Full Legal Custody

[stealth2]

I think you need to stop second guessing every interaction. That, in and of itself, introduces stress.

 

[breezymom]

I think you need to stop second guessing every interaction. That, in and of itself, introduces stress.

You're right, Stealth. You really are.

1. He scares me
2. I am afraid of doing something wrong
3. I am extremely afraid of hurting our little one emotionally if I DO do something wrong in my interactions

I just love her so much and I don't want to do anything to hurt her.

I just want to do things right for HER. And he insists everyone around her is doing things wrong and hurting his children and him.

 

[mistoffolees]

You're right, Stealth. You really are.

1. He scares me
2. I am afraid of doing something wrong
3. I am extremely afraid of hurting our little one emotionally if I DO do something wrong in my interactions

I just love her so much and I don't want to do anything to hurt her.

I just want to do things right for HER. And he insists everyone around her is doing things wrong and hurting his children and him.

I don't remember if you said the you're in counseling, but if not, you should be.

Ignoring the divorce situation and your problems with your ex, parents who are so afraid of doing anything wrong that every little thing gives them a panic attack are NOT helping their kids.

Sure, there's a risk that any parent might do something that could hurt their kids. You do what you can to minimize the risk and lessen potential damage, but you can not keep your kids from getting hurt. Attempting to do so does more damage than the potential harm.

You really need to learn to relax.

 

[breezymom]

I don't remember if you said the you're in counseling, but if not, you should be.

Ignoring the divorce situation and your problems with your ex, parents who are so afraid of doing anything wrong that every little thing gives them a panic attack are NOT helping their kids.

Sure, there's a risk that any parent might do something that could hurt their kids. You do what you can to minimize the risk and lessen potential damage, but you can not keep your kids from getting hurt. Attempting to do so does more damage than the potential harm.

You really need to learn to relax.

Yes, I am in counseling, misto. The counselor that he thinks is the kid's counselor.

I just read thread after thread on here and see what I DON'T want to do and I'm trying so hard NOT to do those things.

Seeking information, according to him, is a weakness and shows that I am not a fit parent to him.

Since I am going to counseling, not only for myself, but for ideas on co-parenting strategies to try and make things work better, I am a bad parent. He told me I shouldn't have to do that and he is a natural and doesn't need to do that. A natural parent doesn't need to look for more ideas.

Yet, I've had so many compliments on how natural of a parent I am.

I'm sorry. I just wasn't prepared for a phone call about court things during his parenting time with our child. He had said he may call because he may have to take the other one to the police barracks.

I'm going out to go relax and do something until either he calls or it's time for him to drop her off, which were my plans already. They were just delayed due to my anxiety over the phone call.

I'm sorry. I'm learning. I just have to keep reading and relaxing (I was completely relaxed this morning, honestly...I usually am anxious about it, but I had it in my head that things would go fine, as long as I ignored everything irrelevant). It takes practice. I just didn't want to make any legal mistakes, either, in what I said.

Thanks, guys.

 

[st-kitts]

OP - I know how badly you want input on your situation, but if your ex is reading these posts, I do not think it is in your best interest to keep this thread going. It is great to have an online sounding board, but not if your extemporaneous thoughts are landing in the lap of your ex.

If you ex is reading it, I do not think it is in your best interest to keep this post online.

Good luck breezy.

 

[breezymom]

OP - I know how badly you want input on your situation, but if your ex is reading these posts, I do not think it is in your best interest to keep this thread going. It is great to have an online sounding board, but not if your extemporaneous thoughts are landing in the lap of your ex.

If you ex is reading it, I do not think it is in your best interest to keep this post online.

Good luck breezy.

Once again, right. That's why I cut it back, for awhile. And, I will again. I just get frustrated that it always seems problems are on the weekends or holidays when I don't have anywhere else to go.

 

[stealth2]

Misto's right. Your anxiety is not going to help your kids.

Here's a reality check. NO parent can make everything perfect for the kids. We ALL make mistakes. Say something we shouldn't. Do something we shouldn't. Allow them to do or say something they shouldn't. It happens. It's life. It happens, you shrug, you say "oops", and carry on, learning from that mistake. Lather, rinse, repeat.

You do your best. Try to learn from each misstep. And realize that most kids grow up in spite of their upbringing. God only knows how many fingers I'd need to count my mistakes/missteps. My kids are still pretty stable, good kids. And they love me, foibles and all.

Stop sweating everything.

 

[breezymom]

So the only access to where I needed to go is blocked off LOL...go figure.

Anyway, thanks guys. It's difficult when the other person tries to make you feel like every mistake you make can be used against you, but I am willing to get there quickly for the sake of our little girl.

I don't sweat the normal stuff...just the stuff between him and I. It's with reason, but all hearsay and irrelevant, due to nature. I'm rather disappointed about how I handled the phone call after I got off the phone with him and posted on here, but I guess I've taken more steps forward than backward, lately, so to look at the positive of things.

