How likely am I to get sole custody of my 7 year old daughter?

[Yamibear88]

My ex-boyfriend was incarcerated when my daughter was 2 years old and he has been out for about 2 years my daughter is 7 years old now and he has never given me financial help for my daughter. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years, he has helped me raise her the last 3 years. I don't think her father is mentally stable and started calling and the stopped calling for 6 months then called that he was ready to be a father that he was just jealous of my fiancé being there for her, he doesn't know were I live because I'm worried he might stalk me and my daughter, can I get sole custody because I'm worried about my daughter's mental and physical well being?

 

[Proserpina]

My ex-boyfriend was incarcerated when my daughter was 2 years old and he has been out for about 2 years my daughter is 7 years old now and he has never given me financial help for my daughter. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years, he has helped me raise her the last 3 years. I don't think her father is mentally stable and started calling and the stopped calling for 6 months then called that he was ready to be a father that he was just jealous of my fiancé being there for her, he doesn't know were I live because I'm worried he might stalk me and my daughter, can I get sole custody because I'm worried about my daughter's mental and physical well being?

What do you wish to accomplish?

Even if you have sole physical and legal custody, it won't stop Dad from being Dad...he can still get visitation.

So what is it you're wanting to do, exactly?

You also need to tell us where you're located. There's a reason we ask "Which US State".

 

[Yamibear88]

I'm in Connecticut he might be her father but that's all, father is different than being a dad to me, we have had dangerous situations with him I'm just worried he could hurt her. And at times when they used to speak it sounded more like a pride thing for him he has sought out my fiancé at work a couple of times to "thank him" but my fiancé would be on the rode or off work thank goodness.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm in Connecticut he might be her father but that's all, father is different than being a dad to me, we have had dangerous situations with him I'm just worried he could hurt her. And at times when they used to speak it sounded more like a pride thing for him he has sought out my fiancé at work a couple of times to "thank him" but my fiancé would be on the rode or off work thank goodness.

What you think of him honestly doesn't matter, Mom.

If he is legally established as Dad, he has the right to file for joint custody and visitation. Nothing you've said so far would indicate that this wouldn't or couldn't be ordered.

 

[Yamibear88]

He want visitation but I told him I'd rather do it through court because of his past but he says he would rather wait until he finishes with his probation, my issue is that if he want to be a father be it all the times u can't take breaks when u feel u need them especially for six months. I don't think he is mentally stable, he has "episodes" they are very in-between but how do I know it won't happen when he has my daughter.

 

[Proserpina]

He want visitation but I told him I'd rather do it through court because of his past but he says he would rather wait until he finishes with his probation, my issue is that if he want to be a father be it all the times u can't take breaks when u feel u need them especially for six months. I don't think he is mentally stable, he has "episodes" they are very in-between but how do I know it won't happen when he has my daughter.

You don't have to allow any contact without a court order.

So let Dad file - if he doesn't, that's it. If he does, you can encourage your daughter to have a relationship with her father.

And yes, he can take breaks if he wants. He will never be legally obliged to visit with his daughter, even if there's a court order.

I'm still not entirely sure what your end goal is here, Mom?

 

[Yamibear88]

Protection for my daughter, His stories always change one day he has HIV another day he doesn't, one day he is harming himself the next he got couseling with papers he never seems to have, then he has his wife talk as the clerk from court to get my address and gonna selve me papers but months pass and it was all a lie to locate me, he isn't stable enough to be a father and hopefully the court will see what I mean. Thank you anyways.

 

[Proserpina]

Protection for my daughter, His stories always change one day he has HIV another day he doesn't, one day he is harming himself the next he got couseling with papers he never seems to have, then he has his wife talk as the clerk from court to get my address and gonna selve me papers but months pass and it was all a lie to locate me, he isn't stable enough to be a father and hopefully the court will see what I mean. Thank you anyways.

I suggest you stick around these forums and get a free education.

The acceptable standard of parenting is very, very low - and nothing you have said here would indicate that he's legally unfit and that he should have no contact with his child.

 

[mistoffolees]

What you think of him honestly doesn't matter, Mom.

If he is legally established as Dad, he has the right to file for joint custody and visitation. Nothing you've said so far would indicate that this wouldn't or couldn't be ordered.

And instead of complaining that Dad doesn't pay child support, file to get a court order.

 

[Proserpina]

And instead of complaining that Dad doesn't pay child support, file to get a court order.

That, too!

 

[Yamibear88]

I'm not complaining about child support i could care less about child support, i just thought u would like to know facts. I am going to open a case for custody. He distroyed a room in my aunts house claiming there was a 2 year old girls body buried in the back yard and he had to dig her out we had to hide all sharp objects and call the police and after that he went to jail for armed robbery. I don't know how important that is to u but it's significant to me when a dcf worker told me he is probably schizophrenic. I guess after that horrible incident I've been afraid that when he got out it could happen when he had my daughter and she wouldn't be able to defend herself, I am just afraid for her that is all

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not complaining about child support i could care less about child support, i just thought u would like to know facts. I am going to open a case for custody. He distroyed a room in my aunts house claiming there was a 2 year old girls body buried in the back yard and he had to dig her out we had to hide all sharp objects and call the police and after that he went to jail for armed robbery. I don't know how important that is to u but it's significant to me when a dcf worker told me he is probably schizophrenic. I guess after that horrible incident I've been afraid that when he got out it could happen when he had my daughter and she wouldn't be able to defend herself, I am just afraid for her that is all

I'm guessing the DCF worker was not a psychiatrist and certainly didn't examine or diagnose him.

But even if he IS schizophrenic, this does NOT mean that he can't see his child. If he wants to see her, he IS going to be allowed to see her - even if it's only supervised.

IF you don't want him around, you do NOT want to initiate custody proceedings. As an unmarried mother, you already have sole custody. If you open a custody case, you'll likely lose that "advantage" (for want of a better word).

Do you want that?

 

[Yamibear88]

But I was told by her school that if he signed her out of school they wouldn't be able to do anything about it, and that scares me because he might not return her, I actually wouldn't mind supervised visits for him and her I just rather it be not by me alone like if it could be with someone that can be assigned or something

 

[Isis1]

But I was told by her school that if he signed her out of school they wouldn't be able to do anything about it, and that scares me because he might not return her, I actually wouldn't mind supervised visits for him and her I just rather it be not by me alone like if it could be with someone that can be assigned or something

then you'll have to get a court order for visitation and a restraining order not allowing dad to pick up the child during school hours.

 

[Proserpina]

But I was told by her school that if he signed her out of school they wouldn't be able to do anything about it, and that scares me because he might not return her, I actually wouldn't mind supervised visits for him and her I just rather it be not by me alone like if it could be with someone that can be assigned or something

I think you should speak with a local attorney.