Need help

[stealth2]

I wouldn't have got rude if he didn't get rude with me first, I didn't know how your forum worked, if you want people to stay In one forum then you shouldn't have subtopics in the main screen. I thought each one was a different forum!!

That would be MS. Stealth to you, Trucker Dude. You were asked several times to keep your posts to one thread. So don't pretend you didn't know until I posted to you.

 

[Trucker31]

Drug testing, if clean, is NOT a big deal. If you are clean, volunteer to get tested as long as the other side PAYS for it. Or is the issue, you won't be clean? Because quite frankly that is how it appears.

Something very weird happened today in this case and I dont know if I can do anything about it. I originally had a appt. set to see a lawyer on the 9th of Jan
And today the lawyer called and said that she couldn't represent me cause my spouse was her client now. The lawyer took her because she could get her money before mine, or make me pay her regardless. Is their anything I can do about that like sue the lawyer?

 

[Proserpina]

Something very weird happened today in this case and I dont know if I can do anything about it. I originally had a appt. set to see a lawyer on the 9th of Jan
And today the lawyer called and said that she couldn't represent me cause my spouse was her client now. The lawyer took her because she could get her money before mine, or make me pay her regardless. Is their anything I can do about that like sue the lawyer?

Sue the lawyer for what?

The lawyer had no contract with you, correct?

Mom offered money faster. While it's perhaps not nice, it's not illegal.

You have plenty of time to find another attorney.

 

[Isis1]

So she can drive around in my car while I walk

was that car purchased before the marriage?

 

[Trucker31]

was that car purchased before the marriage?

No It was purchased during the marriage, and I know that makes it our car!!

 

[Proserpina]

No It was purchased during the marriage, and I know that makes it our car!!

You know, even it was only yours, you have to think strategy here.

You are a trucker. How often do you use your car? You're away 3 weeks at a time, yes?

Has Mom always had use of the car? Does she use it to transport kiddo?

If she does, how do you think it might look to the court if you remove Mom's only form of transportation given that she's your child's primary caregiver?

 

[Trucker31]

You know, even it was only yours, you have to think strategy here.

You are a trucker. How often do you use your car? You're away 3 weeks at a time, yes?

Has Mom always had use of the car? Does she use it to transport kiddo?

If she does, how do you think it might look to the court if you remove Mom's only form of transportation given that she's your child's primary caregiver?

Yes I know it would look bad, this is what I get!!

 

[Proserpina]

Yes I know it would look bad, this is what I get!!

Right, exactly.

So - you've got to think less about being pissed at Mom, and more about what's best not only for your son, but also about how you can best facilitate the relationship you have with your son.

 

[Ohiogal]

I note that you didn't answer the question about drug testing and why you wouldn't take it. Dude, lay off the drugs.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm just shaking my head here.

 

[mistoffolees]

Sue the lawyer for what?

The lawyer had no contract with you, correct?

Mom offered money faster. While it's perhaps not nice, it's not illegal.

You have plenty of time to find another attorney.

I'd have to know more about the specifics, but there may be a major breach of legal protocol here.

If OP had already talked with the attorney about his case, the attorney should have declined talking to wife - no matter who came up with the money first. So, OP, did you have any significant discussions with the attorney or was it "I'm getting divorced and will be needing an attorney"?

If you had significant discussions including strategies and factual background, I would file a complaint with the State Bar and ask the attorney to drop out.

Right, exactly.

So - you've got to think less about being pissed at Mom, and more about what's best not only for your son, but also about how you can best facilitate the relationship you have with your son.

While that's always good advice, it's especially relevant here.

In addition to not answering OG's questions about drugs, OP has also not answered the questions I asked earlier - that might help us to suggest a visitation and/or custody schedule that would work for everyone. It seems that OP is more concerned about venting and finding some way to hurt Mom than in finding out how to spend time with his son. *shakes head*

 

[LdiJ]

You've gotten some good advice. Here's what you need to do:

1. File immediately in your local court. As for an order that the child not be removed from your state while the case is pending.

