General Questions When You Don't Live In Your Home State and More...

[nulllife]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN


Hello all. I’m will try my best to shorten to the point but as with anything related to life, it can be complicated.

Here we go- I married years ago, then a couple of years laters my spouse left with our 1 year old and divorced me. They moved to a town a few miles away. I followed to be with my child. I ended up remarried to my spouse a few years later after she failed to find another mate. We had two more children throughout the year. One issue was money but there were many more issues that caused the original divorce. Because money was one, I decided to go to college and I received an associates. This is important to this story.

We were never happy together the entire marriage which is now going on 20 years. The grandparents have stayed involved in our childrends lives which has been great.

After school, I reached a salary that I wouldn’t have every dreamed of but honestly, things never changed in our marriage. We were miserable. And, I’m sure the kids were too. We moved from our home state and then bounced around to other states as I built up my career (with the same company).

Well, after so many years, I have finally started to take control of my life and I am 100% sure that I need to divorce. I even quit my job (not to be a reason to get divorced) because I thought I had a for sure way to move back to my home state and bring our family back together (closer to my folks and closer to her folks). Well, that job fell through and it has been devastating to me because now I am without a job. This is a bad time to be without one, but it also brought out the truth about how well my spouse was committed to the relationship. Well, they aren't at all but the good news is that I’m not either so.

Here is what I need answered:

1. Spouse wants to stay in the State we are currently in (we’ve been here for about 13 months). I want to move back to our home state. Do I have to stay in this state to get divorced?
2. Can I move back to our home state while the kids stay in the current state to finish school and then file for divorce in the state that I went to (our home state)?
3. If we divorce in the current State, will the alimony amount be set in stone even if we end up in our home state right after the divorce?
4. Can I get custody of one of the children (one that is old enough to make that choice) and then move them to our home State?
5. I’ve been looking for work but in order to keep the same type of job and same pay, I would have to have a bachelor’s degree which I don’t have. I clearly see that I wouldn’t get even close to what I was making and honestly, the responsibility was too much for me anyway. Can my spouse sue me for support and alimony based on what I had been making even though I am currently making zero and can’t find a job and when I do, it will be half of what I was making anyway? By the way it should be noted that we bounced thousands of dollars a year using our debt card and ended up with very bad credit and nothing to speak of in our lives from a financial standpoint yet, she never worked a day while we were married….What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

1. She wants to stay in the State we are currently in (we’ve been here for about 13 months). I want to move back to our home state. Do I have to stay in this state to get divorced?

You can move wherever you want.

If there are minor children, then she can use that as a basis to ask the court for primary physical custody - and she'd have a good chance.

2. Can I move back to our home state while the kids stay in the current state to finish school and then file for divorce in the state that I went to (our home state)?

If you're willing to let the kids stay with Mom, then you can move wherever you want and Mom can't stop you. You can file for divorce whenever you meet the residency requirements (usually 6 months, but since you didn't say where you'd be moving to, I'm not sure) - but until then, you'd have to file in your current state.

Plus, if you file in your new state, they won't have jurisdiction over the kids or any property in the existing state. It's better to just do it where you're living now.

3. If we divorce in the current State, will the alimony amount be set in stone even if we end up in our home state right after the divorce?

Depends on how the order reads. Alimony may or may not be modifiable. if it's modifiable, then it can be changed when there's a change of circumstances.

Note that since you voluntarily quit your job, alimony and/or child support may be ordered based on what you WERE making.

4. Can I get custody of one of the children (one that is old enough to make that choice) and then move them to our home State?

If the child is old enough to make the choice, they're 18 - and can live wherever they want. If they're not 18, the court will decide based on best interests of the child - and that usually involves staying put.

How old is the child? And why do you think it's in the children's best interests to separate them and move one away form their friends, school, home, and mother?

5. I’ve been looking for work but in order to keep the same type of job and same pay, I would have to have a bachelor’s degree which I don’t have. I clearly see that I wouldn’t get even close to what I was making and honestly, the responsibility was too much for me anyway. Can my spouse sue me for support and alimony based on what I had been making even though I am currently making zero and can’t find a job and when I do, it will be half of what I was making anyway? By the way it should be noted that we bounced thousands of dollars a year using our debt card and ended up with very bad credit and nothing to speak of in our lives from a financial standpoint yet, she never worked a day while we were married….What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Absolutely. You quit the job voluntarily so the court can consider what you were making previously.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

Hello all. I’m will try my best to shorten to the point but as with anything related to life, it can be complicated.

