Children Abandoned

[a.m.mills76]

5 years ago, my children's biological father (whom lives in Wisconsin) walked away from my children and never saw them again. In their entire lives he's seen then maybe a total of 5 months prior to his abandoning them. The only thing I have is his address and a child support order on him to pay support (which 90% of the time, he does not do.) My children want nothing to do with him. He refuses to communicate with me or our children. Here are my questions:

Can he lose his rights for abandoning my children?
Since I have sole custody of my children, if I die, will they go to him?
Can I change my children's last name (they are requesting it) without his consent since he won't talk to me?
If so, do I publish it in the paper where HE lives or where I live?

 

[stealth2]

5 years ago, my children's biological father (whom lives in Wisconsin) walked away from my children and never saw them again. In their entire lives he's seen then maybe a total of 5 months prior to his abandoning them. The only thing I have is his address and a child support order on him to pay support (which 90% of the time, he does not do.) My children want nothing to do with him. He refuses to communicate with me or our children. Here are my questions:

Can he lose his rights for abandoning my children?
Since I have sole custody of my children, if I die, will they go to him?
Can I change my children's last name (they are requesting it) without his consent since he won't talk to me?
If so, do I publish it in the paper where HE lives or where I live?

No one can answer w/o knowing where jurisdiction lies. Just because he lives in WI doesn't mean that's the relevant state.

 

[mistoffolees]

5 years ago, my children's biological father (whom lives in Wisconsin) walked away from my children and never saw them again. In their entire lives he's seen then maybe a total of 5 months prior to his abandoning them. The only thing I have is his address and a child support order on him to pay support (which 90% of the time, he does not do.) My children want nothing to do with him. He refuses to communicate with me or our children. Here are my questions:

Stealth is right - we need to know which court has jurisdiction over the children to give definite answers. Are there existing orders?

If he is not paying child support, what efforts have you made to collect it? Have you involved your state's child support enforcement agency?

That said, it is possible to provide generic answers that apply MOST of the time.

Can he lose his rights for abandoning my children?

This one depends entirely on the state, so I'm not even going to guess. In some states, it can happen, in others, it won't.

Since I have sole custody of my children, if I die, will they go to him?

In just about every state, he would get custody if you die - unless he is unfit in come way, unwilling, or unable to take custody.

Can I change my children's last name (they are requesting it) without his consent since he won't talk to me?

Depends on the state, but usually not unless his rights are terminated (see above).

If so, do I publish it in the paper where HE lives or where I live?

You would have to serve him with any relevant documents according to the rules of service for the state which has jurisdiction. SOME states allow service by publication for some matters, but if you have to go that route, an attorney is recommended (at least for an initial consultation).

 

[a.m.mills76]

Our court jurisdiction is in Wisconsin. Me and my children have lived in Indiana for 10 years.

 

[LdiJ]

Our court jurisdiction is in Wisconsin. Me and my children have lived in Indiana for 10 years.

You might be able to get jurisdiction changed to Indiana with your particular set of facts.

 

[mistoffolees]

You might be able to get jurisdiction changed to Indiana with your particular set of facts.

Conceivably, but since Dad is still in WI, it's not a slam-dunk.

OP, you need to really think this through. Dad's not bothering you now. if you start stirring up trouble, he could make your life difficult.

If it were me, I'd simply turn the child support over to the state to let them handle it. Then write a will and give standby guardianship to your husband. If Dad wants custody, he'll get it, but if he doesn't, that would put your husband next in line. And forget the name change. It's just not worth the hassle.

 

[LdiJ]

Conceivably, but since Dad is still in WI, it's not a slam-dunk.

That is why I said "might". However, with this set of facts its pretty clear that the child's ties to WI are virtually non-existent and therefore WI would have a difficult time making a best interests decision...which is the whole purpose of inconvenient forum. All teachers, counselors, and other professionals that would testify to the best interests of the children would be located in IN.

OP, you need to really think this through. Dad's not bothering you now. if you start stirring up trouble, he could make your life difficult.

That is a very valid point.

If it were me, I'd simply turn the child support over to the state to let them handle it. Then write a will and give standby guardianship to your husband. If Dad wants custody, he'll get it, but if he doesn't, that would put your husband next in line. And forget the name change. It's just not worth the hassle.

Whether or not the name change would be worth the hassle kind of depends on how much the children really want the change. Sometimes that is a big deal to children...sometimes its not. However, again, filing for that could stir up the pot.

 

[mistoffolees]

Whether or not the name change would be worth the hassle kind of depends on how much the children really want the change. Sometimes that is a big deal to children...sometimes its not. However, again, filing for that could stir up the pot.

When the children are old enough to decide that, they'll be adults and can do it themselves.

 

[LdiJ]

When the children are old enough to decide that, they'll be adults and can do it themselves.

Yeah...kids can decide when they are legal adults. However, sometimes it actually might be important enough to them that the legal adults in their lives will try to make it happen...despite the fact that it might stir up the pot. Its not up to us to decide. Its up to us to warn parents of the potential to stir the pot, and its up to parents to decide whether or not the issue is important enough to take that risk.