2. You will request joint legal custody. There is no reason not to have that.

3. You COULD request primary physical custody, but as you've been told, the court probably won't award that because of your job. So if you really want primary physical custody, you'll need a different job (even then, you might not get it - because the court will consider the fact that Mom has been the primary caregiver). Therefore, my view is that you're probably better asking for shared physical custody with Mom having the child most of the time and you having an extended time in the summer, alternating holidays, and spring or fall break at school (when the child is old enough to be in school). Your attorney can guide you here.

4. Ask for the court to order Mom to pay 100% of the costs of transportation for you to see the child.

5. Ask for temporary visitation orders granting you visitation.

It's difficult now (and almost always is during the early stages of a divorce), but your biggest problem is your schedule. It is always recommended that people get rigid court orders for visitation schedules, but a rigid order may conflict with your work schedule. So let's explore that a little bit:
- How far ahead do you know when you'll be away?
- How long are you gone each time?
- How long do you stay in town when you are not driving?
- Do you have access to the Internet when you're away from home?

Depending on the answers to the above questions, it might be possible to come up with a schedule that allows you to see your child when you're back in town but which is also an enforceable order.

And I agree with the other advice. Relax. You will get to spend time with your son. Ultimately, your relationship with your son will be heavily influenced by Mom, so you want to be careful not to over-react. You will have to bite your tongue sometimes and keep things in that you'd like to say. You will have to deal with her being unfair in just taking off and preventing you from seeing your son. But in the end, your child benefits if you can find a way to work out a civil co-parenting relationship.

Misto, I am going to disagree with you a bit only because I am familiar with OTR truckers.

He has no hope of primary custody at all. Even if he change jobs mom has clearly been the primary caretaker for the child.

OTR truckers generally have less that 48 hours at home between each 2-3 week long trip. There can be some exceptions to that, but that is generally how it works. Scheduling is also a bit "loose" as generally they don't know much in advance what loads they are getting.

Unless he never travels to NC, or his routing never takes him through NC, he could visit there just as easily as visiting at home...therefore asking mom to pay all the transportation may not be viable. Many single, OTR truckers don't even have a residence of their own. They basically live out of their trucks.

 

[Trucker31]

I don't mind taking a drug tests, I would volunteer. And yes the paralegal heard my case on the phone.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, I am going to disagree with you a bit only because I am familiar with OTR truckers.

He has no hope of primary custody at all. Even if he change jobs mom has clearly been the primary caretaker for the child.

It would be really nice if you'd stop making things up. I didn't say that he had any hope of primary custody. What I said was:

Depending on the answers to the above questions, it might be possible to come up with a schedule that allows you to see your child when you're back in town but which is also an enforceable order.

I also said:

You COULD request primary physical custody, but as you've been told, the court probably won't award that because of your job. So if you really want primary physical custody, you'll need a different job (even then, you might not get it - because the court will consider the fact that Mom has been the primary caregiver).

Which is almost exactly what you said.

So, other than your need to disagree with anything I say, why are you disagreeing?

 

[LdiJ]

It would be really nice if you'd stop making things up. I didn't say that he had any hope of primary custody. What I said was:


I also said:

Which is almost exactly what you said.

So, other than your need to disagree with anything I say, why are you disagreeing?

Pot calling the kettle black....

I was a little more definative than you were. He really has no hope and that needs to be made clear so that he doesn't spin his wheels.

Unfortunately he is probably going to have to work harder than most parents for visitation, because his down time will be inconsistent. If he regularly passes through the area where mom wants to live, and he can maintain a decent co-parenting relationship with mom, then he might get to see his children more often (even if its just for a couple of hours) than his trucker schedule will allow.

Most of the truckers that I have as clients never have any extended time at home at all. They are lucky if they ever have a full 48 hours or even can take a vacation.