Here we go- I married years ago, then spouse left with and took our 1 year old. They moved to a town a few miles away. I followed to be with my child. I ended up remarried to my spouse a few years later after she failed to find another mate. We had two more children throughout the year. One issue was money but there were many more issues that caused the original divorce. Because money was one, I decided to go to college and I received an associates. This is important to this story.

We were never happy together the entire marriage which is now going on 20 years if you count from 1991. They are very strong grandparents and have stayed involved in their lives on a daily bases even from afar.

So after I remarried and then a few years later going back to school to get an AAS I started to actually have a career worth talking about. I reached a salary that I wouldn’t have every dreamed of but honestly, things never changed. We were miserable. And, I’m sure the kids were too. We moved from our home state and then bounced around to other states as I built up my career (with the same company).

Well, after so many years, I have finally started to take control of my life and I am 100% sure that I need to divorce. I even quit my job (not to be a reason to get divorced) because I thought I had a for sure way to move back to my home state and bring our family back together (closer to my folks and closer to her folks). Well, that job boomed and it was devastating to me because now I am without a job and this is a bad time to be without one, but it also brought out the truth about how well my wife was committed to the relationship. Well, she isn’t at all but the good news is that I’m not either so.

Here is what I need answered:

1. She wants to stay in the State we are currently in (we’ve been here for about 13 months). I want to move back to our home state. Do I have to stay in this state to get divorced?

No.

2. Can I move back to our home state while the kids stay in the current state to finish school and then file for divorce in the state that I went to (our home state)?

Yes, after you establish residency in the new state. Usually that takes six months.

3. If we divorce in the current State, will the alimony amount be set in stone even if we end up in our home state right after the divorce?

Varies. Usually yes.

4. Can I get custody of one of the children (one that is old enough to make that choice) and then move them to our home State?

This is so out of left field, I don't even want to list all the things that are wrong with that sentence.

Short answer: Generally no.

5. I’ve been looking for work but in order to keep the same type of job and same pay, I would have to have a bachelor’s degree which I don’t have. I clearly see that I wouldn’t get even close to what I was making and honestly, the responsibility was too much for me anyway. Can my spouse sue me for support and alimony based on what I had been making even though I am currently making zero and can’t find a job and when I do, it will be half of what I was making anyway? By the way it should be noted that we bounced thousands of dollars a year using our debt card and ended up with very bad credit and nothing to speak of in our lives from a financial standpoint yet, she never worked a day while we were married….What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

That depends on different factors.
Certainly you can be imputed an income of what you are capable of making. Often, that's what you made at your last job, or at the one where you were at your highest level of effort and achievement.

 

[Silverplum]

Is the jinx on me because mine posted second?

 

[Bali Hai]

Is the jinx on me because mine posted second?

Nope, misto has a nasty habit of elbowing others out of the way to get his response in first. He may have had a problem being heard when growing up.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN


Hello all. I’m will try my best to shorten to the point but as with anything related to life, it can be complicated.

Here we go- I married years ago, then a couple of years laters my spouse left with our 1 year old and divorced me. They moved to a town a few miles away. I followed to be with my child. I ended up remarried to my spouse a few years later after she failed to find another mate. We had two more children throughout the year. One issue was money but there were many more issues that caused the original divorce. Because money was one, I decided to go to college and I received an associates. This is important to this story.

We were never happy together the entire marriage which is now going on 20 years. The grandparents have stayed involved in our childrends lives which has been great.

After school, I reached a salary that I wouldn’t have every dreamed of but honestly, things never changed in our marriage. We were miserable. And, I’m sure the kids were too. We moved from our home state and then bounced around to other states as I built up my career (with the same company).

Well, after so many years, I have finally started to take control of my life and I am 100% sure that I need to divorce. I even quit my job (not to be a reason to get divorced) because I thought I had a for sure way to move back to my home state and bring our family back together (closer to my folks and closer to her folks). Well, that job fell through and it has been devastating to me because now I am without a job. This is a bad time to be without one, but it also brought out the truth about how well my spouse was committed to the relationship. Well, they aren't at all but the good news is that I’m not either so.

