To many calls and emails

[Bob L]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I'm divorced one year with 2 kids. I have 50/50 custody. With a schedule that fluctuates because of her work schedule. I take my kids whenever she works and always have them 50% or more. My ex keeps threatening me that she is going to take me back to court because I have blocked her phone and will only allow e-mails from her. Now she will call the kids phone and have them give me the phone. It is almost daily with multiple emails and phone calls. How can I stop it without getting into trouble if she actually takes me to court? I have sent an email asking that she stop all the phone calls and emails and that I only expect an email when there is an issue with the kids and that should be not more than once a week at the most.

 

[AlmostThere]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I'm divorced one year with 2 kids. I have 50/50 custody. With a schedule that fluctuates because of her work schedule. I take my kids whenever she works and always have them 50% or more. My ex keeps threatening me that she is going to take me back to court because I have blocked her phone and will only allow e-mails from her. Now she will call the kids phone and have them give me the phone. It is almost daily with multiple emails and phone calls. How can I stop it without getting into trouble if she actually takes me to court? I have sent an email asking that she stop all the phone calls and emails and that I only expect an email when there is an issue with the kids and that should be not more than once a week at the most.

So, unblock her phone and let it go to voicemail. If she piggy backs onto a call from the kids tell her "I have to go now" and end the call. Unless the emails are urgent, respond to only child custody and child support relevant issues once a week.

Its much cheaper, easier and more effective to detach, reduce your responses, increase your responses, than to try to regulate how she interacts with you.

Example: My ex would send email (because his calls as well as all caller id blocked numbers are automatically directed to vmail), with one relevant question and the rest are emotionally charged, more or less non-sense, blathering on to try and get me to engage in conversation with him. Unless the question needed to be answered in short order, I would wait several days, and reply answering the single valid question. At first he'd reply back asking me to answer his other questions. I would wait several days again and reply". I am only willing to discuss issues relevant to the legal issues of our divorce". It took a few go arounds of this, but he gave up.

 

[Bob L]

I have tried that with no luck.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I have tried that with no luck.

That doesn't make sense. No luck, how? If you refuse to take her calls, she can't force you to take them. If you refuse to engage in whatever game she's playing, she can't play the game.

Again. Let all her calls to go voice mail. Check the messages and then respond only to the things that need a response. If the kids try to hand you their phones, don't take them.

You can't control how often she tries, but you can control how often she succeeds.

 

[mistoffolees]

That doesn't make sense. No luck, how? If you refuse to take her calls, she can't force you to take them. If you refuse to engage in whatever game she's playing, she can't play the game.

Again. Let all her calls to go voice mail. Check the messages and then respond only to the things that need a response. If the kids try to hand you their phones, don't take them.

You can't control how often she tries, but you can control how often she succeeds.

Although you can be pretty sure that if you reduce her success rate to near zero, she'll eventually stop trying.

 

[nextwife]

OMG! What is with these people and their surgically attached PHONES!

One does NOT need to constantly talk to their kids, or be on the phone! We were out with a bunch of other parents last week, and all our daughters on the HS frosh and JV basketball teams, and while at the restaraunt table, several of the other parents were talking to us while non stop messing around with their phones, or talking on the phone while sitting at the table in the group.

How very RUDE. People should not accept calls while in the company of others unless an emergancy or urgent. One should step out of the room, take the call, then come back. I have no idea where folks started thinking it was proper manners to be jabbering away with a third party while in someone elses company.

 

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I'm divorced one year with 2 kids. I have 50/50 custody. With a schedule that fluctuates because of her work schedule. I take my kids whenever she works and always have them 50% or more. My ex keeps threatening me that she is going to take me back to court because I have blocked her phone and will only allow e-mails from her. Now she will call the kids phone and have them give me the phone. It is almost daily with multiple emails and phone calls. How can I stop it without getting into trouble if she actually takes me to court? I have sent an email asking that she stop all the phone calls and emails and that I only expect an email when there is an issue with the kids and that should be not more than once a week at the most.

What does your order say about emails, phone calls, etc.?

 

[tuffbrk]

OMG! What is with these people and their surgically attached PHONES!

One does NOT need to constantly talk to their kids, or be on the phone! We were out with a bunch of other parents last week, and all our daughters on the HS frosh and JV basketball teams, and while at the restaraunt table, several of the other parents were talking to us while non stop messing around with their phones, or talking on the phone while sitting at the table in the group.

How very RUDE. People should not accept calls while in the company of others unless an emergancy or urgent. One should step out of the room, take the call, then come back. I have no idea where folks started thinking it was proper manners to be jabbering away with a third party while in someone elses company.

I love to comment on the conversation blatantly being conducted in my company. Especially when it's perfect strangers on the elevator.

People have truly lost any sense of privacy.

 

[Bob L]

The order says nothing about emails or calls. The MN custody and child support laws are attached.

 

[mistoffolees]

The order says nothing about emails or calls.

Then she's free to call you as often as she wishes and you're free to ignore her as often as you wish.

Seriously. Just ignore her. I guess if it gets TOO bad, you could file criminal harassment claim, but it has to be REALLY severe before you'd have much success there.

 

[Bob L]

My issue today and the reason I asked is because she called last night and left a message. I responded today with an email. And got 4 emails back. Christmas is my day per the decree and I was going to let her have the kids from 8 am to 12:30. Because she works nights over Christmas. She responded with name calling and changing the schedule for the next two weeks. She wanted them 9 am to 3 on Christmas. So a simple email from me letting her take the kids on my holiday led to the schedule changing for two weeks. It has been this way for the entire year of our divorce. The decree reads that we are to work around her work schedule and it also gives specific days of the week we have the kids. The last thing is that her work schedule changes January 1st. She no longer will work shift work. Any advice on how to deal with the next two weeks and how to deal with an ex that is completely unreasonable and irrational.

 

[mistoffolees]

My issue today and the reason I asked is because she called last night and left a message. I responded today with an email. And got 4 emails back. Christmas is my day per the decree and I was going to let her have the kids from 8 am to 12:30. Because she works nights over Christmas. She responded with name calling and changing the schedule for the next two weeks. She wanted them 9 am to 3 on Christmas. So a simple email from me letting her take the kids on my holiday led to the schedule changing for two weeks. It has been this way for the entire year of our divorce. The decree reads that we are to work around her work schedule and it also gives specific days of the week we have the kids. The last thing is that her work schedule changes January 1st. She no longer will work shift work. Any advice on how to deal with the next two weeks and how to deal with an ex that is completely unreasonable and irrational.

Follow the court order. Problem solved. If the court order is vague, then go back to court to have it clarified.

What does it say about custody and visitation? Word for word, but without the names.

And why did you make the issue about phone calls and email when it appears that the actual issue is visitation?

 

[Bob L]

The decree states the holidays and year and who has the kids. It also has one sentence that says, we have agreed to work around her work schedule. I kind of see it as both to many calls, emails, and parenting time. If I agree to a schedule the next time she is mad about something she changes it. So there are numerous emails or calls about a schedule that did not need to be.

 

[mistoffolees]

The decree states the holidays and year and who has the kids. It also has one sentence that says, we have agreed to work around her work schedule. I kind of see it as both to many calls, emails, and parenting time. If I agree to a schedule the next time she is mad about something she changes it. So there are numerous emails or calls about a schedule that did not need to be.

What part of "word for word but without the names" don't you understand?

It is important to know EXACTLY what the order says about working around her schedule.

 

[Bob L]

I don't have the decree with me. It is very close to this; Both parties agree to work around the petitioners work schedule. Very close to that. If not exactly like that. I have read it a hundred times.