms again that you'll let the judge decide.

 

[justalayman]

what is in the video?

 

[beatthehell]

How am I going to prove it?

I have the email where she threatens to send a video to people if I dont agree to her unreasonable terms.

Is it worth 7k to fight?

Only if I get primary custody of the kids as the result of the kids.

What is in the video?

Standard sext. Use your imagination.

 

[Proserpina]

How am I going to prove it?

I have the email where she threatens to send a video to people if I dont agree to her unreasonable terms.

Is it worth 7k to fight?

Only if I get primary custody of the kids as the result of the kids.

What is in the video?

Standard sext. Use your imagination.

You've had 50/50 for 3 months? What makes you think either of you will get primary custody after a 50/50 timeshare?

How is that fair to the KIDS?

 

[mistoffolees]

How am I going to prove it?

I have the email where she threatens to send a video to people if I dont agree to her unreasonable terms.

Is it worth 7k to fight?

Only if I get primary custody of the kids as the result of the kids.

Not likely. So you'll spend a fortune fighting and probably not get what you want.

You already have 50:50. Why aren't you happy with that? Why would the kids be better off with you than with her (real, hard facts, not your assessment that she's nasty or won't let you do whatever you want or whatever)?

 

[beatthehell]

Not likely. So you'll spend a fortune fighting and probably not get what you want.

You already have 50:50. Why aren't you happy with that? Why would the kids be better off with you than with her (real, hard facts, not your assessment that she's nasty or won't let you do whatever you want or whatever)?

Just since I posted this originally, she has texted that she feels the kids are better off with her. I am (somewhat) content with the 50/50 arrangement, but if the blackmail is grounds for getting primary custody, I would pursue that. I am the best father that I know and have been engaged in the growth and development of the children since day 1. The kids are confused, but adjusting to the arrangement as well as could be expected.

 

[mistoffolees]

Just since I posted this originally, she has texted that she feels the kids are better off with her. I am (somewhat) content with the 50/50 arrangement, but if the blackmail is grounds for getting primary custody, I would pursue that. I am the best father that I know and have been engaged in the growth and development of the children since day 1. The kids are confused, but adjusting to the arrangement as well as could be expected.

Blackmail is not going to be grounds for getting primary custody. Forget it.

You have 50:50. If you can get an uncontested 50:50, that's better than spending a fortune fighting - with unknown results.