Bullying

[Mamabear1960]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? north carolina
I was informed friday that my child is being told to leave a youth organiztion due to continuing bullying behavior that occurred over the last 2 years. I was informed of only one incident and then verbally. My child was asked to write a paper. We are now told he needs to under go evaluation and counseling. Neither of which I can afford. What its the obligations of the leader, or organization to inform parents if this behavior. He does great in school and church

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? north carolina
I was informed friday that my child is being told to leave a youth organiztion due to continuing bullying behavior that occurred over the last 2 years. I was informed of only one incident and then verbally. My child was asked to write a paper. We are now told he needs to under go evaluation and counseling. Neither of which I can afford. What its the obligations of the leader, or organization to inform parents if this behavior. He does great in school and church

would you mind clarifying something?

when were you informed? how long ago? when was he asked to write a paper?

when you were informed of his bullying behavior, what did you do about it?

who told you he needs to have an evaluation?

 

[Mamabear1960]

The incident he was asked to write a paper on was about 3 weeks ago. We found out this last friday about the rest. The leader who told us our child told to leave is the one who said he should undergo evaluation.
So far we have spoken to our pastor

 

[Isis1]

The incident he was asked to write a paper on was about 3 weeks ago. We found out this last friday about the rest. The leader who told us our child told to leave is the one who said he should undergo evaluation.
So far we have spoken to our pastor

how old is this child?

may i ask what kind of organization is this? the reason i'm asking is because i want to clarify whether this was a social worker requiring an evaluation, or just a plain leader who made a suggestion.

 

[Mamabear1960]

9 years old. Bsa

 

[Mamabear1960]

9 years old. Bsa

 

[Ohiogal]

9 years old. Bsa

Call the Boy Scout Leader and request more information. What specifically was your child doing to other children and what type of bullying behavior was he engaging? Then deal with your 9 year old to stop those behaviors.

 

[Mamabear1960]

he was asked to write the paper, meet with our pastor both of which he did it was our understanding that he be suspended for a month during which time we as parents and our pastor to conuncel the child. now we are presented with a document they want us to sign stating we agree to have him suspended from all bsa activities for a year. no punishment was handed out to the other child and no repremand for non compliane for youth protection violation for the leader in question. we are quite taken aback and totally confounded on how to proceed. Our son is no angel but he also no raging bully attacking other children

 

[mistoffolees]

he was asked to write the paper, meet with our pastor both of which he did it was our understanding that he be suspended for a month during which time we as parents and our pastor to conuncel the child. now we are presented with a document they want us to sign stating we agree to have him suspended from all bsa activities for a year. no punishment was handed out to the other child and no repremand for non compliane for youth protection violation for the leader in question. we are quite taken aback and totally confounded on how to proceed. Our son is no angel but he also no raging bully attacking other children

I think you've already gotten your advice. If you don't have any more details than what you provided here, contact the leader to ask for the full details of what happened.

In general, it's best to ignore what happened with other kids. They're not your problem. Your child admitted to doing something wrong and you have a path forward. You are being asked to withdraw him from BSA for a year (presumably to save everyone all the legal expenses of having him banned). You have been informed that your child has a problem and counseling has been suggested. They can't legally require you to take him to counseling (although it might be a requirement for readmission). So here's what I would do. Go ahead and take the kid out for a year. Explain to him that the consequences of antisocial behavior is that you no longer get to be part of the group. Work with the child (using your pastor for assistance if possible) on straightening out his behavior.

Of course, you have an alternative. You could try to make it a legal matter. Spend a fortune on lawyers and probably not get anywhere (private organizations have a fairly free rein on who they can allow to be members as long as they're not violating the law). Meanwhile, you'll be sending your child the message that it's OK to be a bully as long as you have more power (lawyers) than the other side. Maybe you should keep the attorney on retainer because the kid's troubles will likely get worse as time goes on - and count on him being the loner with no friends.

Your choice.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think you've already gotten your advice. If you don't have any more details than what you provided here, contact the leader to ask for the full details of what happened.

In general, it's best to ignore what happened with other kids. They're not your problem. Your child admitted to doing something wrong and you have a path forward. You are being asked to withdraw him from BSA for a year (presumably to save everyone all the legal expenses of having him banned). You have been informed that your child has a problem and counseling has been suggested. They can't legally require you to take him to counseling (although it might be a requirement for readmission). So here's what I would do. Go ahead and take the kid out for a year. Explain to him that the consequences of antisocial behavior is that you no longer get to be part of the group. Work with the child (using your pastor for assistance if possible) on straightening out his behavior.

Of course, you have an alternative. You could try to make it a legal matter. Spend a fortune on lawyers and probably not get anywhere (private organizations have a fairly free rein on who they can allow to be members as long as they're not violating the law). Meanwhile, you'll be sending your child the message that it's OK to be a bully as long as you have more power (lawyers) than the other side. Maybe you should keep the attorney on retainer because the kid's troubles will likely get worse as time goes on - and count on him being the loner with no friends.

Your choice.

They would lose the lawsuit against the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts were already sued for refusing to allow a homosexual to be a leader. They do not have to allow HER child to be a member. Her child apparently needs to learn he can't bully and harass other children.

 

[Zigner]

However, a Boy Scout leader's contention that the boy needs counseling holds no legal weight (barring some unknown circumstance)

 

[mistoffolees]

They would lose the lawsuit against the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts were already sued for refusing to allow a homosexual to be a leader. They do not have to allow HER child to be a member. Her child apparently needs to learn he can't bully and harass other children.

Darn. Sorry I forgot to mention that. I guess it was a different thread (maybe the one about the private school) where I had mentioned that private organizations have a great deal of leeway in who they allow and don't allow into their group.

You're absolutely right, of course.

 

[csi7]

You can report the leader to the Association Board to have their actions reviewed.
I would also request a fair removal of all the students/participants involved by the Association Board.
We did this, the local chapter shut down for a year, the origin offender moved out of the area, and a new leader opened up the chapter the following year.
When there are a series of bullying, offensive, and potential violent behaviors being noticed, it becomes necessary for the incidents to be investigated, and an observer brought in.
However, it is your responsibility to teach your child alternative responses, reactions to potential bullying incidents. You can do this in your home, using what you have available, do activities in the kitchen, in the yard, with books, school work, and your child will appreciate your active support in changing their behavior.

 

[mistoffolees]

You can report the leader to the Association Board to have their actions reviewed.
I would also request a fair removal of all the students/participants involved by the Association Board.
We did this, the local chapter shut down for a year, the origin offender moved out of the area, and a new leader opened up the chapter the following year.
When there are a series of bullying, offensive, and potential violent behaviors being noticed, it becomes necessary for the incidents to be investigated, and an observer brought in.
However, it is your responsibility to teach your child alternative responses, reactions to potential bullying incidents. You can do this in your home, using what you have available, do activities in the kitchen, in the yard, with books, school work, and your child will appreciate your active support in changing their behavior.

Yes, they have that right. However, note that the child was asked to leave because of "continuing bullying behavior that occurred over the last 2 years". And OP doesn't deny it - s/he is simply trying to spread the blame around. So, apparently, even OP realizes that the kid is a bully.

So is it right to make the rest of the troop suffer because of this kid who is a regular bully? And do you really want to send the message to the bully that they get to control things - even if it makes the troop close down for the rest of the kids?

Frankly, I think it makes more sense to take the punishment and teach the kid some responsibility and consequences. But maybe that's just me.