Here is what I need answered:

1. Spouse wants to stay in the State we are currently in (we’ve been here for about 13 months). I want to move back to our home state. Do I have to stay in this state to get divorced?
2. Can I move back to our home state while the kids stay in the current state to finish school and then file for divorce in the state that I went to (our home state)?
3. If we divorce in the current State, will the alimony amount be set in stone even if we end up in our home state right after the divorce?
4. Can I get custody of one of the children (one that is old enough to make that choice) and then move them to our home State?
5. I’ve been looking for work but in order to keep the same type of job and same pay, I would have to have a bachelor’s degree which I don’t have. I clearly see that I wouldn’t get even close to what I was making and honestly, the responsibility was too much for me anyway. Can my spouse sue me for support and alimony based on what I had been making even though I am currently making zero and can’t find a job and when I do, it will be half of what I was making anyway? By the way it should be noted that we bounced thousands of dollars a year using our debt card and ended up with very bad credit and nothing to speak of in our lives from a financial standpoint yet, she never worked a day while we were married….What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What alimony?

 

[nulllife]

What alimony?

Trust me...it still goes on. TN and in TN it can go on for ever...

 

[Bali Hai]

Trust me...it still goes on. TN and in TN it can go on for ever...

You need to see a lawyer and develope a strategy to minimize alimony. Don't just accept it like you had a ring through your nose being led to slaughter.

 

[mistoffolees]

Nope, misto has a nasty habit of elbowing others out of the way to get his response in first. He may have had a problem being heard when growing up.

Bali, you're a really strange person. Care to explain how I elbowed SP out of the way?

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali, you're a really strange person. Care to explain how I elbowed SP out of the way?

Oh calm down misto, it was just friendly bantering.

 

[Silverplum]

Bali, you're a really strange person.

I think Bali needs a nice, long vacation.

Care to explain how I elbowed SP out of the way?

We don't need to discuss our elbowing in public, do we?

 

[nulllife]

Oh calm down misto, it was just friendly bantering.

Yeah misto plus we need to stay focused on helping me.

 

[Silverplum]

Yeah misto plus we need to stay focused on helping me.

Yeah, nulllife, because Bali is the one with whom you should align and take your "advice."

 

[tuffbrk]

Who cares what your wife wants?! Tell her and your kids that you are all moving back home to live with your folks until you find a job. The kid old enough to decide? Tell them that they need to get a job too. As does your wife.

You'd be amazed at how much easier it all gets when your spouse has a job and has less time to spend sitting around, criticizing their hard working spouse and feeling sorry for themselves.

As for the divorce?! Get over it. You need to get your financial house in order so that your children are not negatively impacted more than necessary. Once you all got your acts together -then you and your wife can afford to put your feelings first and think about yourselves - and file for a divorce.

Geez - neither of you even have a job at this point. So really - who has the money to pay for the attorneys anyway?

And what "state" do you come from when you refer to a husband as a mate?!

 

[nulllife]

Who cares what your wife wants?! Tell her and your kids that you are all moving back home to live with your folks until you find a job. The kid old enough to decide? Tell them that they need to get a job too. As does your wife.

You'd be amazed at how much easier it all gets when your spouse has a job and has less time to spend sitting around, criticizing their hard working spouse and feeling sorry for themselves.

As for the divorce?! Get over it. You need to get your financial house in order so that your children are not negatively impacted more than necessary. Once you all got your acts together -then you and your wife can afford to put your feelings first and think about yourselves - and file for a divorce.

Geez - neither of you even have a job at this point. So really - who has the money to pay for the attorneys anyway?

And what "state" do you come from when you refer to a husband as a mate?!

I have to say that this made me laugh! And who has the money to file.."Chase Credit Card" is the answer there. (I guess) Also, the child is too young to work...and under 14. The wife won't work and you are right..if she did, life would have been better.

So, you are right...I should just tell them how it's going to be, move and then demand they come following... But..

Okay to answer a few questions-

One. Home State- Texas

Two- my statement about taking one child to the Home State was meant only if I already had full custody anyway. I happen to know that both my child and I would rather be in our home state anyway.

Three- Separating the child from mom? There is more to explain but I'll just say, delete my statement from the record lol. No need to get into it now.

Four- I quit my job because they said they were going to fire me because I didn't have what it took to be at that level.

Embarrassing yes, but I thought..hey, I'll be the smart one here and ask if I can resign with severance. They smiled and said, "yes" ....then, had me sign my life away on a separation document. Now, I can't get a job in this town.

I can't remember the other questions that have been asked but I'll add a few more I have as of today.

1. If I have Zero $ coming in because I am unable to find a job, how do I pay for Alimony and child support?

2. If my wife said, "You should go to Texas and find work" and "We'll stay here to finish the school year out"....and let's say i do that.. and then the letter comes in the mail...."you are hear by summons to appear in TN divorce court...blah blah...) then what then? Let's also say that i actually make it to the 3 month period (Texas requirement to be a citizen of Texas) and then this all goes down?

And last..you are correct...we need to get the $house in ordered first!

Thanks all!