I can't wait to see her when she comes home. God, I love those squeezy, wrap-the-arms-around-my-neck hugs she gives when she does come home. She's such a smart, sweet, caring little girl of whom everyone in her life is lucky to have the chance to know. With that said, thanks for the help. I'm going back to enjoying a few quiet hours with some friends (Now that the gas company moved their stuff!).

 

[stealth2]

So the only access to where I needed to go is blocked off LOL...go figure.

Huh?

****************************....

 

[breezymom]

So the only access to where I needed to go is blocked off LOL...go figure.

I'm going back to enjoying a few quiet hours with some friends (Now that the gas company moved their stuff!).

That. I went off to try and enjoy my day and couldn't get to my friend's house because the gas company blocked off a one-access road.

Closing the thread. I just had wanted to say thank you before I closed it and headed off to do some stuff that was non-stressful.

 

[breezymom]

How can one legally co-parent with another who disagrees with every single way I parent on my parenting time?

He acts like he is interested in cooperating and asks, as example, how are we potty training. My answer: We use the pant-less option as often as possible. He asks how she knows how to use the potty with pants on. I tell him she just asks. Well, he says, she never asks at his house. She asks constantly when with me. He said he spoke to some famous child psychologist about it. Then he said no more.

He has issues about my child care. My parents watch her. There are no issues. Child says, "Papa tickles me," and he hears it as, "Papa mean to me," and tells me she is pointing to her belly button.

He wants every weekend and to have her while I work. He first says he is going to file paperwork. In the same day, he says we need to change the visitation verbally outside of court.

He demanded to be able to talk to my own therapist about me concerning lord only knows what and what he sees as the child's issues. I get a therapist for the child for that upon my lawyer's recommendation and give him the contact information along with that the social worker wants to meet with the parents first, separately, then each parent with the child separately. He says he is going to call because he wants to ask questions about this, which will, again, turn into some sort of interrogation.

He wants me to write up everything we do all day, as well.

How does one coparent like this? Folks have given great suggestions and I've followed them. Now he thinks, due to the non-committal replies, that he has me buttered up enough to demand we change the court order ourselves without going to court.

 

[Just Blue]

How can one legally co-parent with another who disagrees with every single way I parent on my parenting time?

He acts like he is interested in cooperating and asks, as example, how are we potty training. My answer: We use the pant-less option as often as possible. He asks how she knows how to use the potty with pants on. I tell him she just asks. Well, he says, she never asks at his house. She asks constantly when with me. He said he spoke to some famous child psychologist about it. Then he said no more.

He has issues about my child care. My parents watch her. There are no issues. Child says, "Papa tickles me," and he hears it as, "Papa mean to me," and tells me she is pointing to her belly button.

He wants every weekend and to have her while I work. He first says he is going to file paperwork. In the same day, he says we need to change the visitation verbally outside of court.

He demanded to be able to talk to my own therapist about me concerning lord only knows what and what he sees as the child's issues. I get a therapist for the child for that upon my lawyer's recommendation and give him the contact information along with that the social worker wants to meet with the parents first, separately, then each parent with the child separately. He says he is going to call because he wants to ask questions about this, which will, again, turn into some sort of interrogation.

He wants me to write up everything we do all day, as well.

How does one coparent like this? Folks have given great suggestions and I've followed them. Now he thinks, due to the non-committal replies, that he has me buttered up enough to demand we change the court order ourselves without going to court.

I, personally, would tell him to go .... ... seek mediation.

 

[mistoffolees]

How can one legally co-parent with another who disagrees with every single way I parent on my parenting time?

He acts like he is interested in cooperating and asks, as example, how are we potty training. My answer: We use the pant-less option as often as possible. He asks how she knows how to use the potty with pants on. I tell him she just asks. Well, he says, she never asks at his house. She asks constantly when with me. He said he spoke to some famous child psychologist about it. Then he said no more.

He has issues about my child care. My parents watch her. There are no issues. Child says, "Papa tickles me," and he hears it as, "Papa mean to me," and tells me she is pointing to her belly button.

He wants every weekend and to have her while I work. He first says he is going to file paperwork. In the same day, he says we need to change the visitation verbally outside of court.

He demanded to be able to talk to my own therapist about me concerning lord only knows what and what he sees as the child's issues. I get a therapist for the child for that upon my lawyer's recommendation and give him the contact information along with that the social worker wants to meet with the parents first, separately, then each parent with the child separately. He says he is going to call because he wants to ask questions about this, which will, again, turn into some sort of interrogation.

He wants me to write up everything we do all day, as well.

How does one coparent like this? Folks have given great suggestions and I've followed them. Now he thinks, due to the non-committal replies, that he has me buttered up enough to demand we change the court order ourselves without going to court.

Until you learn to just ignore him, you and your child will have a miserable life.

He wants to criticize the way you're potty training? Too bad. Just ignore it. Or, if you want to be polite, say "I'll keep that in mind" and then walk away.

As for the rest, just ignore the threats. If he files something, you can deal with it then. Until then, follow your court order to the letter and ignore ex the rest of the time.

Seriously, you are creating infinitely more stress than you need in this situation and you are not doing your child any favors. Your flying off into panic mode every time something happens is a disaster that ONLY YOU can stop.